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Description:
About the inner struggle of living a privileged life and knowing that most of the world does not - Gratitude, Guilt, Fear, and Disbelief fighting for attention.
Lyrics:
I wait patiently
for the moment when
it all will come to rest,
and it hurts only when
I think of it
the end, the end.
*It is so comfortable here
I have nothing at all to fear.
I forget what you said;
his fingers are in between mine.
I forget
when he touches me like that
something about
the world and how it would end.
*
I care; I promise to
but what am I supposed to do?
Am I nearly enough
to make this world new;
make it all new.
*
Hardware:
M-Audio FireWire 410
MXL V63M microphone
iBook G4
Jasmine classical guitar
Software:
Garage Band 3
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Yes and no &mdash 05/15/07 - 05:01:36 PM
Wow Estella, have you ever taken a big step forward with this one! I love the song, your vox, the guitars - and the bass and drums work well too. I have one major nit though, the synth overlay really needs to be cut WAY back - at the moment it totally overwhelms all the work you've put into the rest of this excellent little song. I really can't overemphasise this enough - everything else about this is just so good!! In fact, I think I'd just leave the synth out altogether - it really doesn't work for me. The other thing I'd change is to extend the wave fx both in and out of the song - so they happen for a few bars while the music is playing as well as before and after.
Your vocals are exceptional, and I love the way you've played the guitar on this - it's such an interesting approach. I'd love to hear a remix.
I think this could be a top notch song for sure.
Neil [ Reply to This ]
Neil &mdash 05/15/07 - 05:14:36 PM
Thanks for listening. Hmm. You know, I like what you said about the waves because I had originally had them overlaying part of the first verse, but I couldn't get them to fade in a natural way because of the dynamics of the waves and where I wanted to cut, but I'd like to play with that some more, now that you mention it.
I will consider about the synths, maybe give a listen with them brought down and also removed to see what that does.
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*estella [ Reply to This ]
Estellie &mdash 05/15/07 - 05:12:48 PM
This song has such a slow, drawn out saddness to it. Your sweet voice and the guitar are perfect together. just like in your first songs you posted, I think they belong together and I think they work by themselves wonderfully. Must be nice.
But I like the bassline below and the keys that pretty much float all over the song. The bells are a nice touch as well. Everything fits.
Thanks for another terrific song. [ Reply to This ]
Bob &mdash 05/15/07 - 05:22:08 PM
I'm glad you liked it.
My guitar and I are not professionals, but I think we do belong. It makes me smile that you said that. That guitar and I have been through some difficult times together, ha ha.
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*estella [ Reply to This ]
Slick.... &mdash 05/15/07 - 05:50:26 PM
Gorgeous voice on you Estella;
Smooth flow in this song, comforting, warm, and suave. Nice.
. - Harold [ Reply to This ]
Harold &mdash 05/15/07 - 08:15:47 PM
Thanks for the very nice compliments.
It was really nice to meet you in chat. I loved your solo guitar piece, which I'm off to comment on. I can't wait to listen to your other stuff.
You know, I was in Fort Worth not too long ago. An excellent museum there. If you sing/make noise under The Vortex - incredible sound.
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*estella [ Reply to This ]
dreamy and unusual &mdash 05/15/07 - 05:53:21 PM
The unusual harmonies and dreamy echoes and synths and bells create a very surreal effect, although possibly a bit loud in the mix compared to the guitar/vox/drums. The harmonies left me feeling a bit fuzzy and off-balance, in a strangely good way (as I think that was your intent.) Anyway, I would suggest bringing up the synths/bells/reverb only in chorus spots, so they don't interfere with your nice voice and guitar so much. Very smooth song, great singing!
ttfn,
Drakonis [ Reply to This ]
strangely good &mdash 05/15/07 - 08:20:19 PM
fuzzy, strangely good - yes! I nailed it, ha ha.
Well, I did want a disconcerting effect, thank you for noticing. Good suggestion about the heavy synths - it may be better to save the heavy spots for the choruses. Will tinker around with the mix - Jiguma suggested something similar.
