hardware despair by caroline
Genre: Folk (contemporary)
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Attribution-NoDerivs
Fan List
Keywords:
kazoo! (1), caroline (60), haha (4), funny (67), mac-less (1), despair (14), anti-depressant (2)
Description:
thank yous to rmaclema, slimgirlfat, bagheera and tigger (the BEST cats in the jungle) and lonnie donegan – skiffle!!!
thank you doesn’t come near for petee, peter, technoboy, my sound engineer, my husband and a very nice voice indeed – you ARE the man.
thank you doesn’t come near for petee, peter, technoboy, my sound engineer, my husband and a very nice voice indeed – you ARE the man.
Lyrics:
Someone sent an email and it said to meCome and hear my music now on your pc
I went where I was sent that night
Heard that song on the macjam site.
So I heard, I saw and then I stayed
And now I’ve got some music which must be played
Ain’t got no garageband – just ‘audacity’
And I can’t get to work for me
I tried to work this software but I just got in a mess
Can’t make out which button to press
I thought I had recorded but there was no sound
All this makes my head spin round
Things couldn’t get worse but they did just that,
I don’t get a picture or a slogan in chat.
So let’s fix it now – get this problem solved
Here’s the way it will be resolved
Every day that I’m alive I’m looking out for my G5
Or my faith will take a leap and I will find an ibook cheap
Won’t you pay
Straight away
Make my day
PLEASE X
Hardware:
well, not a mac obviously! The same guitar that I found behind the sofa 3 months ago but now it has new strings for the first time in 20 years, a plastic kazoo that I paid 50p for on holiday in devon, my new snowball (i'm lovin’ it!) and peter!Software:
pffft!!!You must be registered and logged-in to comment.
wittybrit
Fun writing, fun singing. A very worthy cause indeed for the donation of used hardware (or were you insisting on new equipment only???).
8-8-9-8
caroline
it must be in the genes witty!!! glad you liked it and thank you for taking time away from my niece, nephew and sister-in-law to say so - now get back there and get stuck in!!! one love - always - cxxx
perceptualvortex
The lost art of kazoo playing... very nice!
caroline
i'm looking for somewhere that will take me on a two year course in kazoo - there's bound to be one somewhere - kalamazoo, i'm guessing!!! thanks for dropping through pv - xxx
Rebsie
I do hope somebody will oblige since you asked so nicely.
I'd let you have my old one but it will only run System 7 so
it's useless for anything except ornamental purposes. (It
has, however, had an eighth of skunk dropped down the
back of it which has probably doubled its value.)
Very witty song, sweetly delivered. Peter's backing vocals
are ace.
caroline
hey - let's just get the back of that machine and enjoy ourselves while we wait!!! bless you rebsie and thank you for those great days out in the hills especially the day that i found this song lying around up there - one love, one lawn!! xxx
The Mac is on its way! Caroline, very cool song. You have
a way with words and cadences. We're taking up a
collection...
caroline
i'm looking out the window, i'm waiting at the door!!! thank you alimar - i knew i could depend on you - xxx
urbnite
still love your voice. guitar sounds great. love peter's backup
vocals.
i think you should send this to apple. let them use it in a
commercial. although it sounds more fitting for a VW
commercial (and i don't mean that in a bad way - they've
used nick drake's music!).
all in all, lovely. could only be better if it were done on a
mac.
caroline
thank you darren - i've remembered your drunken promises!!! let's act on them soon! xxx
thetiler
Like this sttory from a pc person (not sure for how long) :)
Very entertaining, this is real fun to hear. Love the words.
Make sure if someone sends you one it works and ya don't
have to do too many repairs.
Superbly fun tunage!
Thanks for sharing!
caroline
pc? moi? somehow i doubt it but it does depend upon your point of view - glad you like it tt and thanks for taking the time to say so - xxx
I.G.M.
This is a song about the great achievements of the modern world! But where the fuck are they?
