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Description
This is my first posting on MacJams. I've been writing songs for quite a while and working with Garageband for about a year now.
This particular song is one I had to write. It starts out with a strong ethnic flavor (a Persian santoor) but soon goes rock and roll. From Babylon to Baghdad, a lot of blood has been spilled over the centuries in Persia by a series of paladins (warriors). It's a shame that we're now adding to that bloodshed as we find ourselves standing on its shifting sands.
Comments are most welcome.
This particular song is one I had to write. It starts out with a strong ethnic flavor (a Persian santoor) but soon goes rock and roll. From Babylon to Baghdad, a lot of blood has been spilled over the centuries in Persia by a series of paladins (warriors). It's a shame that we're now adding to that bloodshed as we find ourselves standing on its shifting sands.
Comments are most welcome.
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Lyrics
PERSIA’S SHIFTING SANDS
Listen to the wind, to the song of this paladin.
A hawk circles and cries, drawing question marks in the sky.
M16 in my hand, it feeds blood into the sand.
Distant in my ear, a politician and an emir
Their words, pious and grand, feed more blood into the sand.
It’s a paradigm, we are swallowed by the sands of time.
Nothing grows from the sand when blood nourishes the land.
Let me fly home from these mosques and domes.
From Baghdad to Babylon, all these wars go on and on.
Yeah, Baghdad or Babylon, Nebuchadnezzar or Saddam,
Legions march through the mud, leaving behind rivers of blood.
This sandstorm it blinds my eyes and all I hear is the wind of lies.
I am lost, grab my hand, before my blood feeds the sand.
Listen to the wind, to the cry of this paladin.
A hawk caught in a gale, draws questions in vapor trails.
No, I can’t tell who’s friend or foe and I can no longer feel my soul.
As my rifle falls from my hand; as my blood feeds the sand.
Copyright, 2006, JT Morrow
Listen to the wind, to the song of this paladin.
A hawk circles and cries, drawing question marks in the sky.
M16 in my hand, it feeds blood into the sand.
Distant in my ear, a politician and an emir
Their words, pious and grand, feed more blood into the sand.
It’s a paradigm, we are swallowed by the sands of time.
Nothing grows from the sand when blood nourishes the land.
Let me fly home from these mosques and domes.
From Baghdad to Babylon, all these wars go on and on.
Yeah, Baghdad or Babylon, Nebuchadnezzar or Saddam,
Legions march through the mud, leaving behind rivers of blood.
This sandstorm it blinds my eyes and all I hear is the wind of lies.
I am lost, grab my hand, before my blood feeds the sand.
Listen to the wind, to the cry of this paladin.
A hawk caught in a gale, draws questions in vapor trails.
No, I can’t tell who’s friend or foe and I can no longer feel my soul.
As my rifle falls from my hand; as my blood feeds the sand.
Copyright, 2006, JT Morrow
drakonis
Welcome to Macjams. Critique... well, lots of good stuff in here, and
lots to critique. First of all, I'm not a great one to talk about lyrics, so
treat my comments with a beduin of sand... I really liked the overall
story-arc of the lyrics building to the inevitable but nice twist last line,
so there's a great message there. But some of the lines seem not to fit
the meter very well, and my goodness, who uses the word "paradigm"
in a song except a software engineer... are you a software engineer
too? That makes two of us, don't tell! They'd banish us... oh, sorry,
got stuck in an Emily Dickenson moment there. Anyway I like the idea,
but you may need to tweak the words a little (also you need to fix the
typo up there "gone and on" should be "go on and on".) And some of
the opening Garageband loops are so good and so recognizeable that
EVERYONE uses them, so lots of GB-using audience members here will
cringe at hearing them. And I sort of wanted a chorus type thingie to
break the relentless song... or maybe just take your open spot between
stanzas to whisper and echo "blood feeds the sand..." or something.
You've got a very good singing voice, and I look forward to more from
you. Hope you find this helpful!
ttfn,
Drakonis