Who's Online
Invisible Members: 4 Visitors: 44
Past 7 Days
Song Uploads: 166
Song Votes: 322
Song Comments: 3471
Forum Posts: 860
New Members: 91
Participation Points: 12811.00
|
Get Flash to see this player.
Having playback trouble, try the Quicktime player:
  
Attribution-NoDerivs-NonCommercial
|
|
|
|
|
Keywords:
acoustic (460), jealous (1), minigurl (10)
|
|
Description:
Just picked up a new Mac and this is my very first shot at recording. It's basically just one acoustic guitar, a drum loop, and some vocals. It needs a little more work, maybe another guitar and possibly some form of bass line. Any feedback (good or bad) is GREATLY appreciated. Thanks !
Lyrics:
I know that you're lost, between love and hate run at any cost
You're heart's full of fear, you're inside yourself, you've got no more tears
Can I be so selfish, to want you for my own, for my own
Can you be so selfish to want me for your own, for your own
You're living your life, through uncertanties, but you've gotta fight
She's taken your soul, even who you are does she really know
Can I be so selfish to want you for my own, for my own
Can you be so selfish to want me for your own, for your own
So selfish
Remember this point in time, will be swept away by fifty more in line
Let your fate guide you through, yeah it's destiny between me and you
Can I be so selfish to want you for my own, for my own
Can you be so selfish to want me for your own, for your own
So selfish
So Selfish
Hardware:
Oscar Schmit Acoustic Guitar, M-Audio Pre-USB
Software:
GarageBand
|
this is good &mdash 11/09/06 - 12:46:04 PM
i dont really have any critiques right now for ya.
i really liked the singing and I enjoyed this overall. [ Reply to This ]
Thanks ! &mdash 11/09/06 - 12:51:48 PM
Thanks for taking a listen Dave. I'm fairly happy with it for now considering that it was my first attempt at recording anything. [ Reply to This ]
wow &mdash 11/09/06 - 01:33:37 PM
wow, this was your first attempt? well, it came out much better then my first attempt. its very good.
---
http://www.myspace.com/docstupid [ Reply to This ]
Nice and simple &mdash 11/09/06 - 12:59:34 PM
I really appreciate your approach to this tune. Your voice and your words are in the spotlight which is great because you have a very smooth voice. Very pleasant yet very strong.
I could hear this on the radio, absolutely. The songwriting stands out - you are very talented.
I was wondering if you'd be interested in a collaboration. You mentioned that you were thinking of additional instrumentation for this tune and I've got some ideas. Let me know.
Awesome first effort. [ Reply to This ]
Wow! &mdash 11/09/06 - 01:07:26 PM
Thanks so very much Cipher!!! Your comments floored me BIG time, and I appreciate them greatly ! I'd love to collaborate, that would be amazing, but you're definitely going to have to walk me through how that works, me being a iMac noob and all!!!
---
-- insert something witty here -- [ Reply to This ]
maybe... &mdash 11/09/06 - 01:08:07 PM
your vocals are a bit to loud... For the rest I just have to say good job.. I really like your voice and your guitar playing... You can add some chords or violins at the middle of the song... [ Reply to This ]
point taken! &mdash 11/09/06 - 01:13:07 PM
I thought the vocals were a little loud ! I was actually working on this again last night. Adding a lead-line here and there, and turning down the vocals. Thanks for the great input !
---
-- insert something witty here -- [ Reply to This ]
splendid &mdash 11/09/06 - 01:17:21 PM
Wow wow wow... only three days on the mac? This is REALLY promising. Sure, the guitar can be better, and the drums don't make much sense to me as they are now... but the singing is splendid, as are the lyrics and the whole songwriting in fact. This is just a matter of exercising and getting some experience. But you sure got the fire in your heart, the rest will follow very soon. I will watch you from close :-)
- Walter [ Reply to This ]
drums? &mdash 11/09/06 - 01:36:42 PM
Thanks walter! Your comments about the drums, what exactly do you mean? I just looped something from GB for the moment. Really I was just goofing around to see what would work "ok", Any suggestions?
---
-- insert something witty here -- [ Reply to This ]
any direction &mdash 11/09/06 - 02:09:12 PM
OK, sorry, I should have been more clear :-)
What I mean is: the drums don't really add to the song now. In my humble opinion there are two ways to devlop a song like this. Either you keep it simple. And I mean... really simple. Less is more. Just the guitar and the vocals. You seem to have a voice that doesn't need a lot of embellishment. In that case you will have to redo the guitar track. It sounds a little sloppy into my ears and over-trebbled. I would prefer to hear a noodling instead of strumming guitar, to make it all richer.
