Line Undone

Doadars Uncle

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Description

Remake of my earlier song, "The Line"

I have been wanting to address this one for a while, as I strategize remaking "Red Willow"

"Line Undone" is less industrial and a bit more pleading.

I've been too busy lately. It feels like being back on the line...

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Lyrics

The Line

I've been on the Line
all of the time
all of the time

I'm drinking beer
every year
every year

I'm alone
don't use the phone
don't use the phone

Jim's got my card
I'm workin' too hard
I'm workin'

Say goodbye to old Jim Larkin
when I'm gone
when I'm gone

Song Stats

Hits: 1094
Comments: 34
Fans: 2
Plays: 194
Downloads: 39
Votes: 10
Uploaded: Oct 20, 2006 - 10:52:50 AM
Last Updated: Oct 20, 2006 - 10:52:50 AM Last Played: Aug 18, 2009 - 11:32:29 PM

Song License

Creative Commons License:
Attribution-NoDerivs-NonCommercial

Song Actions

Keywords:

work song (1), struggle (5)

Hardware:

Me, my guitar, my mac and a mic!

Software:

GB2, MidiKeys

Comments

said 1115 days ago (October 20th, 2006)

Even though...
...there are some buzzing from the frets, this is neat. I see this in the
same genre as those songs used on television shows (The WB, etc.) where
drama and tension unfold. I think this would fit there very well. The
echoes lend itself to this type and style. I really like the background
softness in between vocals. The only thing crit I would have is that the
vocals are sometimes bending the tune a little too much, but then that is
just my thought. Overall, very well put together for this style!

Doadars Uncle

Doadars Uncle said 1115 days ago (October 20th, 2006)

What's the buzz...
Hey Jon,

Thanks for stopping! As for the buzz, it must have been the result of me trying
to mix out some hiss. My ears are becoming less accurate, as they have a
permanent hiss of their own. I see myself going insane, while trying to eliminate
sounds that might not exsist! But I continue!

I also tend to get too sloppy with the vocals on this piece. I don't know why.

---
We have a cat. Our fish has recently passed away...long live Swimmers!

Check out my latest song called Capitalist's Drag

said 1114 days ago (October 21st, 2006)

A struggle...
To stay on-line to keep up the music thing, too..... I can relate to that. I like your guitar picking, my favorite part. The background synth you added was in the background, I thought that is appropriate in the mix and it fit well. Echo on the vox is a little strong, but a good effect. If I need to complain about something, it's the mic/recording hiss & noise. Take care - Harold

Doadars Uncle

Doadars Uncle said 1113 days ago (October 22nd, 2006)

Thanks Harold
Thanks again! By the time I got to mixing the vocal, I had already spent more
time than I should on the hiss. But I tried a few senarios with the echo. I did
want echo. I may fix it sometime!

I'm glad you liked the guitar parts. I've decided that I can be expressive without
being too talented! I think it's coming together ok.

---
We have a cat. Our fish has recently passed away...long live Swimmers!

Check out my latest song called Capitalist's Drag

Slotogenic

Slotogenic said 1114 days ago (October 21st, 2006)

Nice Space!
This really drew me in. I love how spaced out everything is. I feel a sort of quiet desperation when i listen to this. It's soft, yet powerful. The low-key synth is a nice touch. I love the vocals and the guitar tones.
There is a deal of hiss. The Lowpass filter in garageband When micing my guitar. It changes the tone but if you tweek it slightly, you can get rid of the hiss without altering it too much.
Otherwise, I think this is great. Glad I saw the forum and found you!

Doadars Uncle	Doadars Uncle said 1113 days ago (October 22nd, 2006)
	Thanks Eric I'm glad you tuned in! Thanks for the production tip! I can't get enough of techniques. I will try to clean it up. This song was inspired by my dead end job in the eighties. That's a pic of me over twenty years ago! I was probably 20. --- We have a cat. Our fish has recently passed away...long live Swimmers! Check out my latest song called Capitalist's Drag

Magritte

Magritte said 1114 days ago (October 21st, 2006)

Space
I like how ewebacce put it: there is a lot of space here, but in a good way. It's a brave choice not to be afraid of the quiet in a song and you use it to your advantage. I'm not wild about the effects on the vocals because your voice and guitar complement each other so well, and the effects seem to put a wide distance between them. Are you trying to hide? Because there's absolutely no need.

Check out my latest song called Tango Macabre

Doadars Uncle

Doadars Uncle said 1113 days ago (October 22nd, 2006)

Hey Magritte!
I was tempted to put in an underlying sound in the background, if anything, to
cover up the hissss.

