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Keywords:
demo (28), acoustic (460)
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Description:
This is a song I just wrote last night and recorded today. This is meant as a simple demo. It's a live take with guitar that I then added in a bass part to.
I'm going to perform this one in my live sets for a while before I sit down to make a full version of. I want to let it evolve more and get myself more experienced with it. But I think this makes for quite a listenable first draft demo.
Comments are appreciated and welcome.
Lyrics:
I'm bruised and I'm broken
but I keep some peace for myself
I never took the pain like should
I'm weak as a whimper
I'm short as a temper
been run through sluice
Nothing left but but the dirt you know
that you already know
And I'm dying to know
why you keep me close
and follow me down
to the end of the rope
you see in me
what you want to believe
is something better
something better than anything
I could ever be
I could ever be
You're as sick as I
as twisted as hope
as mangled as the words
and silent as snow
You breathe in me
I breathe in you
I'm sorry I ever... I never
I never
I never
In all these years there was never a story
just an epilogue
It all comes down to a twist
where we sacrifice everything for naught
But I'm bruised and I'm broken
and I don't even know why
I never
I never
I never
I never
There's coming a day
when you're sick of the dream
when your fevered ghosts
won't cover for me
You're bruised and you're broken
and you resent the day
you gave in to the notion
there was something in me
I never
I never
I never promised you anything
I never
I never
I never offered you this dream
Hardware:
G5, Taylor acoustic guitar, Fender P-Bass Jr, AudioTechinca MB4000C condensor mic, ART Tube preamp/compressor, M-Audio 410 interface
Software:
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very promising &mdash 12/30/06 - 07:07:21 PM
whooo... I can hear the whole developed piece right now. What an energy, Peter. No doubt this is a perfect scratch track to start from. Brilliant lyrics as well. Very touching. Top-notch as usual. And I'm anxious to hear the final version.
- Walter [ Reply to This ]
Always nice to have a new pg track &mdash 12/30/06 - 07:48:07 PM
Sounds like this has huge potential for a full production Peter. Look forward to hearing where it goes.
Cheers,
Neil [ Reply to This ]
Yes &mdash 12/30/06 - 08:07:31 PM
Great tune Peter. As I understand this is a sketch, I'm looking forward to a recording with a fuller arrangement)
But you absolutely can do this live with just you and your guitar. You show great timing and power in your performance here. [ Reply to This ]
thanks &mdash 12/31/06 - 03:25:13 PM
Thanks, thoddi. Drop in to SL again and catch a show sometime. Or even better yet, perform one. We're doing remote duets+ these days there (metajams).
---
www.petergreenstone.com [ Reply to This ]
thoughts &mdash 12/30/06 - 08:39:16 PM
Really good writing,
Good vocal energy. Strong delivery. I especially like the 'never, never..whoa' parts.
Since this song is in the demo stage, may I offer an idea. You could contrast in a spot(s) by bringing the vocal WAY down, maybe at the "In all these years .... everything for naught" section. Show a softer, vulnerable emotion, then boost it back up. A change-up as it were. Catch the listener off guard.
Good song
[ Reply to This ]
thanks &mdash 12/30/06 - 08:47:04 PM
Thanks, Mr Oop. Yeah, I think you got the right idea there. I think I was a little distracted in that part trying to hit the bridge chords correctly there too.
Good to see you here again. Happy New Year!
---
www.petergreenstone.com [ Reply to This ]
yes...... &mdash 12/30/06 - 11:33:52 PM
i hear the soul behind the music.....the music that tells a tale of life.....life that we all share....u are becoming a master griot....bravo! [ Reply to This ]
thanks &mdash 01/01/07 - 03:26:26 PM
I had to look up "griot". Thanks, McBoy. I really appreciate that.