Thanks a lot!
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*estella [ Reply to This ]
Beautiful Tune &mdash 05/15/07 - 09:33:07 PM
This is very nice & soul warming-well done vocal & guitar work-and as has been stated,the synth is throwing the feel of the piece off-it seems to flow against the rest of the song's soundscape creating a constant distraction(musical ADD perhaps)-otherwise very well done!
-Godchaser [ Reply to This ]
Godchaser &mdash 05/16/07 - 11:10:25 AM
Sometimes I feel like a godchaser.
Thanks for your comments. I've had moments when I like those synths and moments when I don't. First listeners told me they liked them - so maybe they are just too loud in the mix? Others don't like them at all. I think it's good to hear what everybody thinks of them.
And thanks for your compliments, too!
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*estella [ Reply to This ]
Wow &mdash 05/16/07 - 06:27:51 AM
Jeez 'Ella, this is, as Neil said, a big jump up ... I've always loved your work, but this is sublime. Your voice sounds soft and dreamy on this, and this is a lovely languid little tune, with just a hint of self-doubt (self-hate) creeping in.
Wonderful subject, and a great take on it - the chorus says it all - a feeling of guilt and apathy - reminds me of The The:
I've got too much energy to switch off my mind
But not enough to get organised.
I need a few more plays to get my head round this, but my take is this is really subversive little song - a ballad for us apathetic masses with our charity gifts to help us feel better.
Outstanding
Steve [ Reply to This ]
Yes &mdash 05/16/07 - 11:20:49 AM
Yes on everything you said about the content.
I don't know that I did all the thought justice, but I was going for getting the mood across, of knowing everything is comfortable where you are but fragile, feeling far removed from atrocity but also very close. It's complete ignorance while having an awareness of that ignorance, apathy and not apathy, great inner changes but no action. A difficult position. Yes, and the confusion that charity, or any one thing is going to solve our greatest injustices.
Thanks for your close listen and compliments : )
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*estella [ Reply to This ]
.. and more .. &mdash 05/16/07 - 11:47:57 AM
I was thinking about this more, as it really got under my skin. there's a TS elliot poem, the Hollow Men, that includes these lines:
Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow
I think what you're writing about is 'the shadow', that lethargy /apathythat stops us from acting. The more i think about this song, the more i love it.
Steve [ Reply to This ]
Beautiful &mdash 05/16/07 - 04:47:46 PM
Blue to new. Excellent progression. This song is very well presented! What else can I say?!?! Interesting, the progressive phrases at the end seem more surreal, to me.
Peace,
Doug [ Reply to This ]
Doug &mdash 05/17/07 - 11:07:51 AM
thanks for listening to this. This song started out as a sketch (uploaded early in my macjamming) based on a progression I liked. I'm glad the progressions were a highlight for you. Thanks for the compliments.
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*estella [ Reply to This ]
Veeeeery beautiful... &mdash 05/17/07 - 10:28:45 AM
You know that i was blown away by your song 'release me'. You have proven there to be a highly talented composer and singer... and you have raised the level of expectation with the listener. Well... i was certainly not disappointed listening to this new song of yours. It is again a big proof that you're true and natural talent.
Concerning the performance and production, there is certainly room for a little improvement. I do agree with Neil about the ambient synth sound. Personally i would replace it by orchestral (cello) strings, and certainly push them more to the background. Also, the guitar strumming is nice and charming, but in my opinion dominates the song a little too much by its constant presence. So far my two little nits...
And for the rest... simply enchanting. There are singing parts that really give me goosebumps. Estella, you have a very very beautiful voice and the vocalising and expression are just magnificent. I'm starting already to recognise your vocalising style, and that's really a great thing after just a couple of songs i've heard. Oh yes, one more thing... be careful with reverb. It doesn't really disturb me here, but there are too many female singers on this site who exagerate with reverb (is this typical female?? don't know), and unwillingly hide the natural 'timbre' (sorry, i don't know the english word) of their voice. Just be careful for that.
