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My Heart Still Beats (w/ Thoddi, etc.)


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Description
A huge thanks to Thoddi for collaborating on perfecting this tune with me. This is the 3rd version and, I think, by far the best. Thoddi's very cool bass playing made me think of a few extra things to add, so there is now flute (Sal Giorgianni) and trumpet (Carl Fischer), plus a few extra electric piano hits. Thoddi's bass is seductive, hip, lurking like a shadow in the jungle, growls of a tiger, rapists with a machetes waiting...

This is one of a handful of songs I wrote in 2004 that were self-consciously "impressionistic", letting images and sounds flow in a collage of intuitive meanings, a way of telling a story thru impressions only. Kind of my anti-musical theatre phase.

When I posted the first version of this song, Suzanne didn't want people to know it was about her. Now she wants to let people know. When she was 20 years old visiting St Martin's and living with a bunch of bohemian artists on the beach, one night she was abducted by 3 island men with guns and machetes. This was in 1976 when racial tension was high. She was actually walking back thru the jungle to her A-frame with friends when 3 men jumped them, throwing her into the back of their truck. She was raped, cut, dumped on the side of the road, left for dead. She crawled up to the only light she could see, a small house in the hillside. Thick jungle. The song is that journey, from party to hillside haven. She was certain she was going to die, and that belief was peaceful (certainty amidst the brutality, and knowing she would soon see her father who had died 4 years earlier). She recalls that she had just decided, that morning, that she had found Utopia on that island, the perfect place to begin her new life. Ironic. She stayed on to convict the 3 men, who were captured and imprisoned, but has never gone back. I offer this song as homage to her courage.

Tobin (synths, keyboards, handmade vocal fx loops; samples); Thor Oliverson (bass); Sal Giorgianni (flute); Carl Fischer (trumpet); Suzanne (woman's voice).

Other songs w/ Thoddi: Crazy Story
Original version of this song.

This track was remastered and appears on my 2007 release, A Bit Of Light, available through CDBaby.
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Lyrics
MY HEART STILL BEATS

Let the sun shine out from your eyes
while the moon is on your skin.

What did you father say?
What did your father say about this?

Island party. Island party. Island party. Island party, yeah.

Barefoot, dancing 'round the world, you're...
Barefoot, dancing all night long.

What did you father say
about parties, drinks, and men like this?
What did your father say about you?

The sun is still in your eyes.
The moon is on your skin.
The sun it still in your eyes but the moon
is on your skin.

You came to lose your count of days,
your count of fears,
your count of nights.
But now you've lost your count of drinks,
your count of boys,
your count of blurring lights.

Let's get lost in the jungle, find a place to just unwind.
Let the rules unravel. You came here to travel
so let's go see what there's to find.

What did your father say?

(instrumental transition... when rape occurs)

You say you remember the stars.
You say you remember the mud that stained your hands.
You say you remember your heart,
the sound of your pulse as it kept you alive.
Kept you alive.*

Forget all the hands that held you down.
Forget all the scars that tie you to the ground.

I know my heart still beats.

*(Our father who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name.
Holy Mary, mother of God,
pray for us, sinners, now,
and at the hour of our death...
Maketh me to lie down in green pastures.
Leadeth me beside still waters.
Restoreth my soul.)
Song Stats
Hits: 6890
Comments: 29
Fans: 16
Plays: 882
Downloads: 330
Votes: 18
Uploaded: Nov 28, 2005 - 01:25:22 PM
Last Updated: Jan 23, 2009 - 07:19:52 AM Last Played: Sep 11, 2017 - 07:53:25 AM
Song License
Creative Commons License:
NoDerivs-NonCommercial

Creative Commons

Song Actions
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Hardware:
Thoddi used his old "Tokai" 4 string bassguitar straight through an M-audio ozone
midi keyboard/soundcard.
I used my Roland A-90ex to input all my keyboard events. Microphone: EV 757.
Software:
GB; Sound Effects Library; Ilio AXE percussion; Live ; Peak for mastering.
TURN UP AND LISTEN IN HEADPHONES
Comments
Macaudion said 4372 days ago (November 28th, 2005)
Bitter Sweet
Ironically, this is as sweet as a tropic breeze on a hot island night. This
is dancing in my head and all over the rest of me with a movement that
is well grooved. I like the mystic undertones; albeit the origin of it's
darkness. Tobin, I like the way your voice and the lyrics stroke this
painting with a since of pure and heartfelt empathy, while cradling this
with the type of care that such a story would demand.

Suzanne, thanks for being willing to allow that this story be told, and
for trusting such a high degree of vulnerably in the hands of Tobin and
Thoddi. This is a sound of events that will heal by the vibrations of the
pure nature, of the willingness to share...

Thanks you Tobin and Thoddi for masterfully producing such an
amazing and wonderful piece. Outstanding storytelling and as well,
this is a very solid production.

Cydniko
Check out my latest song called Picture country living
chikoppi said 4372 days ago (November 28th, 2005)
Deceptive Sunlight
This definitely has a violent undertone. The groovy rhythm is almost
sweet, but the wild jazz blasts from the instruments keep an edge on
it. The result is a little sinister and somehow very male. A lot of that
may also come from the frequent and primal vocalizations.

