Awesome. Your singing is always a winner, Lisa. And of course, you're relly good at lyrics. I love the production on the vocals. I was trying to think of production critiques, but really this sounds good.

Ok, little bit o' crit: The compression on the drums (I think that's what it is) is doing something that I try to avoid, as it always sounds unnatural to me; it's supressing the initial attack of each hit, but then (in a few milliseconds) brings the volume back up. It gives it a bit of an undewater sound, to my ears.

One other thing; there are moments here and there where I wish I could hear a given instrument a little better. Like, the lead guitar in the beginning; I woud crank that up to the level of the vocals that follow it (and then bring it down again during the singing). And when the piano comes in during the first verse, and the lead guitar in the final verse.

That's my pickiness; in truth, I love the way this sounds. Excellent work, Lisa and Dom!

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Those suggestions are really specific and very helpful!

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Love the song, but the drums need remixed. They sound flat and underwater.
I want to hear them in stereo.
Otherwise, excellent job all around!

Brandon

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I'm loving this underwater similie. I think it could be an effect that could come in handy in another song. You and David are the beatmasters, so I believe you that it should be looked at here.

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Nice arrangement, lyrics, and vocal performance

1) Lead guitar in the intro is too "fizzy". IMO it doesn't fit well. I'd like to hear it smoothed out a bit, which means it would probably need to be re-recorded and the gain structure changed.

2) The drums - I gotta agree with Dave... there is something not quite right about the sound. The initial attack sounds a bit deadened, then it starts to fill the sound space, but then falls off again. I'm not a compression whizz, but I think this is the culprit. Some fiddling with the attack and release time should liven up the drums quite a lot.

3) Why are the backing whispered parts panned hard right in most of the sections. Listening in headphones it is a little distracting. I liked how they were panned later in the song, but in the first half it seems kinda gimmicky.

4) The vocals sit well in the mix. Not overly processed, but still polished. Nice.

5) To use an athletics/scouting term, I think this song has a lot of "upside". Better production would tighten it up a lot.

Keep in mind that many of my comments are centered on my personal tastes. Also, just because I identify something as problematic to my ears doesn't mean that I'd know how to fix it myself. The overall production is still better than anything I could come up with.

Mason

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Yay! Another great critique. I can hear what you're saying about the vocals being a bit heavy in the right ear, too. It's something that got fixed in a middle version, but slipped through in this draft, so thanks for bringing it up.

Thank you for taking the time to write so much.

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I love this stuff. To me, the greatest thing about this site is how people can work together. Collaborations are one way, but another way to is to provide opinions and spread knowledge where possible. I've learned so much here in the last year just by reading comments and the forum. Hope I could be of help.

Mason

---
"The pump don't work cuz the Vandals took the handle"

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I love this stuff, too!

I'm so grateful for everyone's generosity, both in writing lengthy critiques as well as going past the established comfort zone here and getting very specific about what's not working. I'm grateful for the nice things people are saying, too.


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I will say wow! I think everything flows realy well the leading is great and the way the lyrics change with the chords is very impressive. I think that were you say and found and found and found could have been doubled up then trippled up as each found is sung well just an Idea. Its hard to find something to fix on something so perfect. Great song I think he will make something of his music. Keep on going!!!!!

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Great suggestions on the "and found" portion of the song, EB. That's a part of my vocal that I had a hard time making the way I would have liked it to sound and I'll definitely try out your suggestion, because I think it's really too static as it is.

Thanks for saying you liked it, too.

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...remembers me in some far far away matter at ELO...

This is one of a kind and it is marvellous. I would prefer to pull this song more in "art rock" mood. There is a plenty of space in the vocals and the sting/organ/synth, but the drums and the guitar are sometimes playing in a different, much smaller room. But that's my personal taste, and I am not so experienced in mixing. I agree with PV's (David's) hint for the attack of the drums, but I can't decide whether this is a compression issue or not.

