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Description
This is a basic demo track of a song i've been working on. It's just me and the acoustic guitar. i'd just like some feedback to see what you all think before i dump a lot of time into making it sound like the version playing in my head. i know i've got some timing issues and it sounds like it was recorded in a tunnel. Oh, and that's me singing so that's never good. Tell me what you think of the lyrics and the song structure. If the overall response is positive, i'll pursue it.
The other thing is, i've been here two months now, it's about time i posted something, ready or not.
The other thing is, i've been here two months now, it's about time i posted something, ready or not.
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Lyrics
darkness falls
at three o'clock in the afternoon
shut in
as if you got nothing else to do
flicker of a tv screen
and some broken dreams
weekday soap box opera blues
cold pizza on a paper plate
but it's not your fate
and it's up to you to choose
won't you
pull back the curtain
and let the light in?
take the chain off the sun
let it shine in
let the light in you
heartless
for leaving you so soon
he left
just to twist the knife in you
life gets harder every day
i know he took away
everything you had to lose
ain't hard to see why you live this way
but it's not your fate
and it's up to you to choose
Jim Bouchard
It would be easier to comment on the lyrics if you were to post them. As they go by, nothing sticks out like a sore thumb. I like the way the chorus fits in and folds back into the verse chord sequence, so the structure is pretty good. It might need a break of some sort. Actually, I think the singing is fine. You got a positive response from me, anyway. Just needs some polishing.