Clouds by rsorensen
Genre: Alternative Rock
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Keywords:
pffft (1)
Description:
OK so I need your input on this one. I was this close to scrapping it because something about it doesn't sit right with me. Is it the mix? the chorus? the drums? I dunno - just not totally feelin' it you know? Anyway yeah - not particularly crazy about this song, so any input/advice for improvement would be much appreciated. Hit me!
Lyrics:
I see you look my wayYour eyes are not the same
They don't smile at me the way they did when we were good
What do I have to do
To show that I need you
and are these words just wasted letters to your pretty eyes
How long can we go on
Denying what we've done
We made a life of what we had but what we had is gone
and now I want it back
and I know that you do too
So lets give this a try just one more time 'cause i love you
I've watched you fall a thousand feet
Reach out your hand and let me pull you into me
This love we had can be renewed
Just say the word and I will come back to you
Time has passed me by
Right before my eyes
I've only got one life and God i wanna live it right
So live it out with me
I know it sounds crazy
and if it is then you can help me go out of my mind
I've watched you fall a thousand feet
Reach out your hand and let me pull you into me
This love we had can be renewed
Just say the word and I will come back to you
I can hear you calling me through the clouds
Hardware:
Epiphone EJ200, M-Audio KeyStudio 49i, Gibson Firebird VIISoftware:
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ktb
may I say even your "I'm not entirely hearing it" tunes are heads above most anything I listen to. The progression and the way the way you weave the melody line through it is just sweet (very original). Its takes some wonderful twists. Your vocal is more vulnerable than previous trax I've heard from you, and that works for me. The guitars at the end mix it up somewhat and add a nice counter point to all the emo in the tune. I like it. Also hard pressed to think of any worthy nits.
rsorensen
a lot karma. i dunno why but it makes me uncomfortable listening to this song haha. I appreciate the critique - thanks for listening.
lavalamp
First of all the song is very well written. Your voice sounds tremendous. The chorus sounds fine, dude. Just a bit out of tune. (I think)(But, kind of Neil Youngian)
You should never scrap this.
Maybe, you could hit the second verse with a touch more energy with the singing.
I mean I get the solo at the end, but I also get how it could get to you. Maybe, a cleaner lead would be more appropriate? Drums sound good, too.
BTW, your throw away songs are better than some people's best.
Hope this comment is useful.
Dave
rsorensen
thanks dave. i had a cold recntly and it's still kind of hanging around it seems, so I'm glad you think my voice sounds alright. You've made some really good suggestions here that I'll have to try out. Thanks for the input!
Feter
Man this is DEEP ..and cos of that the first minute
went crying for a cello deep sound acompanied till
the harmony sound came to alter the song another step
higher ...I really admire your great song writing very
talented ..great vocal as well ...nice piano tingles
there ..I dont see much wrong with it ..all so well my
friend ... Kudos ...thnx alot for sharin !!!!
rsorensen
Yeah! a cello would have been awesome. i wanted to add a mellotron actually but couldn't find one. Great idea. THanks feter!
lank81
Hrmm, I can't say much is wrong with this one. I enjoyed the lyrics and the feel of the song. I think Dave is right about the chorus it seems that you go a little flat but it doesn't sound too bad. That's really all I would change. Everything else went great together. Nice Guitar, Nice Piano, and I dug the electric lead at the end. Great Stuff.
rsorensen
for checking this out and your input. you're right about the chorus. it's funny - it sounded right in the headphones but when I play it back through the air it does sound flat. something to work on for sure! thanks again.
blaky smith
in your music... I cannot help you a lot, my language is too pitiful but all that I can say, it's that I like very much this song. I like the sound of this acoustic guitar, the musical progress and the tone of your voice is perfectly adapted to the melody. All this sounds very well...
For my part, I would change nothing...
rsorensen
thanks so much. and thanks for always faving my tunes. i appreciate the support :)
Mckenzie
you could record an hour's worth of burps and i'd probably still like it.
I love this. I know you mentioned about how you're not so keen on this one, but i beg of you not to ditch it - it's too good. As far as songwriting and arrangement goes, it's up their with some of your best in my opinion. I think my favorite part of this song is the verse melody (not that the chorus melody isn't great) it's just the verse melody rolls along so nicely, and is bloody catchy too. You should really check out a band called thirteen senses, this reminded me of their type of work alot (but more like Ridd). ANNYWHOOO, i'm rambling...i know you must get bored of hearing it but - 'another great song',
thank you!
