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Description:
Monday, March 12, 2007: I stayed up late that night because I couldn't sleep. So much had happened recently (being laid off from Phantom, and my dad passed away the night before my last show) and I felt a need to express my emotions through music.
So I sat at my piano keyboard and started up GarageBand.
Something special happened. My improvisation was unusually connected with my emotions that night; I played for seven minutes without pause, and must admit that I was wet-eyed by the end.
Next, I improvised a string track as I listened to the piano track.
Then the real work began: EDITING. There were a few missed notes and imprecise timings. New snippets of chords and melodies came into my head, which were incorporated into the piece.
I kept thinking of Alimar and his pencil tool as I sat in my favorite chair with my laptop, working on this piece without using the piano keyboard (now that the initial improvisations had been done).
This piece has helped me get in touch with my buried emotions about my father's passing in a way that I find incredible. When I had sat down at the piano to play, I had no idea that it was going to turn out to be such an emotional experience.
I hope that you, the listener, can also identify with the piece in this way.
Hardware:
MacBook 2 GHz, 2 GB RAM
Software:
GarageBand 3
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i didn't read your description... &mdash 03/21/07 - 12:06:07 PM
until after my own eyes had filled with tears - this piece says so much cameron. it is sad, it is beautiful and it is extremely moving. i feel honoured both to listen to this and that you are sharing it here with us - thank you. heart chakra - ouch - big loves xoxo [ Reply to This ]
Atmospheric &mdash 03/21/07 - 12:32:42 PM
I'm sitting here marking baroque counterpoint mid-terms, listening to your music at the same time... interesting experience! I like the main I to bvii (C to Bbm) chord progression--it's unusual enough to sustain my interest for quite a while, although for me it perhaps went on a bit too long. I liked when you moved away from this, and I found the music very atmospheric and evocative, in a kind of grand way, like movie music. Your description saddened me, but I have to say that what came through in the music was a sense of dignity and warmth, more so than sadness.
Nevertheless, I feel for your loss(es), and I hope you will continue to compose as an outlet for your emotions. [ Reply to This ]
caroline.. &mdash 03/21/07 - 01:25:11 PM
...thank you so much for your spot-on comment! You picked up what I wanted to convey in this piece, EXACTLY.
I treasure your friendship highly. [ Reply to This ]
composer clark... &mdash 03/21/07 - 01:31:02 PM
...maybe you shouldn't have listened to this piece while immersed in critiquing baroque music! (LOL) This is like totally opposite from that, including a lack of form.
I debated whether or not to delete a few of those C-Bb progressions, but after listening to the piece many times during editing, came to the conclusion that the repetition was integral to my emotional process. Like having the same feeling over and over, until it could be resolved.
I also debated whether or not to include the part about my dad's passing in the description. It is not my intention to elicit sympathy from anyone, but DID want people to know the background of how this piece came about.
I particularly liked your comment that this music has "dignity and warmth, more than sadness".
Thanks so much for stopping by! [ Reply to This ]
Very moving piece. &mdash 03/21/07 - 02:12:44 PM
I like the interplay between the piano and the strings (there are moments where strings play somewhat "brassy" lines, made me wish there was a horn section employed, but I know, MIDI horns sound unnatural, so I understand the choices you've made). Very emotional playing, too. I like that you manage to preserve the spontaneity of that initial improvisational playing while building upon it and developing the musical idea further and deeper in post-production.
That is it, really - the emotional content which turns craft into art... thank you for sharing.
PS. While I am not an expert on personal losses of any kind, when it comes to loosing a job - take it from a pro (5 years without a steady income :), now recovering) - best thing ever happened to me: discovered GB, bought a new horn, started to write music - all sorts of good things.
C'mon, you can't play the same show over and over for years without damaging your brain cells... so it's for the better. Looking forward to more music from you! [ Reply to This ]
Ilya... &mdash 03/21/07 - 06:32:49 PM
I greatly appreciate your insightful comments. They are very validating as well as helpful to me.
I think that once I move beyond this uncertain period, process what I need to...that truly exciting musical things lie ahead! [ Reply to This ]
lovely... &mdash 03/21/07 - 09:50:57 PM
Jack... &mdash 03/21/07 - 10:31:26 PM
thank you for stopping by, my friend...
