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Keywords:
lake (9), dogs (13), love (945), birds (22), happiness (22), ()
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Description:
This is a reworked version of a previously posted song. There were several tweeks suggested in comments for the previous post I've made as well as a couple of other small things I've fixed. There's a new, slightly longer beginning and I've eliminated the fade out. I've also thickened up the mid and bass and, and this was tough, I've cut back on the reverb.(Starts to sweat just a little...) Thanks to all those who made comments on the origonal.
If you'd like to do the compare/contrast thing, you can find the origonal version here.
Lyrics:
Picture this day
A walk on the beach
Five fingers intertwined with five of their friends
Sand on our feet
Nothing to say
Thinking of things to say we haven’t said before
I dream of the days and the nights without end
I sit here alone in the dark and pretned
the visions of you and of me are so real
I scream at the walls as they slowly close in
I long for the warmth of your breath on my skin
and I feel
I’m feeling good today
Birds over head
Dogs running round
Watching the clouds as they drift over head
Feeling the sun
warm on my face
Hoping this is all real and life is a dream
If I could I would go there today
but there’s so many things that will keep me away
I’ll dream of the day and the moment in time
A walk on the beach and the wind in my hair
I close my eyes and my mind is still there
and I feel
I’m feeling good todayPicture this day
A walk on the beach
Five fingers intertwined with five of their friends
Sand on our feet
Nothing to say
Thinking of things to say we haven’t said before
I dream of the days and the nights without end
I sit here alone in the dark and pretned
the visions of you and of me are so real
I scream at the walls as they slowly close in
I long for the warmth of your breath on my skin
and I feel
I’m feeling good today
Birds over head
Dogs running round
Watching the clouds as they drift over head
Feeling the sun
warm on my face
Hoping this is all real and life is a dream
If I could I would go there today
but there’s so many things that will keep me away
I’ll dream of the day and the moment in time
A walk on the beach and the wind in my hair
I close my eyes and my mind is still there
and I feel
I’m feeling good today
Hardware:
iBook, electric guitar, M-Audio keyboard, Behringer mixer, cheap mic
Software:
GB
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So... &mdash 10/24/05 - 09:23:17 PM
what time do you let Neil out of the basement for his morning
constitutional (mandated by the Geneva Convention)? I'm going to help
him slip through the razor wire because you've been HOGGING him!
This is so beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. You have nothing to worry
about with the reduced reverb. Your voice sounds great, I actually think
you may be able to reduce the reverb even more if you fancied it. Being
a reverb junkie myself, I understand what a horrifying idea this might
be.
I really enjoy the production on the background vocals, how far in the,
well, background they are. It gives the song so much depth.
This may be my favorite of yours, yet.
[ Reply to This ]
So... &mdash 10/25/05 - 03:29:59 PM
Neil is now hidden in an undisclosed location until further notice.(And that absolutely does NOT mean in my sofa cushions!) :)
You know, I can't believe that I cut down on the reverb some and no one died. I was sure there would be plagues, earthquakes, rivers running with blood, etc., as a result.
Thanks for listening and commenting, Lisa. I'm glad you liked the tune and I'm glad, as well, my tweeking made a difference.
---
Some people are like big children, harming others without even seeing it. Staying angry with these fools is like being mad at fire because it burns. [ Reply to This ]
the deep synth &mdash 10/24/05 - 09:37:29 PM
in the beginning sets the stage for such a perfect song. Don't know
anyone in their right mind who wouldn't feel good listening to this. Your
lyrics are, as always, so poetical, yet accessible. *drifts off* [ Reply to This ]
the deep synth &mdash 10/25/05 - 03:32:40 PM
CJ, I seriously wonder if you are getting enough sleep. You seem to always be drifting off. :D
I'm glad my feel good tune had the same effect on others. I appreciate your comments and I'll send you a case on No-Doze!