This was again a pleasure to listen to, and it's great to see you evolve so well. I'm a fan :-)
- Walt [ Reply to This ]
Walter &mdash 05/17/07 - 11:22:37 AM
Thanks very much for the compliments : )
If you only knew what the synth line has been through ; ) It's been like this, it's been a flute, and it's been strings. I guess it's back to the drawing board with me. I'll take your suggestion of cello and see what that sounds like - it hasn't been cello before.
I may have also inadvertently made the synth prominent when balancing the guitars so as to avoid clipping in the master track (thanks apb for guiding me through that process!!!!!) I'm not sure, but I will play with the synth's volume levels, as most have suggested that they are distracting.
As for reverb, I like to keep things as natural as possible. I felt the haunting mood and content of this song warranted the echoes, but that is all. Not to worry - I have not gone reverb crazy!
In fact, my songs have mostly been of a brooding, tortured nature, so I may do a more uplifting song next - which is not easy for me to do! May have to find a middle ground.
Thanks again, for your honest critique and kind words.
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*estella [ Reply to This ]
Nice! &mdash 05/17/07 - 12:41:09 PM
You have a beautiful tone, and a lovely vocal style. I liked the fx on the vocals, but someone like you probably doesn't need too much embelishing on the vox. From what I've heard your production is improving leaps and bounds. I'll be listening. Regards [ Reply to This ]
thanks! &mdash 05/17/07 - 03:12:16 PM
I appreciate the listen. I thought the fx on the voice were appropriate for this song - not my usual style. I'm glad you enjoyed enough to want to come back : )
Just left a comment on your latest song - liked it!
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*estella [ Reply to This ]
gorgeous voice &mdash 05/17/07 - 04:26:07 PM
so sweet..lovely lyrics..
and the music is lovely and warm and airy...
lovely sentiment expressed in this too.. [ Reply to This ]
right back at you! &mdash 05/17/07 - 04:45:34 PM
I really liked your newest song. I posted a comment about your vocals because those are what kept me mesmerized by the song. I think we uploaded our songs on the same day, btw : )
I'm glad you liked this. It has a very special sentiment for me, too.
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*estella [ Reply to This ]
lovely &mdash 05/17/07 - 06:36:48 PM
holy cow! this is beautiful!
there are a few rough edges here and there - but the overall production is wonderful. dare i mention the problems i hear? the synth tends to drown out everything else here and there. and the last verse doesn't fit (for me anyway) - it has mostly used up phrases.
love that line about fingers - don't know why exactly. but it's exactly right.
thanks!!!!!!!!!!!
[ Reply to This ]
caught me &mdash 05/17/07 - 09:12:24 PM
I agree about the third verse. I was hoping no one would notice ; )
Thanks for the compliments. I am humbled, after hearing "faded." Will be off to listen to more of yours soon.
Peace
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*estella [ Reply to This ]
it is soft &mdash 05/17/07 - 07:44:42 PM
it creates gentle dreams. with a harmonically anticipatory edge... it causes breath to be held, waiting. but not wanting it to end. like all good things, however, it ends. there is a touch of sorrow here, when the beautiful voice stops singing. 0x0 [ Reply to This ]
Thank you &mdash 05/17/07 - 09:37:40 PM
for the careful response to the song. Thanks for the compliment on my voice, too.
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*estella [ Reply to This ]
way to go, estella &mdash 05/17/07 - 08:34:30 PM
estella - it's a simply lovely song. i think jiguma has given you some good feedback. to me, your voice is an ethereal delicate thing, leaning toward the long mournful tones that i like so well. i'd remix this, cut the background by half. your wistful, melancholy vocal deserves to shine. i like the effect on the vocal - just come step out into the light with that voice. what a wonderful melody - unusual, sensual, and it transitions so nicely. i applaud your style! anne [ Reply to This ]
: ) &mdash 05/17/07 - 09:44:31 PM
Thank you so much for your kind words. You don't know how pleased I am you like it. I feel a kinship with a lot of your style.
