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Vanessa's gastric band


by

woofer3

 Genre: A Cappella
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Description
Forsooth, my latest Anglican chant, and to those disbelievers I say - a pox on thy garboils thou rhiggish ninny - It is another recent composition also written this year in the ancient town of Alcudia. It is comprised of three double chants and attempts to accommodate my extremely limited vocal range of just under two octaves. Amen.
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Lyrics
Vanessa’s Gastric Band. written 2010.

1.Behold, the rotund figure of a woman we now know to be that of Vanessa appears before us: Many of us have been unfortunate enough to cast eyes upon, and even in some cases suffered her self assured outpourings

2..Her relentless voice doth magnify my being with dreadful fear: As I flee in both terror and panic to the sanctuary of the merciful volume control

3.They say it’s a fact, gentlemen prefer blondes, but not like this one: There must be exceptions to the rule and I feel Vanessa must surely be one of them.

4.We arrive at the scene of Vanessa’s famous party : the one we read about in the papers that was held for her daughter Allegra.

5.Allegra, Allegra oh my goodness Allegra : the party mummy organized for you, was not only thoughtless and in breach of law and order, but an imposition to those around you.

6. Looking like the contents of somebody’s tumble drier or maybe even an unmade bed. : this larger than life female will hold forth and criticize everything under the sun.,

7.It would be interesting amongst other things to know her views on neighbours from hell : and what she thinks of women, who wear clothes that are twenty five years their junior.

8. The ground doth tremble and shake as she dances the boogie : she goes –doo-pah doo-pah, ooh sha la – ooh-pah, to the twang of her gastric band.

9.We conclude, in the knowledge that nothing will ever change and she will continue to startle the meek and unsuspecting. : Lord oh Lord help us we beseech you and deliver us from this misery.

Amen.
Song Stats
Hits: 2130
Comments: 43
Fans: 14
Plays: 91
Downloads: 126

Uploaded: Sep 23, 2010 - 04:16:12 PM
Last Updated: Sep 23, 2010 - 04:16:12 PM Last Played: Jan 29, 2017 - 07:02:29 PM
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Comments
davisamerica said 2525 days ago (September 23rd, 2010)
haha
...the intro reminded me of the who's A Quick One.... "garboils.... rhiggish ninny" ... should I ask? John this is a hoot and I will take a copy with me..lololol...too frickin funny.
Check out my latest song called ok char2(Vic and Flatrock mix)
woofer3 said 2525 days ago (September 23rd, 2010)
gastric boogie woogie
Thank you sir, "garboils.... rhiggish ninny" - just old English words, very old, from the time of Henry VIII or somewhere around there. I'm afraid I have no idea what they mean, they just makes me laugh. Glad this brougt a smile to your face.

John.
Check out my latest song called Drunken bakers [08-01]
guygrooves said 2525 days ago (September 23rd, 2010)
Very...
Funny... thanks John
Peace
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woofer3 said 2525 days ago (September 23rd, 2010)
thanks Guy
glad you enjoyed it, someone once called me demented for doing this stuff !!!
Check out my latest song called Drunken bakers [08-01]
johnwhitehead said 2525 days ago (September 23rd, 2010)
More Gas
This made me laugh out loud. Delightfully serious silliness.
Check out my latest song called Wandering Blues
woofer3 said 2525 days ago (September 24th, 2010)
Thank you John
Yes silly is the word here I agree. These are of course meant as a joke but nevertheless it's surprising how long they take !

John
Check out my latest song called Drunken bakers [08-01]
Monkaton said 2486 days ago (November 2nd, 2010)
A Kiss on the Hand . . .
Me too.

"They say it’s a fact, gentlemen prefer blondes, but not like this one"
Check out my latest song called The Chord
Six-Nail-Coffin said 2525 days ago (September 23rd, 2010)
This is made of pure win.
Weird and fun in all the right ways.
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woofer3 said 2525 days ago (September 24th, 2010)
Thank you
me and my love of ancient music.
Check out my latest song called Drunken bakers [08-01]
fasteddie said 2525 days ago (September 23rd, 2010)
Oh man!
This is totally nutz!

