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Keywords:
undone (1), leave (4), twelve parsecs (1), 12 parsecs (1), heavy (135), moody (38), up and down like toilet seat (1)
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Description:
the verse riff i've had around for about 5 years and i decided recently to build a song around it. this is what i came up with.
the lyrics are nonsensical. mostly a stream of consciousness thing... choosing words that feel right to sing in certain parts.
Lyrics:
and i know you will see
the way things should be
and i know how it's done
when it all comes undone
undone, your friends should be
afraid of me
they've got to run away
run away, leave this place
undone, why can't you see
that you're not free
you've got to run away
run away, leave this place today
and i know you will see
it's all up to me
and all along you will run
it all comes undone
[chorus]
a penny for what's on your mind
they all look the same you do
[chorus]
Hardware:
fender strat and bass, v-drums, microkorg, pod xt, marshall jcm900
Software:
cubase 4
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Leave &mdash 07/04/08 - 04:56:23 PM
Giant work my friend ..very tight rockin ..
YOU ROCK ....thnx for sharin !! [ Reply to This ]
Leaf &mdash 07/04/08 - 05:05:38 PM
thanks for commenting! i like to rock. rocking is good.
actually, i just listened online here and noticed a warble in my voice (or bg track) at the beginning of the second verse. uh oh. might have to reupload. :) whatevs, i'll let it slide for now. [ Reply to This ]
Nice &mdash 07/04/08 - 05:04:44 PM
Only one thing I should try to have the voice louder in there.
Otherwise it's a very nice mix as Feter say YOU ROCK... Love it. [ Reply to This ]
thanks &mdash 07/05/08 - 01:54:48 AM
thanks, kenta. i think i'm still getting used to my own voice. i'm getting braver, i think. soon it my mixes will have vocal levels bordering on 'sufficient'. :) thanks again. [ Reply to This ]
. &mdash 07/04/08 - 05:13:24 PM
this is cool, scott. good to hear you singing again, though i think you really need to say screw it and turn up those vocals ;) love the contrast of the heavy chorus and the mellow verses/bridge, and that duel guitar solo is sweet. sounds like this coulda been on a TDT album. [ Reply to This ]
soon &mdash 07/05/08 - 02:03:56 AM
like i was saying to kenta, soon i'll be brave enough and/or have enough confidence in my vocals to bring the up in the mix. i'll try to fix this before i put it to cd.
i can see what you are saying about the tdt thing. i actually showed the guys the verse idea and, while they really liked it, they thought it was too mellow. ha, showed them. and ripped off the tom fill from 'thousand eyes' to boot! :) [ Reply to This ]
wow! &mdash 07/04/08 - 05:56:26 PM
another great song from you! the vocals a little bit up, perhaps - absolutely great composition [ Reply to This ]
thank you &mdash 07/05/08 - 02:09:19 AM
thanks for you kind words. i enjoyed composing this one.
when you say 'the vocals a little bit up', do you mean the ARE too loud, or they need to be louder? (i assume, by everyone else's comments, you mean the latter.)
thanks again! [ Reply to This ]
excellent &mdash 07/04/08 - 11:25:16 PM
cheers! &mdash 07/05/08 - 02:14:31 AM
Definitely yes .... &mdash 07/05/08 - 02:50:10 AM
.. I agree with the earlier comments ... "CRANK them VOX" .. you got the chops .... throw caution to the wind .... nice sound .... or .... if you are too afraid to mix yourself .... send your vox tracks to someone else (during a collab) on here .. let them CRANK em .. and be amazed at how they mix you and how GOOD you sound when they are finished ! Another solid tune by 12parsecs ! [ Reply to This ]
the vocal dilema &mdash 07/05/08 - 02:58:38 AM
thanks, alannah. i'm such a control freak, don't know if i could hand over my vocal tracks... maybe one day. all this encouragement is leading me down the path to louder vocals. [ Reply to This ]
Nice riff &mdash 07/05/08 - 02:54:32 AM
Like the arpeggio feel on the verses. This has a Beatles feel to me in the intro.... vocals are a little quiet and in the background but maybe that was the feel you were going for. The harder-edged section reminded me of Foo Fighters. Very good tune - nice job 12parsecs. [ Reply to This ]
yes! &mdash 07/05/08 - 03:32:33 AM
i want to shout it out from the top of buildings, "I'VE BEEN COMPARED TO THE FOO FIGHTERS!" dave grohl is the shizzle!