Anyway it is pleasure to hear your voice and it is a real good song and I wish would be able to create something comparable. It is nearly impossible for me to criticize something in this work but it is even harder to make it better for myself...

Thanks for sharing!

Downloaded and fav.

Greetings,

Bernd

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That's a fascinating comparison, Bernd. I'm going to have to change my hair and get really big aviator sunglasses, I think. :-)

I'm glad you enjoyed the song and thanks for adding your feelings about the use of space

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Fabulous vocals. I think you could sing about crack babies killing baby seals and I would still tap my foot, bob my head and generally have that happy glazed over look on my face ;-) I'm not qualified to give you tech stuff advice, more of a gut reaction. I like it! Its full of personality, has a unique edge to it. Shows strength and focus in the writing.

The song really seems to come into its own after the intro. As solid as the music bed is, its weakest link is the intro. I guess there's more of a demo feel there. After you start singing the whole arrangement seems to flesh out, The strings, progression, lyrically driven, it all makes for such a compelling performance.


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I'm very upset that someone in my house has OBVIOUSLY leaked my next song, which is about crack seals killing babies. I think it was my dog, Poppy. TALK KTB! Who was it? :-)

I'm glad that you enjoyed the singing and writing and that there was glazing going on around your face.

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Now that was funny:0}
Great Job Lisa!!!!

---
Given Some Groovy Bass Love to the World ;-}


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That's the first thought, and the overall feeling after listening through it. I enjoyed your singing much Lisa.

I have a few ideas that to my taste could make a more confident expression.

1) The drums
I see they have been commented by others, but will suggest replacing them with a more pro sounding loop. The programmed midi ones used here sounds a bit thin and is a bit "interesting" programmed/performed.

2) The rhythm guitar
The strumming of the chords that starts the song is to my taste a bit too much and unnecessary. I don't feel it supports the melody. Maybe if you used an acoustic guitar and put it lower in the mix to serve as a part of the rhythm together with the drums. As it is know, I think it dominates too much.
It's played as if it was performed alone with the vocals. And the drums and guitar doesn't really "listen" to each other...

The groove with drums, bass and rhythm guitar should in other words be tighter to deliver a more solid base for the solo, piano and vocals.

3) The piano
I like the piano:) Put it higher in the mix. It could more or less replace the rhythm guitar.

4) The bass
Listening with headphones I can't really identify a clear bass. I think there is one, but to my taste, it needs to get more clarity in the sound. If it where played more confident and up front, it could be a cool instrument to start the song with... maybe consider getting someone (hectorious) to have a go at it;)

This review may sound negative and like I'm looking to tear what you've done apart. But I really think it is a good song that has potential to come out very good. I wouldn't usually analyze a song into detail like this, but since you say you want input and are going for a serious career in the business I felt I should come forward with my thoughts.

Remember.. music is art. And should not be so much about technique. So my suggestions is maybe too subjective and observed from my place and preferences.

Trust your feelings about what is good:)

I wish you all the luck in the world with your musical career Domdino.



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Excellent and very useful critique, Thor. Thank you so much for taking so much time to write it. You are one guy who knows how to make a song really groove. I agree with you about the piano and feel it is one of Dom's special talents.

I think I remember from Dom's original posting of the song, which was called Midnight at the time, that the song doesn't have a bass, so you're right that you're not really hearing it. :-)

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A very cool song, indeed. I love your vocals, Lisa, but I'm really dign' the high degree of silkiness on this. I should note that at times, it sounded a bit nasally, like you had a cold or something. Not the full richness that I'm used to from you. Maybe it's an effect, or something. But the vocals do sound more silky smooth, and I like that.

I thought that this could have used more of an intro. The drums didn't quite do it, and at some point, I was wondering why the crash was there. (can't believe what I'm about to say) The drums were too obviously, a loop. But if it's gonna be there, it either needs to be more effected or not at all, while doing whatever to make it sound more natural. Follow PV, on this. Also, I think that there needs to be more or different variations of the drum parts to interplay better w/ what's going on.

