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I've been working on this one for about a month. I spent the most time on the mastering but the lyrics were the hardest. And I still don't like them that well... I'm afraid they're a little clunky. Anyway, I'd appreciate any suggestions about how to make it better, especially in regard to the lyrics and mixing and vox and... well everything.
Lyrics:
I had a chance to be who I thought I should be.
To see the world and succeed and accomplish my dreams.
But I was so caught up in my play.
Didn't want to give up a minute to gain a better day.
CHORUS
I could have made a choice that night
Thought I'd wait until the time felt right.
Now I'm pondering my own short sight.
Didn't give a thought to what could be
All I though about was now and me.
Now I'm seeing what I didn't see.
Wishing something dramatic would happen to me
Like it happens to all the other people I see.
I tried believing that they were succeeding by chance
While they were working I was walking around in a trance.
CHORUS
But I could have got ahead in time
If I hadn't thought that time was mine.
And somehow I though that I was fine.
If I wanted what I said I did
You couldn't tell it by the way I lived.
Couldn't tell you what I wouldn't give...
[Instrument Solo]
CHORUS
You know I could have made it work back there.
I'm ashamed to say I didn't care.
Now I'm feeling like I'm more aware.
I didn't give a thought to what could be
All I though about was now and me.
Now I'm seeing what I didn't see.
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Great song &mdash 03/25/08 - 09:53:12 PM
Love this. The melody and delivery is excellent, and that guitar driving the whole thing along works very nicely. The lyrics sound good to me - I think they certainly are not clunky. Maybe you're thinking that some of the lines seem a bit "squeezed"? Maybe, but I don't think you always want to be aiming for smooth. As I say, it works for me.
Mixing and mastering are dark arts, indeed, and can take a while to perfect (if that's even possible...) If I were to suggest anything about this mix, I'd say bring the drums up a bit, as well as the harmonies on the chorus, and maybe try panning a bit more so everything isn't in the middle of the mix. Use the space to either side of center. Like I say, this is just off the top of my head. I think this sounds good as is.
Great song. Nicely done. Peace. [ Reply to This ]
thanks &mdash 03/26/08 - 06:56:51 AM
I really appreciate the compliments, coming from you. All of your suggestions sound great, and I'll try 'em. Thanks for stopping by! [ Reply to This ]
I too like this &mdash 03/26/08 - 12:42:29 AM
Lots of little surprises which I am a sucker for in a piece.Sounds pretty much balanced in my ears,likable stylish and original.As Dave said perhaps a bit more panning away from the center to broaden the overall mixappeal.Along with the distict poppy keyboard splashes in the chorus,a touch of vocal harmony or perhaps a doubling in a lower octave would help give some seperation between verse and chorus.A well built and solid post.Much enjoyed.
Daniel [ Reply to This ]
thanks a lot &mdash 03/26/08 - 06:59:57 AM
Thanks a lot for the kind words! Means a lot coming from you. Yep, you're probably right about the changes. About doubling though... doubling what? Thanks for your feedback! [ Reply to This ]
Doubling what? &mdash 03/27/08 - 09:50:22 AM
Layering a second vocal track on top of the other vocal track.
Daniel [ Reply to This ]
great job &mdash 03/26/08 - 08:20:28 AM
I think the words are very good and smooth. I missed the "clunkiness" as you called it. You are very talented and it certainly shows. Maybe you should bring your vocals up a bit more but honestly, I think it is a great song as is. [ Reply to This ]
thanks &mdash 04/03/08 - 11:50:34 AM
talented? that's a new one on me. yeah i think the vocals are a bit quiet. i love your singing! [ Reply to This ]
I like this alot &mdash 03/27/08 - 12:16:46 AM
I agree with the experts above, the lyrics are certainly not clunky and I actually like the delivery you chose... Almost a spoken lyric which really fits.
Ad dajama says... mixing is something that takes time and effort and LOTS of listens. When I listen to this song it does feel all middle oriented and as a result it seems busy since all the instruments are right on top of one another.
