Re:Joke of the Day!
Wednesday, July 14 2010 @ 02:44 PM CDT

There were two penguins sitting in a bathtub. The first penguin turned to the second penguin and said. "Hey, hand me the soap." The second penguin said "What do I look like? A typewriter?"

Thank you! I'll be here all week...

Re:Joke of the Day!
Wednesday, July 14 2010 @ 02:52 PM CDT

Elections in human body to identify a chief :

Eye says, "I am most important cause I see, without me you could do almost nothing, so I need to be your leader"

Brain says "come on, I think for you all and I command you, what more natural than me being your leader"

Legs, mouth, nose, ears, they all defend their cases ...

The asshole says, "well, I'll be your leader, and if you don't agree, I just go on strike".

After a long time during which the whole body goes under extreme distress, on the edge of a life threatening situation, they gather again, and agree that, they have no other option than accepting the asshole to be their chief ...

This probably explains why, quite a good percentage of people occupying influent positions are likely to be assholes.

Re:Joke of the Day!
Wednesday, July 14 2010 @ 03:31 PM CDT

Did you hear about the guy who got his left side amputated? He's all right now.

Re:Joke of the Day!
Wednesday, July 14 2010 @ 05:23 PM CDT

Q. What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?
A. Half way.

Re:Joke of the Day!
Wednesday, July 14 2010 @ 10:25 PM CDT

3 thieves tried to hide from the police in a barn. When they heard the cops at the door, they all jumped in empty potato sacks. A cop poked the first bag and heard, "Meow." He poked the second bag and heard, "Woof." He poked the third bag and heard, "Potato."

Re:Joke of the Day!
Wednesday, July 14 2010 @ 11:16 PM CDT

Quote by: Joanna 3 thieves tried to hide from the police in a barn. When they heard the cops at the door, they all jumped in empty potato sacks. A cop poked the first bag and heard, "Meow." He poked the second bag and heard, "Woof." He poked the third bag and heard, "Potato."

That is so stupid - I love it.

Re:Joke of the Day!
Thursday, July 15 2010 @ 09:24 AM CDT

so this snail gets mugged by 2 turtles... and as he's laying in the ditch, the cops arrive and ask the snail... "did you get a good look at these 2 turtles, can you tell us anything about them?"... the snail replied... "I don't know, it all happened so fast"

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Thursday, July 15 2010 @ 09:58 AM CDT

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Thursday, July 15 2010 @ 10:24 AM CDT

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Re:Joke of the Day!
Thursday, July 15 2010 @ 11:32 AM CDT

Quote by: Reggie_Pole Another joke, starring "this guy": This guy in a bar tells the bartender that he can bite his own nose. Bartender says, "What, are you nuts?" Guy says, "I'll bet you fifty dollars." The bartender agrees to the bet, the old guy takes out his false teeth and clamps them over his nose. The bartender, feeling stupid, pays the $50. Then the guy says, "I can also kiss my eye." Bartender scowls and shakes his head at the old guy. I laughed right here in my office... that was worth it... Guy says, "Fifty bucks?" The bartender can't resist, agrees to the bet, and the guy pops out his false eye and plants a kiss on it. He holds out his hand and collects another $50 from the bartender, who is now feeling doubly taken advantage of. After awhile, the guy says to the bartender, "Look, I feel kinda bad for tricking you and taking your money from you. How 'bout I give you a chance to get it back?" Bartender says, "Forget it." Guy says, "One ... hundred ... dollars." So the bartender says, "Well ... what this time?" Guy says, "See that glass at the end of the bar? A hundred bucks says that I can piss into it --- from here --- and get every drop of piss into the glass." The bartender thinks this over. The glass is a good 15 feet away. Bartender cant' resist, and takes the bet. The guy climbs up on the bar, unzips his fly, and lets go with a mighty stream of piss, all over the bar. He pisses for a good 30 seconds, piss puddles dripping off the bar. The other patrons are outraged, jumping up from barstools and backing away in disgust as the guy continues to soak the bar in piss. Not a drop is getting into the glass. The bartender starts whooping and dancing around in celebration, spinning in circles with his hands over his head. very happy that he's going to get his money back. The guy finally finishes soaking the bar, zips back up, and climbs down. Bartender, all smiles, says, "You didn't get one drop in the glass! What a crazy bet! You really are nuts!" Guy says, "Mmmm ... not really. See that guy standing by the door? I just bet him $500 that I could piss all over your bar and that you would be happy about it."