Something is out of joint here with low marks delivered on
this song. I can say that because it has all the proper
elements that comprise such as a song. It has melody,
pre-chorus build up integrated with a percussion
assemblage for a bridge and then the chorus.

The song has a descriptive Story line and it is in verse,
that means it rimes. It has a beginning and an end. And a
little quasi philosophical conclusion within the chorus. I
would believe that, in elementary or high school alone
that deserves at the very minimum a B. Notwithstanding
there is the voice quality and delivery to be considered to
assess an honest opinion and vote.

In production: the sound levels are all balanced, every
thing is clear and distinct and with a minimum of effects.
It has a limited use of loops and maintains a consistency
to the theme. The construction integrates the lines in a
practical manner that has a music industry acceptability.
Which is apparently everything.

Originality I believe, has to do with, "If you haven't heard it
before in that way then it is original." then that would
equivocate being creative. I believe also that the category
has to include and is based upon the two above. Not
solely (only), on the means to convey (carry or deliver), the
song.

Overall: would seem to based on all the above and the
personal connection, if any, in an unbiased opinion. If it
isn't in you reference of appreciation, why do you even
trouble yourself to vote. Some things need be left to
there own.

YOU might muster (gather up courage), what ever it takes
with your gender to make a statement in telling me what
you didn't like or how it would have been made better. I
have enough years and experiences to me to be a
qualified adult (alas), and that includes understanding
with rationality and without be vindictive over trivialities. I
hope you can comprehend this.

If it is for a prejudice for/with the use of loops than you
need to expand your humanness to a higher intellectual
level including compassion for your inferiors. "quote...
Regulus"

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I think that the vocals should be brought out to the front more, for some reason it sounds like you're singing from inside a bottle. I like the whole idea of the story line for the song, that's what I try to convey in my songs also. The reggae beat towards the middle seemed to be out of key too. Otherwise a good song, good singing too. Reminds me a little of Tobin Mueller.

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Thank you for the comments. I plan on doing a remix of this and use less
effects, bottleness, if thats what your making note on. Your right on the
organ. The original key is G and the reg stuff is in C and as a 4th it was
almost there but not as good as a 5th. G is really a hard key for me to sing
in especially the upper mid ranges and that last note along, with the brass
took me four days of practice to hit correctly and not loose control of it. And
thanks for the compliments also. Greatly appreciated.

---


++ Desiderata ++

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I'll disagree with the previous poster about a bottled sound. Every song has its own frequency spectrum, and yours is not further out of wack than others.

I like the effect that you get from having such a bass and percussion driven track, with very little chordal sounds between that and the vocals. That's a good way to bring out the story in the lyrics.

Was it a concscious effect that the vocals are sometimes one beat offset? That's kinda nifty.

One thing: there are two phrases ("sailed out on vapors" being one) that seem to start in the middle of a wave form, or something like that. There is an unreal attack to them. Be careful with audio editing!

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