Show tune? &mdash 05/06/06 - 07:48:50 AM
Sweet vocals and sentiment. Outside my taste, honestly, but I appreciate
your musicianship and soul. Cool piano sound and drums. I'd consider
replacing the clarinet with a sax to make it more contemporary and less
Benny Goodman. A vocal run at the end might give it a greater flourish.
Thanks for sharing! [ Reply to This ]
Show tune? &mdash 05/06/06 - 11:08:54 AM
Hello. Welcom to MJ's. I've been here for a couple of months and am loving it.
Thank you so much for your feedback and suggestions. I will try out the sax. The main reason I used the clarinet is because of the lyric reference to trees and clarinets. But I suppose I don't have to be so literal about it in the instrumentation.
And no matter what I do, I always end up sounding like a musical number. I really don't mind that, since musical theatre is one of my passions.
Thanks again for listening and commenting. Cheers.
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Check out my latest: <a href="http://www.macjams.com/song/20605">If Trees Could Sing</a>. [ Reply to This ]
Lovely &mdash 05/06/06 - 01:18:53 PM
Nothing to be ashamed of here man. And DON'T replace the clarinet with
a sax. The sax is my favorite woodwind, bit it doesn't belong here. The
lyrics are profound and poetical. Your vox is beautiful throughout. The
only flaw is the abrupt ending. Even a musical fade would have been
better. But all in all this is a fine piece of music.
RE your working on this for so long...well, sometimes you've just got to
let go and post and let the chips fall where they may.
Be well! [ Reply to This ]
Lovely &mdash 05/06/06 - 10:25:30 PM
Thanks very much for the listen and comment. I'm glad you like the clarinet. I'm rather partial to it even if it is a literal musical treatment of the lyric.
I love musicals and showtunes. If anything they are my main source of musical inspiration. I didn't write this song as a musical number, but I guess one can't really get away from what is true to oneself.
I'm trying to find an appropriate ending. A fade out would work. I'm thinking maybe of repeating the first two lines of the first verse. Or maybe a clarinet line to end the piece.
And I hear ya about working on something too long. That's why I posted this unfinished. Just needed it in the world to breathe a little.
Thanks again.
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Highly professional &mdash 05/06/06 - 08:58:34 PM
Pleasant melody to start. Classy broadway vocals. Broadway changes too. Your phrasing is very much New York. I mean that as a high compliment. The interwoven sax is very tastefully done. The strings augment without being obtrusive. Great balance across the soundscape. Imaginative lyrics (and you will hardly ever hear me say that).
Kind of a hard stop at the end.
Category: Solo in a Broadway play [ Reply to This ]
Highly professional &mdash 05/06/06 - 10:30:00 PM
Thanks, Alan. I certainly do take your comments as high praise indeed. I'm giving you a cyber blush.
I think some of the best singers out there are Broadway singers. And my music certainly does lean toward the musical theatre. I do love to tell a story with the song or develop a character.
I suppose I would love for the musical number to become popular again. Pop songs for a big part of the first half of the 20th century were from stage musicals.
Thanks for listening and commenting.
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Check out my latest: <a href="http://www.macjams.com/song/20605">If Trees Could Sing</a>. [ Reply to This ]
I agree &mdash 05/06/06 - 09:53:10 PM
I agree that this fits strongly in the show tune category. I saw the
thread in the forum and as soon as Alan mentioned show tunes, I came
running to hear the song. Yes, I have a weakness for show tunes. So
genre shouldn't be seen as a negative, but as a positive (it got me
here!)
Your performance was beautiful, with emotional vocals and poetic
lyrics. I loved the clarinet -- it fit perfectly. I used to play sax, so that's
coming from someone who loves the sax. In this song, the clarinet is
the better choice.
The only problem I see is a small one. Your s's are whistling a bit.
There is a filter for that in Garageband, so perhaps you could try it out
and see if it softens your s's. I have difficulties with popping p's, so I
know what it's like to battle a single sound in a performance. If you can
soften those s's, either vocally or with filters, I couldn't find a thing not
to like! [ Reply to This ]
I agree &mdash 05/06/06 - 10:34:13 PM
Thanks, Joanna. I am a sucker for a showtune as well. As mentioned above, this one wasn't written as a showtune initially. Some of my other posts were intended to be incoporated into a play with music or a musical. My vocal recording on my previous posts aren't as good. You may have read my other forum post about how I was singing into the back of my mic for about a month and a half. Too funny.