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www.petergreenstone.com [ Reply to This ]
Emotion! &mdash 12/31/06 - 09:32:21 AM
Very nice emotional piece with some very interesting poetic lyrics. Your voice sounds more powerful here. The anquish expressed in the lyrics comes through clearly in your tone of voice. Life can be a bumpy ride but sometimes it all seems worth it! [ Reply to This ]
wow &mdash 12/31/06 - 11:08:16 AM
man, your energy just jumps out of the speakers. you just pour yourself into it. blown away by the immediacy and urgency of your performance. [ Reply to This ]
On its way to being a tour de force.. &mdash 12/31/06 - 08:23:25 PM
...this is a great song, with strong melody, strong rhythm, and an intense vocal performance.. The lyrics have the obliqueness that can come when someone is writing in a detailed way about something specific, but you the listener don't have the key... So you get the feeling and your mind is left in a state of searching...
Since it's a demo, I'll say that I love the bass tone you've got here, which is full and deep and rich, but also detailed, and, this being so, I think the closer the bass and the acoustic guitar are in synch, the tighter the song will feel...
I will download all iterations of this song, and take it as a lesson in development and recording.... Can't wait...
Ed [ Reply to This ]
thanks &mdash 01/01/07 - 03:30:07 PM
Yeah, the timing is rather sloppy here. hehe. Practice will help, when I'm not focussing so much on figuring out where I am and what I'm doing.
Always nice to hear from you, Ed.
---
www.petergreenstone.com [ Reply to This ]
wow! fabulous demo! &mdash 12/31/06 - 10:48:04 PM
I'm really looking forward to the finished work. Your vocal delivery herein is passionate and persuasive. Love it!
Happy New Year friend!
JUGGERNAUT: http://www.macjams.com/song/27500 [ Reply to This ]
Out of the gates &mdash 01/01/07 - 02:25:44 AM
You're flying like a Derby winner. What oop said - more dynamics, for sure - the lyrics are brilliant - I like that you leave a lot of dangling ideas. People don't always speak in complete sentences; this song is very "of the moment", definitely keep that edge. Looking forward to hearing you blow this up. [ Reply to This ]
Energy &mdash 01/01/07 - 06:58:08 PM
Very good first attemtp with this song. I can hear this one with loud cymbals and craches, it has all the potentials for different levels (soft, strong, powerful etc.). I can also hear this being performed alsmost as is, guitar and bass. The vocals are as always very strong as the lyrics are. /Mikki [ Reply to This ]
Has a catch &mdash 01/02/07 - 02:09:06 PM
The song has a catch, it stays in my head a good while after listening.
I also think it is a good composition with some really nice chord progressions in there. And like Ed I dig that low bass. [ Reply to This ]
: ) &mdash 03/06/07 - 09:33:23 AM
WOOOOOH .. WHAT A SONG & WHAT A GREAT VOICE YOU HAVE!! Very strong & passionate...mmmmm I like it ALOT & REALLY look forward to the next of this: ) !!!! GREAT MUSIC & LYRICS I love that ending that's really GREAT!!! : )Wish I could hear You live sometime....dreamin...A womans OOOOOOOOOHHHing in the background together with Yours could be an icing on the cake . . dreamin again: ) Congratulations is all I can say & GO GO GO!Topnumbers !! HAPPY BIRTHDAY a day late hope You had a nice one : ) : ) [ Reply to This ]
very nice &mdash 03/15/07 - 02:49:28 PM
got a great live feel to it...really good vocals, and nice songwriting.
i am a fan now for sure.......... [ Reply to This ]
Bruised And Broken (demo) by Peter Greenstone &mdash 08/03/08 - 10:05:58 AM
Shows promise, but you're singing a little too loudly and too quickly for the music, slow your words down a little, and watch your pitch. It's got promise! [ Reply to This ]
good stuff &mdash 08/18/08 - 10:38:05 AM
Hey Peter,
From one Austinite to another - this is good stuff. You've got great tone and delivery...has anyone ever mentioned that your vocals sound a bit like Peter Murphy? I'd love to hear you cover "Cuts You Up" sometime (but keep the originals coming, too!).
Keep rockin'.
Dave [ Reply to This ]
Thanks &mdash 08/18/08 - 01:48:01 PM
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- Walter
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