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Some people are like big children, harming others without even seeing it. Staying angry with these fools is like being mad at fire because it burns. [ Reply to This ]
Practice makes perfect &mdash 10/24/05 - 11:36:13 PM
By now JG, you know the weather forcast over my bowl of cornflakes...
This was just another booster hit after having just listened to your
'spoken word' piece... Amazing! Enough feel good from you mister...
Someone here said the same thing as I did about you, 'you are very
poetic', and I am alawys pleasantly moved by your compositions.
I like how this sounds more dynamic and things seem more clear??? I
always like your singing so... I do like the begining and ending better
on this version. Good comments Peter. Excellent student, JG.
Thanks for sharing the rework.
Dion/Cydniko [ Reply to This ]
Practice makes perfect &mdash 10/25/05 - 03:41:19 PM
I think I may need to up my meds. I seem to either be stuck on light and happy or dark and depressing extremes. :) One thing that being here at MacJams has done is helped me hone my lyrics, thanks to hearing so many people who do a great job of lyric writing. There are some truly phenominal lyric writers on this site.
I always appreciate your comments. Thanks for all your support, Dion.
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Some people are like big children, harming others without even seeing it. Staying angry with these fools is like being mad at fire because it burns. [ Reply to This ]
Punchy &mdash 10/25/05 - 12:12:02 AM
Very nice production! I did not hear the original, but feel your voice
should be the focus in this song. The instrumentation appears to be
too dominant, especially the drums. Overall a good pop song. [ Reply to This ]
The fade &mdash 10/25/05 - 12:17:43 AM
I forgot to mention the fade at the end. Try giving it a little more room. After
hearing the first version... it seems to need either a very abrupt ending... or a
little more fade in the vocals. Not as long as the first instrumental fade,
though.
---
Absence makes the heart grow fonder... or does it wander? [ Reply to This ]
The fade &mdash 10/25/05 - 03:50:04 PM
I think my main problem with mixing this one from the beginning has been the number of track on the song. With duplicate tracks for different instruments and backing vocalsm plus the new synth tracks put me at 30 or 31 different tracks. I definitely pushed my poor iBook it its limit. :) This was the first tune I did using some advice you posted on working with vocals a while back. Made a big difference.
As for the ending, still not 100 percent on it. I like it better than the long fade, but I'm terrible at endings for the most part.
I appreciate you taking the time to listen, Alimar. Your comments and advice here, and elsewhere on the site, are always much appreciated.
---
Some people are like big children, harming others without even seeing it. Staying angry with these fools is like being mad at fire because it burns. [ Reply to This ]
The Big Stage &mdash 10/25/05 - 11:32:50 AM
Whole lot of feeling from such a small bunch of Gear!
Big Sound and Good Mix, though if the Vocal were closer, it would be
more intimate - though may be this is more an announcement of feeling
rather than a confidence. Just a thought.
Cooper [ Reply to This ]
The Big Stage &mdash 10/25/05 - 03:56:06 PM
Compared to what my friends and I had in college 15 or so years ago, the amount of equipment I use today is nothing, but it is so much easier than the old multitrack recorder, PAs, mixers, etc. I can do in an hour what it used to take me half a day. And the sound is soooo much better!
Thanks for taking a listen and your comments! It's much appreciated.
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Some people are like big children, harming others without even seeing it. Staying angry with these fools is like being mad at fire because it burns. [ Reply to This ]
This works great &mdash 10/25/05 - 01:16:41 PM
Great re-work! I don't miss the reverb at all, never liked it much, unless
sparely used - it most of the times just makes everything muschy. Your
voice really stands out in this one and are mixed in a great level with the
music. I also like the heavier bass, this is just great!!!! The only thing I
would change if anything is the ending, cuts off a bit abrupt. But this
song is very good.
[ Reply to This ]
This works great &mdash 10/25/05 - 04:01:53 PM
I think if I can get myself where I can use reverb in moderation, I'm going to try and cut back on caffine next! (That'll never happen) I would say it should be used like certain spiced, say red pepper, but I tend to go way heavy on the spices.
