Welcome to Macjams. Critique... well, lots of good stuff in here, and
lots to critique. First of all, I'm not a great one to talk about lyrics, so
treat my comments with a beduin of sand... I really liked the overall
story-arc of the lyrics building to the inevitable but nice twist last line,
so there's a great message there. But some of the lines seem not to fit
the meter very well, and my goodness, who uses the word "paradigm"
in a song except a software engineer... are you a software engineer
too? That makes two of us, don't tell! They'd banish us... oh, sorry,
got stuck in an Emily Dickenson moment there. Anyway I like the idea,
but you may need to tweak the words a little (also you need to fix the
typo up there "gone and on" should be "go on and on".) And some of
the opening Garageband loops are so good and so recognizeable that
EVERYONE uses them, so lots of GB-using audience members here will
cringe at hearing them. And I sort of wanted a chorus type thingie to
break the relentless song... or maybe just take your open spot between
stanzas to whisper and echo "blood feeds the sand..." or something.
You've got a very good singing voice, and I look forward to more from
you. Hope you find this helpful!
ttfn,
Drakonis

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Thanks for the valuable imput, Drakonis. I must say first off that in respect to
your comment on my voice, most of the credit should go to Garageband for
all its gizmos to enhance a person's voice.
This song grew out of fooling around with loops when I first got GB, so I'm
not surprised you and others can hear well-worn loops that might grate on
one's ears. Sorry about that.
Most of my songs follow the standard verse-chorus pattern and I wanted to
post this to see if this worked where I didn't follow it so strictly. Obviously
not as well as I'd hoped.
I'll be posting something new near the end of the week that is more in
keeping with my usual pattern. Hope you can give it a listen and be as
generous in your comments as you have here. Take care.


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**From a musical perspective

Alright, the first thing I notice is that I've rarely heard a tune this ethnic
at Macjams. The second thing I notice is that it's definatly a GB tune.
That is both a good and bad thing.
Here's why that's a good thing: GB has some great sounds, and to
the general public it's an easy way to impress people.
Here's why that's a bad thing: At macjams, pretty much everyone is
going to know you're using loops and presets.

Ok, I lied, it's not a bad thing at all. Some of the best compositions on
here use loops and they pull it off because it gels. Your song works
because you integrated garageband with your own style. As you get to
learn the program better you'll probably stretch out for original sound,
which eventually you'll be able to create if you look in the right places.
That's something I'm looking forward to, original sound by J2morrow. I
think this site can be your friend when you're looking for ideas. People
here can always help you out, even some of the shady ones if you're
patient. And as for your first song, it's actually pretty darn good,
definatly in the upper half of the posts. Welcome to the greatest music
community on the net.

-Joel


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Thanks 4EROjet for your comments. Indeed, more original songs are coming. I
must admit I can't play drums at all so I'll have to rely on drum loops but
otherwise they'll be self generated. --All the best.

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I concur with these sentiments. You have nailed it. Nice mix. Good midi
lead guitar. Kudos!

Be well!



SWEET PEACE: http://www.macjams.com/song/22825

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I concur with these sentiments. You have nailed it. Nice mix. Good midi
lead guitar. Kudos!

Be well!



SWEET PEACE: http://www.macjams.com/song/22825

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Thanks, Amagi. Like I said, it was a song I had to get off my chest. Thanks for
listening.

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You maintained the feel you were after. Neo-middle-east-ish.

And again your vouce has another feel than your other tunes. Well done.

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Yes, it's the wonders of Garageband. I keep trying to find a filter that will make my voice sound decent and keep coming up short. Why doesn't Garageband have a "Paul MacCartney" or "Elvis" or even a "Frank Sinatra" filter so I could sound like one of them?

---
Creativity requires the courage to let go of certainties. Erich Fromm

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GB does have an Alvin the chipmunk filter. It will drive all the girl chipmunks wild. Just choose "mouse" as a voice and you're good to go.

---
<a href="http://www.macjams.com/song/26158">You Stand Alone</a>

Regards,

Roy

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Anything with an arabic flair I tend 2 gravitate to. Well built storyline, great lyrics.

r u shopping this tune?

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