Hey, Charlie...

I listened to your entire trilogy. I thought I would post on this, your
latest, which hasn't gotten much attention yet...

Nicely done. I read your post in the forum and the subject matter
piqued my interest. Many years ago, a couple of friends and I pondered
the stages of life... and ended up writing a musical about them.

Perhaps you should consider doing the same. All your work has a
definite *theatrical* feel to it. It's a lot of work, but what isn't?

Your musicianship is fluid and your arrangements are very pleasant.

The following does not apply to *Sparkles*. This one works quite
nicely....

My only suggestion would be to work on the mechanics of your lyrics.
For the style of music you are writing, the lyrics need rhythmic room to
*breathe* --- instead of running together like an entry from your
personal diary. Your reflections are sage... and touching... but they
need to be further distilled to match the studied restraint and balance
you show in your musicianship.

When done correctly, lyrics aren't just words... they're a harmonious
part of the music ;-)

--- Joe


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Hi, Joe. Thank you so much for listening to all three pieces. I appreciate the time commitment.

And I also really appreciate the thoughtful feedback, especially about lyrics, which I think often get overlooked here at MJ's.

I want to make sure I understand you correctly, because I really like the advice you are giving me. I do notice that sometimes a line in a lyric of mine gets "forced" into the melody line, rather than having the meter of all the syllables of the words match perfectly. That's part of the song-writing craft that I still struggle with. Is this what you meant by "room to breathe" for the lyrics? I'm really intrigued by that concept.

If you have the time, I would love for you to point out an example in one of the other songs where you definitely thought the lyrics could be improved upon.

Thanks again for the encouragement.

Cheers.

---
Check out my latest: <a href="http://www.macjams.com/song/22498">Grandma's Eyes</a>

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Very distinctive and delicate singing voice... I could imagine you singing this to your kids (I didn't check... do you have kids?). Anyway, I enjoyed the pleasant simplicity.

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Thanks, Eric. I'm glad you enjoyed this. I don't actually have any kids, but I do have 3 young nephews who are like Huey, Dewy and Luie to my Uncle Donald.

Thanks for the listen and comments.

Cheers.

---
Check out my latest: <a href="http://www.macjams.com/song/22498">Grandma's Eyes</a>

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Sweet and lovely, sweetly sung. One suggestion: Don't double your
vocals with piano. It will give you more freedom to sing with more
rhythmic meaning. Also, consider some sort of pad to provide warmth,
cuz, in my ears, the lower constant flute becomes irritatingly pervasive
and begins to dominate, even tho it is relatively uninteresting. Trust that
your voice and your story will carry the track. Also, since JAS brought up
your lyrics, I like that you tie in the rocking chair and roaring fire to the
rocket ship and other action images, but the snowflakes (that bring
dignity) doesn't fit as well, unless you see them thru the windows of the
rocket ship or something. Again, a lovely piece.

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Hey, Tobin. As usual, your observations, comments, suggestions are astute and educational. Thank you very much.

I'll be taking all your points into consideration. I have a friend who plays the flute and have been trying to get her her to record the flute part, which would hopefully make it more interesting and dynamic. Adding a pad may be fun (but it would however break the rule of my three songs with three instrument arrangements.)

But I love feedback like yours, because it just gives more anothe excuse to play and experiement somre more. How cool is that.

Cheers.

---
Check out my latest: <a href="http://www.macjams.com/song/22498">Grandma's Eyes</a>

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and dainty. Sounds like something that little ballerinas in training would be dancing to, at their first recital

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Charlie ... your voice has such a unique quality ..... this is probably my
favourite vocal of yours to date, so delicate and tuneful.
Such a sweet song - like much of your work, it's so well suited to
theatre or film.

I'd love to have heard a soft swell of strings in the chorus, to add a
little more drama, but that's a minor quibble.

I'm stunned - who else could write a children's song and pull it off so
well?

Steve

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Charlie ... your voice has such a unique quality ..... this is probably my
favourite vocal of yours to date, so delicate and tuneful.
Such a sweet song - like much of your work, it's so well suited to
theatre or film.

I'd love to have heard a soft swell of strings in the chorus, to add a
little more drama, but that's a minor quibble.

I'm stunned - who else could write a children's song and pull it off so
well?

Steve

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this melody is so sweet and charming I had to download it to enjoy again
and again........this melody could be a classic some day....

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Digging your music Charlie. Love the melody and vocal too. Cheers

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