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Attribution-NoDerivs-NonCommercial
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Keywords:
minigurl (10), acoustic (460), kiss (12), last (16), love (945)
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Description:
A song that I've been playing with in my head for quite a while. The person who it was written for can't get enough of it, so I figured that I'd give it a go. The vocals may be a touch out of my range, but with a little work I'm sure that they will come around. Thanks for taking a listen!
Lyrics:
I never could see the light never could feel
My sorrow
I was living through my life past mistakes
Not for tomorrow
I was lost and had drowned
In this love that brought me down
Chorus
Come and stay for the night stay for the night now
Forever
Come and hold me tight now hold me tight now
Forever
And I want you to be
I want you to be
My last kiss
Did it ever feel right when she held you
You're left wondering
Did you sell your heart out did you give up
On all your dreams
You are lost and you have drowned
In this love that brought you down
Chorus
I want to let it all do give into
My desires
You wanna feel my soul close that spark
That lights your fire
We are lost and we have drowned
In this love that we have found
Chorus
Hardware:
Wenson Hollow-Body Electric, Art & Luthrie Acoustic Guitar, Oscar Schmit Acoustic
M-Audio Pre-USB
Software:
GB
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You said it yourself &mdash 11/10/06 - 08:49:40 PM
This could use some polish. I really dig the simplicity of the piece. I there a flange effect on your vocal? I always did like that effect.
I really dislike giving critiques that are critical...if that makes sense :)
But, here goes:
I don't think the song sounded out of your vocal range but, it did sound a little off key. This could've had something to do with the acoustic guitar being a little out of tune. It'll be interesting to hear a remix of this once all the factors are fixed. I really like the song itself. It has a nice folky, poppy groove to it that appeals to my own musical tastes. Another thing I noticed that kinda, I dunno, rubs me backwards, is at the end of the song. The drums don't stop when the rest of the song stops. Maybe this was intentional but, in my opinion, it adds to the unfinnished-ness of the song.
Please don't take this as a total flame. I and a lot of others on this site are hear to help. Building and using a personal studio effectivly can be a daunting task. If there are any questions, don't hesitate to ask. Keep on keepin' on! [ Reply to This ]
definitely &mdash 11/10/06 - 09:58:49 PM
It's definitely unpolished, and needs a fair bit of work. Still learning all the little nuances of what does what and so forth. I know that there is a polished song in there somewhere, deep deep down!!!
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-- insert something witty here -- [ Reply to This ]
SHINE? SHINE 'UM UP, NOW &mdash 11/10/06 - 09:28:10 PM
Lovely Premise/Concept, " My Last Kiss". Sweet. Tangible.
The Present sounds a bit "first-go-ish", here. Not quite ready for that microphone, just yet. No big deal, because the mic probably has not gone far.
The intonation seems tentative, as if following a Track already down, causing pitch and enunciation to waver here and there. The song may not be knew, but the process of Capture is and, here, it seems to fight you a bit.
OBVIOUS is that there is a driving Pop song here, just waiting for the right pass, the right take. As you say, I believe it will come around. It already has a delightful, plucky life going on.
Best Regards,
Cooper [ Reply to This ]
SPELL CHECK &mdash 11/10/06 - 09:35:00 PM
I believe you know the song; which is, therefore, not new to you.
Knew I could get that right. Second Pass, however!
Best,
rtc --- "What you Don't use, You Lose." Get Rockin' [ Reply to This ]
Tentative is right! &mdash 11/10/06 - 10:01:21 PM
I couldn't quite figure out where I was so off and you've nailed in on the head right there, vocals are tentative. I'm definitely going to take the instrumental version along with me in the car and strengthen where I want to go with it. Thanks for another wonderful comment !!
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-- insert something witty here -- [ Reply to This ]
Coop... &mdash 11/10/06 - 10:59:24 PM
Nice &mdash 11/11/06 - 02:25:50 AM
Keep fine tuning this. I like the structure and flow of this song and it seems to get better the further it moves along. [ Reply to This ]
flow... &mdash 11/11/06 - 09:51:38 AM
Thanks for the comment! Fine tuning is definitely needed, but I think you're right that the flow is alright. A few tweaks here and there and some vocal workings should do the trick.
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-- insert something witty here -- [ Reply to This ]
Nice &mdash 11/11/06 - 04:46:48 AM
I like this song...I agree that the vocals stray a bit here and there..but I reckon you could fix that easily enough with another pass. In the main the vox sound really heartfelt. The song and the sounds are really nice indeed...good stuff!!
Steve [ Reply to This ]
So much potential &mdash 11/11/06 - 12:03:58 PM
This song has GREAT potential! I like the lyrics and ideas. The guitar gives a good pulse. Keep working on it and I can't wait to hear the updated version:) [ Reply to This ]
nice &mdash 11/12/06 - 04:56:00 AM
very coool playin ...I never thought
I ll hear such style and playin ....
ye just like what poeple were sayin here
give it a big work on the vocal its a good
song ...I realy enjoyin the lead guitar
nice style ..!!
[ Reply to This ]
Great &mdash 11/12/06 - 09:47:16 AM
I won't critique, I will just say it definitely sounds like you're onto something. Liked it alot. [ Reply to This ]
A bad bad trick .... &mdash 11/18/06 - 02:32:04 PM
... but I find that if there are off key notes in one of my songs that I just can't seem to nail down .. I will throw a little harmony vocal in there and it sometimes just seems to magically bury that nasty little flat note .. hehe heh ... OH .... I'm gonna be SHOT by other Macjammers for that one .... hahaha [ Reply to This ]
last kiss &mdash 01/08/07 - 08:00:17 PM
ok, I love the idea behind this song, you sure are a broken romantic, reminicant of the late great Jeff Buckley's last goodbye. I can hear this song being a great one with the new vocals. I also hear a dirty rocker waiting to come out behind the acoustic guitars...looking foward to hearing you lose it for one song... [ Reply to This ]
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I really dislike giving critiques that are critical...if that makes sense :)
But, here goes:
I don't think the song sounded out of your vocal range but, it did sound a little off key. This could've had something to do with the acoustic guitar being a little out of tune. It'll be interesting to hear a remix of this once all the factors are fixed. I really like the song itself. It has a nice folky, poppy groove to it that appeals to my own musical tastes. Another thing I noticed that kinda, I dunno, rubs me backwards, is at the end of the song. The drums don't stop when the rest of the song stops. Maybe this was intentional but, in my opinion, it adds to the unfinnished-ness of the song.
Please don't take this as a total flame. I and a lot of others on this site are hear to help. Building and using a personal studio effectivly can be a daunting task. If there are any questions, don't hesitate to ask. Keep on keepin' on!
[ Reply to This ]