this is really good, it started off making me want to sleep and then the drums came in and started building dragging me with it. part way to the end when the drums die down it worked well. the whole piece flows and is wonderfully put together. honestly i can't think of any criticism. best piece in this genre i've heard on here! going on my ipod.

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I'm glad you responded to the contrast in dynamics & instrumentation as you
did. That's exactly the type of response I was hoping for. Thank you for
commenting.

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OK, I really like this piece, it reminds me a bit of something J.S. Bach
would write, in fact, the beginning sounded hauntingly like one of his
fugues (I can't sort them out in my head right now, I don't remember
which one). I always love the idea of repeated interlocking measures
like this, and I think the composition is very enjoyable. However, there
were some things that I would critique a bit. First of all, this sounded
like a 4/4 march, so it didn't have too much of the flowing ebb/swell of
water, even though you had ascending/descending scales behind it. I
think it might sound more fluid and rolling if it were in 6/8 or 3/4 time
(although suggesting this now is bad, sort of a pain to try to rework a
different time signature into a piece.) I love the way the instruments
come in over time and build on the power of the piece. However, when
the the saxes come in, they were much too loud at that point to me... it
was too-jarring a step... I would swap them and the much softer-but-
powerful horns that come in next, have the horns come in first at that
point, THEN have the saxes add on top at the next entry point (where
you have the horns come in now). THEN I would add the drums and
play it out for another 16 measures with everyone together, the piece
is actually a little too short, methinks. Just as it gets going, it dies
away again very quickly. You have really wonderful melodic twists and
turns in there (I like the last measures where stuff relaxes and settles),
but they all rush by quickly. Let your ideas dance on our ears a little
more before it goes away, this is really good stuff! This is sort of like
the Moldau by Smetana, letting the stream build to a river, then relax
again. Definitely something I could really get into playing in band,
though I am a biased ex-clarinettist and would prefer your sax parts
being recast to the mellower clarinets. :-)
ttfn,
Drakonis

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Thanks so much for taking the time to comment, Drak. The suggestions were all
excellent, and, in particular, I think I will try incorporating the sax/horn swap to
help keep the dynamic build more consistent. The time you took to really listen
and suggest improvements is invaluable, and truly appreciated!

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The layers and the rotating melodic and harmonic lines would make
this one a fun tune for a concert band. You could build a big sound
with out a huge ensemble. And the repeating lines intertwine well and
though you have the parts repeating over and over, it doesn't get stale.
I do agree with Drak in that the piece does seem a bit short. It sounds
to me like it should have a by, dynamic ending after what's now the
final fade, though I don't know how that would fit in with the rest of
the suite.

My only instrumentation suggestion is that as the song begins to wind
down, I think Drak's suggestion of the more mellow sounding clarinet
on the melody line might be a good one. As it is, it's a little jarring.
(And notice, Drak, I didn't say French horn, though that would be nice
too. :D )

This would be a fun piece to play, and if the MacJams Symphony
Orchestra decides to get together, I'll be there with my French horn!

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jgurner, thanks to you for listening through the whole piece. Hmmm, clarinets
instead of saxes on that penultimate fragment? I'll have to give it a try. Since
I'm a Sax player myself, I tend to default to the saxophone, so suggestions from
other instrumentalists are always good. one of the great things about
GarageBand is that i can take these suggestions, try them out, and if I like them,
I keep them in. If I don't, I just revert to the way it was. it's so easy compared to
what I've used before. I'll take the ideas you've given me & work with them a bit.
If I have any fantastic new sounds, i'll repost.

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I really like this piece and I don't think the repetition hinders it at all. The textural and dynamic variation provide plenty of change, as you hoped they would. I helps that each insturments' part is quite good, with the central motif making a very nice melody. I especially like the penultimate cresendo and think the layering of the parts was done very well. Overall very good.

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Thank you for listening, valleyman. I appreciate your comments!

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This is really great! I read your bio, and you say you'll write for anyone
who will perform your music... Well, if youever want to write an art
song for me to sing, I'd jump at it! I really like the build up in this
piece. The repetition works, too. I'll have to check out your other tunes!

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Emily, I've never written an art song, although I have done some classical type
things for churches I've music directed in. I'll put that idea in the 'perk around in
my head' file. You never know. Sometimes it just takes a suggestion, and things
present themselves. Thanks for listening and commenting!

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