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*estella [ Reply to This ]
Splendid! &mdash 05/18/07 - 08:01:13 AM
An unexpected pleasure and part of my random selectio policy I'm adopting and I'm so pleased I did.
A wonderful performance and sound. Yes the synths are a little overpowering but what a great song :-)
I look forward to some more.
Cheers
Dick [ Reply to This ]
overprotection blues &mdash 05/18/07 - 08:37:12 AM
this is an interesting subject, daring in its own way, the fact of being safe to the point of feeling powerless, the guilty sadness it causes. I think the cotton astmosphere perfectly wraps this mood (and here the keys are needed I guess)and I really like these bells.
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No redeeming qualities [ Reply to This ]
J.C &mdash 05/19/07 - 12:55:31 PM
I loved the bells too! I'm really glad to see you come over and leave a comment. I appreciate it. I like your interpretation of the song. It's very right.
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*estella [ Reply to This ]
thanks! &mdash 05/19/07 - 12:53:10 PM
I'm glad for your random listen too. Thanks for the compliments. I went to your page and enjoyed that. I think your project is very interesting. I haven't seen many like it here on MacJams.
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*estella [ Reply to This ]
A really nice... &mdash 05/19/07 - 12:47:29 PM
...piece of work this! Great guitar, bass and vox. The synth is a tad loud for a tune like this. The vox should be the prominent thing here. But it has to compete with the synth...All in all I really, really, REALLY like this estella! More please!
Take care! [ Reply to This ]
Amagi &mdash 05/19/07 - 01:07:00 PM
what a great compliment. I will make more as long as I am able. Thanks for the encouragement. Thank you for complimenting the bass part, especially. I have no experience writing bass parts, but I have been doing that for a couple of songs now. I just play what sounds right on the keyboard and turn it into midi bass of various sorts. I love the freedom of Garage Band! The guitars I played on my classical, getting along as an inexperienced, untaught guitarist does - very simple stuff. Writing songs has done wonders for my playing, though.
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*estella [ Reply to This ]
Nice song &mdash 05/19/07 - 05:38:17 PM
A very interesting song. I like the guitars very much and your voice it excellent. I'm not sure about the synth strings and certainly think a cello instead could make the song more moody perhaps? But like all things it's subjective. Thanks for sharing Estellie.
Peter [ Reply to This ]
Thanks! &mdash 05/21/07 - 08:38:13 AM
Well, I'm glad you listened. I appreciate the compliments. Guitar is one of the things I'm the least good at, but I love doing the most. Thanks for commenting on those.
I listened to three of your songs, and I really like your songs and voice. I have to listen to "Green Fingers" again and listen closer to the lyrics.
Peace
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*estella [ Reply to This ]
youre just so.... &mdash 05/20/07 - 10:08:19 AM
Youre just so pure. I really like this!!!
I miss the old apb me and you band..great times!
very very nice.. I could go on!! [ Reply to This ]
Awww &mdash 05/21/07 - 08:44:55 AM
We should have a reunion very soon, then ; ) I miss those days, too.
Thanks for the sweet comment : )
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*estella [ Reply to This ]
The End is nigh .. &mdash 05/21/07 - 03:27:08 PM
*sniff* .. you guys .. wait a minute: why do I get to be "old"? ;) This is a great, mature(d) song Estella
- is it a bad time to say I liked the version with crackle?- kidding, lol ;) - and it also shows an Estella 'sound' style forming - this is distinctively you. Was impressed how your self producing/production, guitar too ..has come on leaps and bounds and now importantly doesn't take anything away or distract from the enjoyment. Good to see it deservedly well received. Vocals/lyrics are right on the mark ..good mix (synths down just little) and ..you know my only other teeny nitpick already .. "cufftrouble", "comftrouble"?? lol.
It washes over you (like the waves at the start) .. for me the song somehow retains this chilling, shiver quality .. so I would have suggested playing on that eg. add some gull sounds to the waves?? (ie. go for more cooler climate and not sun, sun, sun like the picture suggests) - might just be me that thinks woolly jumpers, hot cocoa kinda "comfortable", fresh cooling breeze .. looking distantly off to a sunset on a deserted beach ..
lover in under one arm, thermos under the other .. :) it's fun adding image inducing sounds into the er .. soundscape.