...someone who joined macjams the same week I did. [ Reply to This ]
beautiful &mdash 03/21/07 - 09:54:04 PM
this reminds me of keith jarrett - as it will build to a peak, only to veer off and build again on a different tangent. and all tangents are full of authentic presence behind the music. very lovely, very touching. you did a great job of riding the wave of creativity sparked by emotion and having something to show/hear for it. i'm so sorry for the loss of your father, and so happy to have gone here after reading your post in the forum re: VOTING. i very much enjoyed your work - anne
[ Reply to This ]
anne... &mdash 03/21/07 - 10:34:10 PM
I've enjoyed Keith Jarrett's music. Thanks for the comparison!
I like your comment "riding the wave". Yes, exactly. [ Reply to This ]
Sometimes... &mdash 03/21/07 - 10:14:37 PM
....musical improvisation is the best way to express those profound emotions that words cannot seem to touch.
This is a beautiful song, Cameron.
Thank you for sharing it here and explaining how it came about.
It truly 'speaks'
[ Reply to This ]
Cat... &mdash 03/22/07 - 11:45:22 AM
The first line of your comment especially resonates with me.
Somehow I needed to share what started out to be a very personal, private musical expression with you all here. I'm glad that you and others can relate to it and "get the message" I hoped to convey. Thanks so much for listening! [ Reply to This ]
Bittersweet &mdash 03/22/07 - 10:58:35 AM
I liked the improvisational quality of this work. Meandering yet emotional. The lack of a formal structure gave it sincerity. I especially found the last half with its bittersweet discord extremely moving.
I feel for your loss Cameron and wish you well in this time of change.
-Bowman
[ Reply to This ]
Bowman... &mdash 03/22/07 - 11:41:13 AM
Reading your excellent observations reminds me that comments are indeed the most important part of participating in MacJams.
It is always gratifying to me when people "pick up" on what I've tried to convey through my music. Your comment about the "lack of formal structure giving it sincerity" is right-on.
Also, I agree with you completely that the last section with "bittersweet discord" is moving.
Thanks for this validation! [ Reply to This ]
... &mdash 03/22/07 - 03:09:00 PM
.. a hard and brave thing to do: putting your emotions into music at this difficult time. For me this music really captured this cleansing: a warm sadness, with emotion coming in waves, angst and reflective recollection. For me, the section towards the end really grabbed me: it was extremely moving as it gave this kind-of aimless emptiness with flashes of solace that I'm sure anyone who has suffered the loss of a parent can relate to - I certainly did.
The performance is simply beautiful.
My deepest sympathies.
[ Reply to This ]
Alan... &mdash 03/23/07 - 01:22:12 PM
...your comments really touch me. Your words are every bit as expressive as the music. THANK YOU! [ Reply to This ]
wow &mdash 03/22/07 - 04:32:05 PM
Very glad I found this. This is incredibly beautiful as is - I am truly moved as well as impressed by your gift. but when I realized the circumstances of your creation, well, yes, I relate!
It always seems corny when people say that their art helps them express their feelings, but when it comes to our being knocked around by our life's circumstances, it is art that helps us deal with tragedy and sadness - isn't that something?
My singing and even piddly guitar playing was the only thing that got me through my college years. Now I value it more than I ever did.
Thank you very much for sharing this personal piece with us! [ Reply to This ]
estellie... &mdash 03/23/07 - 01:28:02 PM
I am so glad that you found this page, too.
Music truly is a gift, for both players and listeners. It is my hope that people can relate to the emotions expressed in this music. It then turns into something much greater than just my own "stuff", if it can touch others.
Thanks so much for your eloquent comments! [ Reply to This ]
Man Cameron &mdash 03/22/07 - 08:18:52 PM
Your cleansing moment has produced a pearl... this is the language that will take us past the place where words fail...
peace your way...
excellent and dearly bought [ Reply to This ]
Scott... &mdash 03/23/07 - 01:30:51 PM
Thanks much for your good wishes and succinct comments! A few well-chosen words speak volumes. Truly appreciated. [ Reply to This ]
Marvelous &mdash 03/23/07 - 01:12:47 PM
Also being a writer, I recognized exclamation marks and ellipsis marks in this piece. Marvelously done!
God bless,
Rick
[ Reply to This ]
Rick... &mdash 03/23/07 - 01:32:51 PM
Blessings received! Thanks so much!
