Home Music Articles Forums Blog Chat More...      

Only Make Believe


by

Lennon714

 Genre: Indie Rock

Get Flash to see this player.

Description
This is the song I was working on when I got wicked frustrated and had to put it away, opting to record my previous effort "Wasted on You". I've got it listed as "work in progress" because though it's basically complete, I really want to concentrate on making this song as perfect as I can. Tell me everything that you think is off. I haven't effected the vocals (other than reverb).

I wrote this song for the Ex-Kings after I was asked to join. It wasn't received well so I shelved it, and brought it out again for consideration when we were going to record our album. It's the second song I started on GarageBand and I'm only now nearing completion. Again, please feel free to offer criticism. I honestly want to hear it.
Leave a Comment
You must be registered and logged-in to comment.
Lyrics
The stage is set and my blood's in overdrive
Will we survive?
It's a heart attack waiting to explode
What will unfold?

You're not even listening to a word I'm saying
You're not even worth the breath I'm praying

Don't worry, little girl. It's only make believe

I could sing for hours to your deaf ears
What would you hear?
In power and anxiety we trust
Deliver us.

You're not even listening to a word I'm saying
You're not even worth the breath I'm praying

Don't worry, little girl. It's only make believe.

Song Stats
Hits: 57782
Comments: 37
Fans: 18
Plays: 2416
Downloads: 116
Votes: 3
Uploaded: Jul 20, 2008 - 01:20:20 AM
Last Updated: Jul 20, 2008 - 01:20:20 AM Last Played: Apr 10, 2017 - 01:06:20 AM
Song License
Creative Commons License:
Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike

Creative Commons

Song Actions
share on facebook share on twitter download song
Hardware:
Fender Telecaster, Yamaha keys
Software:
gb08
Comments
rsorensen said 3200 days ago (July 20th, 2008)
Only Make Believe
Great song, dude. Love it. The overall structure is really fresh and I feel the vibe you're going for. Here's some suggestions for your next take

vocals - you're singing really good here, but the vox could use a little compression and more reverb. As is they're a little too 'in your face'. Would love to hear some BG vox during the chorus and second verse as well - like you did with the outro section harmonies.

I love the sparseness of the first verse with with just the keys and vocals and how that big chorus comes out of nowhere, but I feel the second verse could use some of that outro tele accompaniment, and maybe even a subtle kick/snare/hihat loop, then some feedback leading up to the chorus (a la Say it Aint So) to introduce those big chorus guitars. Again, I think the sparseness worked well in the first verse but I don't see a reason to do it again after that big chorus, plus it'll make the quiet break coming up even more effective.

Speaking of which, I like what you're doing in the quiet whisper break, but feel it needs something else. Maybe a heartbeat thumping kick and some distant mic feedback? Not sure, but something.

The outro is fabulous. Love that bassline and the BG vox. Great!

I think it's a good idea to strive for perfection with this. It's a winner and has great potential to be one of your best. Let me know if you need any help with it (just add it to the list hehe).
Check out my latest song called Again
Lennon714 said 3200 days ago (July 20th, 2008)
for the love...
see my comments under asconejar addressed to you. I already f'ed this up...
Check out my latest song called The Robots of Coconino County
asconejar said 3200 days ago (July 20th, 2008)
:)
sorry but its hard to criticize a song that is so beautifully mix and sang. For me, the little imperfections adds the to human touch of the song, like the breathing, sounds of finger movements from fret to fret. Stick to this original version, its your style lennon...and its very good.
Check out my latest song called There Could Never Be Goodbye
Lennon714 said 3200 days ago (July 20th, 2008)
perfectly imperfect
I know what you mean. I certainly don't want it coming out sounding too polished. I just need to start pushing myself more and working for results instead of just accepting "good enough". I'm glad you enjoyed this version. Don't get me wrong - I'm proud of this version. I just think I could do it better.
Check out my latest song called The Robots of Coconino County
Lennon714 said 3200 days ago (July 20th, 2008)
Thanks, Ridd
The funny thing is that I totally wanted to do like half of the things you brought up. You must hear what I hear. Also, I totally appreciate your frankness. It's obvious the tune needs more. I do want some looped drums in the second verse. I actually have something incredibly specific in mind. The end credits of Moulin Rouge has this great effected drum beat. If I can't find something like it, I'll fake it with Midi, but that's an hour or so. Also I SO want huge feedback swelling in to that second chorus! I tried to do it a few weeks ago but my Marshall just had this stupid whistling feedback and I didn't bother playing with it any more after that.

I like where you're going with the quiet whisper break comments. I was considering finding a Japanese lady talking. Not for any other reason than it would sound right. But it still needs something else. I'll also try putting some harmony vox in the second verse to set it apart a bit.