A second choice would be a full orchestration of the song. This can go into any direction, because the basic composition is extremely solid. From a basic guitar, bass & drum combo, up to more 'synthetic' sounds and/or orchestral embellishments. Why not putting this song under 'open collaborations'? There is a bunch of very talented musicians on this site who would be delighted to help you pushing this song to an other level.
It's obvious that you are gifted with a talent. So, no stress... I'm sure you will find your way around here and in your music. As I said, anxious to hear you develop...
- Walter
---
Logic takes you from a to b. Imagination takes you everywhere. [ Reply to This ]
I see what you mean! &mdash 11/09/06 - 02:14:00 PM
I'm torn myself about the direction that this one will take. I'm thinking one purely acoustic version, and another that is definitely a little more "full" so to speak. I think what I will try is to scale back the drums, maybe something very small like a shaker, or simple tom, re-do the guitar, and see what happens from there. Thanks for the detailed post!!!
---
-- insert something witty here -- [ Reply to This ]
Welcome to Macjams &mdash 11/09/06 - 01:45:33 PM
Well, looks like you got hardware set up, Mac and Garageband figured out enough to start recording... most of the technicalities are out of the way now... here comes the fun part, writing and recording songs, getting feedback, collaborating.
So, some comments on this song. Subjectively, I really like it, its slow, moody, nice lyrics. I like your voice, it has a rich characteristic that is very nice to listen to.
Objective critique: I like the pleading emotion you put into your singing, but sometimes the enunciation was a little slurred, you may wish to make the words a little clearer while singing. I like how you sang the melody line, timing and choice of notes. The guitar seemed a little "hot" (maybe some clipping into the red during recording) but it was about right volume in the final mix against the voice. The guitar was panned off to the left a little, drums to the right, and voice in the middle... which almost worked, but it felt slightly left-heavy in headphones... I'd move the guitar closer to center (or an advanced technique is to duplicate the guitar track, and pan each one far left/right to move it away from voice.) Guitar sounded slightly treble-heavy, maybe boost the bass a little on it? Drum track is good as a metronome to play against, but gets a little monotonous and distracting in this otherwise intimate "me and you and guitar" type song. Hope this is helpful! I look forward to more stuff from you!
ttfn,
Drakonis [ Reply to This ]
much appreciated! &mdash 11/09/06 - 01:56:19 PM
Thank you VERY much for your critique! What a wonderful place this is! I'll definitely take what you've said to heart. I hadn't thought about copying the guitar and having each panned to a different side. What a GREAT tip! Looks like I've got loads to work on!
---
-- insert something witty here -- [ Reply to This ]
really nice work &mdash 11/09/06 - 01:59:37 PM
I dont think the guitar sounds that thin...your voice is strong and sure...and soulful...you are off to a Fantastic start!
best regards
z [ Reply to This ]
thanks ziti! &mdash 11/09/06 - 02:09:40 PM
Thanks for taking a listen! And Congrats on the new CD!!
---
-- insert something witty here -- [ Reply to This ]
Welcome &mdash 11/09/06 - 03:20:35 PM
You're on your way, keep at it.
My crits. New drum loop, the one you've chosen has a straight feel while the song has a bit of swing. The bass drum is fighting with you. Also find a kit that's a little loose sounding/rattle-y.
Adding a bass line. Simple and do-able via the keyboard.
Vocals are very cool I liked the delivery. But in my cans I heard some clipping. Also try not to lean in on the O of "own". Let your voice shape that, softening or queiting the word a bit.
[ Reply to This ]
Thanks! &mdash 11/09/06 - 03:26:23 PM
I've already decided to kill that loop. It was basically an experiment, apparently gone a touch wrong, but oh well, to live and learn. I'm thinking that I'll tone it done almost completely, we'll see what my little brain comes up with tonight. I'll definitely add a bass line, once I figure out which notes I should be using. I was thinking of re-doing the chorus vocals, and I'll certainly keep your suggestion at the top of my head ! Thanks for taking a listen and for having such constructive things to say!
---
-- insert something witty here -- [ Reply to This ]
very promising &mdash 11/09/06 - 04:03:10 PM
Your vocal is strong and convincing... good emotion... that's 75% of making good music... to first have a good performance.... the rest will come as you play with the software and use your ears.... I think you understand quite a bit about the writing process... the melodic lift in the chorus is right... and right before the last verse the way you sang "So Selfish" could almost be developed into a bridge... always remeber to explore
great start... and welcome [ Reply to This ]
hmmm... bridge??? &mdash 11/09/06 - 04:34:33 PM
Thanks Scott, I hadn't thought of putting a bridge into this tune, could definitely be something to think about. Thanks for the great comment!!