thanks for the kind words. and thanks for listening! [ Reply to This ]
!!! &mdash 07/05/08 - 03:21:07 AM
cheers! &mdash 07/05/08 - 03:34:26 AM
it's not a bunch of pink roses, but it'll do. thanks for checking it out, mr smells! [ Reply to This ]
Here you go again &mdash 07/05/08 - 06:18:50 AM
signed... &mdash 07/05/08 - 03:42:54 PM
hehe, i wish. i'll keep perfecting my craft (starting with learning to up the vocals) here at home and release an album all independent-like. :) thanks for checking it out! [ Reply to This ]
Oh, awesome! &mdash 07/05/08 - 06:23:43 AM
I have to start by saying that coming by a really good rock song on MJ is easier said than done - but I've just found one (and yes, I mean yours).
The verses are really cool, but you should really bring your vocals up in the mix, because it sounds really good but I couldn't really make out what you were saying.
The hard chorus parts are a bit reminiscent of Foo Fighters, like NorthPoint mentioned, and they're really powerful and a nice dynamic contrast to the calm, kinda eerie verses (and I love dynamic contrasts).
There was one thing though, that I could mention:
I thought the choruses were a little bit muffled - I mean, I thought it lacked some of the higher frequencies to make it a bit more 'alive', somehow. I should mention that my knowledge of guitars and guitar amps is extremely little, so maybe this is a technical thing that I don't understand :) But yeah, I thought it was just a tad muffled.
That little calm break after the second verse was also really cool - again a nice dynamic contrast - and kinda reminded me a bit of Coldplay.
But all in all an excellent rock song - something that I think is not easy to find here.
A favorite and a download!
Excellent work!
-Einar S. [ Reply to This ]
thank you &mdash 07/05/08 - 03:50:02 PM
thank you very much for the detailed comment. you might be on to something there. the choruses could, perhaps, stand to use a bit more 'brightness'. i hadn't thought of it, but i am going from a very breathy verse, with hihat, ac gtr... copious high-end. then in the choruses, it's a washy crash cymbal, less breathy vocal, no more acoustic guitar. i could find some frequencies to tweak to brighten it up a bit. particularly the distortion guitar. i usually bring out more mid/high in them in my mixes.
thanks again for listening so carefully! [ Reply to This ]
right then &mdash 07/05/08 - 10:05:24 AM
from what i could hear you shouldn't be shy about the vox level .. sounds fine and needs to be louder ... this is a great tune and deserves full treatment ... so come on .. a bit louder on the vocals ... very much enjoyed this tune .. a lot!! [ Reply to This ]
alright &mdash 07/05/08 - 03:54:04 PM
alright people, i will try to have more vocal in the mix from now on. :) these are my first recordings where i've done the vocal, so i'm still suffering from the 'answering machine shock'. you know, the first time you heard your voice on an answering machine you said to yourself, or out loud, 'i sound like that?!?'
i'm glad you enjoyed it, though. thanks for checking my stuff out! [ Reply to This ]
right then... &mdash 07/05/08 - 10:09:37 AM
right-o &mdash 07/05/08 - 03:59:29 PM
you gotta respect what a guy in a top hat is saying. :) i couldn't pull of that look if i tried. thanks for checking out yet another tune of mine, mr america. you rock!
