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PublicDomain
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Keywords:
Melodic (56), acoustic (460), guitar (860), maroon (1), shadow (11), green (16), head (13), garden (15), love (945)
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Description:
A melodic acoustic song that came together in a very short, yet inspired period on a sunny field. My good friend Josh is playing some chords that came together as instantly as the lyrics did.
Lyrics:
[Chorus]
Come be close to me, 'cause I would like to show you
The perfection that I've seen, and made a part of me
Within this hurricane of time
Your energy's so deep it's like my own
I'll miss you when you're gone
Moonlight falling through an open
Window in my bedroom on the floor
I think I saw your silhouhette inside
A shadow painted on the door
White light that blankets me and guides me
To a dream where I see you
Dark trees and shades of green offsetting
Thoughts of you scarred in maroon
(Scarred in maroon)
[Chorus]
I'm walkin' in a garden made of
My imagination in my head
Beneath these dreams of fireflies and
Images in skies composed of red
Well ashes fall on faded leaves of
Maples trees that line the path I'm on
And I could ask directions but I'm
Happy just to wander on my own
(On my own)
(Bridge)
I'm starin' out my window and I'm wishin' you were here
And I can hear the beating of your heart inside my ear
Your breathing matches mine as we become the inbetween
And manifest the beauty of the images we've seen
And I get lost inside of you but you're inside of me
As we become the music and the rhythm of the beat
It's so beautiful, unbelievable, but I believe it though
Your love cannot be captured
Hardware:
iMac G5, LTO Max-100 mixer, Shure SM58 microphone
Software:
GarageBand 2.0.1
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The start of a great song &mdash 04/01/06 - 11:58:26 AM
I like the basic tracks you have here. The vocals are solid, but I feel
there should be a little more reverb on the vox. A drum beat is
beckoning. I hear so much more going on... the addition of strings is a
nice touch. My suggestion is to use a pop screen, and watch the "P"s in
your vocals. Consider expanding upon the composition, it deserves a
little more attention.
Also, change the genre... it has 'Alternative" written all over it. [ Reply to This ]
very sensitive &mdash 04/01/06 - 03:12:04 PM
the lyrics are pretty great and the delivery is right on. Not one line is forced. I like the levels in the mix, sounds balanced. Vocals clear and git sounds good. Definitely an Alt rock, Creed sort of sound. The strings come in a little wierd to my ears. Like too hot or the chord's not phrased correctly or something. And maybe a little late, that is to say that I feel like the song could develop a little sooner. You could still build to the end, but the second verse should be a little thicker than the first ie. with an added element. [ Reply to This ]
Good song &mdash 04/01/06 - 06:09:53 PM
As stated above, this is still rather raw. But it has good bones, as they say. nice imagery in your lyrics and a simple, yet very fitting melody.
The key is a little low for your voice. Some of the notes scrape at the bottom of your register. Transpose it up a couple of semi-tones. And to build toward the end, try singing the chorus again at the end - an octave higher like you do half way through the bridge.
There is something a little jarring about when the strings do come in. A little quieter first note would help.
Quibbles aside, good job. [ Reply to This ]
hey holistik &mdash 04/05/06 - 06:17:48 AM
good job, i guess i like it...really isn't my field of expertise..haha but i guess rap isn't really either...all in all i thought it was solid..although if ur makin a rap EP then i wouldn't suggest puttin this song on... [ Reply to This ]
Not yet captured &mdash 04/10/06 - 05:41:36 AM
I dig the lyrics, the rhyme scheme, the sense of build, the style of vocals
(honest and youthful, simple and without frills). Some thoughts (in my
ears): I'd put a space after the first "miss you when you're gone" and
replace the noise with another kind of lead after the second "gone" or give
it less notes and more melody; the ending strings sound too MIDI and
don't add the other dimension you might have been trying to achieve and
maybe a Juno synth or something more mellow might work better? Also,
altho this may not work at all, the low parts are a tad too low in your
voice, maybe transpose the song up a 3rd? I agree with Al, this is the
start of a great song. [ Reply to This ]
Nice Tune &mdash 05/09/06 - 10:44:15 PM
I agree with Alimar some work needs to be done but you have a good
start. Nice job and keep up the good work.
I enjoyed listening to this song.
mvh: )
[ Reply to This ]
sweetness man &mdash 05/29/06 - 12:03:40 AM
good stuff. its a very cool song kinda makes me feel bad tho cuz i
could never right lyrics like that. excellent song and i really like the
plug-in acoustic sound. i also like the warming vocals i can tell u have
some experience mixing vocals cuz they are excellent. very good work [ Reply to This ]
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there should be a little more reverb on the vox. A drum beat is
beckoning. I hear so much more going on... the addition of strings is a
nice touch. My suggestion is to use a pop screen, and watch the "P"s in
your vocals. Consider expanding upon the composition, it deserves a
little more attention.
Also, change the genre... it has 'Alternative" written all over it.
[ Reply to This ]