9-9-9-9
I.G.M.
caroline
is it??? and if you don't know... i certainly don't!!! however, i am delighted that you felt four 9's to be appropriate for which i thank you x
drakonis
Oh wait... you're serious! :-) OK, a word of advice then... in
order to make this sneaky plot work, you'll need to bring the
kazoo forward in the mix, add some weird distortion to it,
and try to sing off key, maybe detune the guitar...
unfortunately this was way too good... you won't get anybody
to send you a Mac just to make you stop if you're going to
produce enjoyable music like this!
ttfn,
Drakonis (the "MacNugget" as my wife calls it is cheap!)
8-9-8-8 (production is 1 due to your ability to conquer
Audacity :-)
caroline
the truth of the matter, my little dragon, is that i didn't conquer audacity! i did that weeping, wailing wifey thing until poor peter took pity 'pon me (is this enough alliteration for you?) bless his technological heart!! thank you for flying through! xxx
Cameron
On this song, your very clever lyrics are delivered with
your usual "zing and zip" -- your voice is truly unique
with its expressively low, vibrant timbre, so everything
you sing comes vividly to life.
Your guitar playing ain't too shabby either! Obviously
you've shaken the dust off. Nice playing!
Peter's voice is a very good addition -- you two sound
very good together. Art imitating life!
The only problem with the kazoo is that there wasn't
MORE of it. It added a perfect whimsical touch to this
song. (Maybe you could collab with Mungo on a piece
called "Concerto for Kazoo and Cowbell"!)
As always, your songs bring a big smile to my face --
thanks for posting this! I look forward to hearing more.
caroline
thank you cameron - i do sense a klassical kantata to the kazoo kalling kreatively from somewhere in the kosmos - i'll get back to you! xxx
paulhenrys
Well, timing is everything. I just sold my iBook to my sister-in-law. But if I win the lottery here in California and can afford a G5, I will send you my sawtooth G4.
Lovely song. Too right!
caroline
paul - i never did get the knack of that.... that ...... that ...... that timing thing!!! i'm glad you enjoyed and thank you for saying so x
Joanna
...but if I send you my Mac, I won't be able to play on GB.
If I win the lottery, on the other hand, I'll happily help you
out. (I hear one needs to buy tickets, though).
Caroline, this is my favorite of yours so far. Jaunty,
pleading, clever and shameless. Great stuff! Great job on
the guitar with your new strings. Well done! And the
snowball sounds great. Kudos all around on this one!
caroline
thank you joanna - pleading AND shameless - my work here is done!! xxx
mandolinquent
Let's face it. You'd get big points on this site singing any
songs deriding PCs anyway, but this is a sweet, sweet
tune. Funny-smart. And Peter's vocals. What a star.
caroline
glad you liked the old man's vocals mando - i'll pass on your thoughts. thanks for dropping by - you and your old brown boots! xxx
markbaby
I hope you get what you want !
Different ...
caroline
we all hope i get what i want mark - i'm so much easier to deal with that way!!! different is good - thank you for taking the time x
Dwayne Plain
I think it's a sspiffy song. I thought I had commented but
I guess not. Anyhow, I downloaded it about 30 minutes
ago or so.
caroline
tally-ho old thing!!! i am delighted that you find it 'spiffy' - thank you x
alley-oop
No.. just kidding. I wish I could. Great lyrics, Caroline.
Very clever and witty
caroline
and you won't believe what i shipped you tom! pie-crust promises - made to be broken!! but - you enjoyed our efforts and that is what really matters - thank you for your support and your kind words xxx
Just-when-i-thought-i-was-going-to-have-a-bad-day.-
this-has-cheered-me-up-no-end-thanks
caroline
i'm-so-happy-to-have-been-able-to-help - and-it's-great-to-know-that-we-speak-the-same-language!! thank-you-for-taking-the-time-to-let-us-know-that-we-made-a-difference - must-dash!! one-love-xxx
tim grant
this made me smile instantly!!! you should get the mac mini
since you already have all the other components!!!
caroline
tim - thank you - you are right, of course, i should get the mac mini and i'll be watching out for it as of now. if you're smiling, i'm smiling - how many others do you think we can get? one love x
and winning, wonderful singing! What a good mood you put
me in - thanks.
caroline
and another one bites the dust!! three happy people in a row - how blessed can one girl be? i am thrilled that you are one of them mungobee - one love xxx
Einarus
Very fun tune - clever lyrics as always.