That notorious pop shield that got me in trouble with the mic did get rid of my popping p's. But the s's are still whistling like you say. I'll try the filter. I've also downloaded another audio unit that is also supposed to get rid of the s. I'll try that too.
Thanks for listening and commenting. Much appreciated.
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Check out my latest: <a href="http://www.macjams.com/song/20605">If Trees Could Sing</a>. [ Reply to This ]
a lot of work &mdash 05/07/06 - 10:37:34 AM
Hi, so much talent and work you put into this! I am quite impressed. I
have been listening to blues lately; big band and bluegrass. One thing I
have noticed is that there is a simplification process. You have so many
good things pressed into one piece. You could make several songs from
just this one! When you simplify lyrics, the essential dramatic parts
become more dramatic. When you simiplify tonal qualities, the choppy
river turns into a waterfall. [ Reply to This ]
a lot of work &mdash 05/07/06 - 05:45:46 PM
Thanks for stopping by and listening. I appreciate your comments.
This song has been a joy to work on. With each new piece, I endeaver to push myself, try something different. I've enjoyed using a jazz beat and unusual chords and progressions.
I hear you about simplicity. This set of lyrics is anything but simplisitic. I intentionally wanted to create something dense and complex, just like our feelings of intense admiration or love for someone.
But I've also just been praising a fellow MJ'er for having some beautifully simple lyrics and both of you have now inspired me to aim for simplistic beauty for my next song.
Thanks.
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Check out my latest: <a href="http://www.macjams.com/song/20605">If Trees Could Sing</a>. [ Reply to This ]
Dramatic yet delicate &mdash 05/07/06 - 02:11:56 PM
Beautiful painting!
Perfect format.
Nice weave of meanings.
To end it, I would suggest a series of sung tones, perhaps improvised
"ahhh" or "hmmm" and fade.
Well done! [ Reply to This ]
Dramatic yet delicate &mdash 05/07/06 - 05:34:08 PM
Thank you for listening and commenting. I'm getting some good ideas for endings. I must ask for help more often.
Cheers.
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Check out my latest: <a href="http://www.macjams.com/song/20605">If Trees Could Sing</a>. [ Reply to This ]
wonderful song .... &mdash 05/07/06 - 04:39:51 PM
the sparse instrumentation works really well as a backdrop to your highly poetic lyrics and skilled vocals ..... clarinet, piano, strings, string bass fit together so well. I agree it would make a perfect show tune. Very impressive for a work in progress ... . I never know how to end songs myself .... but the end is a bit abrupt. how about some sound fx (rustling trees?) coming in at the end? Enjoyed this a lot!
[ Reply to This ]
wonderful song .... &mdash 05/07/06 - 05:34:14 PM
Thank you very much. I'm glad you like the song.
I like your suggestion of the sound effects at the end. I'm really struggling with the ending and I must say, your idea is one of the best so far. I'll give it a try.
Cheers.
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Check out my latest: <a href="http://www.macjams.com/song/20605">If Trees Could Sing</a>. [ Reply to This ]
wonderful song .... &mdash 05/07/06 - 05:35:07 PM
Thank you very much. I'm glad you like the song.
I like your suggestion of the sound effects at the end. I'm really struggling with the ending and I must say, your idea is one of the best so far. I'll give it a try.
Cheers.
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Check out my latest: <a href="http://www.macjams.com/song/20605">If Trees Could Sing</a>. [ Reply to This ]
My first double post &mdash 05/07/06 - 05:52:34 PM
Well, there is a first time for everything. Dang it!
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Check out my latest: <a href="http://www.macjams.com/song/20605">If Trees Could Sing</a>. [ Reply to This ]
First of all &mdash 05/08/06 - 10:47:06 AM
I like the sound of the mic when it's being sung to in the proper way -
This is a precious and lush composition, CC - Man your vocal work on
this is just beautiful - Hehe, it is likely that it has been on all of the
others too - I'm sorry... LOL- I always love your choice of
instrumentation and like the delivery of ea. of your choices here - And
you are QUITE poetic - Man, u put a lot of work in this one - Sounds
simple and lush, but you put the hours in to get it to sound this way -
Very rich - I don't like show tunes, and I honestly do like this one -
Very nice work - I'm supposed to be enjoying Paris, and I'm enjoying
having been transported to a more pleasant place by this piece, CC -
Thank you -
So when ya gonna come outta the closet??? - Arvoire [ Reply to This ]
First of all &mdash 05/08/06 - 01:01:34 PM
Thanks, Dion. So you are in the middle of Paris and are likely holed up in your hotel room or a cyber cafe listening to MacJams? You are soooooooo addicted to this place.