Thanks! I have had struggles over the years. I am insecure about my voice.
There are key points in a person's growing up years when a word or phrase can
effect the rest of your life. I had a couple of those growing up, dealing with my
voice. It has occurred to me to use it with feeling and it won't matter how I sing!

Great supportive comments!

Thanks.

---
We have a cat. Our fish has recently passed away...long live Swimmers!

Check out my latest song called Capitalist's Drag

AquilA

AquilA said 1113 days ago (October 22nd, 2006)

Understated
Much of what I would say here has already been indicated. Very nice
pickin' on the guitar, with a sad emptiness conveyed by your playing and
vocals. Quite moving, really. It takes nerve to create a production like
this. I'd be all aquiver about having to fill it up but you had the courage
to let it stand on it's own. Have more courage about your voice, sounds
pretty damn good to me, especially in this context.

Check out my latest song called Bounce Buffet w/ Hectorious

Doadars Uncle	Doadars Uncle said 1112 days ago (October 23rd, 2006)
	AquilA Thanks for your kindness! The big challenge was not to rush the phrasing. I had to let the music lead the vocals. In a way it created the feeling of reluctance. --- We have a cat. Our fish has recently passed away...long live Swimmers! Check out my latest song called Capitalist's Drag

DOCTORBIZARRE	DOCTORBIZARRE said 1113 days ago (October 22nd, 2006)
	NOT BAD I like the sparse feel of this! COol concept and the lyrics are like a puzzle FOR YOU TO PIECE TOGETHER! Nicely done! Yeah it would be cool to have some creepy keyboard lines in there to cover the hiss! Here's a track to trade! http://www.macjams.com/song/23889 Check out my latest song called STORM

Doadars Uncle	Doadars Uncle said 1112 days ago (October 23rd, 2006)
	Thanks Doc I wonder about putting in a drone sound in the back. It would be similar to the original "Line" song I've done before. Or like you said, some spooky counter. --- We have a cat. Our fish has recently passed away...long live Swimmers! Check out my latest song called Capitalist's Drag

Macaudion	Macaudion said 1112 days ago (October 23rd, 2006)
	Yeah... Very, very well done! Love the abience of this one - Like filled up w/ hollowness... Totally dig this, Doug - Thanks - Dion Man... Check out my latest song called 123 iGetU

Doadars Uncle	Doadars Uncle said 1111 days ago (October 24th, 2006)
	Welcome Dion! I'm glad you like it! Occasionally I feel like I'm on the cusp of musical understanding! Thanks. Doug --- We have a cat. Our fish has recently passed away...long live Swimmers! Check out my latest song called Capitalist's Drag

	said 1111 days ago (October 24th, 2006)
	mmmmmm.... This is real nice...so good to have you back Doug. Love your vocal work herein, and the guitar playing is so deliciously moody. An instant fave! Be well!

Doadars Uncle	Doadars Uncle said 1111 days ago (October 24th, 2006)
	Hey Mike! That means a lot to me! Thanks Man. --- We have a cat. Our fish has recently passed away...long live Swimmers! Check out my latest song called Capitalist's Drag

	said 1108 days ago (October 27th, 2006)
	Hey... ...great pic Doug! Nice hair...where did it go?

Doadars Uncle	Doadars Uncle said 1108 days ago (October 27th, 2006)
	I have tried! As much as I like to look unkempt, and I do work at it, I have retired the shaggy look, in the interest of familial harmony! --- We have a cat. Our fish has recently passed away...long live Swimmers! Check out my latest song called Capitalist's Drag

rtcooper

rtcooper said 1110 days ago (October 25th, 2006)

EMOTIVE
Great Capture on the Guitar - Front Row.

Like the Lyric and Concept, and Love the Organ (which needn't hide so
much, maybe).

The Tape Delay Vx seemed intrusive on Your already well-stated position
as the Narrator. It seems redundant to what Your Voice is already
demonstrating for me.

Don't know the original, yet, but this is a FINE Listen, Brother.

Very Best Regards,

Cooper

Check out my latest song called Intimate Anyway

Doadars Uncle	Doadars Uncle said 1109 days ago (October 26th, 2006)
	Thanks Brother! I wondered if that were too quiet. I had originally thought about putting additional stuff in the background, but didn't want to compromise the isolation of the vocal. Time will tell. Doug --- We have a cat. Our fish has recently passed away...long live Swimmers! Check out my latest song called Capitalist's Drag

Monkaton

Monkaton said 1109 days ago (October 27th, 2006)

The ties that bind . . .
The sparse vocals and instruments add to the effect of the song. What was missing for me was something that moved the halting style forward. Perhaps a piece of percussion, even if it only played once every measure.

I like the mood of the song and the emotion. It just needs something to tie it together, if that makes sense.

