very cool how the lyrics go sputtering along with echoes &
overlaps. seemed way too short-more like a song particle
than a song. there are some parts in there that could
certainly be made into a 'pop style' chorus. i like the
understated guitar & drums-they are just enough

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I can tell you can sing. You stay in key. You
appear to have the ability to compose... to a certain
extent. But I know you can finish what you start.

My suggestions are simple. Take this idea, develop the
chorus (varying the instrumentation). Create a bridge or
interlude in the middle (ask Ringo)... with, perhaps
"answers" to your question "Where'd Everybody Go"?. A
different key or tempo change may maintain interest with
this new section... then go back to your original theme/
verse/chorus.

This is a beginning of a catchy song... perhaps in the
"alternative" genre. You come across with a natural voice.
And... let your vocals EXPLODE! Express yourself. You have
the voice, use it!

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I heard a band on internet radio called Mum, and this reminded me of what I remember that sounding like. I like it, the way it just sort of bounces along happily while it's actually heading towards a dark conclusion. A little short and maybe not developed as much as it could be, but that doesn't bother me so much. I'm going to check out the rest of your songs.

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Thanks for the comments. I will try to listen to mum. My songs are short
because if I am anything, I am more of a poet than a musician. I can play a
few chords on the guitar! Garageband has added a new dimension to my
writing. It is nice to have an audience!

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I found the Mum song by lookin it up on iTunes and it was Green Grass of Tunnel, but it doesn't sound so much like your song, or at least the little preview clip doesn't maybe. But maybe it's just my recollection of the tone of the singer or something. Mum's music is pretty different.

anyway, your poetry comes out in your music. If you wanted to lengthen your songs you could just add more musical parts by looping and such. But I like short songs a lot of the time, because it's easier to listen to the whole thing. If you can manage to say what you mean to say in a short period of time, that's to be commended, in my book.

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I like the way you use echo effects to emphasize certain
lines in your lyrics. It's very expressive.

You do have a good voice and need to sing out more, as
already suggested.

Also, this song needs to be expanded and developed
more in the ways described in comments.

I heard various clicks and pops throughout the mix, you
might want to check your volume indicators to make sure
they're not in the red zone. Are you using GarageBand?

Good possibilities in this tune and I hope you work on it
some more!

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Nice start. I like your vocals, the potential, the
playfulness, the sexiness. Very cool. To add to what was
said above, the track ends with a click. In GB, sometimes
you have to create a measure or two of silence to let
the reverb tail out, and perhaps create a fade in the
master track to douse any unwanted ending sounds.
Looking forward to more from you.

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For years the classic song structure was intro verse,
chorus, verse, chorus, middle eight, (or bridge as James
Brown called it as in "take it to the bridge" on Sex
Machine) verse double chorus end. Middle eight was
called "middle eight" because it was usually eight bars
long and came in the middle of the song. "Bridge" just
meant from 1st to 2nd half.To write a classic song of this
style you therefore need three ideas (if you ignore the
intro which can just be an instrumental verse or chorus), a
verse; where you set up the idea of the song, a chorus
where you have "the Hook" (this is what record company
execs bang on endlessly about, it's the bit that you can
sing along with. think WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW
SUBMARINE, by the Beatles) and a middle eight; this is just
something different (like a guitar solo), you can get
"wierd" on this bit if you like.

BUT, modern rap singers aren't really sticking so much to
this and just playing the same groove throughout and
then changing instrmentation/singing to give variation.

AND you can mess with the classic song structure if you
want, it's just whatever "sounds right" but if you are stuck
it will always get you out of a hole and make the song
sound "right". Don't worry if it makes it seem long, A little
repetition is pretty standard in most songs.

Here I heard an intro and then sort of a verse and then
"Hopeless without you" was sort of a hook so that was
good and should work as the chorus. Then it got a bit
lost. Not badly, I liked all the ideas but I'd just cut and
paste a few bits and try rearranging it a little and come up
with one more idea for a middle eight as Alimar said.

I like the basic ideas and the sounds you have got. All
seems pretty promising

Good Luck

BTW is that Paula Yates, Einstein, Andy Warhol or just
someone on yout T shirt...? Looks a bit like Sideshow
Bob...

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Hey thanks, it all sounds very complicated and interesting!!!!!! BTW, It is
Andy Warhol. It says ... your 15 minutes is up! My favorite shirt. Thanks
again for the comment.

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kinda reminds me of lucious jackson. i like the vocals and
how they're mixed -- the drums and the
instrumentation seem too lofi... would like to hear the
accompanyment done up a little hotter in the mix.

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This is a very cool song and I love your lyrics..
I like the effects you have used on here...

you have such a nice voice and you have used it well in
this concept.

Going to check out the rest of your stuff right now!


SlimGirlFat

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your work is great. It sounds done, complete. Put out a
record already.

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This is totally brilliant.

The lyrics are your average teenage angst but the vocal
arrangement is great with the echos and slightly
unsynchronized parts.

And the whole thing is in 7/4 time and still sounds like it's
ready-made for your double-digit-IQ radio audience.

Bloody amazing.

My wide brimmed size 7 1/2 cowboy hat off to you.

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this is a gem.. what a treat to listen to. Nice happy melacholia, and really sweet vocal... the production is a little flawed with back ground hiss, but actually it gives it that whole live tangible feel, like you're actually singing this right to me, so frankly I think the production is a mute point.
Thanks for sharing this.. it's just great!
HP x

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i loved it

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