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Attribution-NoDerivs
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Keywords:
Between (2), poetry (105), lament (13), harmony assistant (15), drakonis (55)
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Description:
Poem written August, 1981. Music written December 2004. An ancient poem of mine, partly inspired by the great romantic movie "Somewhere in Time", partly inspired by two other things, now long gone.
(c) 1981, 2005, Eduard Schwan Poetry
Lyrics:
Stretched
Between two times...
Unable to capture
The beauty of one
Or the warmth of the other.
Trapped
Between two eternities...
Wrapped up in a tunnel of despair
Watching, Painfully, Two slowly dimming hopes
That never quite seem to fade...
But glow on the horizons
Of forever twilight.
Hardware:
Macintosh dual 1Ghz G4, darkened room.
Software:
Harmony Assistant for original music score to MIDI, Audacity for vox, GarageBand for mixing and final musical instruments.
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Poetic pain &mdash 10/23/05 - 08:26:47 AM
The background music sets the perfect background for your tortured words. Especially like how 'stretched' and 'trapped' are accented. Excellent writing Drak. [ Reply to This ]
Poetic pain &mdash 10/23/05 - 08:42:10 AM
Thank you KISKismet,
I am a perfectionist, and its almost embarrassing that a few short words like this
required 7 takes and hours and hours of tweaking to get right. But like your
wonderful lyrics, I want mine to sear the heart. I'm learning, slowly. Thank you
for listening!
ttfn,
Drakonis
---
deja vu, it's the next best thing to being there [ Reply to This ]
Poetic pain &mdash 10/24/05 - 12:39:01 PM
Heh. I should be able to know out a dozen poems a night if there was no
agonizing. It is funny how much detail goes into getting an inflection just the
way you want.
---
A Bloody Dark Pastryman
http://www.christopher.jorgensen.name [ Reply to This ]
despair &mdash 10/23/05 - 10:15:09 AM
The poetry is beautiful and sad, and the melody of the strings
supports it really well. I can hear both the hope and the despair
in the melody. The woodwind that comes in after 'trapped'
adds a touch of sweet sadness, but I think it also helps to support
the poetic use of "two" by bringing a second instrumental voice into
it. Nice touch. Was that a deliberate symbol?
Your hours of effort show. Very cool.
[ Reply to This ]
despair &mdash 10/24/05 - 02:32:51 PM
Thanks for the comments! The timing of the oboe was serendipitous when I
first put the poem and music together, but then I noticed it come in there and
moved my poem up slightly so it lined up better at that point, so yes, it was
eventually intentional :-) The oboe creates a plaintive mood here, which
seemed apropos for this poem.
ttfn,
Drakonis
---
deja vu, it's the next best thing to being there [ Reply to This ]
Ooooh....Ancient poetry! &mdash 10/23/05 - 10:15:17 AM
Well, if YOU wrote it, it can't be THAT ancient (how old can dragons be? ;)
I'm so glad you decided to share some original poetry here, drak!
I agree the background music is perfect complement to the loss echoed in
your words. Very nice!
Thanks for posting this.
Also, great artwork accompanying this!
(This could also work for the movie "Ladyhawke"...an 'ancient' favorite of
mine!)
[ Reply to This ]
Ooooh....Ancient poetry! &mdash 10/24/05 - 02:43:23 PM
Sometimes these "ancient" poems come back to life and make me feel like
they were written yesterday. I certainly don't feel (or act) ancient. Thank you
very much for listening and commenting on it! I'm feeling less shy about my
voice :-) The artwork was supposed to be more complex, but then I thought
that for a succinct poem, the artwork should be stark and make its point...
the words are barely obscured by the dividing line... you can make out what it
is about if you read between the line :-)
Ooh, Ladyhawke, one of a handful of movies I HAD to go and buy... love that
movie. Great companion to DragonHeart :-)
ttfn,
Drakonis
---
deja vu, it's the next best thing to being there [ Reply to This ]
nicely done and &mdash 10/23/05 - 10:15:34 AM
i am very demanding about these things - you can appear on my stage anytime - thank you xxx [ Reply to This ]
nicely done and &mdash 10/23/05 - 10:15:36 AM
i am very demanding about these things - you can appear on my stage anytime - thank you xxx [ Reply to This ]
nicely done and &mdash 10/24/05 - 02:54:50 PM
Thank you Caroline, for stopping in, listening, and pushing the button TWICE!
I will save both these tickets and redeem them next time I'm in your area.
