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Two Together w/willnlf by bud [Email]
Genre: Rock

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SONG STATS:
Hits: 803
Comments: 33
Votes:
Plays: 170
Last Played: Sep 16, 2008 - 03:03:48 AM
Downloads: 52
Fans: 9
Uploaded: May 28, 2007 - 07:07:03 PM
Last Updated: May 31, 2007 - 09:42:37 PM
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Keywords:
JFK (2), LBJ (2), MLK (2), RFK (2), cold war (1), saigon (3), peace (101), fear (38), prayer (16), Neil (6)
Description:
One more in the series of collabs with my brother Will. This is his story. I'm six years younger. Our stories overlap. He took me to Woodstock with him. He's a good brother.

This might be a demo - it happened very quickly. Pretty much all one take performances. It's got a lot of rough edges.

I had to do something fast to get LIOLI#4 out of my head - or I was gonna have to start charging it rent.

Thanks to Will for keeping me supplied with words. As usual - I just started jamming to a basic drum track and then after I found a song I went looking for words among those he's sent me. Not very scientific - but it adds a degree of chance to the process that I seem to like.

Please feel free to comment with impunity - I can take it - this may be just a sketch of what's to come.

Lyrics:
I was 12 back in 60 when JFK got in
For democrats and Catholics it was more than just a win
It felt like the sun had risen on a glorious brand new day
The past was all behind us the future here to stay
The Cuban missile crisis scared us half to death
We dreamed of missiles falling we hid beneath our desks
But somehow we got through it we stared the Russians down
All the dark clouds lifted rejoicing all around

I was 15 in ’63 when JFK was shot
Everyone was crying everyone was shocked
All our hearts were broken on that awful day
A light of hope had gone out our dreams were blown away.
The promise of a better world where hand reached out for hand
Dissolved into a world of fear darkness ruled the land
Storms clouds were gathering now we had LBJ
Off beyond the horizon an unknown enemy lay

And now I’m pushing 60
And the life I have is great
But the world I see around me
Is filled with greed and hate
And so I ask each morning
In the simple prayers I say
To be of help to someone
Sometime throughout the day

I was 21 in ’69 and Tricky Dick was in
Soldiers died each evening on the television
Malcolm, Martin and Bobby were all behind us now
Drugs and rock were our gods our sacred word was ‘wow’
We chanted down in Washington end the bloody war
Peace and love we chanted that and nothing more
Then other heroes left us Jimi and Janis were dead
Drop out became our anthem drop out and feed your head

I was 27 in ’75 when we finally left Saigon
Crowds of people pushing trying to climb on
To the whirling helicopters that hovered in the air
Above the US Embassy and the helpless people there
I was 41 in ’89 when the wall came crashing down
The ruins of the Cold War lying on the ground
But we’ll keep finding enemies like we’ve always done
Till we kill them or they kill us each and everyone



And now I ’m pushing 60
And the life I have is great
But the world I see around me
Is filled with grief and hate
And o I ask each morning
In the simple prayers I say
To be of help to someone
Sometime throughout the day

And if you may be wondering
What a single man can do
Then add your prayer to my prayer
And together we’ll be two.




Hardware:
iMac G5
Danelectro guitar
Martin D18
Ibanez bass
Oxygen8 midi keyboard
Samson USB mic

Software:
GarageBand3
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One impunity coming up. &mdash 05/28/07 - 07:34:35 PM
Oh boy, am I the first one to comment?

The good: you have some solid lyrics here, and you sing them well. The whole arrangement also sounds solid. Probably in an almost literal sense of the word: this is quite a lot of sound.

The bad: you have some pretty simple chords under the lyrics, which is fine as long as they support the lyrics. However, there are a couple of places where there is too much of the instrumental part, for instance in the intro. Those chords the way you play them are just not interesting enough to stand by themselves.

But overall a great song.


