Home Music Articles Forums Blog Chat More...      

In My Room (w.i.p.)


by

12parsecs

 Genre: Punk-Grunge

Get Flash to see this player.

Description
as with all my tunes, there's no loops... just lonely old me plucking stings, banging drums and wailing away.

this is a work in progress. i need to redo the vocals with a condenser mic (i'm going thru a 57 right now). the lyrics are a mouthful, so i am still working on the timing. the music for this, on the other hand, came together super-easy! mostly a combination of power chords and fun.

if you can help me out with comments, i would like to know:

a) if the lyrics are too jokey?
b) should i lose the bg talking and 'booyah's?
c) any other constructive criticism you feel like sharing.

Cheers all!
Leave a Comment
You must be registered and logged-in to comment.
Lyrics
This sort of happens all the time,
My friends begin to cross the line,
It's going way beyond just being unkind.

They're all looking for a fight,
They should be happy with Bud Light,
If they don't like it, let THEM buy BEvERages next time!

That's when she walked into the room,
How did she get here and with whom?
Her demeanor hit me like a sonic boom.

Will she think that I'm a square?
I think I need time to prepare,
If anyone needs me, I'll be faux-hawking my hair,
In My Room!

It seems I've been up here for hours,
I even made her paper flowers,
Out of the pages of my life.
In my eidetic microcosm she could be my wife,
All her life,
And play the fife,
In My Room,
In My Room!

And so we went on our first date,
Everything seemed to go ok,
She touched my hand, this must be fate!

I said “let's talk until first light”
She says “Goodbye” and calls it a night,
I guess I'll just have continue this on my own,
By myself,
In My Room!
Song Stats
Hits: 4058
Comments: 42
Fans: 22
Plays: 287
Downloads: 0
Votes: 8
Uploaded: Jul 25, 2008 - 06:55:28 PM
Last Updated: Jul 25, 2008 - 07:03:36 PM Last Played: Apr 02, 2017 - 09:57:45 PM
Song License
Creative Commons License:
Attribution-NoDerivs-NonCommercial

Creative Commons

Song Actions
share on facebook share on twitter
Hardware:
fender strat and bass, marshall jcm900, roland v-drums
Software:
cubase 4
Comments
SatelliteTragedy said 3257 days ago (July 25th, 2008)
wow dude
this has really come a long way. but i gotta tell you it sounds EXACTLY like... haha just kidding. Man that solo is amazing. I'll come back later and offer some constructive crits. Sounding good so far.
Check out my latest song called Chronicles of a Dysphoric Translator
12parsecs said 3257 days ago (July 26th, 2008)
hehe, thanks!
cheers for the props on the solo. yeah, by all means, pop by again if you can offer some more critiques.
Check out my latest song called No disassemble!
Feter said 3257 days ago (July 25th, 2008)
In My Room
You Rock dude ...I only things its too loud ..even
for such style ..need to adjust the ending ..else
I feel its great rockin !!!
Check out my latest song called Roll with it
12parsecs said 3257 days ago (July 26th, 2008)
loudness.
too loud? i never get that comment. (j/k :) thanks for checking it out and for the kind words.

curious, though. you mention adjusting the ending... how so? (maybe you mean ditching the 'i just broke a sting' and the accompanying broken string noise. it's funny because i did actually break that string right at the end of the take. good timing!)
Check out my latest song called No disassemble!
Lennon714 said 3257 days ago (July 25th, 2008)
Good lord
Great pop-punk tune you have hear. It's amazing that you aren't just passable at each instrument you play, you're right on top of it. Great to listen to. Here's my take on your questions;
a) The lyrics are perfectly fine. They move the story along well. They're fun, but not annoying like Blink 182.
b) I think the talking is great. I could, however, do without the booyah's.
c) One thing I don't like about this genre is it's tendency to not have instrument separation. This track has a GREAT bass sound that I couldn't get enough of. It really pushed this track over the top for me. Great job on a good rocking track from a genre that has a tendency to be plain.