And what closet are you talking about exactly. The broom closet? The linen closet?
Actually, I didn't know I was really ever in the closet. Isn't that what the anonymity of the internet is supposed to provide? But then I haven't exactly been anonymous with using my real name and everything, have I?
I'm glad you like this piece. I'll make a showtune convert out of ya yet!
Bonjour, mon ami.
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Check out my latest: <a href="http://www.macjams.com/song/20605">If Trees Could Sing</a>. [ Reply to This ]
The groove &mdash 05/08/06 - 12:17:46 PM
This is a good sound, well mixed. Very impressive on the vocal sound.
The vocals are very well done but a few times strained in higher registers.
Good job overall though. The music is toned down and sometimes the
vocal tone seems too bright. Maybe play with that to give it a more subtle
tonality. It's good like it is though, these are just ideas. Stay with
clarinet, maybe even add bass clarinet or something with deep tone.
Good job. God bless [ Reply to This ]
The groove &mdash 05/08/06 - 01:08:30 PM
Thank you, Jonathan. You are right about the high notes. In my finished product, those will have been re-recorded. And I certainly will consider your suggestions when I do the remix. You have a good ear.
Welcome to this community. I'm sure you'll love it as much as I do.
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Check out my latest: <a href="http://www.macjams.com/song/20605">If Trees Could Sing</a>. [ Reply to This ]
got me involved &mdash 05/08/06 - 01:40:13 PM
wow, I'm glad I listened. You really have a fine voice. The lyrical content
was beautiful and the instrumentation was choice. I'd have to seconda
few comments. The clarinet fits perfectly (humble opinion), and the
ending is a tad abrupt. Other than that, I'm sure of your aware that the
overall feel of this tune evokes strong images of theatrical
performance. You could write a whole musical based on "if trees could
sing"...its that good. [ Reply to This ]
got me involved &mdash 05/08/06 - 03:32:02 PM
Thank you so much for listening and commenting. I'm glad you enjoyed it. To be honest, I really didn't intend this song to be a musical number, not paying attention to the actual theatricality of it. But I guess showtunes are just in my blood and seeps into everything I do.
A whole show, eh? That would be a challenge. Might just have to get started right away!
Cheers.
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Check out my latest: <a href="http://www.macjams.com/song/20605">If Trees Could Sing</a>. [ Reply to This ]
Even the trees will sing to this...maybe &mdash 05/08/06 - 09:09:32 PM
This is a very good showtune/broadway ballad type of song that is
sang exactly the way you want it to sound, from your heart. It sounds
quite sincere and lots of emotions in your voice. This is not a rock
song so I will not tell you to change how you express yourself vocally
in any other way.
There is great poetry in your lyrics. Your rhyme and structure is
impeccable without expense of substance/content. If this song were
read aloud as a poem, it will still get my attention.
I did not like the ending of the last line. The melody and
instrumentation of that last line did not have closure or finality to it...
but again that's just my taste.
Great song! [ Reply to This ]
Even the trees will sing to this...maybe &mdash 05/08/06 - 10:28:59 PM
Thanks, Leon, for your comments and feedback. The ending really does need work. I asked in my description of the song section above for suggestions on how to end it because I was rather stuck and have received some very viable possibilities.
Cheers.
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Check out my latest: <a href="http://www.macjams.com/song/20605">If Trees Could Sing</a>. [ Reply to This ]
Great one. Most of all... &mdash 05/10/06 - 01:27:52 AM
...I like the way your voice comes out as you sing "As we walk through this foggy forest of desires..."
After that it the tune gets calmer again. A great change. Superb! [ Reply to This ]
Great one. Most of all... &mdash 05/10/06 - 08:20:07 AM
Thanks for the listen and comments. I'm glad you liked it.
Charlie
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Check out my latest: <a href="http://www.macjams.com/song/20605">If Trees Could Sing</a>. [ Reply to This ]
First one of your tunes I've &mdash 05/12/06 - 05:39:47 AM
listened to I think.