One for a Terry Pratchett production, and one for "sitting in an English
Garden..." I know this is a bit of a negative sounding poem, not quite your
cup of tea, but you'll be happy to know that neither of those two "directions"
were good for me to go in at the time, and I have now found the perfect path
and companion to travel it with. Don't even care anymore where either of
those two girls went... "just want to be friends" HA! (evil grin)
ttfn,
Drakonis
---
deja vu, it's the next best thing to being there [ Reply to This ]
short... &mdash 10/23/05 - 10:16:09 AM
but sweet. what a poet u are drak! so cool to hear your voice on this. [ Reply to This ]
short... &mdash 10/24/05 - 02:59:21 PM
Thank you very much m'lady.. that means a great deal from a talented
wordsmith like you! Very glad you liked it.
ttfn,
Drakonis
---
deja vu, it's the next best thing to being there [ Reply to This ]
Dark... &mdash 10/23/05 - 10:33:53 AM
...yet strangely beautiful.
Very cool, and the background music really conveys the words.
Like the delay effect as well. [ Reply to This ]
Dark... &mdash 10/25/05 - 04:06:10 PM
yet strangely beautiful? Superb, I got the mood across just right, all the way
to Iceland!
Thank you for listening and commenting... very glad you liked it.
ttfn,
Drakonis
---
deja vu, it's the next best thing to being there [ Reply to This ]
I liked this &mdash 10/23/05 - 10:35:47 AM
the first time I heard it.
Great works and very fitting background music.
The pauses are just right and your voice has ehough
"drama" got get this all across.
Short and sweet, not quite like life.
Cheers [ Reply to This ]
I liked this &mdash 10/25/05 - 04:27:50 PM
Thanks so much Johnny, for critiquing and suggesting a little more dramatic
oomph-pause-pause in my reading :-) Appreciate your helpful comments
there and here, as always!
ttfn,
Drakonis
---
deja vu, it's the next best thing to being there [ Reply to This ]
Dark &mdash 10/23/05 - 02:20:41 PM
Strangely familiar circumstance as if it were a crossroad and there in
lies the decision. I like the dark foreboding tone of the piece and I
think the background music works well with the spoken words. Well
done.-JAC [ Reply to This ]
Dark &mdash 10/26/05 - 10:46:57 AM
We are *all* at that crossroads, every day. Some paths are well marked, some
are diabolically confusing. We just need to decide and keep walking. My
original intent upon writing the poem (20+ years ago) was selfishly personal,
just diffuse the depressing helplessness by writing something down. My
intent now, upon revisiting it and cautiously sharing it more publically, is to
hopefully stir similar recognizable feelings in others... and it sounds like I
have done so for you! Yay! Thank you for listening, and for taking time to
comment, your thoughts are very helpful to me!
ttfn,
Drakonis
---
deja vu, it's the next best thing to being there [ Reply to This ]
a great stretch for mankind... &mdash 10/23/05 - 06:36:41 PM
interesting and thought provoking poem...kind of ironic that the poem is called "between" because much of the poem talks about boundaries and demarcations and really leaves one wondering about what really is in between...a good metaphor for life itself...ahh...the beauty of Eduardian metaphysics...how to capture the "beauty of one/or the warmth of the other"...I think we can apply the principles of the Mobius strip here...compression of the dimensions yielding something that is continuous and infinite, reducing 2 surfaces into one...now we just have to make the stretch, embrace the ends, and unite the two realms of eternity [ Reply to This ]
a great stretch for mankind... &mdash 10/23/05 - 06:38:56 PM
a great stretch for mankind... &mdash 10/24/05 - 05:19:19 PM
a great stretch for mankind... &mdash 10/24/05 - 07:58:16 PM
from your original comment I can read that you don't think the
poem has much "substance" between the lines.
Just my interpretation though, no offense to Ed or anybody else
involved in the creation of this piece.
[ Reply to This ]
Sad & Poignant &mdash 10/24/05 - 08:28:40 AM
Do More! &mdash 10/24/05 - 12:42:51 PM
I am probably the only person I know that digs short poems. Seems
like everything has to be epic these days.
This is a straightforward piece that doesn't have a lot of room to play,
so you can't expect interplay of vocals and such.
I am glad to see others doing spoken words. It's fun to go back and
read stuff you did when a youth. I did this at a slam once, doing high
school poetry as a lark, ended up being humbling, since no one could
tell it was old! [ Reply to This ]
Reminded of .... &mdash 10/24/05 - 07:03:48 PM
I'm reminded of smoke filled coffee houses and poets adding "drama" to their words .... with live readings ... good to see that the "vocal reading" still exists over the "viewable reading" you are able to emote your own emotion into the poem thus conveying the message you originally intended when writing it. My own poems of yore are currently sitting in their coccoons waiting to emerge as "songs" ..... the background music - of course - enhances the reading and is a nice touch. Well done !! [ Reply to This ]
Short... &mdash 10/25/05 - 12:06:14 AM
I am poetically, stupid &mdash 10/26/05 - 02:21:36 AM
D, Poetry is usually way far over my head and this one is no exception.