Mz
rsorensen
hey thanks a bunch man. i was totally thinking of you when I was recording this, and how I wish i could sing like you. i think your pipes would be well suited to this song. thanks for checking it out
tokai
you have listened to it to much yourself and can not detach from it enough to hear it any more properly, cos it sound amazing to me. Sure! you could work it more it places, but for what you have it sound like a worth venture. Your voice sounds so great on this, and so suited to this mood. As always, your ability to create tracks is astounding, i imagine you in that music space you have and how much effort you dedicate to your art, by the sounds of it it must be a lot.
rsorensen
thanks dude. you could be right. i did spend a lot of time on this one. too much in fact. i'm not much of a piano player and it took forever to get that track to where i wanted it. maybe that ruined it for me? thanks a lot for the kind words
Nick_Flash
I like this one Ridd. I keep hearing some tremelo guitar over the verses (in my head) and also a little more over the chorus. Maybe pump the chorus a little but not to much, a little more cymbals maybe. I like the way you have the voices working together. Great start.
I've missed out on a few of your last tunes but you still seem to be going strong.
rsorensen
thanks nick! good to see you around again. the chorus has now been sufficiently 'pumped' now. thanks for the input
Tiny_Man_Inside
Almost sounds like two different vocalists on this one. Very nicely done in that regards.
Overall I think the mix is a little uneven. Dynamics are a little bit too wide, personally I think it could be smoothed out a bit in places. But definitely worth sorting out. Wonderful songwriting as always, just needs some tightening up on the production to make it flow a bit better.
Mason
rsorensen
thanks mason. the dynamic of the mix is definitely something i'm working on in the new version. thanks for the advice
12parsecs
this is a good one. i know how it goes when one doubts one's song, but take note of what people are saying here - this one's a keeper.
nice full recording again, ridd. i love the panned piano that comes in half way through the verse. it interacts really well with the acoustic in the left. and you are getting great sounding reverbs out of garageband! whatever you are dialling in - it's working!
rsorensen
thanks buddy. can't wait to post the new one.
Diviner
brilliant lyrics, nothing wrong there. The first part of the song is perfect, but the second part needs more energy as if you were being torn apart by your feelings and you sing your heart out to get this girl back. That is probably why it does not sit well. What I mean by second part is definately the second chorus, it needs more oomph.
The lyrics though are brilliant and the start is great.
rsorensen
yeah - i hear you. i've already sung a lot of this again and put a little more 'oomph' into it. thanks for listening and commenting
tempie
i know what you mean exactly, for whatever reason a tune just doesn't feel 'finished' but aside from a SLIGHT off key on the main vocal in the chorus, this is great man. fantastic backing vocals. the "ooooh" in the break just prior to the heavy guitar is out of this world. just me but i'd end the thing at that point - after "i can hear you calling me through the clouds" - i think the heavy guitar kills the mood - you're a master of the quiet tune. just my five cents and thanks for the DL!
rsorensen
thanks tempie. appreciate the listen and input. i'm finishing off the new version now and mulling over what you said about ending it earlier. interesting idea for sure.
Lennon714
this is fantastic. Up my alley. Reminds me of some of the great mid-late 90's britpop records. When Oasis and Blur were battling it out. Good lord, great tunes. This is right up there.
rsorensen
yeah those are great bands. glad you like this eric thanks.
TheKapitols
Thank god you ended up saving this one. I really enjoyed the song. I love the ending, and I think that you could have easily overdone it but you held back just enough at the end in terms of emotion. I'm not going to attempt to comment on the recording/production and why you think it sounds "off" but I will say that the song and songwriting are excellent here. Thanks for sharing this piece.
rsorensen
thanks man. really glad you dug this. i think i rushed this post, but I appreciate everybody's feedback so much that I really like this song now. you've all changed my mind :)
Vic Holman
ha. i thought i was the only one. by the time i post a song i can't listen to it for quite a while.
anyway, since you asked. i think, and this is just me, during the chorus some dual harmony slide guitar, that you do so well would give it some attention and make it stand out above the verses.
but in reality it is a really nice tune.
Drew Kopr
This song and mix rocks. Great stuff man.
lengold
feel worthy to critique this - love it.
Cheers
Len
kassia
Ridd, I feel like you put yourself out there a little more with this piece, especially the vocals. Very emotional and raw. Another great tune. I totally understand losing perspective about a song...I hope posting it and getting some feedback, and taking a breather from it has helped a little. Don't throw this one away!
guitapick
...clouds...
Nailed it, ya did...
