Heh! Hm... how to approach this?
OK. First, there is a lot of really great stuff happening with the guitar. You have some terrific riffs that flow losely and playfully and yet maintain cohesiveness throughout the song.
The transiton from the opening verse to the first break is a little abrupt. You might extend the fade of the first verse section into the second section of the long and dissonant chords. I'd also thicken and extend that second section a bit, as it creates a really nice texture in contrast to the rest of the piece.
The dual guitar "solo" part is perfect as is, including the transition back to the verse. That is really the part that makes the song unique and you might even consider an abbreviated version of it as an intro - it would grab the listener's attention and provide foreshadowing. I also really like what sounds like a brief modal change just after "yet it feels so dry."
The lyrics are quite good.
Now. The vocals. I get where you're coming from. I can even appreciate the doom metal approach. However I don't think you're quite pulling it off here and it comes off as parody. You're too over the top in trying to create the sound of a particular style. Less King Diamond cartoon voices, more Slayer growl and articulation! Find the style that suits your voice. You need an approach in the vocals that is as genuine as what you have done with the guitars.
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