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Description
This is the song I was working on when I got wicked frustrated and had to put it away, opting to record my previous effort "Wasted on You". I've got it listed as "work in progress" because though it's basically complete, I really want to concentrate on making this song as perfect as I can. Tell me everything that you think is off. I haven't effected the vocals (other than reverb).
I wrote this song for the Ex-Kings after I was asked to join. It wasn't received well so I shelved it, and brought it out again for consideration when we were going to record our album. It's the second song I started on GarageBand and I'm only now nearing completion. Again, please feel free to offer criticism. I honestly want to hear it.
I wrote this song for the Ex-Kings after I was asked to join. It wasn't received well so I shelved it, and brought it out again for consideration when we were going to record our album. It's the second song I started on GarageBand and I'm only now nearing completion. Again, please feel free to offer criticism. I honestly want to hear it.
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Lyrics
The stage is set and my blood's in overdrive
Will we survive?
It's a heart attack waiting to explode
What will unfold?
You're not even listening to a word I'm saying
You're not even worth the breath I'm praying
Don't worry, little girl. It's only make believe
I could sing for hours to your deaf ears
What would you hear?
In power and anxiety we trust
Deliver us.
You're not even listening to a word I'm saying
You're not even worth the breath I'm praying
Don't worry, little girl. It's only make believe.
Will we survive?
It's a heart attack waiting to explode
What will unfold?
You're not even listening to a word I'm saying
You're not even worth the breath I'm praying
Don't worry, little girl. It's only make believe
I could sing for hours to your deaf ears
What would you hear?
In power and anxiety we trust
Deliver us.
You're not even listening to a word I'm saying
You're not even worth the breath I'm praying
Don't worry, little girl. It's only make believe.
rsorensen
Great song, dude. Love it. The overall structure is really fresh and I feel the vibe you're going for. Here's some suggestions for your next take
vocals - you're singing really good here, but the vox could use a little compression and more reverb. As is they're a little too 'in your face'. Would love to hear some BG vox during the chorus and second verse as well - like you did with the outro section harmonies.
I love the sparseness of the first verse with with just the keys and vocals and how that big chorus comes out of nowhere, but I feel the second verse could use some of that outro tele accompaniment, and maybe even a subtle kick/snare/hihat loop, then some feedback leading up to the chorus (a la Say it Aint So) to introduce those big chorus guitars. Again, I think the sparseness worked well in the first verse but I don't see a reason to do it again after that big chorus, plus it'll make the quiet break coming up even more effective.
Speaking of which, I like what you're doing in the quiet whisper break, but feel it needs something else. Maybe a heartbeat thumping kick and some distant mic feedback? Not sure, but something.
The outro is fabulous. Love that bassline and the BG vox. Great!
I think it's a good idea to strive for perfection with this. It's a winner and has great potential to be one of your best. Let me know if you need any help with it (just add it to the list hehe).