'high hats and arrow collars. white spats and lots of dollars. spending every dime for a wonderful tiiiime.' [ Reply to This ]
Hey... &mdash 07/05/08 - 10:11:22 AM
...this is really good. Sounds like a whole bunch of stuff, but you sound like you have control over what you're doing - you've managed to create something that's dynamically interesting, and which rocks but with a sweet melody in there. I agree that the vocals could come up throughout - but hey maybe that's the effect you're going for? I like this a lot.
Phil [ Reply to This ]
desired effect &mdash 07/05/08 - 04:06:36 PM
maybe i was going for a 'slightly quieter than normal' effect on the verse lyrics, but the choruses definitely need to come up, i'll admit. well, they both do.
yeah, there's a lot of layering in this track. the last chorus needed more oomph, because i ditched the lead line for it, so i added many, many crazy sounding synths. using the bridge for preroll (big mistake :) i started putting synth in there. that's how i wound up with sonar ping. it was really stripped down before, with just the gtrs, rhodes and cello. i might go back to that original idea for the bridge. (unless people tell me differently.)
thanks for the comment, dolby. i'm a big fan of your noise reduction and surround! [ Reply to This ]
This is &mdash 07/05/08 - 11:09:15 AM
superb. Great song, musicianship and production. I agree that the vocals could be much more prominent. Your voice reminds me of Colin Blunstone in the softer parts, and I hope you take that as a big compliment.
Cheers
Len
[ Reply to This ]
thanks! &mdash 07/05/08 - 04:09:14 PM
len, that's a huge compliment. i was checking out some of his stuff. really great singer. but, alas, he is singing full voice, i'm just doing falsetto. man, if i could sing like him - with a soft, silky non-falsetto voice - i'd be set! [ Reply to This ]
I like! &mdash 07/05/08 - 05:51:56 PM
great contrast between verse and chorus. a solid tune and nicely played,
the chorus has a cool style in the way of Foo Fighters
oh, and like they said, I think you got some great vocals. [ Reply to This ]
yay! &mdash 07/05/08 - 08:24:56 PM
another foo fighters reference. coolness! i thought at first the chorus sounded more like muse... but i'll take foos any day! thanks for the compliment! [ Reply to This ]
No need &mdash 07/05/08 - 09:40:42 PM
to raise the vocal.......just lower everything else......just kidding. Another super cool tune. We all only have our own ears to follow and you obviously have a great one. (or two) Regards [ Reply to This ]
although &mdash 07/06/08 - 12:08:56 PM
times are tough, i haven't had to resort to selling one of my ears yet. so, yes i still have both of them. besides, i like mixing in stereo. hehe.
hey, thanks for listening! [ Reply to This ]
Haunting guitar &mdash 07/06/08 - 07:56:38 AM
Love the melodic guitar during the verses. Nice strong vocals when it picks up. I would have liked to hear your voice more during the soft verses. Great tune. [ Reply to This ]
thanks &mdash 07/06/08 - 12:15:15 PM
yeah, i think the key to the melodic arpeggiating guitar is the final chromatic run that turns it around at the end of the progression. thanks for noticing that part. and you are correct the verse vox (and the chorus even) need to come up.
thanks for the comment. and thanks for listening! [ Reply to This ]
intriguing... &mdash 07/06/08 - 08:18:34 AM
More my daughter's style than mine (as I show my genre-age, and I'll play this for her), but very nicely written, played and arranged. I like the intriguing chords, and think you have a great singing voice and talent for composition. Nice nice guitar work. Mix sounds excellent, except as mentioned, the voice should be brought forward... perhaps after you rework the lyrics? Welcome to Macjams!
ttfn,
Drakonis [ Reply to This ]
cheers! &mdash 07/06/08 - 12:27:45 PM
i'd be interested to know if you daughter likes it. teenager?
thanks for the comment about the intriguing chords. with the distortion on the guitars, and the bass holding the root, all the other notes in the chords sometimes become less discernible.
