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Description
I've been working on this one for about a month. I spent the most time on the mastering but the lyrics were the hardest. And I still don't like them that well... I'm afraid they're a little clunky. Anyway, I'd appreciate any suggestions about how to make it better, especially in regard to the lyrics and mixing and vox and... well everything.
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Lyrics
I had a chance to be who I thought I should be.
To see the world and succeed and accomplish my dreams.
But I was so caught up in my play.
Didn't want to give up a minute to gain a better day.
CHORUS
I could have made a choice that night
Thought I'd wait until the time felt right.
Now I'm pondering my own short sight.
Didn't give a thought to what could be
All I though about was now and me.
Now I'm seeing what I didn't see.
Wishing something dramatic would happen to me
Like it happens to all the other people I see.
I tried believing that they were succeeding by chance
While they were working I was walking around in a trance.
CHORUS
But I could have got ahead in time
If I hadn't thought that time was mine.
And somehow I though that I was fine.
If I wanted what I said I did
You couldn't tell it by the way I lived.
Couldn't tell you what I wouldn't give...
[Instrument Solo]
CHORUS
You know I could have made it work back there.
I'm ashamed to say I didn't care.
Now I'm feeling like I'm more aware.
I didn't give a thought to what could be
All I though about was now and me.
Now I'm seeing what I didn't see.
To see the world and succeed and accomplish my dreams.
But I was so caught up in my play.
Didn't want to give up a minute to gain a better day.
CHORUS
I could have made a choice that night
Thought I'd wait until the time felt right.
Now I'm pondering my own short sight.
Didn't give a thought to what could be
All I though about was now and me.
Now I'm seeing what I didn't see.
Wishing something dramatic would happen to me
Like it happens to all the other people I see.
I tried believing that they were succeeding by chance
While they were working I was walking around in a trance.
CHORUS
But I could have got ahead in time
If I hadn't thought that time was mine.
And somehow I though that I was fine.
If I wanted what I said I did
You couldn't tell it by the way I lived.
Couldn't tell you what I wouldn't give...
[Instrument Solo]
CHORUS
You know I could have made it work back there.
I'm ashamed to say I didn't care.
Now I'm feeling like I'm more aware.
I didn't give a thought to what could be
All I though about was now and me.
Now I'm seeing what I didn't see.
dajama
Love this. The melody and delivery is excellent, and that guitar driving the whole thing along works very nicely. The lyrics sound good to me - I think they certainly are not clunky. Maybe you're thinking that some of the lines seem a bit "squeezed"? Maybe, but I don't think you always want to be aiming for smooth. As I say, it works for me.
Mixing and mastering are dark arts, indeed, and can take a while to perfect (if that's even possible...) If I were to suggest anything about this mix, I'd say bring the drums up a bit, as well as the harmonies on the chorus, and maybe try panning a bit more so everything isn't in the middle of the mix. Use the space to either side of center. Like I say, this is just off the top of my head. I think this sounds good as is.
Great song. Nicely done. Peace.