[ Reply to This ]
Great - some meat to your comments. &mdash 05/28/07 - 08:10:25 PM
This is just what I was hoping to get - someone with a discerning ear who wouldn't hold back. I hear you loud and clear. Somehow when Neil Young keeps it simple it sounds interesting - and when I keep it simple it sounds simple. Time to learn how write a good intro.
I also think I could do a little tweak on the lyrics to help the flow - nothing much - just a word here and there.
This should be a good experiment for me - to see if I can garner suggestions and then actually redo the song. It would be a first. I usually just move on to the next - but I think this deserves a second chance.
Thanks for commenting.


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<a href="http://www.loopitorloseit.com/current.html"><img src="http://www.macjams.com/images/banners/474-chikoppi_banner.gif"/></a>

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A good intro is a short intro &mdash 05/28/07 - 11:20:01 PM
I see that I didn't state one of my thoughts explicitly: the intro is plain too long. I read an article in some music mag a while ago where they timed the intros to a bunch of big hit songs. Lots of them were under 10 seconds.

Hard Day's Night: one chord.

Paradise by the dashboard light: one guitar lick.

Playing several lines of the chorus or verse instrumentally is just unnecessary.

I'm glad you're taking htis contstructively, because my criticism is really only fine tuning on an otherwise great song.

Victor.

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I review yours, you review mine, 'kay?

[ Reply to This ]
very good - but could use a little work &mdash 05/28/07 - 08:39:43 PM
OK - you asked for it! :-)

it needs a Farfisa

awkward: Off beyond the horizon an unknown enemy lay

modulate up a step before each "And now I%u2019m pushing 60" and don't drop back (symbolic, eh?)

awkward: Then other heroes left us Jimi and Janis were dead

the last verse needs to be laid back even more (maybe back off on the drums? or just rely on the Farfisa there...)

then build it up, build it up, build it up, build it up.

& it fades too soon.


but - i like it!

[ Reply to This ]
one more? &mdash 05/28/07 - 08:45:38 PM
also - the age year thing feels like a math test somehow. maybe just one or the other would work?

but, again, i'm nitpicking here


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If you can't pick my nits - &mdash 05/28/07 - 08:52:57 PM
whose nits can you pick?
Thanks for the constructive comments. This tune is going to become a theoretical/critical collab. I like the key mod idea - and you've made some good points on the lyrics too.

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"MUSIC IS A BETTER NOISE" - Essential Logic

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I've got... &mdash 05/28/07 - 09:25:31 PM
...no argument with the music. I think your guitar work may be the best on any of the collabs. Looking at the lyrics as you sing them, I can definitely do some serious editing. Strong vocal, though. I'll work on a rewrite.

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the timeline of my life &mdash 05/28/07 - 09:58:00 PM
well i have a ways to go before i'm 60. but i remember these events very well. a dairy for us who can remember.

I actually like the crazy horse approach. i think i've been waiting for this one from you.

i realize you see it as a demo. thats cool. i think it is a strong and rockin enough number to keep working on. Always liked your vocals they are good here. theres a million ways one can approach a song.

I would keep the crazy horse approach. one idea would be to minimumize the instruments during the verse section. drums, bass (maybe more dominant with a little overdrive) and a muted guitar and let all hell break out during the chorus and solo. just a thought

otherwise i dig where you're going!


[ Reply to This ]
Thanks for stopping by Vic &mdash 05/29/07 - 06:08:26 AM
I think I'll make a closer study of The Horse to pick up a few more pointers. I'm glad you see it as the right approach to this one. I appreciate your comments.

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"MUSIC IS A BETTER NOISE" - Essential Logic

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Some great sounds &mdash 05/29/07 - 06:46:53 AM
here, and a rocking track overall. Sometimes a bit too much going on! The mix gets a bit muddy at times, but this is something to work on later. The song's the thing - and this will be a great song, I think. I do think the lyrics need tweaking. There are a few places where lines seem a bit rushed, for example. It has the makings of something very cool, though. I look forward to its next incarnation. Peace.

[ Reply to This ]
I'll probably start tweaking the &mdash 05/29/07 - 09:07:10 AM
current version to clean it out a little and shorten the structure while Will reworks the lyrics. Then I guess I'll give it a whole new pass. Thanks for commenting.