I changed the voicing on the bass and on the midtines, which really helped bring them out. Plus, I did some extra doubling and changed the pan on some stuff and that seemed to help a great deal as well.
Thanks for listening and commenting, Mikki. It's very much appreciated.
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Some people are like big children, harming others without even seeing it. Staying angry with these fools is like being mad at fire because it burns. [ Reply to This ]
Vox sounds great &mdash 10/25/05 - 02:01:37 PM
Hey Joseph, this is a realy nice update on the last version. The vox
sounds better with the reduced 'verb - no problems with the voice,
sounds greeat. Especially like the boosted bass and mids. This song
has a british 80s sound to me - not a bad thing - and I especially like
the bed of synths and guitar melody. The ending: I would have liked
that echo at the end to have gone on for maybe a whole bar (or even
two), but this is only academic - really liked this.
Cheers, Neil [ Reply to This ]
Vox sounds great &mdash 10/25/05 - 04:07:30 PM
I am addicted to Brittish bands from the 80s. Especially stuff like A Flock of Seagulls, The Cure. I love the synth-heavy sounds, sparse guitar. It probably permiates my song writing as much as it does my record collection.
Thanks for giving the redux a listen and sharing your thoughts, Neil.
---
Some people are like big children, harming others without even seeing it. Staying angry with these fools is like being mad at fire because it burns. [ Reply to This ]
you have a great voice &mdash 10/26/05 - 08:26:32 AM
If you have been hiding behind reverb, as some comments suggest,
then you can safely step out from behind it. Your voice dovetails with
your music perfectly...I know the Neil Young comparison has been
made, but I also hear some J Mascis, a comparison that I hope does
not offend.
Instrumentally, this track is luscious from the start, and keeps getting
moreso as it builds towards the first vocal. I want to be able to do
something this good some day. [ Reply to This ]
you have a great voice &mdash 10/26/05 - 10:18:51 AM
Wasn't familiar with who J Mascis was when I first read your comment, but then looked him up. I am familiar with Dinosaur Jr. (somewhat). I know somewhere I have one or two of their albums from the early 90s, but don't know if I ever listened to them. I'll have to dig 'em out and take a listen. I love it when someone makes a comparison with someone I'm not familiar with. I've discovered some great new music that way. Appreciate it.
Thanks for listening and commenting, and I hope to hear some more music coming from you soon.
---
Some people are like big children, harming others without even seeing it. Staying angry with these fools is like being mad at fire because it burns. [ Reply to This ]
I could nitpick, but &mdash 10/26/05 - 10:18:57 PM
I'm tired. It's late. I'm sorry not to do it justice, but I just wanted to post
to say how much I enjoyed the tune, and I've downloaded it. I'll check out
more of your stuff (and your wife's, too).
[ Reply to This ]
I could nitpick, but &mdash 10/27/05 - 08:46:09 PM
Glad you liked it. Thanks for listening and commenting and checking out my and
Rebecca's tunes.
---
Some people are like big children, harming others without even seeing it. Staying angry with these fools is like being mad at fire because it burns. [ Reply to This ]
Dream or Reality? &mdash 10/28/05 - 09:34:29 AM
Ah, but if life were a dream shhboom shhboom then reality would be
that quiet soldier on the outskirts of your mind, taking a bullet for the
home team! [ Reply to This ]
Dream or Reality? &mdash 10/29/05 - 09:26:49 AM
Ow! My head hurts now. :)
I don't do well with reality, so I stick to the dreams.
Thanks for stopping by!
---
Some people are like big children, harming others without even seeing it. Staying angry with these fools is like being mad at fire because it burns. [ Reply to This ]
good start &mdash 10/28/05 - 10:45:18 AM
I think the chord progression is pretty standard and the production is very average. Better drum programming would help. Also the chorus and verse sections should have more contrast within the instrumentation. [ Reply to This ]
good start &mdash 10/29/05 - 09:28:14 AM
Thanks for taking the time to listen and comment.
