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I feel like there still may be something to do with this song. I guess the only way to really know is to give it time and see what people think.
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Lyrics
sleep in sweat
this is different than last time
always in ways you forget
always in ways you forget
drown in the city,
drown in the sea
drown in front of me
tarred and feathered,
anchored and tethered
pulsing and sweating
tarred and feathered
i don't know you
i've met you a whopping one time
i think you're keeled over
itd be pleasant to be honest
drown in the city,
drown in the sea
drown in front of me
tarred and feathered,
anchored and tethered
pulsing and sweating
tarred and feathered
i don't think you're scared
i think you're keeled over
it'd be pleasant to be honest about
sleep in sweat
this is different than last time
always in ways that you forget
always in ways you forget
drown in the city,
drown in the sea
drown in front of me
tarred and feathered,
anchored and tethered
pulsing and sweating
tarred and feathered
tarred and feathered,
anchored and tethered
pulsing and sweating
your stomach is wet
like my life is ending
like your life is ending
like our lives are ending
like my life is ending
this is different than last time
always in ways you forget
always in ways you forget
drown in the city,
drown in the sea
drown in front of me
tarred and feathered,
anchored and tethered
pulsing and sweating
tarred and feathered
i don't know you
i've met you a whopping one time
i think you're keeled over
itd be pleasant to be honest
drown in the city,
drown in the sea
drown in front of me
tarred and feathered,
anchored and tethered
pulsing and sweating
tarred and feathered
i don't think you're scared
i think you're keeled over
it'd be pleasant to be honest about
sleep in sweat
this is different than last time
always in ways that you forget
always in ways you forget
drown in the city,
drown in the sea
drown in front of me
tarred and feathered,
anchored and tethered
pulsing and sweating
tarred and feathered
tarred and feathered,
anchored and tethered
pulsing and sweating
your stomach is wet
like my life is ending
like your life is ending
like our lives are ending
like my life is ending
Shire Knights
This song is really creative. Did you really get down with a Russian Prostitute? The song is uncomfortable. It's like going down a road that is both terrifying and tempting and you can't stop moving forward. Knowing that when you're done you're going to come out on the other side and leave your peace behind.
Overall I really like it. One thing you might want to do is give this song a release. Have you ever heard the Wilco song Radio Cure? It has a similar repetition throughout. But at the end it moves into another part that is a bit of a release. To me, the whole song is a build up to an explosion, or a climax. That said, this is an "art rock" peice so maybe you want to avoid that and think it's cliche. But I think a release at the end would be extremely cool, then fade back to where it started.