I DO like the words to this piece! I thought that the first few lines felt like they were sung over a bed of music, and not sung during a live session, but maybe that's something to do w/ the fact the drums sounded unnatural.

I liked the guitar, (the first guitar) but it needs to vary more, but maybe just in dynamics w/ how soft or hard and when the strings are being struck. more towards softer.

The second guitar, that solo sounded like it was telling me something that had already happened, but I didn't know what it was... And it kept doing that.

I really liked the bridge, and the more pronounced accompaniment of the piano, (especially at the end) but in general, the piano sounded like it was just kinda hanging out and playing along, but w/ no real offerings for direction or places to be, or for me to be about it.

I feel like maybe I'm being too harsh, but I do want you to know that I really do like this piece, guys. I'm musically illiterate, so I don't quite know how to say what I'm trying to say.

When you sang, 'and found, I had forgotten how to fly', that was beautiful. You're doing some impressive sustained notes on this piece, Lisa.

Something about the phrase "it should help you fly around the world' bothered me. Maybe a little too literal, I donno.

I could have purchased this piece, and gone the rest of my life while not having a critical thought or statement about it. I could have enjoyed it the way it is, and the ONLY reason that I ever would critique anything, is because I felt like someone directly asked me to do so. I hope that I was at least, a little helpful.

Thanks guys, for putting this one out there. Nice job. Macca

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Firstly, step back from the ledge, Babycakes. No one is going to come after you with a Nerf hacksaw...at least not me or Dom. I can't speak for any of your real world neighbors, though.

I really appreciate how detailed your critique is and I like it that you dug into the vocals a bit, too. This is a very, very difficult key for me because it leads to me dipping more into my low-lower register, which I'm not particularly fond of, tone-wise. I know what you mean about the nasally thing. I think part of it might be f/x, but I do know that some of it is definitely the original vocal track. I did another session where I think the tone was better and I do plan to re-sing this, once we're doing the final version. It's good to hear that I'm not the only one who hears the nasally thing. I appreciate you saying it.

I have the same feeling about the opening lines. I don't know if it's a reverb thing or the way I'm singing it. I don't think it's the bed.

Thanks for saying you liked the "and found I'd forgotten how to fly," portion of the vocal. You I.D.ed the only part of the vocal that I actually feel comfortable with. As far as the long notes go, my daughter has been watching a lot of American Idol and roping me into it, too, so I think it has rubbed off in some way, that need to bust out the big notes.

Thank you so much for thinking it through so much and sharing what you thought.

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who said that...

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Whoops!
:)

---
CRAZY MOON

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I blame the crazy moon and the guy with branches sticking out of his head.

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a very heartfelt tune. i like like this very much!!!!

a few comments:

i found the guitar around 1:58 - 2:10 just a little too dissonant for the mood of the song. less pentatonic, more melodic if that makes an sense...

'wildly' could be 'idly'

that songpic is nice - reminds me of klimt somehow

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Thanks, Bill. The art is by my favorite artist, Marc Chagall who often painted flying lovers, especially flying over his hometown of Vitebsk. I've always loved how dreamy, sweet and romantically whimsical a lot of his paintings are and I love the idea of love allowing you to escape the bounds of the earth and fly around blissfully. Of course, sometimes it doesn't work out that way, but I think people would generally be happier if they remembered that love is supposed to make you joy-filled rather than sad and hurt.

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...this is a very good song. I like the lyrics, and the vocal performance is outstanding. Having said that, there are a few points that are worth mentioning (and let me here reiterate the humbleness of my opinion!) and almost all of them have already been mentioned:

I think the strumming at the beginning doesn't work. I'm with thoddi on the idea of using an acoustic, and I agree with his point about the rhythm of the guitar not quite being in sync ( a point I'm particularly sensitive to because I have to work hard to get that right).

