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Peace 2


by

LydiasDream50

 Genre: Classical
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Description
Okaaay, my first composition. Ever. I'm not a musician, and I can't really play the piano. That said, my psychiatrist liked it, so I'd like a second opinion :-)

If you get bored in the middle - there's some "development" or something around 4.00 minutes or so...

I'm still trying to figure out mixing, etc. ...

Hope you like it.

colin

PS. I'd really welcome (constructive) advice
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Song Stats
Hits: 373
Comments: 13
Fans: 1
Plays: 42
Downloads: 50
Votes: 2
Uploaded: Apr 18, 2008 - 11:28:03 AM
Last Updated: Apr 17, 2008 - 05:26:10 PM Last Played: Jun 06, 2009 - 05:27:59 AM
Song License
Creative Commons License:
Attribution-NoDerivs-NonCommercial

Creative Commons

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Hardware:
M-Audio Axiom 49
Powerbook G4
Software:
GarageBand v 2.0.2
Comments
Andronis said 583 days ago (April 18th, 2008)
Welcome!
Despite being pretty simplistic melodically and using the same figuration the entire time in the left hand, this held my interest pretty well. This was a rather pleasant listen and strongly evoked some memories from when I was 9 or 10 years old, I'm not quite sure why, but they were good ones. :)

There were a few minor slips at the piano, but for someone who allegedly doesn't play, you did quite well. I would've started making my first obvious slips well before you did in my own playing. The secret I learned over time is to do things in multiple takes. ;)

This is a first composition I think you'll look back on with pride, even after you eclipse it with newer more advanced compositions as you get experience writing music. :)
Check out my latest song called Dance at Merry's Tavern
DWL said 583 days ago (April 18th, 2008)
Interesting
for a first composition this works well. The timing is a little off now and again but it all holds together well.

I'm intrigued that for an avowed non-musician you are very clear in what effects you can apply and when.

Cheers

Dick


LydiasDream50 said 583 days ago (April 18th, 2008)
Thanks
Indeed it the left hand does do basically the same thing the whole time: G-B-D, A-C-E, D-F#-A. (in fact, that's how the whole thing came about - I was just seeing what 1-3-5 triplets sound like :-)
There's a bit of F-A-C at 1:02 that got in by mistake. Honestly! But it sounded OK, so I left it.


I recorded the whole thing in one go (jamming?), although I edited the MIDI notes afterwards, and chopped out some bits altogether. I would have chopped out more in the middle (where there's a bit much repetition, but just enough variation to confuse me as to where to cut) except that the notes are not auto-aligned - which makes cutting and pasting difficult.

I did actually start off aligning notes manually (the auto thingy got it compleeeeetely wrong, since I was mostly way off :-) But then I noticed it sounded a little lifeless. So I didn't finish off.

As a result, yes - there are several timing hiccups.

Something to be fixed. There are some other things I'd like to change too:

Add a single sustained horn/trumpet note at 3:17 taking over from the piano note (you can already sort of hear it without it being played). It's the E above C3.

Do something about the horrible resonance of some of the low piano keys (when they're hit too hard) (e.g. the G below C2) e.g. at 2:30. (Grand Piano Punchy).

There are loads of twiddly bits one could add all over the place, but I'm not sure that would be a good idea.


@ Dick: What do you mean by effects? The (reflective) strings I added come with their own echo. I wish they wouldn't keep panning around on their own though.

Do you mean the strings' echo fitting with the piano? That's odd that is, because the string score is basically just a copy of the piano one. I wonder if the whole piece harmonises with itself played delayed by one string echo :-)


Thanks for the encouraging comments.

colin

PS. I really am a non-musician. I'd like to think of myself as a photographer/painter/sculptor but actually I ummm, well examine patents. :-(
Check out my latest song called Trying (2)
Feter said 583 days ago (April 18th, 2008)
Peace !!
its peaceful ..and what nice about it..the live feel
of it even after you added the strings midi ... its
music and its art ..I enjoyed this piece it works nice
on my ears ..and it reminds me of my Yoga piece with
my 4 strings mandolin ..I know how it feels and its
good ..thank you for sharin ...keeps them comin !
and welcome to MJ !
Reinholt56 said 583 days ago (April 19th, 2008)
Hi Colin.....
Welcome to MJ's. It's a great place to share both music and ideas with other like minded souls..

This is a great first tune so I will keep an eye on your musical uploads.