I admire writers greatly, and appreciate the comparison. [ Reply to This ]
Wonderful gift of music. &mdash 03/26/07 - 12:20:34 PM
I'm glad you shared this with us! Profound changes need to be dealt with in all of our lives, and I think you've found an audience with which this msuic and its reasons for being really resonate. Without the technology of GB and MJ, you would have probably used the catharsis of that improvisation for your own healing, but to have then taken the time to edit, post and describe the process is a real gift to all of us. Thank you. [ Reply to This ]
kristyjo... &mdash 03/27/07 - 11:26:48 AM
You've described this whole experience quite effectively in a few well-chosen words. Thanks so much for listening and commenting! [ Reply to This ]
emotions &mdash 03/26/07 - 12:36:21 PM
yes I can feel the emotions in this improvisation. It's powerful.
Nice playing, nice series of arpeggios and I like the way the strings work
interweaving.
well done
Regards
MB [ Reply to This ]
MB... &mdash 03/27/07 - 11:29:15 AM
That you feel the emotion in the piece is my musical goal. I very much appreciate your comments! [ Reply to This ]
Well Played! &mdash 03/27/07 - 12:34:47 PM
stooey... &mdash 03/27/07 - 07:54:44 PM
Thanks for stopping by to listen and comment. I appreciate your kind words! [ Reply to This ]
This piece is so powerful &mdash 03/27/07 - 02:25:26 PM
I listened before reading your description. I thought of my father's passing towards the end, when the strings became more dissonant. And tragic.
Then I read your description.
You're song has touched me deeply. Please know that you are not alone.
[ Reply to This ]
guitapick... &mdash 03/27/07 - 07:58:20 PM
WOW! How interesting that this piece brought up similar emotions for you, before reading the description!
Thanks for the reminder that I'm not alone. [ Reply to This ]
This seems to balance on the point... &mdash 03/28/07 - 07:20:38 AM
...where things emotional, tentative and formless begin to take form and begin to be known... For me it captures that moment when one begins to have a sense of "what is this?" and the feeling begins to come clear but is not yet confined in words or concepts... It's just "this"... Maybe just beginning to be, "Ah...this!..."
I don't hear sadness so much as something deeper and older, a connection to something eternal, or a willingness to begin to allow that connection...
Even so, I wish you peace in a time of loss...
Ed
[ Reply to This ]
Ed... &mdash 03/28/07 - 10:42:00 AM
First of all, thanks so much for listening and commenting.
Your description of the "process" of listening closely mirrors my own while I was playing this.
I'm glad that you heard more than sadness here, because Life DOES indeed "go on" and I had ended the improv session on a hopeful note. And there IS a lot strength in playing music, as we all well know. [ Reply to This ]
I love this! &mdash 04/01/07 - 11:41:54 AM
Cori... &mdash 04/02/07 - 11:14:43 AM
I am very glad that you like this. And thank you for your good wishes. Life DOES go on, a lot of exciting things are happening now. I'm playing a LOT of harp lately! ;) [ Reply to This ]
Wow &mdash 04/04/07 - 11:25:35 AM
Will you post any?!?!
I'd love to hear .. such a beautiful instrument that is!
---
Johannes Curry [ Reply to This ]
endings...beginnings &mdash 04/30/07 - 10:15:47 PM
Cameron,
This just goes out into the stratosphere in such lovely, sad moments. I don't think there's a note here that is not heartfelt, completely honest, and thoroughly compelling. Amazing when one's soul speaks through the notes and touches others...as it has me. I "get" what it feels like to be totally in touch when improvising: sometimes it happens so naturally...and when it doesn't, that's the time for the trash bin! You have found an eloquent voice with this piece and I am moved by it.
Peace...to your dad, to you, and to your family.
Paul
[ Reply to This ]
Enjoyed the expanisiveness &mdash 06/09/07 - 04:06:46 PM
of the piano. Like the reverberation as well. Hey nice strings. Like the spanish feel as it goes. Almost has a early 1960's movie sound theme or thereabouts.
Nice one Cameron [ Reply to This ]
Cameron &mdash 05/17/08 - 08:48:02 PM
I've been reading your bio, which is an incredible story itself. And then I click on this song and am immersed in another incredible story. Beautiful piano - you know exactly how to let the notes ring into the silence, allowing the listener to absorb all the emotion before moving onto to the next heart-wrenching phrase. You have shared so much with us here in this piece.
We seem to have much in common and I look forward to hearing more of your music and possibly getting to know you. Thank you for sharing this amazing piece. [ Reply to This ]
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