I agree with numerous posters on the drums. They sounded thin to me. Again, I wish I could give you a more technical, specific pointer, but all I really have to offer is my ears!

I think the lead guitar work is excellent all the way through, but it is too buried at times. If it's worth saying, it's worth saying out loud (as my mom always says)

I also think the song could do with a change of color here and there - perhaps some different effects on the guitar? Just a vague suggestion.

Having said all that, I think it's a great song, and once you have that, everything else is just fiddling around.

Nice work, both of you.

Peace.



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Thanks so much for the help, dajama, and I've always thought that ears are probably the best way to assess any of this stuff. I once had a friend with severe hearing loss in one of his ears and he was great at listening to a mix and hearing if one element was too prominent.

Thanks for taking the time to write so much and I think what you've said is extremely helpful.

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....... love the vocals Lisa!

But you were after crits weren't you? I've read the other comments first (probably not a great idea) but I'll try to come from an objective place:

The drums - to me it's not just a matter of compression, but also content. I'd really recommend ditching the drums altogether and getting a live drummer (kevmikwa is brilliant, and this would really suit his style).

Rhythm guitar - would benefit from starting out as an acoustic, becoming more electric as the song builds.

Piano - what Dion said.

Lead guitar - I like it, but it needs to be louder almost everywhere it appears.

On my 'phones, the bass is almost inaudibe. Thor's suggestion of Hector on bass sounds good - maybe fretless (I'm going through an "I love fretless bass" week!) - there's real potential for the bass to be a highlight rather than just being lost in the mix.

Like everyone else who's commented so far, my comments are in response to your request for critical comment - although I did find it kind of therapeutic to let go ;). Like Dion said, if you hadn't asked, I probably wouldn't have been at all critical, and just enjoyed it. But if Dom is looking to use this as a demo, he really needs to show his music at it's best.

The song has potential commercially, it's just a matter of getting the right person to listen.

Cheers,
Neil

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Thanks so much for such a well-thought out comment, Neil. I think it would be great if Kev did the drums and I hope Dom considers it.

I really appreciate you, as I've said to a few other people, stepping over the velvet rope and getting a little grittier with your critique than is the norm. It's funny, from the length of the critiques here, it seems that people have really been dying to offer more in-depth criticism that's not just about the positives in the song and I think I'm always going to ask for the gloves to be off in the future. I've learned a lot this time around and it's just wonderful.

Thanks, friend. I always appreciate your time.

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As usual - way too kind, Neil, most humble thanks for the praise. But I do dig the song greatly and think I can help a little in the content department, so a little birdie (disguised as the fiery little Note dude) has been sent Dom's way to test the waters ...

kevmikwa

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Cool!

Dom's traveling for the next couple of weeks, so if he doesn't get back to you before then, Kev, that's why.

Thank you!

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Believe it or not, Dom got back to me already. Even when you're away from home, the pull of MacJams is strong. He said he'll get me a drum-free MP3 when he's had a chance to make some tweaks.



As an almost-thoroughly unrelated PS, check out an interesting little bit of synchronicity that happened just now. Click and look at the Related Product that I just pulled.

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I take that back about "synchronicity". I apparently had forgotten that Google ads are context driven. I should have known that a page with multiple references to "Helium" (including the big momma - title) would draw an ad for the website "www.helium.com".

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(To my ears)...

Rhythm guitar is to forward in the mix
String synth seems superfluous and sticks out like a sore thumb
Drums are a bit pedestrian and don't lift the track. They seem to be obviously preset either from a drum machine or a loop library
Vocals sound great, but again sit too far forwards in the mix...in the context of this track, I think a different treatment would make them much better
Bass. Is there any bass on this?
The whole song sounds generally lacklustre and is in need of some dynamic peaks and troughs

I think its a great start...but I would say there is a lot to be done to this to make it shine


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Terrific suggestions all around. I don't know if you'll see this, but do have a specific idea of what you think would be a better avenue to head down for the vocal treatment? I'm always willing to try new things.