Kudos - your da gal! [ Reply to This ]
ah yes &mdash 05/22/07 - 11:31:53 AM
ha ha the crackling - the mysterious OTHER soundscape element - not quite gulls, not quite waves ; ) Thanks again for helping me get rid of that. And I will try to hide my speech impediment for you in later versions ; ) So sorry it displeased you!
Thank you for the nice compliments. Making this was really fun - I mostly used stuff I learned from our projects together or from just plain asking you! So, many, many thanks.
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*estella [ Reply to This ]
... &mdash 05/22/07 - 01:50:58 PM
use the force young er .. Leia, or Cowabunga April ;o)
I taught you all I know .. and that really didn't take
long now did it :o) More tips & tricks as I discover 'em
myself .. I'm all out.
Again, particularily great songwriting and voice - I liked
it! [ Reply to This ]
what &mdash 05/25/07 - 10:18:30 AM
What the hell did Alan just say? :)
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http://www.myspace.com/mrsteveanderson [ Reply to This ]
Glad I stopped by to hear this &mdash 05/21/07 - 07:43:36 AM
What a wonderful song and great performance. I really appreciate what you're saying here and you've put together a great vehicle for your ideas. I especially like the pained expression in the line "I am so comfortable here" - I can feel the entrapment and discomfort in those words. The synth adds an ethereal/artificial utopia to the setting - interesting. As others have said - they could be a little lower in the mix - but I wouldn't lose them. [ Reply to This ]
Bud &mdash 05/22/07 - 11:36:31 AM
thanks for saying that. I don't think I want to lose that line all together, either.
Yeah, there's a suffering in that comfort, and yet, what a strange suffering when others go without food, sustain unatural amounts of violence and injustices! What right have we to suffer? I just think it is the strangest sort of paradoxical suffering, and I wanted to write about it.
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*estella [ Reply to This ]
Beautiful &mdash 05/21/07 - 08:47:55 AM
The song and your voice are beautiful on this one.
If I were a producer, I would sign you asap.
You're brilliant. Don't worry about the synths (They are a little overwhelming at times)
You're one of the best on this site.
Really, really good.
Well-done, sis.
LL [ Reply to This ]
*blush* &mdash 05/22/07 - 11:45:38 AM
sure enough I'll do something with those pesky synths, but no worries. You've just filled my head up like a balloon! I'll be walking above ground for the next few days, thank you!
But then I'll calm down, come back to reality, and get on with my life. I like your new lava lamp pic, by the way : )
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*estella [ Reply to This ]
P.S. &mdash 05/23/07 - 04:47:58 AM
I wasn't trying to give you a big head. I really do mean it.I give praise where praise is due.(always honest)
You should walk around all the time, feeling good about your talent because you really do have IT.
LL
BTW,Pic by 5 Extra Arms [ Reply to This ]
gorgeous &mdash 05/21/07 - 08:58:04 PM
vocals here, very sweet. I like how your voice floats and how pop radio it seems. Keep singing and uploading, macjams NEEDs more wonderful female singers!
Very soothing, what a wonderful gift! [ Reply to This ]
thanks! &mdash 05/23/07 - 08:40:39 AM
I just listened to a couple of your songs - wow, your guitar playing is incredible!
I'm glad you listened and liked what you heard. It was not my intent to sound pop radio - I avoid pop radio like the plague, but who among us can escape its clutches ; ) I'll take it as the compliment with which it was given : ) Thanks for your kind words.
Glad to be at MacJams : )
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*estella [ Reply to This ]
nicely done &mdash 05/22/07 - 07:59:26 AM
mcboy &mdash 05/23/07 - 08:47:02 AM
I heard a song of yours once that I really loved. So I'm honored you listened to my song. I'm glad you liked the contrasting melodies and found a meaning in them, as I intended to create with them. Thanks for the compliments.