The density, variety, and stereo spread of the percussion is terrific.
Great energy from the bass, trumpet, and especially the flute. Also a
great moment when you knock the flute back with reverb and (I think)
flange the reverb tail.

I love the flange-effected rhythm in the latter third. Sort of a cross
between radiator pipes and a gurgling didgeridoo. It comes across as a
deformed parody of the lively rhythm that preceded it.

Some of the lower frequency instruments get a little muddy in the mix
from time to time. You might consider cutting the mid frequencies or
accenting the harmonics and transients. Then again, that might be the
result of my so-so Logitech speakers.

Horrifying events, made all the worse by the seeming paradise of the
surroundings. A very fitting and well-executed musical interpretation/
redemption.
Check out my latest song called Disquiet (demo 2)
perceptualvortex said 4372 days ago (November 28th, 2005)
Evocative
music. Courage indeed! What a harrowing story. The music and singing are unique and very engaging, and they serve the story well.
Check out my latest song called Mercury (RPM 6)
thoddi said 4372 days ago (November 29th, 2005)
challenging
I have to admit I did a few takes on this until I felt I had something to pass on:) I really had to dig deep to get in pace with Tobins genius arrangements and playing. There is a rhythm complexity at some points that was a bit challenging... but it was a nice experience for me to contribute and play along to such great musicians. Thanks for letting me have a go at this Tobin.

As for the story, I wasn't aware of that it was about Suzanne until after I recorded my part. My thoughts go to her. I guess such an experience stay with you a long time... When I listen to the song with this in mind, I can sence the parts how they dramaticly tell it.

I think the part at the end is absolutely beautiful.

Thanks again Tobin for letting me in on this.
Check out my latest song called The King has left
TobinMueller said 4371 days ago (November 29th, 2005)
challenging
My thanks to you for breathing new life into it. Masterful. And I didn't even
know you played bass (what with all the cool blues guitar, rhythm and lead, you
do).
Check out my latest song called Momentary Undertow
thoddi said 4371 days ago (November 30th, 2005)
challenging
He he, I'll probably try to play whatever is put in my hands, kazoo, comb, and so on, but I cant guarantee what comes out of it;) I guess I feel most comfortable with a guitar in my hands...

---
Imagination is more important then knowledge!
- Albert Einstein.
Check out my latest song called The King has left
Tadashi Togawa said 4372 days ago (November 29th, 2005)
Sung musical instruments
This is interesting.
Musical instruments sing independently in relation.
Good idea.
I like it.
Check out my latest song called Mexican taste
Suzanne said 4372 days ago (November 29th, 2005)
i am happy
it's funny how a story gets buried and you pretend it doesn't affect you and then you release it and realize how much it has. this was cathartic. hearing the song, it is chilling and beautiful. they way tobin creates the sweeping ending is so lovely. but my mind gets pulled through so many things, it is hard to hear all the way through. thank you, everyone, for your kind words. like all of life's experiences, it made me who i am and i am happy.
Check out my latest song called Rock The Baby With Voodoo (w/Tobin)
TobinMueller said 4330 days ago (January 9th, 2006)
i am happy
And you make me happier than I have ever been. Thank you.
Check out my latest song called Momentary Undertow
Einarus said 4371 days ago (November 29th, 2005)
Exotic
A swarm of sounds and lines that blend together in a way I couldn't
imagine. Now I don't have to imagine it anymore.
I loved the fading strings at the end, in particular.
Excellent work, all around.
Check out my latest song called "I Hate Goodbyes"
said 4371 days ago (November 29th, 2005)
Hot Groovin
I love the jungle midnight snake dance feel to this
I like the random instrumentation and the tribal beat
nice head trip
!
said 4371 days ago (November 29th, 2005)
Hot Groovin
I love the jungle midnight snake dance feel to this
I like the random instrumentation and the tribal beat
nice head trip
!
said 4371 days ago (November 29th, 2005)
Hot Groovin
I love the jungle midnight snake dance feel to this
I like the random instrumentation and the tribal beat
nice head trip
!
FEEL said 4371 days ago (November 29th, 2005)
I suspected
this was about something that happened to someone we knew on
macjams. This song really haunts me. I'm so sorry...Well done on the
production and execution.

Regards
John
Check out my latest song called Ten Years Gone Led Zeppelin Cover
FEEL said 4371 days ago (November 29th, 2005)
I suspected
this was about something that happened to someone we knew on
macjams. This song really haunts me. I'm so sorry...Well done on the
production and execution.

Regards
John
Check out my latest song called Ten Years Gone Led Zeppelin Cover
thetiler said 4370 days ago (December 1st, 2005)
cool jungle feel
absolutely incredible description.

