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Description
this song's first incarnation was as a folk-rocker but, getting bored by its direction, I took it, on a whim, into solidly synth-pop territory. It now sounds like Marshall Crenshaw taking cues from the Depeche Mode playbook. Enjoy!
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Lyrics
I take to paper with a pen
you're on my mind, for sure
But what then?
The need is there to say my peace
But so's the chance I'll wear my heart
upon my sleeve.
But there is something in here
that wants to come out
and in a certain way.
And If i let you pass
on account of my doubt
then I could never say
Yeah, I sent it her way
but she sent it back to me
and now it's okay with me
(now it's okay with me)
what should I do with my love
when it isn't getting through to you
should I just forget that I feel
perfectly numb without you?
Can't you spare me the heartache
Can't you spare me the heartache
(Bridge)
'Cause there is something in here that wants to come out
and in a certain way.
And If i let you pass
on account of my doubt
then I could never say
Yeah, I sent it her way
but she sent it back to me
and now it's okay with me
now it's okay with me(repeat and fade)
you're on my mind, for sure
But what then?
The need is there to say my peace
But so's the chance I'll wear my heart
upon my sleeve.
But there is something in here
that wants to come out
and in a certain way.
And If i let you pass
on account of my doubt
then I could never say
Yeah, I sent it her way
but she sent it back to me
and now it's okay with me
(now it's okay with me)
what should I do with my love
when it isn't getting through to you
should I just forget that I feel
perfectly numb without you?
Can't you spare me the heartache
Can't you spare me the heartache
(Bridge)
'Cause there is something in here that wants to come out
and in a certain way.
And If i let you pass
on account of my doubt
then I could never say
Yeah, I sent it her way
but she sent it back to me
and now it's okay with me
now it's okay with me(repeat and fade)
drakonis
Hey, this has some great potential! I really like the chords and song idea. Good guitar playing too, this sounds like solid pop-hit material. But you will need to work on the mix. I think you need to drop the vocals back some, and bring the rest of the music up a little... it sounds like you are recording yourself singing in front of a cheap little boombox that is playing the karaoke music behind you. Mixing the GB loops, guitar, and voice is a tricky art, and I'm no expert. But trying to melt all the parts together so they sound like they're in the same "room" is what you want to achieve. I think this is a great song, and worth working on so you can balance it better... I will reiterate that this song is worth the work, good stuff! Hopefully others will chime in with more useful thoughts!
ttfn,
Drakonis