The kazoo was a very interesting, yet good, choice :)
You're one of a kind, Caroline :)
caroline
'one of kind' ein?? in this country, people believe this to be a good thing!!! ;-) thank you for your acceptance of the 50p plastic kazoo - they are the best thing since the yo-yo!! by the way - you are one of a kind too ein - that's the best part of all! one love, xxxx
Mystified
Caroline...face it...you and Macs were meant to be. Come
away from the Dark Side and embrace....well....a G5 or at
least a Mac mini!
Delightful song! Whimsical even in its pathos ;)
Tell hubby that he needs to sing more often! You make a
terrific duo. :)
Thanks for posting this! :)
caroline
thank you mysti - i'm waiting, watching, planning, scheming, hoping!!!!! i keep turning my face towards the light. but, unitl the son of mac shines upon me... i'll just keep the old man preparing for his next one!! one love, mysti and a BIG hug x
jgurner
...is kazoo. I haven't heard near enough of it, now you've
recified that. This is a lot of fun. Maybe we should set up a
charity fund to help our less fortunate PC bretheren (and
sisteren).
caroline
charity fund?? marvellous idea!!! thank you for suggesting it x in the meantime... thank goodness that kazoos only cost 50p - i'll get one for everybody!!! nice of you to comment - that now makes you a member of kazoo klub!!!
ragurner
Bouncy, infectious, funny. Now I'll be hearing this in my
sleep! LOL! Nice work, Caroline!
caroline
rebecca - thank you for dropping by - are you getting the subliminal message too?? if you have a sudden urge to shop for hardward, the answer is YES!!! i'm glad you are enjoying it - the song - the shopping!!! xxx
swood
it takes skill and patience for this type of track, it definatley makes me want to plead for a mac
the quality was good , and the vocals were mixed well , and crystal clear
caroline
swoody - if you're going to plead too... please get into the queue - we're british for pity's sake!!! we queue!!! don't be a pleader - send hardware!!! thanx for dropping by - leave small change in the dish provided!!! one love, xxx
jiguma
Great fun Caroline - sorry don't have a spare mac! There's
a forum post where this should be compulsory listening.
Love the tune, good luck coming over from the dark side!
Neil
caroline
neil - you're sorry!!! not as sorry as me my dear!!! but, knowing that we made you laugh is excellent compensation for now - thanks for letting us know - one light and just one mac! xxxx
ka-klick
a thematic descendant of Janis Joplin's Mercedes
Benz in a ha ha only serious sort of way. Fun stuff.
caroline
glad you had fun here bryan. we're singing for a merc as soon as the mac arrives - we need a garage (band) to put it in!! one mode of transport - xxx
fairy beth
made me chuckle. cant relate im afraid though, i have a lovely ibook (sorry to rub it in), though obviously mac is much more monsterous and powerful, so i guess if someone sends u one, youll have out done me. amyway, im waffling. good job C! x
caroline
fairy beth - thank you for fluttering by xxx
Film
kazoo is a unalternative witch you do very well !
I anti, but still love all.
caroline
mosh!! josh!! i feel so posh!! i am waiting for the dosh - gosh!! hope you will, one day, learn to love the kazoo as much as i do and not be anti anymore - toodleloo! one love, one world x
ceilidh
brilliant!!! so funny! :) great lyrics and unbelievable voice!
9-9-9-9
caroline
thank you for dancing over to say so - i love nothing more than a spirited ceilidh - one song x
Komrade K
Such a sad song - I was moved to tears - Mac deprivation's a
serious condition - seek treatment immediately!
Dead impressed with the sound quality from yer Snowball - I
want one NOW!
KK
caroline
my dame has got a kazoo!! aw martyn, i didn't mean to upset you mate - not that time!!! glad you like the snowball - and now i will upset you - you can't even buy one in blighty yet!!! don't come by again - i don't want to be responsible for your unhappiness - one kleenex but xxx
Doadars Uncle
Fun!
