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Description:
Here is a song which I will post as a work in progress, even though it could stand on its own merit as well. But I am going to invite comments on it as well as suggestions, and then I will revisit it, employing as many of the suggestions as possible. It's kind of like a Choose-Your-Own Adventure: you, the listeners will get to decide the fate of the song. I at least want to redo the vocals after my cold is gone.
The song itself is about how I am completely in love with my wife, but feeling the need to just do more for her to really show that love. Being an artist (if I may be so bold) I often am playing or creating while she is cleaning or parenting.
The chords are compliments of accomplished Canadian guitarist Ken Hamm, who I was lucky enough to be tought by at a workshop last week. He showed us the opent tuning and chords and said that we can use 'em to write a song if we wanted. I did just that!
Lyrics:
Everytime I try
I stall midway
I know what I feel
but not what to say
the pen is full
but the nib is dry
so what I want to say
starts with I
So easy to show you
with lips and eyes
so happy to show off my
treasured prize
but when your not near me
I often don't try
so what I want to do
starts with I
I love you I need you
I will spoil you I will feed you
I will kiss the kids good night
I will fold the laundry right
I will keep the kitchen clean
and I hope from this you'll glean
I love and I will try
I love you and I will try
to start with I
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really nice &mdash 07/06/06 - 03:57:09 PM
This sounds really nice as is. Those chords are really rich and the
strumming pattern works so well, giving it just the right energy. I've done
a number of songs with open tuning; it's really like a new world.
While your vocals sound really good through most of this take I can hear a
few spots where I'm sure you could be stronger without the cold. It's all
well recorded and mixed too. I bet a female harmony with you in places
would be perfect for this. [ Reply to This ]
really nice &mdash 07/06/06 - 05:54:00 PM
Female harmony, eh? Okay, I will give it a go. Yes, with the vocals there are
some spots. I was really trying to be understated, but being understated and
undersupported are two different things. And thanks for the comments
regarding the mix. 'Round here you are known for your sound engineering, so I
am happy you likee!
---
My Wife <a href="http://www.macjams.com/song/18379">Revealed</a> [ Reply to This ]
Stunned &mdash 07/06/06 - 10:07:03 PM
This song is sooo good. Its nice to see some serious stuff! Very beautiful, and relaxing. Some overlapping of lyrics would be nice or harmonym, if i may say so! Other then that i love it! [ Reply to This ]
Stunned &mdash 07/08/06 - 04:57:12 PM
Relaxing, eh? That's cool. Yeah, the serious thing. Its not my forte, but its nice
to show people that I do have the capacity. You are good at the serious thing--
you've got the voice to back up your convictions. Thanks for loving it!
---
My Wife <a href="http://www.macjams.com/song/18379">Revealed</a> [ Reply to This ]
you know... &mdash 07/07/06 - 11:31:00 AM
...this is a nice song, but I have a hard time trying to take you seriously! This is... what... the ONLY serious sounding song you have done...? You be makin' me uncomfortable! Maybe you should put in a hair metal ballad ending!! You know, on the second verse bring in the drum beat and then dish out the bombast on the chorus! Don't forget the geetar solo, too. Then you need to end the song just as it began... with just the guitar and your voice. For reference, listen to Sherrifs "When I'm With You"... hee hee! [ Reply to This ]
you know... &mdash 07/08/06 - 09:54:20 AM
You know me all too well. I was tempted at every pause between recording to
throw in something, or change up the ending, and OMG even considered doing
the "When I'm With You" ending.
No, I made this serious from start to finish. Now I can say I've done that and I
can move on. But geez its a lot easier being goofy than doing this kinda thing
(for me at least).
Thanks again, Stun!
---
My Wife <a href="http://www.macjams.com/song/18379">Revealed</a> [ Reply to This ]
you know... &mdash 07/08/06 - 11:22:10 AM
All kidding aside, I give you much props for the "serious" thing. I am more impressed when people can be versatile... by exploring different directions and really make it work. Don't pigeonhole yourself... keep 'em guessing...! [ Reply to This ]
nice song &mdash 07/07/06 - 12:06:53 PM
Try to be more stronger with your voice. This song is very relaxing. Nice chords..