The title attracted me and the lyrics delivered on its promise.
Took me a couple of listens to warm up to the musical treatment but
once I got back in that New York frame of mind, it worked quite well.
But, I'll add my voice to those wanting a different ending :) [ Reply to This ]
First one of your tunes I've &mdash 05/12/06 - 09:13:21 AM
Well, then, welcome to my ouvre. Thank you for listening and commenting. Yup, that ending is much too abrupt. I'm trying a few things and may repost the finished product here soon.
Cheers.
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Check out my latest: <a href="http://www.macjams.com/song/20605">If Trees Could Sing</a>. [ Reply to This ]
Pure contemplation &mdash 05/12/06 - 07:10:17 AM
A moment of poetic thought sandwiched between the din of the day.
Your voice has an excellent timbre. A little less tremolo would please
me, although I understand what you are trying to convey. Try voice
"cracking" instead. I like the arrangement. Good separation of
instrumental voices. Live play would enhance this wonderfully. [ Reply to This ]
Pure contemplation &mdash 05/12/06 - 09:09:11 AM
Thanks for listening and your comments. I'm totally intrigued by your suggestion of voice "cracking." I'd love to try it, but I don't know what it is. Teach me, please.
And when you say "less tremolo," do you mean less vibrato in my voice? I have a very prominent vibrato in my voice and I'm working on how to turn it on and off and control it. I've found that the vibrato is great in some songs/arrangements, but can get in the way of others.
Thanks for your input. Cheers.
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Check out my latest: <a href="http://www.macjams.com/song/20605">If Trees Could Sing</a>. [ Reply to This ]
Melody Lyric = song &mdash 05/22/06 - 10:33:56 PM
Lovely song. Another excellent addition to your body of work. You sing
with agreat deal of passion and sincerity. But I'm wondering if that
passion doesn't over shadow the pure quality of the lyric and melody. I
feel the lyric and melody and expression should be balanced. I don't know
If Im making any sense here. Regardless, I hold your music in high
regard. Turtle Out. P.S. Turning that Mic around helped alot. Ha Ha. [ Reply to This ]
Melody Lyric = song &mdash 05/23/06 - 02:08:03 PM
Thanks, Mr. Turtle. I think I do understand you. You are suggesting that I not oversing my songs. And I hear ya. Over-emoting is sometimes one of my performance sins. Especially when the lyric is already jam packed with imagery -- some might say bloated. Personally, I like my lyrics dense and complex.
Thank you for your support and encouragement. And yes, that mic thing... gotta laugh. It's either that or cry!
Cheers.
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Check out my latest: <a href="http://www.macjams.com/song/20605">If Trees Could Sing</a>. [ Reply to This ]
A more substantial ending &mdash 06/20/06 - 10:45:40 AM
To add to what others have said, I'd like to put in a plug for a more
complete and certain ending. I think such a long piece needs a definitive
ending. Also, I would have the rather thin synth sound be the last thing
that trails off, but something more substantial. Becuz of the content,
consider have a vocalized ending, something that expresses your
emotions as you go forward. But I enjoyed your production clarity and
vocal performance very much. [ Reply to This ]
A more substantial ending &mdash 06/20/06 - 11:09:49 AM
Thanks, Tobin. I've fooled around with a new ending since posting this version. Once I have a solid version I like, I'll repost it.
I appreciate your suggestions. I'm now going to try a vocalized ending.
Cheers.
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Check out my latest: <a href="http://www.macjams.com/song/21753">Rattles and Crib</a> [ Reply to This ]
Very nice &mdash 07/07/06 - 06:33:09 PM
I really like the Lyrics of the song and your phrasing1 Sounds like a song youd hear in a jazz/blues kind of bar! Good job! [ Reply to This ]
Very nice &mdash 07/09/06 - 11:28:02 AM
Thanks, Katrina. I'm glad you like this. Thanks for the listen and the comments.
I'm really looking forward to your future posts.
Cheers.
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Check out my latest: <a href="http://www.macjams.com/song/22218">Frivolous (Sunday Afternoon)</a> [ Reply to This ]
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your musicianship and soul. Cool piano sound and drums. I'd consider
replacing the clarinet with a sax to make it more contemporary and less
Benny Goodman. A vocal run at the end might give it a greater flourish.
Thanks for sharing!
[ Reply to This ]