and yes, i might revise the lyrics if i can come up with something better... put a little more thought into it. i also want to have less 'eeee' in the high notes, as that's just a recipe for thin. thanks for checking my tune out! [ Reply to This ]
I have to say &mdash 07/06/08 - 01:01:45 PM
that you have the coolest user name here at MacJams....seriously....it takes the cake.... as far as the song..... nice moody bit of rock.... good clean mix.... nice chord structure.... love how it kicks in and starts to pund a bit..... I dig your voice....I would just like to hear the vocals come up in the mix a bit more.... just a preference.... good solid work though.... thanks so much for sharing this with the other MJ kids.... peace....Ian
p.s. MJ Kids does not = Michael Jacksons Kids [ Reply to This ]
not to be confused. &mdash 07/06/08 - 01:30:52 PM
thanks for clearing up the MJ confusion, especially for the newbies out there. (hey wait, that's me. :)
and thanks for checking out the tune! a compliment from you from you about the structure and mix is a serious compliment. cheers!
and, i have to admit it, i like the name too. the star wars geeks (and that's me for sure) get it. have a good one! [ Reply to This ]
I am also &mdash 07/06/08 - 01:50:43 PM
guilty of uber-geekery.... star wars, battlestar galactica(new), doctor who, batman..... guilty of all of the above myself.....haha.....peace....Ian [ Reply to This ]
I &mdash 07/06/08 - 01:19:15 PM
love the feel of this and the vocals are just great!
I like the intro with mellow verses leading into the rocky chorus parts.
Great guitar playing and a wonderful tone!
Excellent stuff and I loved it! [ Reply to This ]
... &mdash 07/06/08 - 01:33:00 PM
Awesome! &mdash 07/06/08 - 09:15:29 PM
(this is Drak's daughter...)
This song is great! While listening to this song, i got the feeling like there was a narrator who was hiding a world of inner anguish and discomfort (maybe insanity) behind a protective facade. I thought maybe if you ended up re-doing the lyrics, it could be the narrator telling a friend or lover that all is not as it seems, that he's not safe to be around anymore. Trying to candy-coat "get away from me" as best he can with only half a mind or a murderous intent? If you're interested, I would love to help put some lyrics together with you! (Send a note to my dad).
I really liked the chord changes you incorporated into the tune, it gave the song a very manic, unpredictable, swinging feel, which (TEENAGER) I think is a good thing. (Backs away uncomfortably under the glares of normal people).
Peace out
XNovemberX [ Reply to This ]
coolness &mdash 07/07/08 - 01:28:05 AM
i like your take on the lyrics! i guess on a subconscious level that is kinda what i was going for. (wait, that means on some level i may be insane? but aren't we all? no? ahem, moving on then!)
thanks for checking out this tune and giving me your opinion. i'm glad the music conveyed some edge, some manic unpredictability. [ Reply to This ]
Wow! &mdash 07/07/08 - 05:53:38 PM
Nice dynamic shift!
Great changes. I love the instrument choices.
Great song!
Doug [ Reply to This ]
instruments &mdash 07/08/08 - 01:21:18 AM
thanks. yeah cubase comes with some decent VSTi synths/samplers. both the cello and rhodes were from the included halion1 synth. thanks for listening! [ Reply to This ]
A class offering &mdash 07/08/08 - 04:18:33 PM
beautifully put together. Powerful and very well played.
Your voice is very good yet you're hiding it.
Sing out :-)
Excellent stuff.
Cheers
Dick [ Reply to This ]
classy comment! &mdash 07/09/08 - 01:58:45 AM
thanks for the comment, dwl! yes, you are right... need to bring the vox up. i might remix this and put it up again at some point. thanks for listening! [ Reply to This ]
damn &mdash 07/08/08 - 11:33:31 PM
This kicks ass man! The choruses are cool the way they kick in and slam. The production sounds great as well.
