Re:Joke of the Day!
Friday, July 16 2010 @ 03:13 PM CDT

I already posted this joke 5 years ago, almost to the day....

This drummer has a hard time finding work. A friend tells him "You should move to Turkey. My friend Ahmed always needs drummers." So the guy packs up his toms and move to Turkey. He goes to the coffee bar that his friend has told him about and asks for Ahmed. Ahmed is delighted to find a drummer "I have a gig for you tonight. Just how up at this address; we start at 8pm". But what are we playing, asks our drummer friend. "Hey, no time, I gotta run; just show up there." The drummer goes there and sets up, but Ahmed is nowhere to be seen. Finally, a couple seconds before 8, Ahmed jumps on stage and begins to count down. "Hey man, what are we playing?" shouts the drummer. "Oh come on, just fake it" replies Ahmed. "Just give me a strong backbeat on 9 and 13."

Re:Joke of the Day!
Friday, July 16 2010 @ 03:23 PM CDT

Quote by: Einarus "Nope. I'm Newton on a square meter - I'm Pascal!"

Ok, let me try to out-nerd you....


1. Mathematical Methods for Hunting Lions in the Desert

1.1 The Hilbert, or axiomatic, method

We place a locked cage at a given point of the desert. We then introduce the following logical system.

Axiom 1: The class of lions in the Sahara Desert is non-void.
Axiom 2: If there is a lion in the Sahara Desert, there is a lion in the cage.
Rule of procedure: If p is a theorem, and 'p implies q' is a theorem, then q is a theorem.
Theorem 1: There exists a lion in the cage.

1.2 The method of inversive geometry

We place a spherical cage in the desert, enter it and lock it. We perform an inversion with respect to the cage. The lion is then in the interior of the cage, and we are outside.

1.3 The method of projective geometry

Without loss of generality, we may regard the Sahara Desert as a plane. Project the plane into a line, and then project the line into an interior point of the cage. The lion is projected into the same point.

1.4 The Bolzano-Weierstrass method

Bisect the desert by a line running N-S. The lion is either in the E portion or in the W portion; let us suppose him to be in the W portion. Bisect this portion by a line running E-W. The lion is either in the N portion or in the S portion; let us suppose him to be in the N portion. We continue this process indefinitely, constructing a sufficiently strong fence about the chosen portion at each step. The diameter of the chosen portions approaches zero, so that the lion is ultimately surrounded by a fence of arbitrarily small diameter.


The rest can be found here

Victor.

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Friday, July 16 2010 @ 03:54 PM CDT

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Re:Joke of the Day!
Friday, July 16 2010 @ 05:55 PM CDT

Not so much a joke, but an anecdote:

One day, I lost track of time so I called my workplace. My boss answered the phone and I told him I was running a little behind schedule. His response was:

"One of these days, you're going to come in so late that you'll bump into yourself leaving early"

Re:Joke of the Day!
Saturday, July 17 2010 @ 12:22 AM CDT

A Priest, a Minister and a Rabbi walk into a bar.

Bartender: What is this? Some kind of joke?

Re:Joke of the Day!
Saturday, July 17 2010 @ 03:35 AM CDT

The warden of a lunatic asylum is showing a guest around his establishment when they come to a side ward.
"We call this the newsroom," says the warden.
They go in. A man runs up to them and shouts,"Click!"
"Thinks he's a photographer." says the warden. Someone else is sitting there with fingers furiously typing away at an imaginary keyboard.
" Aha!" says the guest."Thinks he's a copywriter."
They notice a man in the corner, smashing another inmate over the head with a hammer.
"Bloody hell," says the guest. "What's his job?"
The warden replies,"He's the editor...."

[May not work in some accents!]

Re:Joke of the Day!
Saturday, July 17 2010 @ 03:40 AM CDT

Two athletes meet in the olympic village. One says to the other,
"Are you a pole-vaulter?"
The other replies,
"No, I am a German. How did you know my name was Walter?"

Re:Joke of the Day!
Saturday, July 17 2010 @ 03:44 AM CDT

A man walks into a doctors and says he can hear his leg talking. The doctor, somewhat intrigued, gets out his stethoscope and has a listen to the man's hip. To his surprise, the hip whispers, " Gimme £10!"
So he listens next to the thigh and hears, "Gimme £15!"
He moves down to the man's shin. "Gimme £20!"

He says to the man, "Your leg's broke in three places."

Re:Joke of the Day!
Saturday, July 17 2010 @ 04:00 AM CDT

An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk....

The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'

'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.'

'Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.

The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'

The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone.'

The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes?'

'There's something wrong with my ear', he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'

'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.

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Saturday, July 17 2010 @ 10:43 AM CDT

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