Take care.

Paul
Check out my latest song called Celestial Mechanics #2
screamalexz said 580 days ago (April 21st, 2008)
...
i think it's great. i've taken piano classes and it sounds better put together than anything i've made. i like the constant to it flows really beautifully. mixing wise i think its mixed fine sounds natuaral and how it should. nice rhythem break at 2:15 in. once it hits 4 minutes it seems to sort of become chaotic and lose it's flowing quality it helps break it up but i sort of liked the steady and smooth feeling. over all it's good i think
Check out my latest song called Die (Album Version)
LydiasDream50 said 579 days ago (April 22nd, 2008)
Thanks
I really like macjams. Maybe because it has Mac in its URL?

@screamalexz: what do you mean "chaotic"?! The left hand just starts going twice as fast :-)

I think that's where it starts getting good.

And I wrote it, so I'm right! :-)

colin
Check out my latest song called Trying (2)
said 578 days ago (April 23rd, 2008)
Colin it like it is
Might I suggest...

a) delete sections
b) delete the strings, or make them quieter
c) add a horn
d) have more "development"
e) have themes evolving into other ones and coming back later
f) find more evocative chord sequences

Ha! Just kidding! You wrote that to yourself in the "Ear for Music" Forum thread.

Hey, welcome to MacJams. Keep those tunes and letters coming. You have a good sense of chord movement. Work on making it more fluid and even. At 4:10, you seem to be getting a little frantic or impatient. Urgent arpeggios.
LydiasDream50 said 578 days ago (April 24th, 2008)
Frantic?
Yes, I like that. But in a controlled way :-)

There's even some screaming at 4:40 ... 4:44.
Check out my latest song called Trying (2)
LydiasDream50 said 578 days ago (April 24th, 2008)
Frantic?
Yes, I like that. But in a controlled way :-)

There's even some screaming at 4:40 ... 4:44.
Check out my latest song called Trying (2)
said 558 days ago (May 13th, 2008)
This reminds me
of the penguin cafe orchestra

with that being said, I would like to hear more
TobinMueller said 494 days ago (July 16th, 2008)
Captured improv
Thanks for asking to have your song reviewed via the Critics Circle. You mentioned that you are a novice. It is good that you start with a simple idea, as you do in this piece. It reminds me of songs from my old Thompson book that I learned as a kid, a good place to start.

If you are interested in writing Classical music, consider listening to what the left hand does in more advanced pieces, especially pieces for piano by Mozart, Cherny, Schumann. Then look at Chopin and others.

When you repeat sections of your chord progression, consider altering the finger pattern and the chord placement, as well as using related chords and voicings. A keyboardist uses more of the keyboard palette to provide interest and color.

Altho you explain that this is done in a single take and is like an improvisation, in my ears this piece is too random. The melody has hints of balance and structure, repetition of rhythmic and harmonic patterns, but not enough. The lines almost grow and build, but then they falter into a lack of focus and direction. It seems meandering, and, especially, does not move through a journey and come to a conclusion. Better use of lyrical melody, chordal variations, voicings, and an intro/body/variation/ending structure would all help.

I look forward to hearing your improvement as you become more accomplished. I'm not good at critiquing novices, sorry.
Check out my latest song called Forge A New Life (MJRF)
LydiasDream50 said 494 days ago (July 16th, 2008)
Hmmmmm
Well, *I* think it has structure.

Maybe not a formal one though (it really is about 30 years ago that we did something about the structure of symphonies or something, for a lesson or two).

But it's not as if there are no hints as to what might come next. It's not completely random. After listening once, wouldn't you know what was coming up when listening a second time?

The left hand is indeed not varying a lot, but it the notes get caught up in those of the right hand in different ways. I shall try and emulate Chopin after I've learnt how to play a scale regularly :-)

I quite like that there are lots of different melodic hints. Maybe what I hear is the musical possibilities (extrapolations) which for me are clear, as well as what is actually there.

Anyway, I appreciate you taking the time to listen, but I'm almost as much at a loss as how to apply your critique as you say you are in your other critique

"I have no idea what you are trying to accomplish with this piece or what you are looking for by way of critique or guidance"

But it's definitely interesting. I shall read both of them several times and try to absorb something. And I shall philosophise a while about whether I want to copy standard intro, body, development, finale structures or whether something - different, might work.
Check out my latest song called Trying (2)
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