Again, thanks for listening and for throwing some critique my way. Loved the acoustic version of Superfriend. LOVED it.
Check out my latest song called The Robots of Coconino County
rsorensen said 3200 days ago (July 20th, 2008)
thanks
and no prob, man. i love this one and i'm really looking forward to hearing where you take it. and YES a Japanese lady talking would be awesome.
Check out my latest song called Again
Feter said 3200 days ago (July 20th, 2008)
Only Make Believe
Cool Rockin Song ...alot of keys work here ..and
its just so cool ...loved the arrangment and all
your singin works with the lyrics so good ,Rock on !!!!
Check out my latest song called Roll with it
Lennon714 said 3200 days ago (July 20th, 2008)
Thanks Feter.
I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for stopping by!
Check out my latest song called The Robots of Coconino County
dolby said 3200 days ago (July 20th, 2008)
Agree with.....
....rsorensen about the quiet bits. I really like what you're doing here but feel that in the 'atmospheric' bits it needs to be a bit wierder. Can hear some distant feetback or grumbling - can't really say what - but something to make the listener a bit uncomfortable. The chorus/hook is great but I'd push the guitars a bit and really pump them up - the melody will always win out over some extra noise 'cos it's a great hook.

Lovely song and production - and credit for really trying to push it. I'd go and get the Flaming Lips records out and see how you can push weirdeness whilst still maintaining the melody.
Check out my latest song called The Only Ghost Who Cares
Lennon714 said 3200 days ago (July 20th, 2008)
hmm.
I'll have to break out some of the Flaming Lips records to see what I can incorporate. I have a few ideas but I like that you caught on the the making the listener uncomfortable bit. That's really what I want to go for. I'll try some things and repost. Thanks Phil!
Check out my latest song called The Robots of Coconino County
MarkHolbrook said 3200 days ago (July 20th, 2008)
Only make believe
Well I tend to agree with Mr Sorenson. During the softer parts of the song I could see the vocals taking on that compressed sort of far away sound. I think it would really draw the ear to them. Almost like they came over a radio losing some of the lows and mids. That's just what I would like to hear though.

In the more busy parts of the song be careful not to add to much reverb to the vox... It might muddy things up.

Overall I like the tune.
Check out my latest song called Corn Whiskey
Lennon714 said 3200 days ago (July 20th, 2008)
vocals
I'll play around with the reverb a bit and make sure I'm not making things too muddy. Compression scares me because I have no idea what I'm doing. I mean ZERO idea. I'll take your ideas of the losing lows and mids, but I might have to do it through EQ. Unless, of course, someone can tell me how the hell you're supposed to manipulate the compression in the pencil tool section.
Check out my latest song called The Robots of Coconino County
Vic Holman said 3200 days ago (July 20th, 2008)
I think
Ridd gave you enough to work with, so I really can't add anything there.

I like the sparsness and the heavier chorus. Great tone on the distorted guitars!
Check out my latest song called Blue Shoes
Lennon714 said 3199 days ago (July 21st, 2008)
Thanks Vic
I appreciate you taking the time to listen. Yeah, that Ridd is a slave driver :).
Check out my latest song called The Robots of Coconino County
rsorensen said 3198 days ago (July 21st, 2008)
hey
why are you wasting time commenting? get to it! ;)
Check out my latest song called Again
Lennon714 said 3198 days ago (July 21st, 2008)
.
I'm sorry, sir. I'm right on it. :)
Check out my latest song called The Robots of Coconino County
somebuddy said 3198 days ago (July 21st, 2008)
good jarb
I don't think I can add anything that hasn't already been said. I would say just add a little something on the transitions and a little percussion on the second verse. I like how it sounds and I'm excited to see (hear) where it's going!
Check out my latest song called Peter Pan
Lennon714 said 3198 days ago (July 21st, 2008)
Thanks Russ
I thought of you when I was listening to it the other day. The line "Deliver us" could work as "Deliver Russ" and it couldn't be our secret code. HOTT. I'll keep working on it. You need to come over so we can finish your song and get that bad boy posted up on this piece.
Check out my latest song called The Robots of Coconino County
somebuddy said 3198 days ago (July 22nd, 2008)
thanks
Well it's not so secret anymore a** hole. Ha Jk that's a great idea! Yeah we need to get to work.
Check out my latest song called Peter Pan
Lennon714 said 3198 days ago (July 22nd, 2008)
...
we need to get to work... as in the jobs we're at right now? Or the songs? Either way Amy just walked by my desk twice today while I've been typing on MJ. My internet card is sure to be revoked.
Check out my latest song called The Robots of Coconino County
lavalamp said 3198 days ago (July 22nd, 2008)
Coolness
Like the vox, but can agree with Ridd regarding the comp/reverb thing. This is definitely one of your greatest. Weezer-ish. That's a very good thing. You are a true Beatles disciple.