Don't tell me you're still unsure of your voice.
Check out my latest song called The Robots of Coconino County
12parsecs said 3257 days ago (July 26th, 2008)
excellent!
thank you so much for addressing all my questions! v much appreciated! i was unsure of the talking part and, especially, the booyahs. (i had just one on the left, then doubled it up. could turn off the 'suck' knob on either of them. :)

and, yes, i'm still unsure of my voice. it sounds alright in the choruses, but i find it very nasally in the verses. mabye that will improve when i record this with a condenser (and more confidence in my delivery).

any, thanks again for the detailed comment.
Check out my latest song called No disassemble!
12parsecs said 3256 days ago (July 26th, 2008)
typo...
oops, sorry. that (above) should read '*couldn't* turn off the suck knob'. (wouldn't it be nice to be able to go back and edit your own comments? 2.0? :)
Check out my latest song called No disassemble!
kingbee said 3257 days ago (July 26th, 2008)
great ending
cool riff. Liked the energy of it. Sort of Green Day-ish but that's not a bad thing.
Check out my latest song called No expense spared
12parsecs said 3256 days ago (July 26th, 2008)
green dayish
cheers! a comparison to green day is definitely a compliment in my books. in fact, this song came together so easy (and green day has such an extensive repertoire) that i though i might be stealing a progression. so i sent a sample early on to ridd (fellow gd fan) to see if he recognized any plagiarism. guess i'm in the clear for now. thanks for listening!
Check out my latest song called No disassemble!
ktb said 3257 days ago (July 26th, 2008)
wip?
sounds polished to me. nice hooks and your voice sounds fabulous. Had me playin air guitar. Unbelievable talent you've got. There's no weak link in your instrument arsenal
Check out my latest song called Blackwater (by Tokai)
12parsecs said 3256 days ago (July 26th, 2008)
thanks!
thank you for your kind words. the instrument bed is done, as far as i'm concerned, it's just the lyrics and the vocals that i'm working on.

it took me a long time to write these lyrics. not that i agonized over them - i just kept procrastinating. so when i finally finished the whole song, i didn't go back and rewrite anything, i just tried it out as is.

i'm unsure about the lyrics, but the more i listen, the more i think they will work. but i do need to re-sing the vocals with a) a better mic and b) better timing and confidence. i've only just started singing and am not used to spitting out so many words so quickly. :) plus i want to get the vocals up to par with the rest of the music, at least.

thanks for listening and commenting!
Check out my latest song called No disassemble!
VicDiesel said 3257 days ago (July 26th, 2008)
Energy to spare
Great tune.

I'm enjoying your arranging craft. You know how to alternate intense and laidback passages, ok, moments :-) And you keep everything compact. The guitar solo says everything it needs to say, and not a note more. (Around 1:22 it feels like it's hanging dangerously in front of the beat.)




Check out my latest song called Betazoid
12parsecs said 3256 days ago (July 26th, 2008)
rushed groove
ha! i was wondering if anyone was going to pick up on that in the solo. you've got a good ear, mr diesel! i heard it before and, not wanting to retrack the solo, learned to accept it. however, now that the vocals are in there and are a little more laid back, i notice the rushed section of the solo again. maybe i can just nudge that portion back a bit instead of redoing, as it's been so long i don't remember how i played it... and i like what i've got.

thanks for the great comment!
Check out my latest song called No disassemble!
peacepiano said 3256 days ago (July 26th, 2008)
Genre
Sounds like a cool song. I am not an expert in this genre so I don't know how to help with the details, but one thing you don't want to do is lose the energy. This is a very high energy performance right now!