Another trick is to vary the mix level. IE bring things up and down slightly to create different dynamics. Just a little makes a huge difference.
but this is a trick song! Give it another pass it is worth it! [ Reply to This ]
yep &mdash 04/03/08 - 11:48:01 AM
you're right... part of the problem though is i have really gross headphones. i can hardly tell what it sounds like! (slight exaggeration) thanks for commenting! [ Reply to This ]
Like it! &mdash 03/28/08 - 05:18:22 AM
I'd be more than happy if I'd come up with these lyrics. I also like the chord changes which remind me a bit of late 60's Al Stewart. I've been trying to mix things for about a month and I'm rubbish at it still(my usual solution is just to have 3 things going on max then it's easier to fit it all in the soundscape!). It would be a pity to cut any of the tracks you have here though. Maybe you could try spreading things a bit wider in the stereo field? I still think it's great how it is now.
Cheers
Steve
(Just saw dajama said the same thing about panning). [ Reply to This ]
thanks a lot &mdash 04/03/08 - 11:53:48 AM
the lyrics took SO long... haha. you wouldn't know it. anyway thanks and keep at it! [ Reply to This ]
Great song. &mdash 04/01/08 - 07:06:03 AM
Hi
we always say to ourselves 'If only' but we cannot turn back the clock.
What a really great tune- and melody- love your singing and great lyrics
too -very thought provoking. Great backing music as well
love it to bits and soo fantastic.
Peace Dee. [ Reply to This ]
thanks &mdash 04/03/08 - 11:57:05 AM
appreciate you stopping by. there's still a chance to fix things! i guess that will be my next song... maybe not. i like some of your new pieces a lot! [ Reply to This ]
yeeeah &mdash 04/06/08 - 06:03:44 PM
this is great! I think you've come a long way in GB ability since I last heard 'Squandered'. Great chords and vocals and better blend of instruments. In regards to mixing... yeah I have spent the last 2 months working on mixing almost exclusively, it's a very tricky thing. My advice is that you can never experiment too much, you can always undo something if you don't like it. I've found that's the best way to learn. Good work, keep it up! [ Reply to This ]
thanks a lot &mdash 04/07/08 - 07:52:09 AM
yeah the main difference was using a real guitar! that sounds funny... anyway, thanks! really apprediate your encouraging remarks. i really like your redo of Feel the Sun. [ Reply to This ]
... &mdash 04/14/08 - 08:10:03 AM
perhaps if you cut out words to make the lyrics get to the point. i like the guitar playing and use of harmonica is it? i dont think the lyrics are too clunky either. ussually to get the right words ill just play around and gradually take our or add words to make the vocal part feel more natuaral. sometimes just leaving out one word makes a big difference. [ Reply to This ]
Great track &mdash 05/03/08 - 07:51:52 AM
Stephen, this is a very enjoyable track. Your acoustic guitar work is what really anchors this piece. Solid and crunchy guitar work -- quite nice!
Your vocal seems to be just what is supposed to be -- hard to make suggestions about the vocal because it seems to fit the song just fine. You'd be the best one to advise yourself on this, because it's more personal that guitar work or EQ issues.
My one nit is the instrument choice for the instrumental solo. The bell/vibraphone part just is not too exciting, in contrast to the rest of the piece. It sounds like you play guitar pretty well, so maybe a guitar solo would work in those spots. Or maybe change the bell sound to more of a Styx/Moog/Prophet sort of a synth sound. Lots of good synths in the GB keyboard section.
Groovy track, young man! You're very talented. [ Reply to This ]
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Mixing and mastering are dark arts, indeed, and can take a while to perfect (if that's even possible...) If I were to suggest anything about this mix, I'd say bring the drums up a bit, as well as the harmonies on the chorus, and maybe try panning a bit more so everything isn't in the middle of the mix. Use the space to either side of center. Like I say, this is just off the top of my head. I think this sounds good as is.
Great song. Nicely done. Peace.
[ Reply to This ]