I love short stories, and you've done a great job of creating and telling
this one. Your voice sounds perfect for this, somewhat resigned to the
day-to-day job you have to do (I like that better than the earlier take
where you were more upbeat.) Very nice touches with the sound fx,
music, and spoken part, and fades.

As always, I must try to think of a critique... the only thing I can think
of is that it is still a little bit rushed through the skit, I would still like a
little more space between each spoken part, to let each mini-scene
settle in the user's mind before moving to the next scene... you do a
great job of painting images with your patter, you should pause and
have them take hold more before, let the listener think and chew on it
a bit before going to the "next room".

Speaking of which, I just noticed, you dropped the part about
mentioning going to "Room 9", I don't think it was needed. Your
chilling message comes through loud and clear over here... well done!
I look forward to your next thought-provoking gem!
ttfn,
Drakonis

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Thank you for your suggestions. :-) Good point about adding pauses, but I
think I need to leave this alone and move on to something less creepy! The
"O.R. 9 " remark is still there, just hurried and muted because the nurse is
talking to herself at that point (right after the "paperwork" statement).
(O.R. 9 was THE room in Coma...) Thank you for commenting. :-)

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I'm glad I have a Mac

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interesting. Like the soothing sound effects. Interesting story really.


Thanks much for sharing

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Thank you for commenting. I'm glad you liked it, even with the content being
what it is...

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I'm glad I have a Mac

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Not going to your waste time discussing technics. I'm sure it's the
message you'd like a response to. Again---COURAGEOUS. And TIMELY.
1st, make the otherwise unthinkable a "right." In the end, we unplug each
other. The tyrrany of a 51% majority bereft of any objective guidelines.
Bless you very much.

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Thank you for your encouragement. :-) Your remark that I was courageous
spurred me on to write something even more controversial. It's good to have
a place to artistically? share my views , no matter what they may be.

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I'm glad I have a Mac

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Spooky but quite a sexy voice if you ask me.Nice effects

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Nurses always sound sexy right before the lethal injection LOL
Thanks for commenting. :-)

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I'm glad I have a Mac

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I mean so in the sense that this is so pregnant with meaning!
What original thinking! I have got to share this with my friends!

I'm inspired. Voice acting is something I want to get into also. I'm
going to have to apply my brain in this direction.

Thank you so very much. Keep it up. May the Lord richly bless
you.

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Wow, thank you!! I tried to jam as many meanings into it as I could, because
there is so much going on and I wanted the listener to be overwhelmed so
they might be awakened out of the comfort zone if they've been lulled into
one. When I first started with GarageBand, I thought I'd like to sing, but my
voice isn't what it used to be. I was shocked. <G> So I decided to speak the
words. I'm glad you like this, and thank you for your encouragement. I went
and listened to your work-Amazing!!!!

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When in doubt-don't.

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I mean so in the sense that this is so pregnant with meaning!
What original thinking! I have got to share this with my friends!

I'm inspired. Voice acting is something I want to get into also. I'm
going to have to apply my brain in this direction.

Thank you so very much. Keep it up. May the Lord richly bless
you.

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I like the whole idea and the story has an awesome beginning with
accompanying music. I only wish the end of it was more drastic and like
a series on 48 where all the poop hits the fan all at once and by the end
you have conclusion/climax along with suspenseful tie-in to the next
series that keeps you coming back. That is story telling at its best. This
is super cool so i would love to see you develop it further.

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Wow, thank you. :-) I haven't watched 24 yeat, but I'll check it out to see what
you mean. I'm glad you liked my little story.

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I love this place!

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listen to me, ridiculous. I meant "24" not 48.

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listen to me, ridiculous. I meant "24" not 48.

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ill have to listen to this with headphones it seems to take away from it on speakers, ive had troubles sleeping for two months so i think ill listen to this and see if it works. since writing is my strong suit i really need to do some things like this. tonight if i spot anythings that i feel can be changed to make it better to sleep too i shall let you know and maybe you can make the perfect sleeping track or maybe already had and will be the dr to cure my insomnia!

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This is not about getting to sleep. You'll definitely want to listen much
more closely.

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Hmmm.... I'll have to think about doing a lullaby sometime. Are there any
loops conducive to a lullaby,I wonder... Thank you for listening and for your
nice comments. :-)

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I love this place!

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you pull off what a "statement" type song should. As a
listener I came to a complete stop to take in everything I was
hearing. And as I am listening, my thoughts were scrambling
to assess what was going on and and then to focus on that
and its implications.
This is powerful for a number of reasons... the issue of the
diminshing of the sanctity of life, the sparseness of the audio,
the coolness and aloofness of the nurse. And the
subtleness of your approach and delivery of your message.
You respect your listener by the way you thought this out
and recorded it. The atmospherics of this vignette are
chilling.

Kudos.

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Thank you so much for listening so closely and for your kindness and
encouragement. I really like writing, and this just formed one day. I'm having
a lot of fun in here. I hope someday to be able to really compose like you
guys. MacJammers are the best! :-)


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I love this place!

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I realy like your style it's very nice listen to this tune I LOVE it.
Nice done. And I look forward to here more frome you.
Keep Up The Good Work

Respectfully
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*Skean*
My Collab
Being a Friend (Collab
with The NightBird)

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Well, thank you! I didn't compose the background music, just so you know.
<G>

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I love this place!

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Hi roxylee your voice sounds great what a an intriguing story teller you are, I was there walking down that hopspital corridor i could smell the
antiseptic. lol
Peace Dee xx

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This makes writing these weird things worthwhile! Thank you, Dee. :-)

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