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Description
Bob Geldof knew it was a mistake, but he had a big hole to fill in the line-up. NOBODY wanted to go on after Bowie, only to be eclipsed by what was to follow... The Who. You’d have to be crazy... an egomaniac... or worse. Geldof got all three when he scheduled this performer.
In his only other personal appearance, a few years earlier at The Hollywood Bowl, rabid fans rioted during the intermission and the cops cancelled the remainder of the performance. That action only incited more mayhem as the angry crowd spilled out into the streets, wreaking havoc that reached all the way to Hollywood Boulevard.
For this cause, he swore to Geldof and Midge Ure that he would be on his best behavior... No politics, no rants, just pure entertainment. Perhaps he was actually true to his word. For even at his best, it was never good.
But Geldof was desperate. No one else would take this unenviable spot. He had to take a chance.
He knew he was in trouble when, as the pounding rhythm of his signature tune began, Joe Hollywood emerged from backstage to deafening cheers... wearing only a gold lamé athletic supporter.
Geldof rolled his eyes, screamed a stream of expletives and signaled the director to cut the network feed. For the next six minutes, a worldwide audience was treated to impromptu talking heads, clumsily fumbling for words to fill the time.
After his performance of “Star-Bound,” which stirred the Wembley crowd into a frenzy, Joe Hollywood was forcibly whisked off the stage. No evidence of this appearance remains, save for this digitized copy of a low-quality cassette recording.
Blackballed by the music industry, he never performed in public again and has long been rumored to be living a quiet life somewhere in The Midwest under an assumed name.
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Lyrics
Star-Bound
Music and Lyrics © 2008 By J.A. Stewart
— ALL RIGHTS RESERVED —
Well I’ve decided to become a star, you see I sing and I play guitar,
real good. Yeh, B.B. King says I should head for Hollywood ---
I’m tired of running in this human race, I’d gladly be just another
Pretty Face, gee whiz --- dont y’a know that everbody wants to
be in Show-Biz! That’s right.
I’ve Rocked & Rolled and I have lived the Blues. Yeh, you could say
that I have paid my dues. For all these years, I’ve played all the dives
and joints to both the cheers and jeers, let me tell you something:
CHORUS:
I always knew I could be a big star, ‘twas just a matter of Time ---
My record’s rising now, ain’t it surprising how really fast your star
can climb --- Oh, look out, Hollywood --- Here I Come!
INSTRUMENTAL BREAK
Yeh --- I wanna be one of them Super-Stars. I’ll live in Bel Air and drive fancy cars, Rolls-Royce, yeh, and then Mercedes is my second choice.
I’ll gladly hobnob with the King & Queen --- the stars of TV & the Silver Screen, ah, sweet Fame --- Now everbody knows my name!
I want to be a real celebrity --- livin’ in style & ease & luxury, ah, so nice! Livin’ with all the Beautiful People out here in Paradise.
CHORUS:
I always knew I could be a big star, it seems I’ve made it at last ---
No need to worry now, or even hurry now, my song’s a bullet and
climbing fast! (Ad lib to end)
Music and Lyrics © 2008 By J.A. Stewart
— ALL RIGHTS RESERVED —
Well I’ve decided to become a star, you see I sing and I play guitar,
real good. Yeh, B.B. King says I should head for Hollywood ---
I’m tired of running in this human race, I’d gladly be just another
Pretty Face, gee whiz --- dont y’a know that everbody wants to
be in Show-Biz! That’s right.
I’ve Rocked & Rolled and I have lived the Blues. Yeh, you could say
that I have paid my dues. For all these years, I’ve played all the dives
and joints to both the cheers and jeers, let me tell you something:
CHORUS:
I always knew I could be a big star, ‘twas just a matter of Time ---
My record’s rising now, ain’t it surprising how really fast your star
can climb --- Oh, look out, Hollywood --- Here I Come!
INSTRUMENTAL BREAK
Yeh --- I wanna be one of them Super-Stars. I’ll live in Bel Air and drive fancy cars, Rolls-Royce, yeh, and then Mercedes is my second choice.
I’ll gladly hobnob with the King & Queen --- the stars of TV & the Silver Screen, ah, sweet Fame --- Now everbody knows my name!
I want to be a real celebrity --- livin’ in style & ease & luxury, ah, so nice! Livin’ with all the Beautiful People out here in Paradise.
CHORUS:
I always knew I could be a big star, it seems I’ve made it at last ---
No need to worry now, or even hurry now, my song’s a bullet and
climbing fast! (Ad lib to end)
... and rumor has it that poor old Joe Hollywood, hard up for cash yet ever resourceful, has decided to auction off that "gold lam athletic supporter" on Ebay with a starting bid of $2000. Now that's some brassy... well, anyway... great manic performance Mr. Joe.
D