Re:Joke of the Day!
Wednesday, December 14 2011 @ 11:45 AM CST

Guitarist jokes

Q: How can you tell a guitarist is at your door?
A: By the Dominos Pizza hat.
Q: What do a guitar solo and premature ejaculation have in common?
A: You know it's coming and there's nothing you can do about it.
Q: How do you get two guitar players to play in perfect unision?
A: Shoot One.
Q: What would a guitarist do if he won a million dollars?
A: Continue to play gigs until the money ran out.
Q: How do you get a guitarist to turn down?
A: Put some sheet music in front of him.
Q: What do an electric guitarist and a vacuum cleaner have in common?
A: When you plug them in, they both suck.
Q: How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None-- they just steal someone else's light.
Alternate Answer: 5-- One to change the bulb and 4 do watch him and say "I can do better than that."
Alternate Answer: Only one-- but he'll go though a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one.
Q: In the 22nd Century, how many guitarists will it take to change a light source?
A: 5-- One to do it and 4 to reminisce about how much better the old tubes were.
Q: How does a Lead Guitarist change a lightbulb?
A: He holds it and the world revolves around him.
Q: What's the difference between a fiddle & a violin?
A: Who cares - neither one's a guitar!
Q: Did you hear about the guitarist who was in tune?
A: Neither have I.
Q: Why do musicians have to be awake by six o'clock?
A: Because most shops close by six thirty.
Q: Why are so many guitar player jokes one liners?
A: So the rest of the band can understand them.
Q: What's black and blue and laying in a ditch?
A: A guitarist who's told too many drummer jokes.
2 guys were walking down the street. One was destitute.
The other was a guitarist as well.

Re:Joke of the Day!
Wednesday, December 14 2011 @ 11:47 AM CST

LO frikkin' L!

Re:Joke of the Day!
Thursday, December 15 2011 @ 12:05 PM CST

Q: How many guitarists does it take to play a guitar solo at a Whitesnake concert?

A: 1001.
1 to play it and a 1000 guitar players in the audience saying to each other, 'Ya... I can do that.'

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Monday, December 19 2011 @ 09:53 AM CST

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Re:Joke of the Day!
Monday, December 19 2011 @ 02:44 PM CST

• How do you tell if the stage is level?
The drummer is drooling from both sides of his mouth.

• How can you tell a drummer's at the door?
The knocking speeds up.

• What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
"Hey guys, why don't we try one of my songs?

• What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.

• How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
He doesn't know when to come in

• How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
Five: One to screw the bulb in, and four to talk about how much better
Neil Peart coulda done it.

• How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they have a machine to do that now.

• How can you tell when the drum riser is level?
Drool comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.

• Why didn't the little drummer boy get into heaven?
Because he woke the baby for Christ's sake!

• What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
Gifted.

• What do you call a Drummer in a Volkswagen?
Farfromthinken.

• What does a drummer use for contraception?
His personality

• Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?
So they can park in the handicapped spot.

Re:Joke of the Day!
Tuesday, December 20 2011 @ 01:19 AM CST

Oy!...

C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second...." Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, "Get out! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." He thought he was dominant, but the bartender threw him out anyway. E-Flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, "you're looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development." Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural. Eventually C sobers up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of D.S. without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.

Re:Joke of the Day!
Thursday, December 22 2011 @ 08:16 AM CST

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the embankment in London . Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?" "Terrorists have occupied the House of Commons, and they're asking for A £100 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse all the MPs in petrol and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, collecting donations." "How much is everyone giving, on average?" the driver asks. The man replies, "Roughly a gallon.

Re:Joke of the Day!
Thursday, December 22 2011 @ 08:36 AM CST

LOL!

That joke would work, with very minor modification, just about everywhere in the world.

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Thursday, December 22 2011 @ 09:20 AM CST

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Re:Joke of the Day!
Monday, February 13 2012 @ 02:52 PM CST