with my regrets
Sunday, July 03 2011 @ 11:03 PM CDT

regret

with each flower bursting in the sky
and knowing that today another daylily
did shine and will die
to be replaced by another tomorrow

my regrets hang on the canes
the blossoms i neglected to notice
on their special days

and they're gone

forever

Re:with my regrets
Sunday, July 03 2011 @ 11:05 PM CDT

In the words of Cheech Marin...."that's some heavy shit"

In the words of damiengh......Niiiiiiiccccccce!

Re:with my regrets
Monday, July 04 2011 @ 07:10 AM CDT

Quote by: damiengh In the words of Cheech Marin...."that's some heavy shit" In the words of damiengh......Niiiiiiiccccccce!

In the words of Tommy Chong (and myself):

Woooooooooow, maaaaaaaaaan!

Re:with my regrets
Monday, July 04 2011 @ 10:52 AM CDT

Wake up! and smell/see the roses?

Re:with my regrets
Monday, July 04 2011 @ 11:01 AM CDT

Hey man,

I just lost another friend to cancer, last week... Good reminder!

It's right to appreciate the garden.

Doug

Re:with my regrets
Monday, July 04 2011 @ 11:32 AM CDT

Bill - you are a very fine writer
Excellent poem
Thanks

Re:with my regrets
Monday, July 04 2011 @ 11:32 AM CDT

I've seen you twice, familiar portage. The first time, I had few clues - not the longest, I know. But setting foot on rock and root define it.

With my canoe on my shoulders, I work through it. Steps, strains, dry heat and mosquitoes.

And if it weren't enough, a slough of black muck awaits at the end, narrow bound log path obscured by darkness. This I know, I have experience.

I sink to my hips and toss my craft. It slides quite well across the murk. Forty yards, maybe. I've never been a good judge of distance, especially when under strain and concentration. Finally, to ground.

I wade into the clean, cold water. It takes my breath, washing mud and sweat, baptism of sorts.

I lean into my boat to glide on crystal, over turtle, and diving loon, engaged by light.

Engaged by Light.

Re:with my regrets
Monday, July 04 2011 @ 03:33 PM CDT

smokey, your syntax at times approaches the colloquial, and at times stagnates your flow (for example, your opening lines stress the gerund form of their verbs, and the result is that they function more as nouns. That makes it hard for the poem to pick up momentum).

I'd also ask you, as a rhetorical question, why one should read this poem in particular. The reader needs to be given a reason. The importance of the opening line and the closing line becomes paramount due to this need, and the word 'forever' screams cliche (at least for me). And then there's that issue with the gerunds at the beginning.

On a positive note, your line breaks were well done, and you use space very well within the poem.

I don't know if you were looking for a critique or not, but...

Re:with my regrets
Monday, July 04 2011 @ 03:55 PM CDT

Quote by: tf10music smokey, your syntax at times approaches the colloquial, and at times stagnates your flow (for example, your opening lines stress the gerund form of their verbs, and the result is that they function more as nouns. That makes it hard for the poem to pick up momentum). I'd also ask you, as a rhetorical question, why one should read this poem in particular. The reader needs to be given a reason. The importance of the opening line and the closing line becomes paramount due to this need, and the word 'forever' screams cliche (at least for me). And then there's that issue with the gerunds at the beginning. On a positive note, your line breaks were well done, and you use space very well within the poem. I don't know if you were looking for a critique or not, but...

thanks for the analysis!

my only explanation is that i felt a sense of a static, frozen point in time, sort of like a still photograph of aerial fireworks going off (and various ideas about Independence Day), mixed with the deep symbolism (to me anyway) of day lilies... forever is a nice word. oh, and regret is not an action (in my view)

but now it's sounding like excuses.

Re:with my regrets
Saturday, June 30 2012 @ 06:33 PM CDT