I'll be checking out more of your work soon. [ Reply to This ]
flash! &mdash 07/09/08 - 02:03:57 AM
hey nick, thanks for the kind words! g'head and check out my other tunes, by all means. i hope the manage to kick some ass too. thanks for checking this one out! [ Reply to This ]
Good song! &mdash 07/09/08 - 01:54:08 AM
I had a little trouble hearing the vocals in the beginning, could be my powerbook's speakers. I liked the Chorus, particularly that major 3rd you hit in the melody. Had a very contemporary sound to it. Well done. Oh and I really liked the transition from the chorus back to the verse. Nice work. =) [ Reply to This ]
verse vocals. &mdash 07/09/08 - 02:08:39 AM
it's not just your laptop, the verse vocals are a little low (as are the choruses, most likely) and the verse vocals were also sung in falsetto - making them soft and hard to make out what i'm saying. i'll work on that for a possible remix of this song, and for future tunes. thanks for the comment! [ Reply to This ]
Yep &mdash 07/09/08 - 11:12:18 AM
that is great great voice, fantastic guitar playing. Well performed piece and great mix. Top track in all aspects, love this sound...cheers [ Reply to This ]
Yep Yep &mdash 07/09/08 - 12:46:12 PM
thanks, tokai. i appreciate your stopping by and having a listen. cheers! [ Reply to This ]
Leave &mdash 07/09/08 - 11:18:11 AM
awe &mdash 07/09/08 - 12:48:14 PM
thanks, dee! i can always count on you to be in my corner. i'm glad you enjoyed it. thanks for the comment! [ Reply to This ]
Leave &mdash 07/09/08 - 12:35:39 PM
Awesome tune. Man, I really like your vocals. Great job on this one. [ Reply to This ]
welcome! &mdash 07/09/08 - 12:38:53 PM
Great vocals on the verses &mdash 07/09/08 - 01:19:30 PM
Great track. Very well produced. Really like the sound of the vocals on the verses and the chorus rocks.
Cheers. [ Reply to This ]
thanks! &mdash 07/09/08 - 01:57:51 PM
i appreciate your comments about the verse vox. falsetto is so hit and miss... some people like it, some completely hate it. regardless, they need to come up a dB - as people have mentioned. thanks for checking it out, obbster! [ Reply to This ]
It's &mdash 07/09/08 - 07:31:27 PM
really quite amazing how good this sounds.There are lots of layers here- the guitars are superb, great sound and perfect mix.I actually like the vocal mix.A little distant but it fits the song.Or maybe I'm such a guitar head that I'm listening to the guitar more than the vocal! [ Reply to This ]
mix. &mdash 07/10/08 - 12:09:32 PM
thanks for the comment mark! (or should i call you mr strat?) i like that you listen for the gtrs, just like me! ha! i think the verse vocal level sounds fine too, but only in the headphones. i probably should bring them up. as for the chorus vocal levels, some humming and hawing still required. thanks for stopping by! [ Reply to This ]
WOW! &mdash 07/11/08 - 12:56:27 AM
this is amazing man! i love it! i can't believe i haven't heard you before....but it's probably because i keep my plate so full is overflowing. this is absolutely great though, hats off man! WOW!!!!
age [ Reply to This ]
age &mdash 07/11/08 - 03:24:59 AM
thanks for checking it out! glad you're keeping busy - hopefully cooking up some music. i'll have to check out your stuff and see what you are up to. thanks again! [ Reply to This ]
Nice... &mdash 07/11/08 - 11:17:17 AM
Killer song -- I really love the vibe of the verses! Great VOX! I look forward to hearing more...
[ Reply to This ]
cheers! &mdash 07/11/08 - 11:51:29 AM
thanks for checking it out, bono... er, ummm, mokus. :) digging your latest too! [ Reply to This ]
hmm.. &mdash 07/11/08 - 03:40:43 PM
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YOU ROCK ....thnx for sharin !!
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