I like this...I really do...Makes me feel like the demon inside of me..

-Kevin

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Ok. You're sick and need help. Oh, wait, who wrote this?

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A Bloody Dark Pastryman
http://www.christopher.jorgensen.name

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constructive criticism. The words are strong, the music sets an
appropriate atmosphere, the delivery could be more rhythmically
dynamic, the echo on the voice detracts from the listen. Just humble
opinions. cheers Christopher

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Point taken. Sometimes I do a track more to "get it out the door" than I do to
polish it. I think you're right on with the echos and probablly the reading as well.

I am trying to get a reading done for every poem I wrote in '05 (that I like
anyway). This is impacting my current writing. I probably rushed this one to
"move on." Thanks for pointing out what needs fixed.

---
A Bloody Dark Pastryman
http://www.christopher.jorgensen.name

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Can be an interested take, to play on words of many's, everday thoughts. I respect the artform, Musically, honestly didn't care for the vibe much, when I hear a music box , I have 2 sister's , they had music boxes, I wouldn't allow that creepy voice anywhere near either of them . But, sound was decsent and your message is clear, spoken well, a little echoey, but creative and imagineative.-

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Two votes against the echo (and one in the forums), so it goes. The music box is
creepy. I always find them creepy. And the narrator isn't really a good guy. He's
willing to profess a faith as a means to a poor end.

It does frustrate me, as a non-believer, when it seems that women prefer beliefe
to nobility and loyalty. I'd rather be with a person who never needs to repent,
than one who needs my forgiveness constantly. I too often see female friends
being neglected by their other halves.

Oh well.

---
A Bloody Dark Pastryman
http://www.christopher.jorgensen.name

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interesting bedtime poetry...mmm...I am sensing some antagonistic feelings towards the female sex...well, I guess I don't blame you if you have to sell your soul just to get one...I suppose some have done it for lesser reasons...interesting usage of metaphors in your criticism on religion...so now that you are "a man of god", what are you planning to do to make the bitch pay for her sins?...mmm...moral of the day: never compose poetry with wet fingers

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This poem wasa indended more as self indictment, rather than misogyny. He
is upset at women and god, but more because he's outcast by both.

And glad you commented on the idea of the non-believer selling his soul. I
also like the idea that people approve of a person, as long as he is outside,
"He such a nice man," until he wants to date your daughter.

Holds a job, doesn't drink, takes care of his mother and stray animals, etc.
The kinder aspects sometimes take a back seat to things that don't matter to
me (and yes, I am aware of the "to me" qualifier). People have their own
standards.

And I do like the idea of paying for sins. There also isn't an intended criticism
of religion. Frustration perhaps.

---
A Bloody Dark Pastryman
http://www.christopher.jorgensen.name

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Reminds me of a line from Leonard Cohen's THE FUTURE:

"...all the lousy little poets tryin' to sound like Charlie Manson...",

---AND YET, it has a redeeming quality I can't quite nail...honesty
perhaps?

You seem frustrated by religion. I empathize! I for one have been a
serious and committed Christian for more than 30 years---yet nothing
has irritated and frustrated me more than the historical track record
and current day socio-political obsessions of the Church at large. The
whorish pursuit of power in the name of love is the cruelist of comic
jokes. It is precisely because the Cross is the total NEGATION of power
that it is the ultimate affirmation of love. Often pagans understand this
better than Christians. But I disgress...

Overall, a strange but worthy effort, this. I concur with the comments
re the echo on the vox though.

Peace!

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