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Thursday, July 29 2010 @ 11:30 AM CDT
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Thursday, July 29 2010 @ 03:52 PM CDT
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Re:Joke of the Day!
Thursday, July 29 2010 @ 06:08 PM CDT
"Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud."
"Yes sir, it's fresh ground." (Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck!) "Where phones and music somehow are somehow related" |
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Re:Joke of the Day!
Friday, July 30 2010 @ 01:51 AM CDT
"Waiter, what is this?"
"It's bean soup sir" "Yes, but what is it now?" Hanging in with the out crowd (All rights reserved) |
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Re:Joke of the Day!
Friday, July 30 2010 @ 11:10 AM CDT Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge. One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge. He stands up, takes off his cap, and bows his head. The procession crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing. The other guy says, "That was touching. I didn't know you had it in you." The first guy responds, "Well, I guess it was the thing to do, after all, I was married to her for 40 years." ........................................................ A professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to first year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?" She replied, "He's probably drinking beer at the bar with his friends" ............................. I left Montreal heading toward Quebec city, when I decided to stop at a Toilet. The first stall was occupied, so I went into the second one. I was no sooner seated than I heard a voice from the next stall: "Hi, how are you doing?" Well, I am not the type to chat with strangers in highway comfort stations, and I really don't know quite what possessed me, but anyway, I answered, a little embarrassed: "Not bad." And the stranger said: "And, what are you up to?" Talk about your dumb questions! I was really beginning to think this was too weird! So I said: "Well, just like you I'm driving east." Then, I heard the stranger, all upset, say, "Look, I'll call you back, there's some idiot in the next stall answering all the questions I am asking you." ..................................... A City cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him. "Nice bike", the cop said "did Santa bring it to you?" "Yep", the little girl said, "he sure did!" The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation. The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it." The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?" "Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop. The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top. It's never too late.... is it? |
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Re:Joke of the Day!
Friday, July 30 2010 @ 11:21 AM CDT
Man walks into a book shop
Man: Hi I am looking for that book about coping with small penis size Shop assistant: I don't think it's in yet. Man: Yes - that's the one! |
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Saturday, July 31 2010 @ 12:53 PM CDT
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Re:Joke of the Day!
Saturday, July 31 2010 @ 02:48 PM CDT
Groan! Due to a power cut, only one paramedic responded to the call from a woman about to give birth. Because the house was very, very dark, the paramedic asked the woman's three year old daughter to hold a flashlight high over her mother, so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, the little girl did as she was asked. Mum pushed and pushed, and after a while a little boy was born. The paramedic lifted him by his tiny feet and spanked him on his bottom. He began to cry. The paramedic then thanked the wide-eyed infant for her help and asked her what she thought about what she had just witnessed. She quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place........ smack his ass again!" It's about time I changed this... |
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Re:Joke of the Day!
Saturday, July 31 2010 @ 03:01 PM CDT
Eduard's Shaggy dog story (created in 1991)
Fireflies love the circus. And every Summer, Fred's Fantastic Flea Circus pulls into the swamp... and all the little fireflies bug their parents to take them. One of the main fascinations that these offbeat insects like to see, is what other offbeat insects are on display in the mysterious "Freakshow Tent" in the back lot. This year, Fred's Freakshow tent had a sign saying "It glows, but is not a firefly!" The kids were frantically tugging on their parents to buy the extra ticket to see this year's exhibit. Most parents ignored the pleas, since they all knew it was a sham. But a few gave in, and offered to chaperone the young ones into the dark tent. When they all sat down inside, and stared into the dark corner, they could just make out a skinny insect against the back wall. Suddenly his abdomen began to glow! The little fireflies were quite surprised to see, as the light grew brighter, that it was a mosquito! At this point, the parents were laughing until tears streamed from their eyes, which disturbed the young ones. One turned to his father and asked what was funny. "Don't you see..." said the dad... "the light is not part of the mosquito, it's just pretend, the light is on the wall behind him!" The little fireflies looked again, and sure enough, they could tell that the whole thing was staged. "How did you know that, dad?" queried the young embarrassed firefly. "Oh it is easy!" dad snickered. "Everyone knows that skeeters never phospher." |
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Saturday, July 31 2010 @ 03:32 PM CDT
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