I'm actually rendered speachless.

Larger than life female!

Good stuff.
Check out my latest song called On Borrowed Time
woofer3 said 2525 days ago (September 24th, 2010)
Thanks Eddie
- speechless you say - I must try playing this to my granddaughter !! Love your latest by the way.

J.
Check out my latest song called Drunken bakers [08-01]
Hickling_Stan said 2525 days ago (September 24th, 2010)
Mental!
Just bloody mental but the most original and entertaining pice I've heard on MJ in a while. For gods sake man what are you on!! Chuckling along and will have to listen again. Cheers Mark
Check out my latest song called Resilience
woofer3 said 2524 days ago (September 25th, 2010)
Vanessa's chant
Mental! - you are not the first to say this, in fact my last chant which I put on icomp somebody said the same thing only they really meant it,- and quite nastily I felt. Glad you liked it.

John.
Check out my latest song called Drunken bakers [08-01]
DWL said 2525 days ago (September 24th, 2010)
Very clever John
Wonderful lyrics and delivery.

Off the wall, genius work!

Cheers

Dick
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johnwhitehead said 2524 days ago (September 25th, 2010)
Vanessa.
I love this piece, John. Played it for friends at work and they were laughing and smiling. Amazing bit of writing and vocal performance. You have a wild and wonderful imagination.
Check out my latest song called Wandering Blues
woofer3 said 2524 days ago (September 25th, 2010)
to Dick and John Whitead
I had to reply like this as there is no reply window on John's comment and my response ti Dicks appeared under John's box - work that one out !!!
Anyway, here we go

To Dick,thanks very much for listening and commenting.I'm glad you liked it

And John, thanks also, I'm glad your friends liked it as well.

Check out my latest song called Drunken bakers [08-01]
kingbee said 2522 days ago (September 27th, 2010)
fuzzy feltz
I just have to compose myself before writing this.
I haven't laughed like that for quite a while.
Tears are streaming down my face.
Absolutely brilliant lyrics and a fantastic way of presenting them.
Really, really enjoyed.
Great stuff.
BTW, your flagnext to your name has changed to a German one.
has Wales been invaded?
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woofer3 said 2520 days ago (September 29th, 2010)
Thanks Kingbee
I got the idea from years ago when I heard the rules of cricket put to an anglican chant.

I don't know why my flag has changed, do you think it might be because I wrote this? - http://www.macjams.com/song/60048
Check out my latest song called Drunken bakers [08-01]
TobinMueller said 2521 days ago (September 27th, 2010)
Deliver us
Reminds me of how the vicar reacts to Hyacinth Bucket on Keeping Up Appearances. Kind of. I especially liked verse 8. Amen, back at you!
Check out my latest song called Momentary Undertow
woofer3 said 2520 days ago (September 29th, 2010)
thanks Tobin
I'm amazed you've heard of Mrs.Bucket! what a nightmare.
Check out my latest song called Drunken bakers [08-01]
Bob Rodgers said 2521 days ago (September 27th, 2010)
Lol
John this is brilliant and them lyrics are fantastic!
Your vocal delivery is superb and this is pure genius, I love it, great stuff!
Thanks for the download.

Bob
Check out my latest song called The Lonely Man
woofer3 said 2520 days ago (September 29th, 2010)
thank you Bob
all written on a stylophone in a hotel room, glad you like it.

John.
Check out my latest song called Drunken bakers [08-01]
lengold said 2520 days ago (September 29th, 2010)
My first thought
was also 'Genius' before I read that I am not alone with that thought.
Just played this through three times - absolutely love it. I will treasure this download. Thanks.
Cheers
Len

Check out my latest song called Decent Girl
woofer3 said 2519 days ago (September 29th, 2010)
Hello Len
Thank you, I'm glad you liked this ancient styled music, - well ancient that is up until the pinch of doo wop was added! it's basically a psalm but I think music is music and I draw no lines myself.
Your comment is appreciated.