Very well done, like the addition of the bass
Check out my latest song called They Went Underground
MowMeDown said 4369 days ago (December 1st, 2005)
Jaw drop
Jaw dropping thing you've done here. Words don't say what I am wanting
to express. You two are on another plane, another spaceship even (and a
husband and wife couple yet - what your campfire music must sound
like!). Nothing of what I usually listen to, yet it was like I couldn't pull my
ears away, my minds eye. What was not said, especially, what you chose
to say, goodness me. Gonna pick this as a fav even though it is out of my
norm. Gold stars you golden stars.
Check out my latest song called She's More To Be Pitied
pantsmasterflex said 4369 days ago (December 1st, 2005)
nice
Love this song. Opening kind of throws you for a loop, immediately
attracting attention, then the vocals kick in and it all syncs nicely. Great
vocals, and excellent arrangement. The horns on the 'Slide away and find
me...' segment sounded a bit out of place to me at first, but on repeated
listening, they work. A great combination of instrumentation. Nice work!

Check out my latest song called Nord
Komrade K said 4369 days ago (December 2nd, 2005)
Dense
Very dense, dark, oppressive even, like you can the fear. A rush of
conflicting sensations held together by Thoddi's driven bass. Makes the
subject breathe again and completely avoids been a trite treatment.
Check out my latest song called Urra Moor/The Leckie/Reel CJ/Willafjord
macgalver said 4368 days ago (December 3rd, 2005)
wow
I'm speechless. I feel like I just discovered a diamond. Complete
magic. Moving.

Music is such a gift. The chords and combinations unlock us. It's
really breathtaking. Thank you all for sharing and creating, we all
benefit! Viva macjammers!
Check out my latest song called First Sight
eleveneyes said 4368 days ago (December 3rd, 2005)
truely beautiful
on every level.
the "you say you remember" part onward is amazing.
i could feel the seperation of self and what's going on around.
You're a true artist and your work continues to inspire.

Check out my latest song called You And Me
alley-oop said 4367 days ago (December 3rd, 2005)
Intense...cool
Thoddi bass smokes. Entire song rips. Tobin vocals continue to
impress. Sal and Carl are great additions as is Suzanne.
Check out my latest song called rain
mikkinylund said 4366 days ago (December 5th, 2005)
Epic, haunting and beautiful
First of all, thank you Suzanne for letting this story being told, as
many, many woman are suffering similar traumas. Without getting
political, things seems to have gotten worse and the silence
surrounding the issue is shocking. Secondly, I thank you Tobin for
telling her story as we men needs to help brake the silence and stand
up for what is right.

This piece is a musical, marvellous journey. The topic is a difficult one,
but you are handle it with most care and you can tell that the music
and the voices is coming straight from the heart. Musically there are so
many elements, this song requires many listenings and each time I find
something new. The different scenarios does tie in with one another so
well. The bass and the flute opens up a lighful island scenario (very
well performed), the trumpet turns it into a party that successfully goes
astray to the actual event which is very dramatically performed, scary...
To the end which reminds us that no matter how diccult things are, we
need to seek piece and try to move on... The song itself also reminds
us that some scars will for ever last...

I don't know what to say, this is such a huge, meaningful piece of art.
Thank you very much.

M
Check out my latest song called Rune XV
TobinMueller said 4330 days ago (January 9th, 2006)
Epic, haunting and beautiful
Thanks, mikki. Your songs have similar ambitions and I am very pleased that
you appreciate how all the pieces fit together, the impressionistic aspect, and
especially the courage of the storyteller. Your words help make the sort of effort
this kind of art requires. Thanks for your encouragement, your thoughts, and
your own struggles and experimentations.
Check out my latest song called Momentary Undertow
kclements said 4355 days ago (December 16th, 2005)
Interesting
I love the rhythmic feel of this tune. The latin percussion stuff is fantastic
and the flute enterance is good. The vocals are fitting to the words and
arrangement - a little mysterious, haunting even.

I like the mix of the instruments with the vocals - a real nice blend. It gets
a bit weird at the end, on purpose, and makes it sit a little funky in my
memory - again haunting comes to mind. The heart beat at the end
increases the effect. Very unusual, but cool at the same time.
Check out my latest song called Finding Foster
Isak Sherwood said 4314 days ago (January 26th, 2006)
Affecting
Very creepy. Nightmares in silver-lining.
j2morrow said 4011 days ago (November 24th, 2006)
Incredible
Brilliant song. Everyone who played on this has to be proud.
Check out my latest song called CAPTURE THE RAPTURE
timothy devine said 3653 days ago (November 17th, 2007)
what a story
and what a tune. The bass is just incredible. The whole tune is just unbelievably cool. The distant strings leading to the heart beat the whole damn thing is just so inspired.

Great sounds
as you can tell
i like it
a keeper
Check out my latest song called Inside of You
TobinMueller said 3221 days ago (January 23rd, 2009)
Distant strings
Thanks for mentioning the distance in the strings. It was what i was going for, on many levels. Distance and hope are sometimes one and the same...
Check out my latest song called Momentary Undertow
Artist Info
artist photo
Name: Tobin Mueller
Location: Rowayton CT USA
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I am a professional musician, composer, playwright and director. I've led a charmed life. I'm married to fellow MJer Suzanne and MJer Twonicus is my son, who currently sings and writes for rock bands in the NYC, D.C. and Cleveland areas. My second s... [see more]

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