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Feel free to contact me and I can go into more detail if you like

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Lisa you have a great voice. I love it.

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You're a sweetwalrus.

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...as it goes along...

First of all, I'm as happy as a kid in a candy store hearing a new ledebutant song, and I love this one. If this was a demo for this song and I was in the market, I'd buy it... It sells the song as a song... And I'd try to get the lead singer to sign for my label...

I really love your singing on this one, Lisa. You still sound like you, and yet you sound more effortlessly and confidently you, so that sounds great to me. Whatever preset you're using on the voice is putting it a bit forward, which is good in the sense that some of your earlier productions didn't give your voice the presence it deserved. I think at certain points this preset may be 'hardening' the sound of the vocal when you're hitting a note hard or starting a line, which may be what Dion's hearing.

I'm in agreement that a nicely recorded acoustic guitar would do better than the electric rhythm, although putting acoustic left and a clean electric right can sound very cool.

I love the lead guitar lines. I think they need to be a bit forward in spots, and that probably means a little more compression on them as well. I like that the tone on the lead guitar isn't quite what I would have expected...I stop a millisecond and go, 'hey do I like this?' and a millisecond later I'm saying, 'yep!'

The 'sound comparison' popping into my head as this song plays again is some of Mazzy Star. Talented somewhat hopeful yet mournful female singer meets talented guitar player. That might be worth a listen in terms of suggesting directions to take the mix.

I would be thinking 'space' in terms of a remix. Let each thing have its own bit of the sonic territory left-to-right and back-to-front, and yet also work to have it sound like all the elements inhabit different parts of the SAME space.

I've got no opinions on the synths and stuff. I do think the drums sound oddly compressed and as if they were stereo but panned left enought that their stereo quality is lost, except when a stray high hat hit pops over into the left channel. And yes, real good bass would help this along. I've been hearing a lot of good MacJams bass lately, so I'm betting a long line of volunteers could queue up behind jiguma and Hectorious...

As with everyone else, I'm diving in with crit because that seems to be what you're asking for, but I'm thrilled to hear this and tomorrow it'll be in my iPod while I'm working around the house....

Ed

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I hope you enjoyed this today as you did Ed Things (tm) around the house.

It's funny you mention Mazzy Star, because that's what illuminati heard, too and used them as an inspiration for the vocal production. (By the way, you seem to know every band in existence and that's amazing. You're a true music lover.)

Once again, I wish you were in charge of things. Last time I was wishing you were in charge of handing out money for Apple because of my world music loop demo, now I wish you were some kind of Song Buying Guy (with kung-fu grip).

I must be some kind of weirdo because I have no desire to be a professional singer, but I do like writing songs.

I think you're right about the pre-set hardening the sound. I used ChannelStrip before I passed it to Matt and I think I need to tweak that setting. Jim gave me a screenshot of his settings from After All and I need to plug those in, because I really like the tone he got out of the vocal.

I absolutely agree with you about the bass, I think it would make the song sound much fuller. I know that Dom's working on all this like a mad scientist at the moment.

You're the greatest!

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It's going to be ages, if ever, before I first ask for constructive criticism the way you did - in the mean time, for the record, please make nice everybody :)

But I don't blame you for asking, because you must know this is a great song. It reminds me a little of Travis Pickle - I've always liked them. I join in all the compliments of the earlier posters.

I won't repeat the bit about the drums, except to say that the bass drum pulls the oxygen out of the track briefly when it hits - probably is a compression thing - was it applied just to the drum track, or to the whole song?

And I guess the guitar solos are too pentatonic for me in this context (imagine me saying that :) ) - I like the improvisational aspect, but I would like to hear more F lydian mode stuff. More particularly, that B flat topping the arpeggio lick against the backing C major chord (making a C7) doesn't work for me, even though it's totally in key - I guess I'd rather not hear that dominant chord go to a 7th, except maybe once during the whole song, probably toward the end. I don't think the lead needs to be much louder (a little), but could use less reverb.

