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SmokeyVW
Forum Full Member


Registered: 06/13/06
Posts: 6615
Location: N/A
 
Re:Joke of the Day!
Wednesday, April 18 2012 @ 08:04 AM CDT


Q: What did Mars say to Saturn?

A: Give me a ring sometime.
damiengh
Forum Full Member


Registered: 12/21/06
Posts: 2887
Location: Ann Arbor, MI USA
 
Re:Joke of the Day!
Friday, April 20 2012 @ 02:22 PM CDT



Now get off my lawn!


I know who I am and you know who you are, but who and the hell do they think they are?
elfdaughter
Forum Full Member


Registered: 09/12/05
Posts: 209
Location: York, UK
 
Re:Joke of the Day!
Friday, April 20 2012 @ 04:06 PM CDT

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.


"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"


He slams the door and returns to bed.


"Who was that?" asked his wife..


"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers

"Did you help him?" she asks.


"No, I did not, it’s 3am in the morning and it’s bloody pouring rain out there!"


"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?


I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!

“God loves drunk people too you know.”


The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.


He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"


"Yes," comes back the answer.


"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.




"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.


"Where are you?" asks the husband.




"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk..

When the stars shine bright through the engines trail, and the dust of another drops behind, when my ship is free of the open sky, it's a damn fine day to my way of mind.
SmokeyVW
Forum Full Member


Registered: 06/13/06
Posts: 6615
Location: N/A
 
Re:Joke of the Day!
Saturday, April 21 2012 @ 07:43 AM CDT

patient:
every time i drink a cup of coffee i get this stabbing pain in my eye

doctor:
i suggest you take the spoon out


 
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Saturday, April 21 2012 @ 07:53 AM CDT

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SmokeyVW
Forum Full Member


Registered: 06/13/06
Posts: 6615
Location: N/A
 
Re:Joke of the Day!
Wednesday, May 02 2012 @ 07:24 PM CDT


She was a lovely girl. Our courtship was fast and furious. I was fast and she was furious.

~ Max Kauffman


 
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Thursday, May 03 2012 @ 06:40 AM CDT

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Loob
Forum Full Member


Registered: 02/27/10
Posts: 854
Location: , United States
 
Re:Joke of the Day!
Friday, May 04 2012 @ 01:55 PM CDT

According to a news report, a certain private Catholic school
was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of
12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put
it on in the bathroom. That was fine provided it was of a
natural or neutral skin tone, but after they put on their
lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of
little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would remove
them and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally the
principal, Sister Mary, decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with
the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints
were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean
the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the
little princesses). To demonstrate how difficult it had been to
clean the mirrors, Sister Paschal asked the maintenance man to show
the girls how much effort was required. He took out a
long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the
mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the
mirror. There are teachers... and then there are educators!

Need drums? Look me up...


 
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Friday, May 04 2012 @ 02:55 PM CDT

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SmokeyVW
Forum Full Member


Registered: 06/13/06
Posts: 6615
Location: N/A
 
Re:Joke of the Day!
Friday, May 04 2012 @ 03:13 PM CDT

can't you just hear them thinking: ewww!!!