I keep trying to win a guitar, but all I get is SPAM.
caroline
spam!! make a sandwich!! or serve spam and chips, spam and eggs and chips, spam and spam and chips!!! alternatively sing for a guitar - may the force be with you doug - thanks for passing through - one hope, x
Warren Smith
Very clever song - nicely done. I love the way you Cotswoldians pronounce "garage."
caroline
hey warren - thanks for commenting - you should hear us say tomato, potato and pyjamas - garage is just the tip of the iceberg! one vowel sound - x
JOAN
would be " someone lay a hi speed pipeline to JOAN".
great duo caroline! i knew it wouldn't be long before peter
showed up on macjams. sorry i'm the last one to the
party. but, hey, i brought the wine!
wj
caroline
and then joan'll have no reason to moan - hey, hey someone send a line to joan!! thanks for the wine - any chance of that mac now? 'last one'? get a grip boy!! watch out for low-flying thunder bolts! xxx
comdotdom
You NEED audacity to put a song up that's this good and then claim hardware poverty and software ignorance ... but then it seems you have it in spades ... or buckets ... or some other indefinably large quantity.
Can I put in the first request for a sequel ?
If this audacious musical plea fails try :
Send cash or cheque or Paypal me ...
Just don't send it C.O.D.
M and U and N-N-EEE
Write that cheque payable to me !
You are singular (one generally is)
caroline
you may be with me, you may be very funny, you may be posting yourself soon!!! chutpah - that's all it takes!! fancy a begging collab? thank you for taking the time to drop in and be funnny - one joke - xxx ps - if i am singular - are you double??
ledebutant
If everyone in the world had your humor, there'd be no
war. The minute I heard that kazoo, it was love.
caroline
lisa!! how lovely to see you - thanks for coming by - i've missed you girl. one day - soon - i, too, hope this whole crazy world will be laughing instead of fussing and fighting and snipping - indeed, one love xxx
KineticBends
lol
very funny
very funny
but the kazzooo fucking rocks the house dude!!!!
caroline
thank you and welcome to this strange and mysterious place kb - it is good to have you here. i am delighted that you like our song - and that you think the kazoo rocks - however, mine doesn't do sex - she's a nun!!! did you use one word too many? (i'm an old lady with sensitive ears!) - one love (for sure) xxx
jackstone
Woo many comments! You loved by everyone.
I love your humor sense, this is very funny!
Send you sushi! haha
caroline
hi jackstone - i have missed you - i am so glad you came here - you are always so welcome. as always, i am delighted that you enjoy sharing the fun with me - sushi is delicious - i will eat it while i wait for the mac - one love jackstone xxx
nice
caroline
thank you x
bigwavefred
noddin' my head in agreement here. Mac or no, haven't we
all been there.
caroline
thank you - welcome to mj and here - looking forward to hearing your guitar soon.
You made my day with this song. Not just charming but oh so true. A
rigorous indictment of modern technology. Very fun and engaging.
caroline
thank you richard - day making is what i enjoy the most - thank you too for taking the time to stop and say so xxx
Poor Atlas
Oh dear - you had me convinced with all that 'Oh, I'm not really that musical, I just write lyrics and sing a bit', but this has let the cat out of the bag.
This a proper song, with a funny melody, proper guitar playing, clean, warm and charming vocals, and very witty lyrics.
Unfortunately, this makes me want to raise the critical bar higher - I love the sound of your voices together, but I wish they were blended better - that the timing was cleaner. I wish you'd tightened up a few of the lines. I wish you'd done a few more takes. I'm not sure the kazoo does it justice...
It's just the perfectionist in me coming out - I hope you understand I am saying this because of the potential in you that this song shows. Can't wait to hear what's next.
caroline
oh john - now look what you've started - so tell me, when do i stop having a great time, meeting fun people who play enjoyable music, bashing out the odd song here and there myself and start worrying, re-doing and re-doing, feeling sick and nervous, caring, really caring because i have invested so much time? i'm far closer to that point than i ever intended to be when i came breezing through here in the first place!!!
i am grateful for your compliments and even more so for your criticisms (which i agree with, btw except for the one about the kazoo - no, no, you can't take that away from me!!)