Check out my latest song called Drunken bakers [08-01]
jdholliday said 2519 days ago (September 29th, 2010)
Solid Gold!
I was pissed at the world played this and all was good! thanks dude! very clever laugh out loud funny, even the description rocks!
Check out my latest song called Please Help, Pride of NYC needs tracks!
jdholliday said 2519 days ago (September 29th, 2010)
definitely needs
artwork though!
Check out my latest song called Please Help, Pride of NYC needs tracks!
woofer3 said 2519 days ago (September 29th, 2010)
Thank you JD
Ha, I am more pissed with the contradictory and featureless world than otherwise these days. Music on occasions gives some oportunity to have a little snipe at it. Sometimes people get hold of the wrong end of the stick but mostly it's understood.

Check out my latest song called Drunken bakers [08-01]
Jarvoid said 2515 days ago (October 3rd, 2010)
I know just
how you must have feltzsed...she is a pain in the sanctimoanious (sic) butt and therefore well deserving of this treatment !
Top hole.

Jarvo
Check out my latest song called Port Arthur Blues
woofer3 said 2512 days ago (October 7th, 2010)
thanks Jarvo
- sanctimonious - ha, that's exactly the same word I heard someone else use to describe her.

John.
Check out my latest song called Drunken bakers [08-01]
Sir Bass said 2500 days ago (October 18th, 2010)
Kool
Like thaT.
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woofer3 said 2499 days ago (October 20th, 2010)
thank you
or in French - mercy buckets.
Check out my latest song called Drunken bakers [08-01]
RosaLinda said 2499 days ago (October 20th, 2010)
You
You, you ,you! haha:) You are fantstic and I am glad I found you here:)
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woofer3 said 2499 days ago (October 20th, 2010)
Dear Linda-
Thank you.

J.
Check out my latest song called Drunken bakers [08-01]
Monkaton said 2486 days ago (November 2nd, 2010)
Great, Great, Great
Maybe Vanessa and Heavy Mary should get together and form a new band.

What a great and funny piece of music with wonderful singing, I mean chanting. Zappa would be proud of you.
Check out my latest song called The Chord
woofer3 said 2474 days ago (November 14th, 2010)
woah -there's a thought
you'd need a fairly big room I think - thank you Tim.
Check out my latest song called Drunken bakers [08-01]
magnatone said 2482 days ago (November 5th, 2010)
Vanessa
how did i miss this??? i will laugh all day - what a GREAT song! this takes "creative" to a whole new level - GREAT job John! sorry to be so late to this hilarious party!
Check out my latest song called Hallelujah (Leonard Cohen) and Variations
woofer3 said 2474 days ago (November 14th, 2010)
Thank you Karen
just my way of poking fun at these great people,
Check out my latest song called Drunken bakers [08-01]
tokai said 2470 days ago (November 17th, 2010)
Vanessa
ha ha... yeah, you have a tendency to make me laugh. More songs should be like this. This should be on The goodies! A joy to listen to, thanks for the smiles.
Amen.
Check out my latest song called sleeper
woofer3 said 2431 days ago (December 27th, 2010)
thanks
glad it made you laugh,

J.
Check out my latest song called Drunken bakers [08-01]
hackneybloke said 2432 days ago (December 26th, 2010)
vanessa
brilliantly observed and so cleverly executed. you should have your own tv show.
Check out my latest song called If Symptoms Persist
woofer3 said 2431 days ago (December 27th, 2010)
thank you so much
It was too big a target to resist.

John.
Check out my latest song called Drunken bakers [08-01]
Monkaton said 1803 days ago (September 14th, 2012)
Vanessa and her Gastric Band
Listened again and liked it again. The woofer knows no bounds to his humor.
Check out my latest song called The Chord
Damroze said 1771 days ago (October 16th, 2012)
THAT !
is the most unique thing I've heard in a while.
The writing, composition and execution are all exceptional.
Can you do Byzantine ?
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Genre Info
A cappella music is vocal music or singing without instrumental accompaniment, or a piece intended to be performed in this way. A cappella is Italian for from the chapel (music); the term is due to restrictions on the use of instruments in medieval c

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