Thanks
Bill
Check out my latest song called Beat SoloMe-O
12parsecs said 3256 days ago (July 26th, 2008)
energy!
agreed, bill. in fact, i think the vocal could have more energy... i should be able to deliver more once i memorize the words and the timing. thanks for the comment!
Check out my latest song called No disassemble!
michael2 said 3256 days ago (July 26th, 2008)
cool
i like this, kind of so cal sounding. i would lose the talking and the booyah. it makes it more jokey than i would personally want. great guitar sound, the real amp shows.
Check out my latest song called Jazz Glitch Dub Experiment
12parsecs said 3256 days ago (July 26th, 2008)
my marshall is showing.
thanks for the input re: the talking/booyahs. i'm sorta keeping a tally of what people say.

the so cal sound - i totally dig it! i love my marshall... can't get any emulation to quite match it. (it is actually recorded at low volume with a large diaphragm condenser, believe it or not... neighbours.) this jcm900 head was actually my first, and only, ebay purchase. it was a fair chunk of change, so i was really nervous as i waited for the package to arrive! thanks again for the comment!
Check out my latest song called No disassemble!
said 3256 days ago (July 26th, 2008)
breaks w talk
work fine, use them sparingly. Bu-yaa's well... hmm

Those spoken breaks separate it from just 'any' punk song, so don't lose all of them, in my book.

Reminds me when my son at ~14 yrs old played drums and jammed in our garage w his two Jr High buddies and did some teen gigs around town and let me play roadie for them - really fun times! Can't say they were this refined, but they had this same high level of energy that outdid older bands they played backup for and drew bigger crowds from the school.

Thanks for the memory potion shot in the arm.

. - Harold
said 3256 days ago (July 26th, 2008)
woops
I was going to add that the 'Bright' aspect on the EQ overall is too high for me, gives a lot of 'tinny' sound to the mix that has little contrast to the cymbals on the excellent drumming and kind of hides the fine guitar and vox in the blend.

Back to listen #6 time. Enjoyable.
12parsecs said 3256 days ago (July 26th, 2008)
listen #6.
hehe, yeah this tune is short enough, at least, to allow for multiple listens. :) the highs, yes, might be a little over emphasised... my fault on the eq during some hasty mastering. and i did turn up the overheads on the drums this time around. is it during the choruses mostly you notice this phenomenon? or is, perhaps, the hihat?

another vote agianst the booyahs. cool, thanks! glad you felt the energy. i felt young again playing it. this is definitely something i would have written in high school. thanks for the comment(s)!
Check out my latest song called No disassemble!
said 3256 days ago (July 26th, 2008)
highs
Maybe just in the vox and guitar combination, yes especially in the chorus, But as those alone sound good too, You might try to use some automation on the EQ to change a couple of levels a tiny bit just in spots where they all come together more intensively. What do you think?

I'd leave the drums alone! those cymbals rock the whole piece. (bonus 2 more listens:)
12parsecs said 3256 days ago (July 27th, 2008)
automated eq
i hear what you are saying about the choruses and the competing gtr and vox frequencies. but before i automate the eqs, i'm going to retrack the vocals with a condenser mic (once i learn the words better). i think the articulated high end of a condenser will help the vocal cut through the mix better. if i still have the issues then, i'll definitely try automating some eq. (i've done it before, i'll do it again. :) thanks for the comments!
Check out my latest song called No disassemble!
FEEL said 3256 days ago (July 26th, 2008)
Fantastic!
Very professional. Very impressive and radio ready.
Check out my latest song called Stuck n D - 214ce ES2 test
12parsecs said 3256 days ago (July 26th, 2008)
thanks!
thanks for the kind words! let me tweak the vocals and i'll start shipping the single to my local radio stations. :)
Check out my latest song called No disassemble!
Soundhound said 3256 days ago (July 27th, 2008)
If thats your room....
It's a very good sounding one.....
And this does not sound like Grunge to me....
The dynamics and harmonics are to well organized...
This is more like..... Strait up hard core rock.... with flavour...
And If you've played all the parts I'm impressed, you truly
can consider your self as a player my Friend......


