This is the best I've heard on this site so far. It rises to the highest calling a
piece of music can strive for: to move the listener, change the listener, heal
the listener. Well done!

---
The U.S.A. is the only country that gets outraged when a little sex interferes with it's violence. Example: 2004 Super Bowl. Demonize sex, glorify violence? We

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I'd have to say that I'm a little conflicted. Lyrically, I'm a lost. The description
says it's about a rape victim, but I'm getting a party-girl-playing-with-fire
kind of vibe, and the character of the music even reflects that. While I know
you don't have to write a solemn ballad to tell this kind of story (i.e. Toad the
Wet Sprokets "Hold Her Down"), you don't seem to convey the message in the
lyrics. It feels like the story is being told by a person who either saw what
happened or was told what happened after the fact, with a taste of "you
should have known better, but it will be alright" kind of mentality.

I like the feeling of "third act." The beat and the melody really work together.
Like I'm unwillingly slipping away from where I'm standing. The scripture
reading is too loud and the voice is distracting in this context, however.
Maybe if she were speaking it under her breath?

Lastly, the harmonies in the first half of the song don't fit well with me. Too
much in the zone of Happy Adult Contemporary. The rhythm of these drums
calls for less polish. Even the dissonance that exists sounds clean. Very "oil
and water."

If none of that makes sense, ignore it (or if you want me to expound feel free
to email me). I think what I'm trying to say is that it's a good song that's
searching for more identity. I won't give it a rating just yet. Need to let it
stew just a bit more.

---
iChat - s0mmeil (the "0" is a zero)

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A reply to "being honest" critique: This song is of an actual event, and, yes,
she was being a "party girl" that evening, but not at all with sex (and
certainly not violence) as her intention, just dancing, drinking and fun. She
was obducted from a beach party by 4 men, raped and beaten and knifed and
left for dead, in the rain. She was in the country as a Peace Corp volunteer.
And, yes, I as the composer/lyricst know this backstory and chose to not tell
you, the listener, everything. I hoped that you are able to piece together
things, perhaps making it more universal in the process. The lyric content is
meant to be like an Impressionist painting, a set of memories that interplay,
like the event is for here, now, in her memory. When I played it for the
person it was written, she thought it was perfect. As for the woman's spoken
voice, I tried to get it softer, but then the words were not intelligible. I regret
that. I still have trouble getting GB's reverb to be both precise and expansive.
There is a lot going on right there in the music. But her prayer is meant to
drown out reality, at that point, and so erring on the side of volume seemed
appropriate.

Hope this helps explain things.

---
ArtsForge founder

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First I want to apologize if I have offended you (or anyone else). I was ony
trying to give my point of view and how the song spoke to me. As far as the
lyrics go, my point is that I wasn't moved in the direction that I thought I
would be, especially after reading the lyrics at the linked page. To me, it
sounds like she went there on a mission but then let her social life get in the
way, in effect digging her own hole ("What did your father say..., "But now
you've lost your count of drinks...count of boys...", etc.). Which I understand
is not your intention, but only because you've told me specifically as much. I
think the song should speak for itself. You don't have to give any details
exactly, but I do think that you could be more expressive.

I like the song, I really do. I just think it could be more.

---
iChat - s0mmeil (the "0" is a zero)

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I'm a composer/arranger/producer, and NOT a vocalist or lyric writer.
Therefore, I don't feel compelled to comment on the lyrics and/or subject
matter. I just wanted to say that I think musically, this piece is great. Very
unique, great "island" feel, and shows a lot of inventiveness (with
GarageBand?) that I don't see on a lot of the tracks here.

Great work!

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well, there is apparently no end to the string of "9's" coming out of this Tobin
fella. I'd say composition alone warrants high marks. The David Bowie-ness in
the vocals peeks back through on this one. Pretty heavy subject matter, which
is usually (for me) hard to translate to lyrics without coming across sounding
contrived... I think you pull it off nicely.

Well done again!

C2

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As a woman, this is amazing. Thank you for capturing something really difficult with such a gracious hand.

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Most of the other comments seem to cover the bases
nicely. Definitely not an easy subject for anyone to handle
well and this is done nicely here.

---
Beauty should be edible, or not at all.
-- Dali

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I liked this with one exception, the vocals don't blend with the track. A little compession and deesser, and about a 5% delay would do the trick.

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I like it, and I would also like to say I love the artwork you
post with your songs, who's the artist?---"Yeah, I slept like a rock that hasn't slept in a long time............."

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I added a citation for the artist on all my submissions. Thanks for the
question. This one is by a relatively young artist out of Russia, Vladimir Kush,
an excellent neo-surrealist.

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You can view more of Kush's art on my art site:
http://www.artsforge.com/kush/vladimir.html

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Vladimir has his own art website now: http://www.vladimirkush.com/

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Simply from the scope of your composition, this is an
ambitious undertaking. And you pull it off. I don't know if
I "like" it, in the sense of it being something I purely enjoy.
But obviously, that's not what it's about. Once again, I see
how someone like you, Tobin, as a very accomplished
writer, player, arranger, can raise the bar and encourage
others to raise the bar for themselves as well.

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I am blown away by the depth at the end.

You really try to capture the feelings and environment of
the situation and do justice with it. That is brilliant, and as
a musician - composer (at least I try to be). Those are
great to hear, feel, see etc.

I like how in your music you like to gravitate towards a
pleasant sound at the end of your troubled tunes.

Thanks for sharing

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Thanks again for your careful listen. I have to thank the person who this
song is about regarding the peaceful ending, the sense of gravitating to a
sweeter sound in the end. I am trying to capture the actual progression of
thought and feelings inside her which, indeed, found a place of peace to both
survive and to later flourish.

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Creepy and moving. Hard to do both.

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But you succeeded. Just listened to this again. Astounding storytelling in an
impressionistic way. You do such hard things so effortlessly, infusing so
much emotion in your writing, sounds, singing, playing...

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Has that school sound of the Samba Escola's, a little more
violent though. Very violent...

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This just sends chills through me and yet there's beauty in it. Wow. I don't know what else to say...

Great work you've done here.

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Thank you very much for the listen and comment. Also, please listen to my updated latest version here:


http://www.macjams.com/song/15661

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