Great tune...on all levels...love it
kristyjo
OK, well, I do love the way you sound like you're putting it all out there. The emotions feel very authentic. You have really good feel for when to change it up. The only thing that I notice that might not be quite perfect is a slightly muffled tone quality that becomes more apparent on the guitar solo at the end. I suspect an EQ tweak might improve that. Otherwise - this is a piece to be proud of.
timothy devine
great tune/a keeper for sure
sounds great in my ears
very cool when the drum comes in
the natural and acousticness of this is wonderful
great tune
maybe a more brisk strum on the chorus to lift it up
peace
tm
Axgrinder
Sad... Very deep and heartfelt! Reminded me of a milder "The First of Me" Hoobastank! I think you have a "WINNER!" All songs need loads of TLC prior to perfection, or as near to it as humanly possible! This one has tons of that already.... I'd like to throw some lead on this.... Just for my own ears, of coarse. I shall down this and play with it....if it's OK with you? I honestly think that if you pursue this piece, you will make it shine! I love the "mood" of it! I think it shows merit..... Never scrap a tune or concept! A song that's nicely written is only as good as the "time" in which it was meant to be heard! At least, thats how the Grinder sees it..... Trudge on!
};-PEACE,
Alvin
rsorensen
thanks man! yeah by all means go for it. you might wanna wait till i post the final version though later this week?
Pete_NB
You've got the tools to perfect this. I can hear it in all the perfect parts. You know how to feel it, it shows. Just clear up those parts that nag you.
To be more specific, sing "What do I have to do?" like you sang the first 20 seconds. If you're like me you fall in love with that musical idea, and sing it a thousand times. It just sounds like you haven't gotten quite as familiar with some parts.
You have a pleasing soft voice and it sounds somewhat strained during some of the more urgent parts. Find your phrasing, it's in there I'm sure. That's where the familiarity of your work will show it's rewards.
chipan
I like it a lot. Especially the last minute or so was so good. I could even hear that guitar part lasting longer, but anyway it was great! Your voice really suits this style.
chip
Jim Bouchard
This is pretty great already. Your voice is so appealing and the melody is so comfortable. This sounds oddly like a youngish Neil Young song, the way the chord progression resolves on the minor on many of the lines.
As far as reservations go (and don't take it too seriously): I'm not sure about the power ballad ending. I felt that was a little superfluous. I have a perspective that is a little different from most as I like a few more twists and turns in my music, or rather, it's either stripped down to a roots version or it's more of a Sufjan Stevens sort of odd production. But I don't listen to a lot of mainstream rock, it's just not my taste, and that's what I sort of hear at the end. I can feel like it needs to do something different, but I feel like going into a 4/4 rock where the crowd brings out the lighters might be not the way I'd go. It's groovy but a little easy, and not all that different.
I think the mellotron is a good idea, but in the snippet you posted it's a bit loud. I think combining it with a more expressive Fitch Cello part could be nice. It's one of those "icing" parts that I think you don't really need to sweat over though.
Scott Carmichael
it's funny... some rookie writers would never get past the initial melody line.. after 4 stanzas I'm ready for anything new... and I'd be ready to turn it off.... then you deliver right on time... great songcraft... aside from the heartfelt content.. which also delivers in spades.. there's an intutive sense that kind of leads you the right direction it seems... your perfromances are always top shelf... that doen't hurt...
after the chorus, then the initial melody line is fresh again and ready to deliver what I see as your emotional mother load...
It would fall apart in lesser hands
TobinMueller
Another great song. I love your stuff, love your voice, love your arrangements. After re-listening to most of your songs, as I prepare your BLOG interview, I think you should resing or pitch correct some of this, cuz it doesn't rise to the same level of perfection, and could. Altho the version you do with 12parsecs is an improvement, there are still a few little moments. The 12parsecs version also fleshes out some of the instrumental moments, but the piano solo still is perhaps too straight, lacking personality in my ears becuz of of too few syncopated notes off the 8th note one finger feel. This could be a killer ballad. It is so well designed. I am becoming a bigger and bigger fan, man. You are truly a talent.
gail60
I dont know how I missed this but for whatever reason I heard it today and what I have to tell you will probably make you say, yeah whatever - Gail does not have a clue. So here goes nothing... This is now another one of my faves of your songs. This is one the songs that touches my heart the most. This one says to me that its not about being in perfect tune or everything being in its place just right. It is about the words and how well you (put it all out there) for the audience to "feel" the music with you. I love it. I always appreciate the music you create and this song reminds me that you have a lovely heart. Yes, every man longs to hear that! lol So there! Take that!