Fear of Rejection
Monday, July 09 2007 @ 07:23 PM CDT

being musicians i think most of us have delt with the fear of rejection at one time or another. currenly i'm trying to get a show and have emailed every coffee shop in the cities i could find an email to. does anyone else notice that soon as they know someone else will hear there song the flaws all suddenly pour out? i'll find i can listen to a recording be captured by it think it's good then later think it sounds bad. sort of like was stated in a topic before. i was just curious about others experience's with this fear, how they deal with it an all of that. i'm trying not to let it hold me back like i used to, and obviously if i had let it stop me when i had lots of rejection i wouldn't have come this far. but one can't help the anticipation waiting for a reply to something they put part of there soul into. it always is hardest when you try the most. which i think is why it's easier to do something that you already decided isn't great and not put effort into cuz the rejection won't hurt so much. i've found it surprising to me how hard getting shows is and pray for a world where there are so many outlets for artists that it's hard for venues to keep them booked steady. i think music should be something easy to share. actually that brought me to an idea of a coffee house that has artists EVERY day and night, and is 24 hours simply cuz i like midnights. ok i'm done rambling..

Re:Fear of Rejection
Monday, July 09 2007 @ 07:50 PM CDT

Chancey... all of us can relate. There isn't a one of us that doesn't fear that rejection reaction... not just having to do with our music but with most of the important things in life. If it can't kill you, it'll make you stronger. Keep practicing. Keep composing. Keep pressing on. From what I can tell you have a good heart. Don't lose that.

Truth of life #4: It is not what happens to you that hurts you, but how you respond...

God be with you on your musical journey!

Re:Fear of Rejection
Monday, July 09 2007 @ 08:03 PM CDT

yes it always depends on how you handle things in life that makes the difference. fear is an interesting thing. it seems to neither be good or bad.

Re:Fear of Rejection
Monday, July 09 2007 @ 09:18 PM CDT

Quote by: Dadai Chancey... all of us can relate. There isn't a one of us that doesn't fear that rejection reaction... not just having to do with our music but with most of the important things in life. If it can't kill you, it'll make you stronger. Keep practicing. Keep composing. Keep pressing on. From what I can tell you have a good heart. Don't lose that. Truth of life #4: It is not what happens to you that hurts you, but how you respond... God be with you on your musical journey!

speaking of the fear factor there's also the holy crap surprised factor when you aren't rejected lol. shortly after this post i got a reply from one of the coffee shops and i'm just waiting to figure out the exact details of when i'm playing and where it is so far it seems i shall be playing august 24th. there were a lot of dates open and i told the person i could play other days too if they don't get someone booked.

Re:Fear of Rejection
Monday, July 09 2007 @ 09:43 PM CDT

Quote by: screamalexz Quote by: Dadai Chancey... all of us can relate. There isn't a one of us that doesn't fear that rejection reaction... not just having to do with our music but with most of the important things in life. If it can't kill you, it'll make you stronger. Keep practicing. Keep composing. Keep pressing on. From what I can tell you have a good heart. Don't lose that. Truth of life #4: It is not what happens to you that hurts you, but how you respond... God be with you on your musical journey! speaking of the fear factor there's also the holy crap surprised factor when you aren't rejected lol. shortly after this post i got a reply from one of the coffee shops and i'm just waiting to figure out the exact details of when i'm playing and where it is so far it seems i shall be playing august 24th. there were a lot of dates open and i told the person i could play other days too if they don't get someone booked.

Holy crap, Batman!

Re:Fear of Rejection
Monday, July 09 2007 @ 09:44 PM CDT

Hey...I can't relate AT ALL to this...

Like Dadai said: happens to quite a few of us.

All I've done for years is originals...and lots of it solo stuff. So: yes...I know what you're talking about.

I could say LOTS about this. But I'll limit it to a couple of things:

1) The more you play out, the less it'll bother you. I mean...by putting yourself out there, you're opening yourself up to lots of people. You're gonna get it from lots of sides and lots of moods/slants. Just gotta stay confident (or at least act that way in public) with yourself, play through the mistakes gracefully, and work on the hard parts when you're home. You'll find it gets easier as you do it more.

2) I had a violin teacher (complete virtuoso) in college. He said:
"Some people play an instrument. Others talk about people who play instruments. And it's very often the negative ones that talk the loudest. But they ain't the ones up there, onstage, putting it all on the line. F@*k 'em".

I loved that man. That's stuck with me forever.

Good luck.