I am here because I promised to stop and check out what you were
doing. And now I can see that my ignorance shall be for full display. I
had know idea... After five listens, I thought that I 'got it'. I then
proceeded to read everyone else's comments and now, I'm not sure if I
'got it'. Certainly, I don't have it enough to post any helpful comments
and I didn't understand the dialogue that everyone except me, seemed
by up on
That being said,I do have this new opportunity to try to understand
poetry better though. i will get it... You see, there's something about
your social graces and ability to be very personable upon first
greeting... Yes, you listened and commented on my music, which
people do, but never has anyone commented from your thoughtful and
unique point of view...
About "Between": For now, I can tell you that you are clearly poetic. The
words to this were thought provoking... I got a distinct sense of
darkness, light, hope and helplessness... But mostly, it seemed that
"Between" hosted a degree of levity, that can't help but to campaign for
the helplessness that one typically associates with darkness... With
this thought, for me, the music represented this campaign.
NIce work, I'm sure.... .
DionCydniko [ Reply to This ]
Plangent &mdash 10/27/05 - 02:05:21 PM
Haunting and melancholy piece - the accompaniment works extremely
well with the words and the balance of speech and music is spot on.
KK [ Reply to This ]
Plangent &mdash 10/27/05 - 02:05:27 PM
Haunting and melancholy piece - the accompaniment works extremely
well with the words and the balance of speech and music is spot on.
KK [ Reply to This ]
Down to the Crossroads &mdash 10/27/05 - 02:18:08 PM
Haunting and Arresting.
Anguish in Suspension, succinctly taunting as the stakes are "Between two
eternities". Maddenly much for most Mortals.
Fine piece. An unexpected find for me at MJ.
Cooper [ Reply to This ]
the lyrics captivated me &mdash 10/28/05 - 02:10:16 PM
the lyrics captivated me &mdash 10/28/05 - 02:14:26 PM
Wow- &mdash 11/01/05 - 07:21:41 AM
Excellent poetry, Drak. I thought the backdrop was very medieval
sounding in nature which added a nice dramatic touch. [ Reply to This ]
The music fits perfectly &mdash 11/02/05 - 09:33:13 PM
20 years of twilight? &mdash 11/03/05 - 02:49:54 PM
It's been more than 20 years since you wrote the poem.
Did you ever emerge from between the two eternities?
I think you have.
Very cool! [ Reply to This ]
good talk &mdash 11/04/05 - 03:18:47 PM
What are the "two slowly dimming hopes"? You won't say, will you? This
ended all too soon, as do all good things. [ Reply to This ]
More... &mdash 11/04/05 - 03:29:42 PM
Vary your pacing. You can do that, even in this short poem. It;s a must.
The words are powerful -- highly introspective and riding the edge of
existential despair. You have to dig deeper, my friend. Give this a
longer introduction. Use pauses, let the words cascade from your soul.
Pause again. Think. Weep. Then let more words pour out. I only hear
you reading this. Doesn't sound memorized. Try to get your voice in a
bit lower register if you can. Learn to crack your voice like RC Andrews
or Bill Clinton.
The echo is good.
That was harsh. But you asked for a critique from "the pseudo master
poet" ... not from Mr. Nice Guy.
Want me to take a stab at this as a demo? [ Reply to This ]
More... &mdash 11/04/05 - 04:00:35 PM
Exactly the kind of honest critique I look for, thank you very much Richard!
I'd be flattered if you would do a reading of it! I think I could learn a great
deal from your performance, thank you. Hopefully my next attempt at
emotive reading will benefit from your help!
ttfn,
Drakonis
---
deja vu, it's the next best thing to being there [ Reply to This ]
More... &mdash 11/04/05 - 07:08:27 PM
Here's what I came up with as a rough demo:
http://www.schletty.com/music/Between_Schletty+magullo.mp3
It's your excellent poem served up by my vocal chords. I'm taking it nice
and easy with the pacing of the words, allowing spaces for thought...to
chew on what has just been said and draw a breath for what is about to
follow. I repeated a couple words for emphasis. I used a soundtrack by
David Gomez (magullo) from his CD "Electric Experiences"). He sent me
about two dozen similar tracks to use in any way I want.
I hope this helps to demonstrate what I suggested in my comments
above.
---
Sonority by Schletty: http://www.schletty.com/indwellings [ Reply to This ]
Cheer up! &mdash 11/09/05 - 05:51:54 AM
Seriously, this is a very expressive piece. You read well. Sounds like
you might have auditioned for Rod Serling's part in "The Twilight
Zone."
Instrumentation is very well done, sounds "pro." [ Reply to This ]
Cheer up! &mdash 11/09/05 - 09:17:19 AM
Thank you John, for your positive comments... I've been a bit worried about
recording myself being expressive, glad you liked the music too. And don't
worry, I'm actually a very upbeat dragon now, uh, 20 years after that poem :-)
ttfn,
Drakonis
---
deja vu, it's the next best thing to being there [ Reply to This ]
hey. &mdash 11/16/05 - 11:53:40 PM
wonderful poetry and reading. the strings complimented so very well. [ Reply to This ]
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