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Saturday, March 19 2011 @ 03:21 PM CDT

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Re:Joke of the Day!
Sunday, March 20 2011 @ 03:51 PM CDT

ok ..... so ..... there is a group of retired catholic priests on a trip to historic and holy places. one day they visit a place where ancient texts are kept. father timothy decides he wants to go down into the archives and look through some early texts, because he's always been curious about the effect of language translations on the development of modern catholicism. failing to get anybody else's interest for this investigation, he ventures downstairs on his own. hours pass and he doesn't return. finally someone else in the group gets worried and goes looking for him. he descends the stairs, turns a corner and down a long narrow hallway he sees father timothy sitting on the floor, his head in his hands weeping uncontrollably. he rushes to timothy's side asking "what's wrong??" through his tears father timothy replies despondently "the word is CELEBRATE"!!!!

Re:Joke of the Day!
Sunday, March 20 2011 @ 04:11 PM CDT

The movie producer was planning his next blockbuster - an action docudrama about famous composers. So he set up a meeting with Jean-Claude Van Damme, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger and offered them the chance to select which famous musicians they'd portray. "Chopin has always been my favorite," said Van Damme. "That's the part for me." "I've always admired Mozart," Stallone said. "I'd love to play him." The producer turned to Schwarzenegger. "And you, Arnold? Who do you want to be?" There was a long silence, then he replied, "I'll be Bach."

source:http://www.jokebuddha.com/Producer#ixzz1HB084224

Re:Joke of the Day!
Monday, March 21 2011 @ 10:35 AM CDT

There were three pastors who while spending an intense weekend at a retreat were sharing together. The first one said, "I have a serious problem with lust and I can't wait to get back to my congregation to tell them all about my changed life." The second one said, "I hear you, brother. I have a terrible problem with greed and stealing and can't wait to get back to my congregation and tell them about my changed life." The third one said, "I have a problem with gossip and I can't wait to get back to my congregation and tell them all about you two!"

Re:Joke of the Day!
Monday, March 21 2011 @ 10:59 AM CDT

Here is a Texas Aggie joke that seems to have a certain amount of appeal in my local area:

An engineer graduated from Texas A&M University and was immediately offered a job in Fort Smith, Arkansas, which he promptly accepted.

While searching for a new home, he decided on one of those new houses being built in the border area between Fort Smith and Pocola, Oklahoma. Needing to know where he would be paying his taxes and getting his driver's license and car tags, the realtor reassured him that the house was in Oklahoma.

Well, about five years later, the surveyors came out and re-surveyed his property. It turned out that his property was actually in Arkansas.

"Thank goodness," said the Aggie, heaving a sigh of relief, "I didn't know how many more of those bad Oklahoma storms I could have handled."

Re:Joke of the Day!
Tuesday, March 22 2011 @ 06:39 PM CDT

Butt-head: I heard on MTV News that this dude's dad writes movies.

Beavis: What do you mean he writes movies? You can't read a movie.

Butt-head: No, it's like he writes what they say.

Beavis: You mean he just like goes to movies and sits there and like writes down everything they say?

Butt-head: No, he writes it down before they say it.

Beavis: Well, how does he know what they're gonna say?

Butt-head: He just like makes it up.

Beavis: Really? Well, anybody can do that!

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Monday, March 28 2011 @ 10:43 AM CDT

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Re:Joke of the Day!
Monday, March 28 2011 @ 01:57 PM CDT

Duct tape is for everything (even holding headlights on).

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Wednesday, March 30 2011 @ 06:38 AM CDT

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Re:Joke of the Day!
Wednesday, March 30 2011 @ 11:00 AM CDT

A teacher asks the class to name things that end with 'tor' that eat things.

The first little boy says, "Alligator."
"Very good, that's a big word."

The second boy says, "Predator."
"Yes, that's another big word. Well done."

Little Johnny says, "Vibrator."

After nearly falling off her chair, she says,
"That is a big word, but it doesn't eat anything."

"Well my sister has one and she says it eats batteries like there's no tomorrow!"