Bob

Re:Fear of Rejection
Monday, July 09 2007 @ 10:34 PM CDT

Quote by: guitapick Hey...I can't relate AT ALL to this... Like Dadai said: happens to quite a few of us. All I've done for years is originals...and lots of it solo stuff. So: yes...I know what you're talking about. I could say LOTS about this. But I'll limit it to a couple of things: 1) The more you play out, the less it'll bother you. I mean...by putting yourself out there, you're opening yourself up to lots of people. You're gonna get it from lots of sides and lots of moods/slants. Just gotta stay confident (or at least act that way in public) with yourself, play through the mistakes gracefully, and work on the hard parts when you're home. You'll find it gets easier as you do it more. 2) I had a violin teacher (complete virtuoso) in college. He said: "Some people play an instrument. Others talk about people who play instruments. And it's very often the negative ones that talk the loudest. But they ain't the ones up there, onstage, putting it all on the line. F@*k 'em". I loved that man. That's stuck with me forever. Good luck. Bob

Re:Fear of Rejection
Monday, July 09 2007 @ 10:38 PM CDT

ok i wrote a reply and it didnt put what i wrote. :/ i ussually do better live though so that im not worried about. actually i haven't become worried yet. i've dealt with a lot of my anxiety issues, but then they often seem to hit suddenly at times which can be annoying, my biggest problem has always been recording, but thats cuz i tend to think about it so much that i don't just let the song flow, that and i feel weird singing if i'm not playing guitar at the same time well if i'm singing to a recording of a guitar it feels awkward anyways lol. singing in the shower and such is fine. different moods do change how songs come out often which can be good yet annoying at times. i always hate how some days we connect and its there and others it isn't but for me a lot of that is caused by my getting stuck in routine's which is what i'm trying to break out of right now cuz the last year has turned into a long routine and i've been in a rut.

Re:Fear of Rejection
Monday, July 09 2007 @ 10:47 PM CDT

Well...that's a whole 'nother story...ain't it? Thought you were talking stage performance.

I'm so new to recording my voice and using it at all, actually, that I find the ability to put it on a different track to be invaluable.

For someone who's used to playing/singing, though...I can definitely see that as being a problem. Separating the inseparable.

Can you just record both at the same time? I know people that do that. They don't sweat the mistakes too much, that way. Mainly a feel type of presence. So the mistakes aren't that big a deal.

I know that, when it becomes "important" (like sending out demo discs), we tend to scrutinize with a finer microscope. Still...if you liked it before, you're probably worrying more about what the elusive "others" will think. Chances are that many will like your stuff. People want to hear music. Chances are that some won't.

Again: as my violin teacher told me...

Ruts suck. I usually focus on my technique during them and then, when I feel inspired again, my hands are strong enough to do what they need to do. Damien likes to see live music to get out of them. Other times there's just something else that needs to be dealt with, outside of music.

Just the fact that you're verbalizing this means you've got a handle on it.

Re:Fear of Rejection
Tuesday, July 10 2007 @ 06:23 AM CDT

Hi Chance,

You are not alone with your fears and doubts and lack of confidence (tick/cross as you see fit!).

A little bit about my personal experience in this area:

I have found one major thing has helped me above all others in this respect. My new mantra is:

DON'T EXPECT IT TO BE PERFECT - IT WON'T - IT NEVER WILL

This has helped me enjoy the music-making process much more. I can now record a track, listen to it and not give up on life just because the whole vocal line is a semi-note out-of-tune or the keyboards sound horrible or the drum loops sound samey or the guitar playing sounds as if I never played before. I just take it for granted that I need to work harder on the track and change some things and experiment some more (sometimes it helps to leave a track for a week and listen to it again with fresh ears).

I used to kick myself so much when something didn't sound fantastic. Now I just take it all as part of the learning curve. I don't know what I expected, really. I guess everyone wants to feel special. Everytime I recorded something that sounded crap, I'd point to myself and sneer, "See - more proof that you are nothing special". Awful. I'm glad I'm over that!

My mantra has helped me a lot (but not entirely). I have to keep reminding myself that I just should do my best, and enjoy having a go. I have to keep reminding myself that it will not be perfect. Nothing is ever perfect. When our music heroes release their music, I am positive there is always something or other they would like to polish up.

I still have major issues with posting anything on MacJams that I don't consider very good. It's a big fear factor that I'm working on... After all, MacJammers are here to listen to our efforts and give us feedback. I'm missing out because I've learnt a lot from the comments on the tracks I have posted.

In my heart I want to be very special; different; unique. I can't stand the idea of being ordinary; boring; uninspired. But I know I have to churn out the music and learn and gradually get better over time. I definitely don't churn out enough music. And I definitely don't post enough stuff. We all want to feel special. I think it's human nature. It's a part of feeling wanted, accepted, loved.

I'm trying not to be too hard on myself. I'm trying to be less critical of myself and more relaxed; to be more patient with myself; to not expect too much too soon. After all, I'm only 38 years old. :O)

My ramblings may not relate to your feelings. But I hope this will give you an idea that most of us struggle with our confidence and abilities, one way or another.

As for you being comfortable with live performances but not studio: I think it is wrong to force yourself to sing guitar/vocals separately, if that doesn't feel right. It's definitely the same for me. I've just GOT to have the guitar in your hand when singing. So set up your system to allow that, if possible, as Bob suggests. Anyway, a live feel to a studio album usually sounds fresher, with more energy and "feel". And remember: any tiny imperfections you hear will only be picked up by less than 1% of your listeners - just a few musicians out there. :O)

Hasta pronto, amigo.