This is a very good somber piece, that rolls along and builds to the
final scream. There's a lot of tension in the resigned march, so I can
sort of see the banishment idea. My (minor) critiques are (1) I wanted
to hear some kind of descending arpeggio after the final high note, to
give one last feeling of release/departure (2) partway into this piece
there were 3 voices, not two, so it couldn't really be played as a duet,
the pitches were too far apart for a single violinist to play both notes I
think, and (3) the LOW notes of one of those "violins" was way too low
for a violin or viola, that sounded more like a cello :-) But as far as the
music composition and quality goes, I liked it, and the strings (since
they were all legato) sounded pretty good!
ttfn,
Drakonis

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You’re a careful and thoughtful listener Eduard and you’re correct. Technically
it’s not a duet I did place a third and darker voice in at certain moments but I
still consider it more of a musical dialog.
The descending arpeggio is an interesting idea that I’ll experiment with.
Muchas Gracias for your helpful comments.
Charlie


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Its got a dark, moody feel, and some interesting crunches harmonically
(good!). For what it's worth, and as drakonis says, the lower
instrument is a cello (section, sounds like). The 'final scream' that
drakonis mentions seemed a little jarring; it seemed to come out of
nowhere. I wasn't really expecting it to end there, I guess. I feel like
you don't really set us up for the ending to occur when it does. There
are many ways to end a piece, but they often involve changing the rate
of activity (getting progressively more sparse, or more busy) and/or a
contour change (having the melody wind it's way down to a mid-low
note, or work it's way up to a high one). You do end on a high note,
but maybe there could have been a more gradual path ascending to it
(?). Just a thought.

It's very static harmonically; the repeating cello pattern (mi so la) is the
basis of the composition, but maybe that could have grown or moved
to some other harmic areas? Again, just a thought.

Nice, moody atmosphere created here.

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It's always fun to receive good marks and notices but it's of real value to
receive thoughtful and constructive insights into your music. It's reason I’m
here.
Both you and Drakonis have spent some time thinking about Cain and I’m
grateful for that. I feel like I’m getting a first class music education just from
your comments. So many directions and possibilities which of course makes
music infinitely beautiful, and many of which I'm sure I'll be applying to future
projects.
I was going for a primitive feel for Cain. A dark unyielding inevitability that
for me was conveyed by the simple almost crudely repeating base line. I
agree that the "scream" comes somewhat unexpectedly but sometimes a
little shock is good for the soul. At least that's what I was feeling at the
moment. Not trying to convince you just what was going on while I was
composing it. Anyway thanks again. I always welcome feedback from you
guys.
All the best,
Charlie

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And, yes, it does evoke the feeling of being 'cast out'. The ostinato is
effective, but could possibly use some dynamic contrast, particularly
coming up to the ending. (I'm thinking down to piano about two thirds
through, then cres. to the end, where it would meld with the scream.) The
piece is short and rather static, but would make a very good movement of
a suite as it stands, possibly contrasting with other movements that are
more rhythmic or spirited.

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Cain has more than some of my work here on MJ caught the attention of several
talented fellow composers all of whom have fascinating suggestions as to how I
might improve it. I'd like to think it's because they see some potential in it.
Thank you for your kind words - the themes and subject matter are potent and
I also could see it as part of a suite - and thanks for your ideas on Cain. I'll
see where they take me.

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ahh at last a music with scores to lsiten to ...
unique style ... I love this kind of writing ...
very well done very rich emotions .... !!

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Thanks for dropping on by Feter and thanks for the really nice things you said
about this Cain. Sounds like it spoke to you and that's all I could want.
Been checking out some of your stuff and I like what I hear.
Take Care,
Bowman



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hauntingly beautiful and dark. must be given praise.

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Thank you Martha I'm glad you liked Cain and welcome to Macjams.
Hope to see you work up here some day.
Bowman

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I really like this. In fact, I was hoping it would go on longer!

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Thanks Mo. Always glad to hear from you. What you said about wanting it to go
on longer is a fine compliment. Sometimes you can't wait for a piece to end I'm
happy this wasn't the case with Cain.
Take Care,
Bowman

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Maybe it's just me, but altough this is sombre, I also found it kind of
uplifting in places. Having read other comments, I was waiting to see what
the 'scream' was - I though this worked to bring the piece to a creshendo.
Overall, this is l great work, thoughtful, with a delicious sense of tension.
More please.

Steve

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It's interesting to read your take on "Cain" Steve. I too don't see it as strictly a
dark piece but rather filled with raw emotions and surges of life that reflect
something hopeful and positive. It's all subjetive but thanks for taking the time
to listen, for your very kind words and for your cool take on it.


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