Dave
Check out my latest song called The Shallow People
Lennon714 said 3198 days ago (July 22nd, 2008)
Thanks
I'm working on a remix now that has the reverb backed off considerably in the heavy parts. As far as compression goes, I'm going to have to snoop around for tips on that because I honestly don't know the first thing about compression or applying it. I'm glad you liked the song. The Beatles and Weezer are big time favs (to a kind of sad extreme), so I thank you for the compliments!
Check out my latest song called The Robots of Coconino County
mr.turtle said 3198 days ago (July 22nd, 2008)
Your compositions and Musicianship
are some of the best around, but the mix is kind of holding you back. Why not upload a version of this to sendspace. Post the link here. Let some people do a remix. After you hear a version you like have them send you a file that you could study. It's a good way to learn. Just a thought.Or just send a version to rsorensen and let him do it..... :)
Check out my latest song called impossible now
Lennon714 said 3198 days ago (July 22nd, 2008)
That's
a good idea. Sendspace. I'll have to check it out. I've been trying to send files to Ridd forever but I have yet to do it right. He's had infinite patience so far, but I fear that may wear thin after a while. I would love for anybody to mix it and learn. I've got SO much to learn about mixing so any tips and tricks would be greatly appreciated.
Check out my latest song called The Robots of Coconino County
egobandit said 3196 days ago (July 24th, 2008)
whew!
the holloween keys in the beginning really capture me. Nice mixing in this between the chimes and keys. I think maybe the lead guitar in the heavy part should come up a bit, overall I feel its a great song. Nice bass break after the voices! I enjoyed this allot.
Check out my latest song called Tempest Wave
Lennon714 said 3196 days ago (July 24th, 2008)
Thanks
You're right about the heavier part - it does need to be louder. I'm working on making some changes and will post a revised version maybe after this weekend. Thanks for listening!
Check out my latest song called The Robots of Coconino County
dirigent said 3196 days ago (July 24th, 2008)
Only Make Believe
Wonderful song - outstanding!! An unusual choice of sounds, works very well, everything is excellently crafted, bravo!
Check out my latest song called Benedictus
Lennon714 said 3196 days ago (July 24th, 2008)
Thanks
Originally the song was just guitar, but I've been sick of guitar lately and wanted to mix it up. I probably need to look out for making things weird just for weirdness sake, but for now I think I'm working a good balance. Thanks for listening! Good to see you around!
Check out my latest song called The Robots of Coconino County
Lightman- said 3194 days ago (July 25th, 2008)
Great
I like the song... The difference between the slow part, and the part with the rock guitar..... A beatiful song.. Very well written.... Like it a lot.... Thanks for sharing....
Check out my latest song called You Are
Lennon714 said 3194 days ago (July 25th, 2008)
Thanks
LIghtman.. I enjoyed your latest tune!
Check out my latest song called The Robots of Coconino County
Lennon714 said 3194 days ago (July 25th, 2008)
Thanks
LIghtman.. I enjoyed your latest tune!
Check out my latest song called The Robots of Coconino County
kepps2113 said 2803 days ago (August 21st, 2009)
Good one
The "work" discussion between you an Russ also makes me laugh. You will be my downfall here as well EV...
Check out my latest song called Hammers and Heads
Lennon714 said 2783 days ago (September 9th, 2009)
If I'm going down
You're coming with me!
Check out my latest song called The Robots of Coconino County
lavalamp said 2786 days ago (September 7th, 2009)
do you know...
that this has over 34000 hits?

Was checking out some of your older tunes :)
Check out my latest song called The Shallow People
Lennon714 said 2783 days ago (September 9th, 2009)
34000
I come from a large family :)
Check out my latest song called The Robots of Coconino County
lavalamp said 2783 days ago (September 10th, 2009)
funny
my family and friends don't even want to hear my stuff. That's why I came to MJ
Check out my latest song called The Shallow People
Dj French Toast said 1479 days ago (April 5th, 2013)
awesome
great arrangement cool choice of instruments your vocal is dead on ! I really love this man ! Thx for the download !!!


Check out my latest song called Sweeter no doubt (Beat by Sweet 79)
Artist Info
artist photo
Location: Queen Creek AZ United States
send a note
here. Bob Dorsey (Somebuddy. Strange things are afoot at the Circle K. I'm a humble member of MacJam's very own Peter Pan with Wasted on You with Spaceball Ricochet with The Trooper (Iron Maiden Cover) with cover song challenge. I enlisted Mi... [see more]

Check out some of my other songs:

Chat
Who's Online
Invisible Members: 0
Visitors: 102