I......... Like it.........
Check out my latest song called Melded Universe....
12parsecs said 3254 days ago (July 28th, 2008)
thanks!
thank you. i see that you play all your own stuff too. yes, this was all me. the only thing i had to 'cheat' on was the kick drum. i only started playing drums in the last year or so, and i can't get my foot to move that fast (hopefully it will get better/faster) so i used a midi finger trigger pad to play the kick in this case. (you can tell by the rushed groove, though, that i didn't quantize. i did, however, copy and paste some of those kick patterns around.) and, of course, i only started singing this year. sure, i've done sporadic backups in bands, but this is the first time for me taking it seriously and recording it. so i'm a big time rookie and don't have a defined style and it takes time for me to perfect a song's delivery.

i agree, also, that this is not the right genre, but i didn't see pop punk in the drop down list. thanks for the listen and comment!
Check out my latest song called No disassemble!
TobinMueller said 3255 days ago (July 28th, 2008)
Play the fife
Solid writing, recording. Love the little touches, like the end. For the genre, kind of pop punk, I think you are using too much reverb on the vocals, altho it works with the concept of being lost in your room; but maybe up the reverb with echo for a line or two of the chorus "in my room" is that is your intent, and not for the verses, or something? Really nice track. But I really wanted to hear you play the fife! I like the light lyrics, fun is something rock needs more of. And the booya works, especially just before the "square" line.
Check out my latest song called Momentary Undertow
12parsecs said 3254 days ago (July 28th, 2008)
ah, the fife.
hehe, i really couldn't think of another rhyme for life - and this song is silly enough to let that fly. i've got no fife to play, unfortunately, not that i would actually add it to this track. :)

i agree with your comments about the reverb/delay. i just wanted to thicken the vocal, but make it not so noticeable. it is a little on the wet side and i will have to pull back on the reins when i retrack the vocals. it wasn't intended to play on the 'room' in the lyrics. thanks for the comment, tobin!
Check out my latest song called No disassemble!
mr.turtle said 3255 days ago (July 28th, 2008)
I'll be faux hawking
my hair......You guys from Canada are really raising the overall music quality on this site. Totally tight and blazing guitar solo....Dynamite tune.
Check out my latest song called impossible now
12parsecs said 3254 days ago (July 28th, 2008)
two things...
two things us canadians like... our music and our faux-hawks. thanks for stopping by, mr.turtle!
Check out my latest song called No disassemble!
Skean said 3254 days ago (July 28th, 2008)
Good Rock noise
Love this have no criticism sound good to my ears I love noise Rock tunes and you done good in this one... It's sounds live kinda Dig it.. Hm maybe some more punch in the bass? or maybe not... Cool ending as well...Cheers
Check out my latest song called Which path will we take
12parsecs said 3254 days ago (July 28th, 2008)
let's make some noise!
thanks for the comment! yeah, i like a good rocker from time to time. you may be right about the bass. one thing i have learned about contemporary music and mixing is that bass tracks often get slammed (compressed) more than you expect. but with this particular bass sound, maybe i should increase the attack time a hair to allow for a little more punch... have to try it out and see. thanks again!
Check out my latest song called No disassemble!
five_extra_arms said 3254 days ago (July 28th, 2008)
Booohhhyahhhh!
A breath taking blast of energy. Whew! I love this.

a) I grew up on the Dead Milkmen, so the lyrics are NOT too jokey for me. Bud Light was my least favorite lyric. I can think of 4 other words that rhyme with "light" if you decide to change it and need some help :)
b) Boohyah was timed right for me, the broken string at the end is perfect for the live shows, but you might consider leaving it off the radio version of this killer track. The rest of the bg vox worked great for me.
c) can you play it a little faster and a little louder? Please? Seriously, about 40 bpm minute would make this song perfect. Just kidding. The drums were better than good, the lead was awesome. You're hired.

I'll be saying Boohyah for the next week or so.

I'd like it better if I could download it.

