Re:Joke of the Day!
Saturday, May 14 2011 @ 06:43 PM CDT

Quote by: jgurner There were two penguins sitting in a bathtub. The first penguin turned to the second penguin and said. "Hey, hand me the soap." The second penguin said "What do I look like? A typewriter?" Thank you! I'll be here all week...

Would someone explain this one to me, please?

Re:Joke of the Day!
Sunday, May 15 2011 @ 06:56 AM CDT

Quote by: Symphony101 Elections in human body to identify a chief : Eye says, "I am most important cause I see, without me you could do almost nothing, so I need to be your leader" Brain says "come on, I think for you all and I command you, what more natural than me being your leader" Legs, mouth, nose, ears, they all defend their cases ... The asshole says, "well, I'll be your leader, and if you don't agree, I just go on strike". After a long time during which the whole body goes under extreme distress, on the edge of a life threatening situation, they gather again, and agree that, they have no other option than accepting the asshole to be their chief ... This probably explains why, quite a good percentage of people occupying influent positions are likely to be assholes.

omg that was so funny-tru dat!!!!!

Re:Joke of the Day!
Monday, May 16 2011 @ 09:38 PM CDT

A little old man
shuffled slowly
into an ice cream parlor
and pulled
himself slowly,
painfully, up onto a stool.
After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No", he replied, "Arthritis."

Re:Joke of the Day!
Tuesday, May 17 2011 @ 04:06 PM CDT

Scene from a lumberyard:

Customer: I need fifty two-by-tens.

Clerk: How long do you want them?

Customer: Quite a while. We're building a house.

Re:Joke of the Day!
Tuesday, May 17 2011 @ 09:17 PM CDT

Q: What do you call the blonde on the arm of a songwriter?

A: A tattoo!

Re:Joke of the Day!
Wednesday, May 18 2011 @ 09:58 AM CDT

A dying husband told his wife, "I know they say you can't take it with you, but I don't really believe that. Before I die, withdraw all of the money in the savings account, put it in a suitcase in the attic, and when I die, I'll go by and grab it on my way to Heaven."

The wife did as told, and a week later, the husband died.

About a month after that, the widow was cleaning house and decided to go up in the attic. Turning on the light, she could see that the suitcase and its contents were still intact.

"Well," said the widow, "I guess I should have put it in the basement."

Re:Joke of the Day!
Tuesday, May 24 2011 @ 09:47 PM CDT

Q What do you call a gnome who lives in the city?
A A Metronome.

Re:Joke of the Day!
Tuesday, May 24 2011 @ 09:49 PM CDT

Quote by: SmokeyVW Q What do you call a gnome who lives in the city? A A Metronome.

Re:Joke of the Day!
Wednesday, May 25 2011 @ 08:04 AM CDT

A farmer walks into the bedroom one morning where his wife is in bed, he is carrying a sheep. He says "this is the pig I've been sleeping with!" His wife says, that isn't a pig, it's a sheep! The farmer replies, "wasn't talkin' to YOU!"

Re:Joke of the Day!
Wednesday, May 25 2011 @ 10:51 AM CDT

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, it's throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."