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"MUSIC IS A BETTER NOISE" - Essential Logic

[ Reply to This ]
The song sounds a tad bit repetitive... &mdash 05/29/07 - 09:44:35 AM
...but that's not the first thing I noticed. The main thing I notice about this song is the mix. I'm not gonna BS you, it's not a professional mix; but as far as MacJams mixes go this is really quite good. In the beginning I noticed the good bass tone, then how clearly I could hear the instruments: lead guitar, bass, drums, organ. I thought that sounds really good, but if he adds instruments it's gonna get muddy. Then you gradually added rhythm guitar, acoustic guitar, vocals - and was there some kind of extra keyboard in there too? The point is that I can hear everything without it getting muddy. I can even hear the individual notes of guitar chords through your overdrive, and that's not always so easy to pull off. Bud, if it wouldn't be too much trouble I'd really like to get some mix training from you, either you could tell me basically what you did, or you could send me the GB file so I could study the mix. Of course I don't want to overload you with more work than you already have, but if you have a chance I would appreciate it.

[ Reply to This ]
Hey Dharma - &mdash 05/29/07 - 11:53:02 AM
Thanks for the kind words. This is just a demo - so the mix should be better next time around I hope.
I have no secrets for mixing - I'm a very low tech GB3 user. I tend to work on my guitar fx a bit - often going for a Neil Young tone - he always has detail in his chords. Once I've done the basic tracks I'll go back and mess with the EQ on separate track to try to spread things out so one freq isn't too overloaded. If a track is too low - I'll double it rather than add overdrive. Then I'll try a little stereo separation to distinguish tracks. This is all basic stuff you just have to play with. I'm far from good at this - check out some of Jiguma's work to hear good rock mixes.


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"music is a better noise" - Essential Logic

[ Reply to This ]
Goose bumps &mdash 05/29/07 - 08:44:04 PM
The bass in this is excellent... I didnt live through all that but its true the more you put behind you the more you wait for the big change, and all you can do is the little you can!! Great song

[ Reply to This ]
most eloquent &mdash 05/29/07 - 09:47:30 PM
really

thanks for checking in

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"music is a better noise" - Essential Logic

[ Reply to This ]
Good Gawd! &mdash 05/30/07 - 12:32:04 PM
I'll take this rough edges and all. Good HONEST rock...no freakin' frills! Man, this is the story of so many of us who lived through, and more-or-less managed to survive, those times. (I'm saying this because most of my friends from that period are dead now...) And now there are new times...and it's hard to see that much progress has been made. "But what can a poor boy do, 'cept to play in a rock n' roll band?" Kudos gentlemen...thanks for the memories...and the hope!

Be well!

[ Reply to This ]
PS: &mdash 05/30/07 - 12:43:06 PM
...maybe I'm just an ignoramus...but all those tech-crits sound just plain "uppity" to me. This is a period piece, and as it stands it sounds EXACTLY the way the music that was being cranked out in small clubs and outdoor festivals at that time did. How I miss that raw honesty...This doesn't need to be improved, it needs to be left the hell alone. Just one cranky old hippie's opinion!

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"We are put upon this earth a little space that we might learn to bear the beams of love." (William Blake)

[ Reply to This ]
God bless the cranky old hippies &mdash 05/30/07 - 05:28:04 PM
we must be good for something. Actually - I thinks it's more like "uppity" old hippies - to use your word.
I'm glad you can get into the immediacy of this one. I'm working on a recut at the moment - and Will's doing a little tweaking - not sure when I'll get to a re-record.

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"music is a better noise" - Essential Logic

[ Reply to This ]
Hey Bud! &mdash 05/31/07 - 04:04:55 AM
I like the way you keep it simple as far as the chord progression. Very Youngian song, supported with great lyrics. Also, like what you did with your voice.
Didn't you use to be in Crazy Horse?
Pushin' 60?, sounds like you're 30.
Great, man.
LL

[ Reply to This ]
Hold on a minute - &mdash 05/31/07 - 06:26:44 AM
My brother Will's pushing 60 - I'm a sprightly 52 (going on 53). Thanks for the listen and feedback.