---
-- insert something witty here -- [ Reply to This ]
Nice job &mdash 11/09/06 - 04:31:56 PM
Great voice and good guitar playing. It's very good, I love it. Bravo... [ Reply to This ]
merci beacoup! &mdash 11/09/06 - 04:37:26 PM
Thanks very much for taking the time to have a listen and leave a comment !!
---
-- insert something witty here -- [ Reply to This ]
very nice &mdash 11/09/06 - 05:39:26 PM
Can't believe this is your first try...very nice. Can you tell me more about how you mic'd your vocals and what effects are on them if any...it's well done. [ Reply to This ]
Vocals... &mdash 11/10/06 - 02:24:23 PM
I've got an Apex compressor mic that I used. Nothing all that fancy. As for effects, i went with female basic, then added a touch of chorus and reverb i believe. I really just mucked around with things until I found something that I liked. I could get you the exact setings if you like! Thanks so much for taking a listen.
---
-- insert something witty here -- [ Reply to This ]
pretty cool...good job! &mdash 11/09/06 - 10:36:41 PM
Your vocal reminds me of Katell Keinig, and I think it's fine sung the way it is. It has peaked out so you would need to re-record the vocal, because I suspect you might have blown out your track, and it's gonna take more than turning it down. Other than that it's definitely got potential, as evidenced by all the kibbitzers here that have all sorts of personal opinions on mixing options that have chimed in. And remember, you can do whatever you want anyway! Have fun! [ Reply to This ]
Thanks! &mdash 11/10/06 - 02:32:10 PM
I checked out that artist you mentioned, she's god a GREAT voice! Thanks for taking the time to listen and leave a comment, it's greatly appreciated!!
---
-- insert something witty here -- [ Reply to This ]
nice &mdash 11/10/06 - 12:32:27 AM
singin, really nice texture in that voice.
Like the dramatic strums. Like the Elton John influence.
Again, you have one of the better high register type rock vocals I've heard here at Macjams.
Not a bad start at all. Keep up the good work! [ Reply to This ]
Great first song &mdash 11/10/06 - 02:46:17 AM
Well, as has already been commented, your voice here is fantastic, it has a nice depth and slight roughness to it (it reminds me a little of Dido, but much better). I really like the feel of this, it's quite slow and really has a nice sense of build-up.
The track sounds like a demo, and could go a number of ways - either real instrument sounds or more electronic - either would work. I think the end needs work - I keep expecting a short break, and then an instrumental section with lead guitar and or strings; perhaps some tail -out vocals with harmonies using the 'I want you for my own' line?
Look forward to hearing this refined - it's a great first track.
Steve [ Reply to This ]
much appreciated! &mdash 11/11/06 - 09:58:45 AM
Thanks so much for the great comment. I hadn't thought about trailing out with some harmonies on that "to want you for my own" line. I'll definitely give it a go and try adding it to the newer version that I have. I'm not great with trying my own harmonies at the moment, but practice will make perfect.
---
-- insert something witty here -- [ Reply to This ]
PLAIN TO SEE &mdash 11/10/06 - 02:51:08 PM
Character and Strength, Everywhere in That Voice.
Timbre, Control and Power are very distinctive. Compelling.
The Collab Offers will start any day, now. It will be Fun and you'll learn GB in a Heartbeat in doing them.
Best Regards,
Cooper [ Reply to This ]
Already started &mdash 11/10/06 - 02:58:29 PM
Thanks Cooper! The colab requests have started, and I'm completely in awe of that. This is such a great community to be a part of. Thanks so much !!
---
-- insert something witty here -- [ Reply to This ]
This is great! &mdash 11/10/06 - 03:55:47 PM
enjoyed this &mdash 11/10/06 - 04:32:45 PM
great writing lyric wise. YOur voice stands out and your guitar playing is steady and solid looking forward to more from you [ Reply to This ]
Nice &mdash 11/10/06 - 04:58:39 PM
You have a unique and memorable voice, and soulful ala seanade oconner. Hope to hear more of your stuff. Regards.
[ Reply to This ]
Impressive start &mdash 11/10/06 - 06:05:54 PM
Excellent voice you have - seriously good! The song is also well written, and considering your brief time on the Mac, well recorded.