---
Some people are like big children, harming others without even seeing it. Staying angry with these fools is like being mad at fire because it burns. [ Reply to This ]
Nice remix &mdash 10/29/05 - 12:44:46 AM
Nice remix &mdash 10/29/05 - 09:29:38 AM
Much appreciated, jackstone. Thanks for giving the new mix a listen.
---
Some people are like big children, harming others without even seeing it. Staying angry with these fools is like being mad at fire because it burns. [ Reply to This ]
Damn! &mdash 10/29/05 - 11:38:51 PM
Joe, this was amazing! I don't know how I missed this and why no one
pimped it for you to me, but I'm glad I stumbled across it. You're a
great songwriter, with a unique voice that I truly love. Excellent work
on one of your strongest tracks to date, Joe! [ Reply to This ]
Damn! &mdash 10/30/05 - 05:07:50 PM
Many thanks for the comments. I've been working and reworking on this one for
a long time. I think this one will be the definitive version (at least for now). I'm
really happy that I've gotten a lot of great feedback on this song, along with a lot
of really great suggestions from the origonal posting of the song. Thanks for the
kind words, Mhz.
---
Some people are like big children, harming others without even seeing it. Staying angry with these fools is like being mad at fire because it burns. [ Reply to This ]
gooder yet &mdash 10/31/05 - 10:05:40 AM
not that the first attempt was bad. this song is a beauty!!! you could tweak it forever. it still makes me feel very blissful and ignorant of any bad in the world and i would say that a very good thing!!!!!!!!! [ Reply to This ]
gooder yet &mdash 10/31/05 - 01:37:54 PM
Any day I can spread blissful ignorance is a good day! Thanks for the comments
JOAN, much appreciated.
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Some people are like big children, harming others without even seeing it. Staying angry with these fools is like being mad at fire because it burns. [ Reply to This ]
umm... &mdash 10/31/05 - 07:30:09 PM
I really like this song. It has a great beat without being annoying. It's not the kind of song that would get stuck in your hed all day and drive you to the point of insanity while you're trying to to focus on something really important. I don't know if you'll actually understand this post but oh well... I want to upload it but apparently I don't have enough points or something. [ Reply to This ]
Very Good Revision &mdash 11/01/05 - 04:27:46 AM
I enjoyed previous version and this is even better production-wise. Like
ledebutant I am impressed by the production of the background vocal
work as well. Of course, the lead vocal is very good too. :) [ Reply to This ]
Very Good Revision &mdash 11/01/05 - 09:42:24 PM
I always appreciate you taking the time to make the comparisons when I post
new mixes. Thanks for the comments, and, as always, thanks for taking the time
to listen.
---
Some people are like big children, harming others without even seeing it. Staying angry with these fools is like being mad at fire because it burns. [ Reply to This ]
Amazing &mdash 11/19/05 - 06:38:22 AM
I started listening to your music by chance, and man, you're just AMAZING. You touch me with every song, how can you do that? Thank you so so so much for sharing [ Reply to This ]
Amazing &mdash 11/20/05 - 02:35:37 PM
Thank you for your very kind comments. I'm glad my you have found something
in my music that you enjoy and moves you. Thank you for listening and for your
support.
---
Some people are like big children, harming others without even seeing it. Staying angry with these fools is like being mad at fire because it burns. [ Reply to This ]
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constitutional (mandated by the Geneva Convention)? I'm going to help
him slip through the razor wire because you've been HOGGING him!
This is so beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. You have nothing to worry
about with the reduced reverb. Your voice sounds great, I actually think
you may be able to reduce the reverb even more if you fancied it. Being
a reverb junkie myself, I understand what a horrifying idea this might
be.
I really enjoy the production on the background vocals, how far in the,
well, background they are. It gives the song so much depth.
This may be my favorite of yours, yet.
[ Reply to This ]