Keep up the good work [ Reply to This ]
if i could write &mdash 07/07/06 - 04:51:52 PM
I'd write like this. what a great job recording that guitar. rhythm, vibe
and heartfelt lyrics. all in all very enjoyable. i thin it stands well on its
own merits. [ Reply to This ]
if i could write &mdash 07/08/06 - 09:56:28 AM
Cool, I am starting to think that the song should stay much as it is, just stronger
voals, and a harmony vocal (my wife will be brought in methinks). Thanks for
the comment!
---
My Wife <a href="http://www.macjams.com/song/18379">Revealed</a> [ Reply to This ]
True love &mdash 07/09/06 - 09:33:27 AM
Great chord progression, greater lyrics, wonderfully honest delivery,
fabulous open-mic contemporary folk ballad feel. Man, such a nice track! [ Reply to This ]
True love &mdash 07/09/06 - 07:22:29 PM
Thanks Tobin! Doing the serious thing felt risky, but I think it paid off. So glad
to hear you liked it...means alot.
---
My Wife <a href="http://www.macjams.com/song/18379">Revealed</a> [ Reply to This ]
Like how the guitar strumming is recorded &mdash 07/09/06 - 06:15:17 PM
Nice vocal sound too.
Cool sounds and flow of words.
Again, really like way you made a nice recording of strumming the guitar.
That is not always easy to do because you have to be a certain distanced
back.
Hey, like that slight harmonic feel at the end
Way to go! [ Reply to This ]
Like how the guitar strumming is recorded &mdash 07/09/06 - 07:25:49 PM
I can't imagine a greater compliment! TheTiler likes my guitar! Thank you so
much. I like it too. For as meagre as my set-up is, my guitar sound is
something I am happy with. Alright, my 20 year-old J-45 may have something
to do with it.
I meant for there to be a bit more harmonics at the end, but I'm glad it still came
through. Thanks for your comments!
---
My Wife <a href="http://www.macjams.com/song/18379">Revealed</a> [ Reply to This ]
very good song &mdash 07/13/06 - 07:58:11 PM
I lke this song. It's a lot easier to be goofy than it is to be serious, that much is for sure. The lyrics are great, I love the "start with I" theme. I like how you are saying that you are going to do all of the things that women notoriously do -- from a purely pre 60's point of view. It's kind of a nice touch.
I think this song would totally benefit from a bit of piano. I think a piano break would be really great before the last verse, with the srumming taking a sudden backseat. Have you ever heard the Wilco song "Via Chicago". Of couse, that's a totally different mood, but there is a part in the song where a short piano break just gives it a breather, and that's what I think could happen hear. Maybe just about 10 or 12 seconds of some melodic piano leading up to "I love you...."
Just a thought; but I'm just Villa, and I'm not what anybody would consider a musicisn. I am a huge fan of this song though, and think that you could build in more production to make it more powerful. But hold onto this version, cause it is a dandy. [ Reply to This ]
nice &mdash 08/20/06 - 09:22:13 PM
Lovely Song &mdash 09/21/06 - 12:57:48 PM
I really love this song, tender and sweet and very human, without a sense
of mawkishness, this is damn fine song writing, nice restraint in your
voice. Love it. I wish I could fold the laundry right. Perfect. [ Reply to This ]
Thank You! &mdash 10/16/06 - 05:46:19 PM
Thanks for the comment, and speaking of folding the laundry right, there is a
vid going around the net of a new way (the Asians are just so damn clever) of
folding a t-shirt. i took it upon myself to learn it. Its impressive, but only works
with t-shirts. Anyways, thanks for the comments. I do intend on redoing the
vocals now that my cold is really gone.
--- My Wife Revealed[ Reply to This ]
true love &mdash 10/12/06 - 09:16:08 AM
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strumming pattern works so well, giving it just the right energy. I've done
a number of songs with open tuning; it's really like a new world.
While your vocals sound really good through most of this take I can hear a
few spots where I'm sure you could be stronger without the cold. It's all
well recorded and mixed too. I bet a female harmony with you in places
would be perfect for this.
[ Reply to This ]