I agree with Walter to a point - I think this could do with some minimal extra instrumentation slowly joining in - have a listen to "Unobtainable Remedy" on my bio page as an example. The drums don't bug me as much as some people above - using one or two loops repetitively is a sin most of us commit when we're starting out. The guitar sounds OK, but could be made to sound much better by recording it in stereo if you have 2 mics - this gives a lush sound which would suit this sone very well. Have a listen to some of thetiler's tunes from early 2006 (or to my "BIG DRY") for examples of what I mean. Alternatively, just copy and paste the guitar track to a second GB track and pan each maybe 5 to 10 (one right and one left) then, on full magnification, drag one of the tracks a few milliseconds to the right. This gives a nice depth to the guitar.
Your voice is recorded very well - don't change anything there! I'd be very interested to add some bass when/if you decide to re-record this.
Well done!
Neil [ Reply to This ]
Thanks!! &mdash 11/10/06 - 08:00:15 PM
Thank you very much for the note! I've already killed that drum loop, and have done a few things with the guitar as well. I'll definitely check out those songs that you mentioned. If you're up for helping out with some bass that would be amazing!!
---
-- insert something witty here -- [ Reply to This ]
I REALLY liked this one! &mdash 11/10/06 - 08:57:55 PM
This reminded me of The Cranberries...only better! I can't wait to hear more of this stuff. Very Folkish asthetic which I enjoy tremendously. Keep up the good work! [ Reply to This ]
i love the cranberries!! &mdash 11/11/06 - 10:30:41 AM
I'm stocked that it reminded you of the cranberries! Back when I was in a band I used to always love covering Zombie, such a great song! Still play that tune today! Thanks for the listen and comment!
---
-- insert something witty here -- [ Reply to This ]
Great voice &mdash 11/11/06 - 04:51:44 AM
This is a really soulful vocal performance...I like the sparse acoustic setting. Of course...its a really good song too. I am suprised the MJ rating isn't higher on this...but then the ratings on this site are always dodgy haha. This is class!
Steve [ Reply to This ]
thanks steve! &mdash 11/11/06 - 10:32:35 AM
WOW &mdash 11/14/06 - 01:43:54 PM
Good work! &mdash 11/14/06 - 03:50:03 PM
I won't bother repeating everything that has been stated above, but I will say that I really like the song! If you would for someone to add a bass line to this, I would be happy to help. I have a fretless that would sound great with your guitar. Just a thought! [ Reply to This ]
Hey mini..... &mdash 12/04/06 - 01:33:15 PM
I liked this song, it's the root. Yeah, bass line, and some congas would definitly give it some backbone, but good song by itself, i'll give the piano version a shot too. Do you listen to the Tragically Hip at all? Figured being from Ontario, I love those guys, "in my opinion,the drug is ready"-Gordon Downie(T-Hip)-MJG [ Reply to This ]
Wow &mdash 12/10/06 - 02:49:46 AM
I REALLY liked this... i mean it's brilliant. Loved the lyrics, the melody, all beautiful well done. [ Reply to This ]
Thanks !!! &mdash 12/20/06 - 10:01:42 PM
Just took a listen to the stuff that you added to it ! It sounds amazing! I'd love a copy and to put it up as a colab!
---
-- insert something witty here -- [ Reply to This ]
You've got a beautiful voice! &mdash 01/16/07 - 12:38:59 AM
Great delivery of a straightforward, heartfelt song. This would sound better to me with some other instruments, like bass, maybe a lead guitar, chiming in as it goes along--building some sort of a crescendo. I understand the limitations, though--I tend to be a one guitar, one voice, one drum loop myself, though I'm starting to experiment with bass played on a keyboard.
Sounds like the vocal pegs out a little at the end on the last two lines.
You rerally have an expressive voice....
Jim [ Reply to This ]
Thanks Jim! &mdash 01/16/07 - 09:58:28 AM
There is actually another version of this song posted, and one more on the way with some background vocals, new lead vocals, more guitar, bass and some drums provided by kevmikwa. Thanks for the listen and wonderful comment !
---
-- the artist formally known as minigurl -- [ Reply to This ]
Checked out the other version... &mdash 01/16/07 - 12:36:30 PM
I left the above comment before I saw that you had, in fact, done another version to build this song out a bit more....great minds think alike!
The immediacy of this version wins out for me, though. I'll be working my way through more of your stuff!
Jim [ Reply to This ]
|
|
Friends
iLounge - All things iPod, iTunes and beyond
|
Dish Network - the dish
network limited time bonus offers - get all three
|
|
i really liked the singing and I enjoyed this overall.
[ Reply to This ]