loose MJ change
Friday, June 17 2011 @ 06:08 PM CDT

I've been here at MJ since 2004. I have witnessed and been involved in any number of "arguments and disagreements", some of them much less cordial than anyone wished. I've been on the receiving side of what I truly felt were disrespectful attitudes and words (and have seen others having similar discouraging experiences)... and some have been on the receiving side of the what they thought was the same from me; not that they or I necessarily intended to be disrespectful or unfair - just how it comes across to someone else at times in the forums. For some reason we humans are hard-wired to initially think the worst of others and give ourselves the benefit of the doubt. Yet I doubt that very few hurtful comments that someone was on the receiving end of here at MJ were in fact intended to be that by the one who wrote them. The emotional confusion apparently goes with the territory.

So, how does one handle it? Well, everyone decides for themselves, I guess. But here's one experience of mine. Alan Fraser (rarely here anymore) and I had a number of heated and less than charitable "back and forth's" in 2004 - 2006. Somehow we always managed to let it go, though not without effort I'm sure. He was and still is one of my favorite old-timers. When MJ was doing the short-lived MacJammer of the Week (R.I.P.), to my surprised Alan, the current selectee, chose me as the next week's honoree. Pretty cool of Alan, and a sign of a decent guy, even if it exposed his poor judgment in the musicianship of another (heheh). To this day if we were to get into a political or religious discussion it would inevitably devolve into a frustrating exercise. And then, thankfully and hopefully, that discussion would be put aside and life would go on for the both of us.

Two or three things they say one can't change - one's past mistakes and the thoughts and behaviors of others. So it may be best to not focus on either. One can do something though - resolve to endeavor to #1)be forgiving and #2)next time around to resolve to communicate with more respect and, more importantly, to think better of the one whose remarks your emotions are labeling a jerk ... always knowing you'll probably fall short and probably write something you wish you hadn't. In which case you hope others will themselves consider #1. Whether they do or not... letting it go and carrying on with #1 and #2 seems a good way to go.

For those who never seem to experience similar things like the above, count yourselves blessed... or oblivious.


[*] there is a #3 option - avoid forums or at least certain topics - which is not a bad idea.

just my two cents thrown out into the hallway...

best to all...

Re:loose MJ change
Friday, June 17 2011 @ 06:54 PM CDT

thanks for the clearheaded perspective

i somehow managed option #3 this go round

but it sure is easy to get sucked into the vortex

Re:loose MJ change
Friday, June 17 2011 @ 06:56 PM CDT

D,
You have been around here for the better part of a decade now.As a newcommer I've noticed how people here tend to respect each others views and openions...You mentioned the two things that (imho) shape a persons views as much as anything.That would be politics and religion.

I find it interesting how musicians write about those topics and the non-thinking(and I use that term loosley)regergitate it without any real knowledge of what they are talking about....Just a thought.

Re:loose MJ change
Friday, June 17 2011 @ 07:10 PM CDT

Quote by: J_Gretch ... the two things that (imho) shape a persons views as much as anything.That would be politics and religion. ...

i must say: i am not driven by politics nor religion (nor pro sports either) - my "religion" is science and common courtesy - oh, and love and wonder

i suspect, and hope, i am not alone

Re:loose MJ change
Friday, June 17 2011 @ 07:32 PM CDT

Not 100% but mostly #3. I pop in here and there, but mostly #3. I've even caught myself ready to hit "submit" and thought better of it. I was tempted to jump in and say "isn't it ironic you'd say this given the go 'rounds we've had", but decided it served no purpose than to fan the flames..... It would serve no purpose to prove any point. I think probably a little less of hitting the "submit" button without thought would help everything. I am now glad I didn't give in to my own impulses to jump in and fan flames. In the end it matters not. That's what we all need to remember. Our own opinion mostly matter to only ourselves.

Re:loose MJ change
Friday, June 17 2011 @ 07:44 PM CDT

Quote by: Loob Our own opinion mostly matter to only ourselves.

Wisdom...

Re:loose MJ change
Friday, June 17 2011 @ 09:53 PM CDT

Here's how I handle it!


see more Bros

Re:loose MJ change
Friday, June 17 2011 @ 10:07 PM CDT

Quote by: Elevator_Funk Here's how I handle it! see more Bros

LOL

Re:loose MJ change
Saturday, June 18 2011 @ 01:35 AM CDT

I never did mj fora til recently so's I am blissfully unaware of the perceived ins and outs :-)

one thing I have noticed in real life is sometimes those who grate on my nerves are really the nicest people I can count on in a pinch. and some of the nicest seeming people have stabbed me in the back right before my eyes

restraint of tongue pen and mouse goes a long way think before punching ENTER

3 things 1) is it TRUE 2) is it NECESSARY 3) is it KIND

and always to thine own self be true I have to be careful not to believe my own press and my own bs I am full of it ;-)

Re:loose MJ change
Saturday, June 18 2011 @ 02:19 AM CDT