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"music is a better noise" - Essential Logic

[ Reply to This ]
Sorry &mdash 05/31/07 - 07:06:21 AM
Sorry about the pushing 60 comment. Listened again and think it's a great song.
LL

[ Reply to This ]
No need to apologize &mdash 05/31/07 - 08:03:35 AM
I was only goofin'. But I did want to give Will credit where it's due.

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"music is a better noise" - Essential Logic

[ Reply to This ]
Nice chops &mdash 05/31/07 - 09:50:07 PM
really solid song. The lyrics are very involved... I like it! Thanks for sharing.



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Man &mdash 05/31/07 - 11:16:42 PM
Some or you guys are making me feel old. Sixty's the new...whatever. Better to burn out than it is to rust, but the best alternative is to just keep rockin'.

Thanks for the lyric kudos.

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This has a great... &mdash 06/02/07 - 09:42:47 PM
story line that really takes me back. I remember all that stuff too. Great lyrics, beat and very cool guitar, and key changes.

Cool tune.

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I appreciate your comments &mdash 06/04/07 - 02:24:42 PM
Thanks for dropping in.

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"music is a better noise" - Essential Logic

[ Reply to This ]
I love &mdash 06/04/07 - 06:54:07 AM
the 'jam room' feel to this. Don'tya hate comparisons?, but as I listen again today it sure reminds me of some vintage Neil Young and Crazy Horse stuff. Just you vocals aren't as 'whiny' as Neil's :):)

Dig it a lot, man!

. - Harold

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I love comparisons &mdash 06/04/07 - 02:27:41 PM
especially when it's with Neil. I'm not him by a long shot - but I was definitely try to ride the horse any chance I get. I figure - at my very best - I might approach The Horse at it's worst.

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"music is a better noise" - Essential Logic

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Sorry, No Crits... &mdash 06/04/07 - 07:46:47 AM
...so there's not much learning from me. I've listened to this several times, Bud, and it seems to just get more solid with each listen. Could it be technically better? Perhaps, but far better yobs than me know how to do it. I tend to react emotionally to songs rather than technically, and this one carries a huge bang of live energy and human experience that really resonates with me.

Sometimes 'polished' isn't neccessarily better. I felt like I was at a summer festival, listening to the music live. I could literally feel the hot sun on my skin, the smell of tokes and beer, the air and breeze and noise as real as yesterday.

Dunno how helpful this was. The crits mentioned above are all solid and accurate, and a different version of the song would undoubtedly be better, but would it bring me to that summer day as completely?

Perhaps. Guess we'll have to see, huh?

[ Reply to This ]
Your comments are very helpful &mdash 06/04/07 - 02:39:30 PM
Trying to redo this tune is kind of an experiment for me to see what it's like to try and recreate an energy and a moment - while also improving on it. I'm glad you enjoy this as much as you do. I'm not a techie or polished player - so I aspire to a live feel as much as possible.
Wear sun block if you intend to listen to this a lot.


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"music is a better noise" - Essential Logic

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Ah, I remember Woodstock..... &mdash 06/05/07 - 12:44:42 PM
....wait, no I don't. I'm thinking of the bird in the comic strip. I was only one.

I don't even know where to start. Incredible tune. Musically, very solid. Now I'm the one saying someone's tune has a real Neil Young sound. It just really rocks. The lyrics absolutely blow me away. Such a wonderful muscal timeline of one's life. I can't wait to hear the one about the next 60 years.

[ Reply to This ]
jgurner &mdash 06/05/07 - 08:06:12 PM
Glad you enjoyed the lyrics. You might check out The Road, another Bud and Will collaboration that rocks and tells a story. We'll see what the next 60 brings!

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Two Together w/willnlf &mdash 12/08/07 - 10:28:28 PM
Cool song emanating from a super cool era.

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