That’s How We’ll End It

I used to collaborate with a young lady nearly a decade ago. We did a couple songs, and she was great! She called herself Dirge K. Her real name is Nicola. She seemed to me to be a very tortured soul. I kinda thought maybe she had been a victim of rape. I didn't pry but I knew instinctively something was troubling her. I thought to myself that if indeed she had been raped it would explain her stand offish demeanor with this older male. So I didn't push, and she stopped responding to me. Several months went by with no word, and then out of the blue, I received an email from her mother informing me that Nicola had committed suicide! I was devistated! The pain that I perceived in her music and lyrics, as well as her coorespondence, was much deeper than I had imagined. I felt a little guilty because I had given her what i thought was space from a threatening male. If I had known how deep it was I probably would have tried to console her, and perhaps I could have talked her out of this decision to end her life.

Well I tried to do this very thing with her mother Jill (whom I had only just met under very harsh conditions). Jill and her husband had no clue that her pain was so deep. She told me she thought it was because of a lover jilting her. So I explained that she should not be feeling guilt, that she had no way of knowing. I was trying desperately to console her. We had email discussion for probably a month and I did my best to be a new friend and and give a sort of counciling. I had no qualifications but I did this instinctively having failed to help Nicola. Jill and I had become pretty good friends. One day she suggested that she send me all of the projects that she had found on Nicola's computer. It took a little while but she sent me about 8 gigs worth of cubase project files. So I looked through them and found several unfinished projects. Jill had asked me to consider finishing the unfinished projects. This is one that I found and wrote some ochestration and acoustic guitar parts for and made this arrangement. The lyrics and her vocal have just such an intensity about them, that it just oozes pain. To this day it brings a tear to my eye when I listen to this. She was such a beautiful, talented young girl, and yet she was so tortured. The pain she conveys with these lyrics is almost unbearable to me having remotely witnessed her ending her own life and the devistation it wrecked on the surviving family. And so I present to you the tortured beauty of Nicola. Rest In Peace Dirge K. You were so beautiful, and precious. If only we had known and tried to help you in your pain.

That’s how we’ll end it
I’m a weight lifted from your shoulders.
No point in saying the reps we're a superfluous strain

I get the picture; it’s spontaneously been emblazoned
on an invoice to recipients of a dying flame.
Stoically I sit, it’s reasonable to end it I say

But I’ve no recourse to judge anyone
when they leave on me isn't it just what I asked for?
Isn’t it just?

I’m a vacant space with no walls
no doors to kick down
Now watch me now watch it, all fall out

--LEAD--

That’s how we’ll end it
in a gentle but deceptive hector
I always thought I was the expert in abandonment

All those fatuous threats
I made to free myself of you
Now I see, it’s you who’s hedged your bets

© 2004 Dirge K & Paul Corr
Produced at F-Jam Online Musical Studios


Credits:
Author melody, lyrics, vocals & intense inspiration - Nicola (Dirge K.)
Author music, electric lead gtr, rythm gtr, and bass - Paul Corr
Producer, Drums, orchestration, spanish gtr, arrangement, editing, mix/master - Fred E. Jam
Special thanks to Nicola's Mum Jill for bringing this song to F-Jam to be produced, and keeping Dirge alive in her music! We all miss her! God bless you!

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Uploaded: Sep 25, 2010 - 07:08:35 AM
Last Updated: Sep 25, 2010 - 08:48:44 AM Last Played: May 06, 2013 - 08:08:59 AM

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