of course i understand why you have said all this - i am a teacher, a woman, a wife, a mother - i too get frustrated when people refuse to meet their potential - when did you say you were submitting your next song??
thank you for taking the time and space both here and in your heart - i tell you what babe - i'll think about - let me know after the next one! one love john xxxx
billl
Well, hardware failures are quite frustrating. You have focused that into a
great song. Folk music is unfortunatly is not heard much anymore and I
found this very refreshing. The vocals are good. I'm reminded of Herman's
Hermits. Sorry though, I'm using all my hardware but when I have some to
spare I'll think of you.
caroline
thank you bill - there's a kinda hush all over the world tonite - i look forward to you having a excess of hardware!! x
Thats so kewl I love it
caroline
great! glad you liked it and thank you for saying so. hope you have a good time hanging around here - watch out for that chatroom - you never who you'll bump into in there!! x
Ed Hannifin
...the Mac would be in the mail...
Lonnie Donegan and Leadbelly are smiling!
There's a lot of "Take A Whiff (On Me)" to this one...in a good way...
Love that kazoo, especially after it first came in and surprised the heck
out of me...
And the vocals are robust and charming...
Neat.
Ed
caroline
i couldn't be more delighted that you enjoyed this song - frankly i can always use another psychotherapist on my side!! anyway - you had a good time here and thank you for saying so - x
eltopo
... don't blame their tools. That said, when you have b'all tools, well...
Great tune and top class singing with cool inflections!
caroline
thank you eltopo - it always amuses me that you were partly responsible in the first place - thank you for that and for this - xxx
aclarke
I never wanted a mac- not being creative it was never needed.... then I
won one in a contest and here I am. Still have several of the dreaded PC's
and feel the have a place in the universe but mostly use the mac at home.
Very clever, entertaining song! Guitar and kazoo work very well together
along with your voice!
caroline
thank you adam - it was fun to write and sing - i have discoved a keyboard now and it has so many whistles and bells that i may turn my attentions elsewhere - nice of you to drop by xx
_nderscore
gee, if only i had an extra mac something lying around.. i'd put it on a
little raft to you. hafta watch out for them dRunKeN sailors along the way
tho. yer fun ;)
caroline
thanks undie - if you find yourself with a spare one, bring it over, we'll open a bottle of rum - although, quite frankly, i think the bear has had more than enough! x
cormacbrenock
Great to hear this , what a break from all this heavy stuff .
Love it .
caroline
thank you so much but.... here's the rub.... i wish i understood enough to press all those buttons and create some of that ...... well, maybe not heavy stuff but, something with layers - lots of layers - which just goes to remind me that we should all be grateful for what we've got (or we won't know what is was 'til it's gone, they paved....) - the bear and i went to listen to something of yours too x
Pie
if only I could spell
I gotta get me a kazzooooooooooo!
caroline
fabulous! one more of us and one less of them!! thank you pie x
BobRoberts
I didn't like it, I loved it. If you get sent any extras, I'll take the
overflow.
caroline
should there be an overflow we'll let you know!! thanks for taking the time to drop through! glad you enjoyed yourself x
screamalexz
the lyrics are awsome, i have audacity. i like your voice and the kazoo.
caroline
thank you chance xxx
Garlic
Very refreshing--it put a big wide smile on my face. If I listen to this
song a couple more times I'll never get it outta my head!
caroline
garlic - how kind of you to pass by here and so close to christmas too! if you
have half as much fun here as i have had then ... well - enjoy! x
this is great. i wish i had an extra Mac to send you.
damiengh
Was on the home page and saw your name there. Clicked on it and this is what I got.
Boy, did you have me crackin up.
Whew-hew do I love that Kazoo.
You ought to send this one to Steve Jobs for the Holiday ad campaign. It's a winner.
It's just so happy, this one.... And good vocals.... Are almost singing along...
Thanks for this happy song...
Jakob
apb
..miss this gem .. I know .. because I must prioritise
better!! Classic Caroline .. kazoo .. and fine tight
guitar playing too .. Pete's backing vocals are very
good too. A gem .. I'm sure the PC suffering is lessened by the puffering. Have a great time in the Nether-regions. :o)