Check out my latest song called Darkness of the Night

Doadars Uncle	Doadars Uncle said 1108 days ago (October 27th, 2006)
	Hey Tim Thanks for swinging by. I'll take your thoughts into consideration. I'm glad you enjoyed parts of it! Doug --- We have a cat. Our fish has recently passed away...long live Swimmers! Check out my latest song called Capitalist's Drag

	said 1022 days ago (January 21st, 2007)
	you know when I first listened I was thinking this is hard on the echo but then ass the song progressed it became so very clear and beautifull but then it ended and i wanted more I think thats a good thing . Never mind what I thnk this was a ver good song!!

Doadars Uncle	Doadars Uncle said 1017 days ago (January 26th, 2007)
	Wow Thanks for tuning in and giving it the benefit... Thank You! --- We have a cat. Our fish has recently passed away...long live Swimmers! Check out my latest song called Capitalist's Drag

jpfeiff	jpfeiff said 1000 days ago (February 12th, 2007)
	Haunting This is a weirdly sparse and haunting tune. I kept thinking it might bust out into something more--lilke more instrumentation or a quicker tempo--but in the end I think it works like it is. Kinda creepy, in a GOOD way! Check out my latest song called The Fog

Doadars Uncle	Doadars Uncle said 993 days ago (February 19th, 2007)
	Thank You Jim! It was kind of fun for me to let time go and jump on it moment by moment. I wonder if I get away with it on any other tunes... Peace, Doug --- We have a cat. Check out my latest song called Capitalist's Drag

Rebsie	Rebsie said 990 days ago (February 22nd, 2007)
	Happy birthday I think the fret buzz adds to the atmosphere. And the atmosphere is what makes this song ... the simplicity and space in the arrangement pulls you in and holds your attention, and it's soulful and honest. Works for me! Check out my latest song called Amongst The Colours (w/ Luna Trick)

Doadars Uncle	Doadars Uncle said 989 days ago (February 23rd, 2007)
	My Birthday is your Birthday... Hey Rebsie! Thanks for the gift! I tried this tune a few different ways and settled on an isolated environment. I lived in a cave at that point of my life. Peace! Doug --- We have a cat. Check out my latest song called Capitalist's Drag

kristyjo

kristyjo said 989 days ago (February 24th, 2007)

I loved the spareness of this
... as if you're just sitting at the kitchen table after coming home from third shift at the foundry, and you aren't sure if you should try to get some sleep, or what, and you should shower and go do some stuff, but you're just too tired, and why did you take this stupid job anyway, and, man, I was lucky not to get the tip of my finger crushed by that machine when i was trying to unjam it at 3:30, and... Oh - that was MY dead end job in the 1980's. Anyway, very effective atmosphere set, here.

Check out my latest song called What a Friend We Have in Jesus

Doadars Uncle	Doadars Uncle said 985 days ago (February 27th, 2007)
	Hey Kristy! Thanks for the gift! Your comments are always welcome. Yeah, it was always a sort of conlflict. Grunt work was mentally easy but psychologically damaging. I'm glad to have moved on! Thanks again! Doug --- We have a cat. Check out my latest song called Capitalist's Drag

stooey	stooey said 950 days ago (April 3rd, 2007)
	This is the best version You went acoustic. Even before you saw my other posts. I think if you want to make this "plugged" keep it raw, just guitar drum and bass. Thanks for sharing all three versions. Check out my latest song called Loop It Oldfieldlian

Doadars Uncle	Doadars Uncle said 887 days ago (June 5th, 2007)
	Yes, Stoo I agree with you. This is my favorite version, too. It is just plain lonely. Thanks for looking at them! Doug --- May your shoes bah-doo... Check out my latest song called Capitalist's Drag

michael2

michael2 said 888 days ago (June 4th, 2007)

this
is perfect. my fave song of yours so far (working my way thru your catalog). i relly like everything about this song; except it's too short. you could drag out the beginning forever, and then come back to it where the song ended ad drag it out again. hey check out devendra banhart; modern freak-folk that i think you would be into.

Check out my latest song called Stars and Dust (space challenge)

Doadars Uncle	Doadars Uncle said 887 days ago (June 5th, 2007)
	Michael! Thanks for the good notes! When I get the time, I will be in song heaven! Jammorama added to my original. I thought that was nice. Maybe I could talk him into adding to the quiet version. Imagine, the hollow haunting flute sounds in this song! Doug --- May your shoes bah-doo... Check out my latest song called Capitalist's Drag

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stooey

michael2

Artist Info

Name: Doug CN

I appreciate original music. I've played guitar a bit for 30 years. Singing is fun! MacJams helps a lot! Good friends, good music. ... [see more]

Check out some of my other songs:

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