I don't agree about the rhythm guitar - I like it. I fits well up front with your voice.

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good freakin' ear dude... I'd never be able to pick that out without sitting down to figure it out first. good lord I wish I had that ability.

---
"The pump don't work cuz the Vandals took the handle"

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That was pretty much my reaction, too. A big, "Wow, I wish my brain worked that way." The good news is that Dom's brain does work that way, so what you've said will be very meaningful to him.

Thanks for the great commment!

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this sounds like my concern about the guitar, but articulated much better.
do you mean around 2 minutes into the song, or during other times as well?

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Ok ill start with the ve
I like the tone of the vocals. You can sing no question and it sounds really nice. quite beautiful in some places.

Unfortunately I really didn't get this track.
To me it sounds like several different song ideas that don't really belong together.
The drums and clean guitar from My Bloody Valentine. The lead guitar from a Prince track and the synth and keys a bit of ambient dance.
Now each element on it's own is pretty cool but they don't go together IMHO.
Also the vocal melody was a little pedestrian and lacked a real memorable hook.

I would lose all the guitars and the drums and start again from there. The only part that I liked was the 'Loves not supposed to hold you down' section that is stripped beck. Even then I found the 'Joy-filled helium Balloon' a little sticky for my taste.
Obviously I am in a very small minority from reading the other comments here but I always find it useful to hear from someone who doesn't like what I am doing even if they are just 1 voice in a hundred.


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This makes me cry...in my last relationship I thought if it don't work I'm totally gonna devote myself to God...: ) Serving His Lord ... I guess I'm there again...love is so hard..too hard perhaps but I guess it's the last thing wwe Humans wanna give up on! About the song WWWWWOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW....
I JUST LOVE YOUR VOICE & the MUSIC ... & the greatest Lyrics : ) : ) : ) Your voice has such a pure & innocent sound, that's what I loved the first time I heard it some months ago : ) Time Flyes(never know how to spell FLYES::lol)
So Beautiful, In Earphones it's even better THANKS

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Forgot to Thank *** DOMDINO *** : ) : ) : ) THANKYOU !!!

I always thought it said *** DOMINO *** on Your banner ! Lol...I liked that as MJ does have a DOMINO effect if You know the game ?

I just read the description !!! CONGRATULATIONS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*Hustling* isn't in the dictionary & who is ** ORBITING ** ?
Tx again : )

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Hi again, I forgot to say that the volume is VERY low even when I turned it up to the full volume it wasn't loud . Some techniq thing I really hope it can be fixed as we People want to turn up & down volume as we wish : ) Have a Nice Day & Bless You Both

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You've already got a lot of great comments/suggestions on how to improve this. This reminds me a lot of Dar Williams. It does need a lot of work, mix-wise it's sort of a mess, but I don't need to get too specific by repeating what everyone else has been saying. I have to say that those drums are just weird sounding to me. If it was me, I'd strip it down to basics and start all over. It's got a great, great vocal and from what I can hear the piano sounds really nice (but it's been covered by so many layers that it's pretty well buried) but for a demo of songwriting this version has too much stuff going on, and that doesn't serve the song particularly well.

wow...that sounds harsh! Well, you asked for criticism!

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what a great spotlight for your vocal - it's mixed so well - you've got some wonderful long tones happening - they sound yummy. lyrics are stellar - i like the images they evoke. the music behind you is Really Big - so full and lush, and your vocal sits beautifully inside it. sweet teamwork! anne

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good thing i didn't read what others said first. sometimes i'm soooo glad i'm just your average listener off the street! anne

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Lisa, I love any song you sing on so once again... no need to comment on your performance. I'm with MaonAtom, the lead doesn't fit, but hey I do backwards guitar leads and I don't know if they fit either. Other than that really solid tune... thanks for sharing...

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Well OK the mix is not quite there yet and the drum style is a little distracting, but it is a thoroughly good song with potential