Thanks,

Bob

Check out my latest song called Kepler - NASA Challenge
12parsecs said 3254 days ago (July 28th, 2008)
i'd give my left arm to be ambidextrous!
thanks for the comment, 5-xtra!

a) bitchin camaro, bitchin camaro, i ran over my neighbour.
b) thanks. agreed, the timing works, but i think consensus leaned toward losing the booyahs.
c) i think this one is only about 80 bpm (or something like that). kinda half time. but, you see, this is such a rushed groove, having too many clicks was harshing my vibe. (did i just say 'harshing my vibe'??)

anyway, thanks for listening. once i re-sing the vocals i'll post again w/download. it's not quite there yet. cheers!
Check out my latest song called No disassemble!
Remark80 said 3250 days ago (August 1st, 2008)
You Got IT
You really have your shit together. Everything that I have heard on your site has been amazing. Very contemporary and original. Nice playing and vox. I would say radio friendly but who needs radiot when you have MJ and other sites to post your tunes and get heard. Really great stuff, man. Look forward to hearing more.
Check out my latest song called The World is a Stage
12parsecs said 3249 days ago (August 2nd, 2008)
cheers!
thanks for the compliment, remark! i hope to get enough tunes together, tweak 'em as i get feedback, and put an album out there. one day.

i see a couple of 1176's in your profile picture. *jealus*!!! is this your home studio?
Check out my latest song called No disassemble!
Mckenzie said 3234 days ago (August 17th, 2008)
friggin..
amazing

oh and i heard that Bono records alot of his vocals with a sm-57.
This has got such a feel good factor to it

once again you've done it
cheers
Check out my latest song called California Gold
12parsecs said 3233 days ago (August 19th, 2008)
57
hey, if it's good enough for bono, it's good enough for me. actually, i tried these vocals again with a condenser mic and just couldn't hit the notes. guess i need to have my bad posture and a hand held mic to get this one properly. i should still redo the vox, though, condenser or not. thanks for the kind words!
Check out my latest song called No disassemble!
Pie said 3231 days ago (August 20th, 2008)
Don't change a thing!
Don't change a thing!

Peace.
Check out my latest song called Coalesce (Instrumental)
12parsecs said 3231 days ago (August 20th, 2008)
cheers!
thanks for the comment, pie. can i at least redo my vocals? :)
Check out my latest song called No disassemble!
Einarus said 3223 days ago (August 29th, 2008)
Very pro!
Full, powerful recording, good performances, fun lyrics and an all around kickin' song!

No suggestions from me!

-Einar S.
Check out my latest song called "I Hate Goodbyes"
fishstick said 3180 days ago (October 10th, 2008)
I agree with pie
Don't touch it.

Don't use a better mic.. You're going to sound to clean. There's a reason the 57 is used for vocals by a lot of bands..I think it's a great sound..puts you in the music.

Great little toon..I like the booya's ..it's silly and fits in. I like the mess at the end...just fits.

Seriously , do not touch...
Check out my latest song called bhlp
lavalamp said 3179 days ago (October 11th, 2008)
Spirit
How on Earth did I miss this one? No reason this shouldn't be a hit.

A tremendous job.

Well done.

Dave
Check out my latest song called The Shallow People
lavalamp said 3179 days ago (October 11th, 2008)
P.S.
LOVED the ending. Appropriate.

LL
Check out my latest song called The Shallow People
JsLoMusic said 2746 days ago (December 18th, 2009)
3 Ps
Power Pop Punk...It doesn't get any better!
Check out my latest song called Tear In My Eye
Artist Info
artist photo
Name: Twelve Parsecs
Location: Vancouver BC Canada
send a note
I am trying to discover my musical identity. Music is my life. I aspire to inspire, and hope be inspired in this great online community called MacJams.... [see more]

Check out some of my other songs:

Chat
Who's Online
150
Invisible Members: 0
Visitors: 100