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*estella [ Reply to This ]
This is Gourgious... &mdash 05/24/07 - 08:32:19 AM
there is one but...
If it is mented then I shot0p! but if not...then I find the vocals embeddded a tat too much in the music. As if you used an effect over the whole song including vocals? (all IMHO)
next to that...this is gold!
Greetzzz... [ Reply to This ]
Thanks. &mdash 05/24/07 - 09:37:41 AM
Helpful comment - I was worried the style on my bass wouldn't blend with my song, so I gave the tracks similar effects, to varying degrees. Maybe this is a no-no for a song? Thanks for picking up on that.
And for listening and liking!
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*estella [ Reply to This ]
wow @_@ &mdash 05/24/07 - 09:24:27 AM
love your gentle, soothing voice. this is an outstanding piece! instrumentation is beautiful.. that pad and the mystical riff of the guitar and the tangy percussion adds to sorrowfulness of this tune..
though i always winge about things i too sometimes encouter the similar restlesness you might have described in this piece-the unfair side of world which doesn't actually physically affect me yet feel guilty for the fact i am unable to bring any significant, proactive action to change it
that bell and where your voice slides :):) it feels so good thakn you [ Reply to This ]
yes &mdash 05/24/07 - 09:39:37 AM
that's the feeling I am describing here.
I'm glad the bells and my voice made you feel good!
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*estella [ Reply to This ]
lovely &mdash 05/24/07 - 09:52:09 PM
Thanks! &mdash 05/27/07 - 09:19:38 AM
I appreciate those lovely descriptions. I'm glad you stopped by.
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*estella [ Reply to This ]
Ignore all those guitar nuts &mdash 05/26/07 - 09:02:47 AM
Just for fun, make a mix of this track without the guitar, and rely completely on the synth and other sounds. Guitars are convenient for song writing, but as you as Austinite should know, everyone and his brother knows how to strum one up and down.
Go on, this is a lovely song, and it gets some of its haunting quality from those synths, why not use those instruments what they were made for: to be heard.
You have a very sweet voice. It was a pleasure listening to this.
Victor. [ Reply to This ]
Hmmm &mdash 05/27/07 - 09:21:51 AM
Vic, I'm liking your radical suggestion. Thank you for being the devil's advocate. It may just turn out that way...who knows?
(Will you be going to ACL?)
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*estella [ Reply to This ]
ok &mdash 05/27/07 - 04:37:54 AM
Oooh &mdash 06/05/07 - 09:50:13 AM
Thank you much! I like your i pod meditator ; ) Cute AND satirical. Wonderful.
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*estella [ Reply to This ]
:) &mdash 06/08/07 - 01:40:23 AM
this is my cell phone,, its I phone
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we are one, and we are nice one [ Reply to This ]
very cool &mdash 06/01/07 - 01:45:10 PM
what a sweet track. some woderful ambient synth work. there were some transient moments where it seemed dissident, but perhaps that was the bells. overall a really smart song, with lots of warmth. loved the progression and melody [ Reply to This ]
yes &mdash 06/05/07 - 09:53:23 AM
the dissidence is intentional. Those bells represent the girl's conscience, which disrupts her otherwise comfortable situation, like dissidene. I'm glad you picked up on that. Thanks for listening. And for the rare compliments on the synths ; )
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*estella [ Reply to This ]
very nice song, and vox &mdash 06/05/07 - 11:10:37 AM
...but i agree with pushing back the band and pulling up the voice.
You love your guitar, but in this song, the strumming guitar begins to just chop your voice to pieces.
Also, your voice (and ear) ARE good enough so that you could dump the echo altogether and go with JUST A TOUCH of reverb (sorta like it sounds while singing in the bathroom...)
Also sometimes a good way to end is just to repeat the last line while fading... beginnings and ending are so important toward setting and then preserving the emotion.
-stephen [ Reply to This ]
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Your vocals are exceptional, and I love the way you've played the guitar on this - it's such an interesting approach. I'd love to hear a remix.
I think this could be a top notch song for sure.
Neil
[ Reply to This ]