As a bartender, I may be partial to your subject matter. But these lyrics blow me away. The details somehow become mythic. You have captured an amazing moment. Your vocals have a naked honesty to them I totally envy. The repetitive piano makes me feel like it is a storyline of a guy who can't change... except in those moments when the piano uses block chords and, in those spaces, he imagines something new... Brilliant. Can't say enough good things.

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Thanks, Del. As always you seem to know exactly what I'm after. Thanks for
your sympathetic ears.

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I absolute love it. Such a perfect piano man performance, only more intimate, more truthful, no staginess or pop posing, only a story song in poetry. I was a waitress for as long as my legs and back could handle it (it is an art) and the description you gave, about waitresses being like a portal to a new dimension, I know what you mean. Thats how I felt, sometimes, and it wasn't about flirting or anything like that, just longing, loneliness, kind of what you mean between your lines. I felt like I gave that little extra to open that door you talk about. It is so cool to hear this song, about that. Your melodies move me in ways I love to feel, and now I am flirting...

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flirting, with Tobin? hmm, i used to like you... actually, i wanted to say i was a waitress too, and i loved it. i felt the same thing he describes in some of my customers. jobs in which you pay attention to someone, especially in potentially lonely places like bars or restaurants, vulnerable places inhabited by raw people, there are many doors in those places that people don't see unless you are willing to open them first. this song makes me cry, and thrill. so many layers. i love it.

---
morning girl

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Suzanne... You've put into words one of the things I really like about this song... when you think of a lonely place you think of places where there aren't any people... an empty room... but this song expresses a truth that we all know. Some of the most lonely places are the places like a resturant or bar where our loneliness is amplified by all the people around.

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you just want to stand up and clap. This song is funny,
clever, intimate, honest and has some great lines. Wish I
could've written it, but instead, I guess I'll just fold up my
life and place it to the side.

Great chords, great piano.


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Your songs and lyrics inspire me, too, Tom. Thanks for sharing your
thoughts. I tried to use restaurant metaphors but in less obvious ways on this
one. Really glad you saw the balance. I certainly had enough time spent at a
table for one to think this one through.

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Seems a bit confusing lyrically...I think it needs more of why you are giving a waitress all this attention....lonely?...not a real uplifting theme...musically pretty Billy Joel-like....Piano has a great sound, though...
Oh!...and that "take my order " line was just plain silly....be silly or pathetic...but not both...just one waitress's opinion..

WM

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...to take something as simple as a waitress taking an
order and turn it into an epic (a compliment – and, yes, I
understand it’s a metaphor). I was searching the net for
something a while back, and stumbled unto a blog from a
waitress. She captured, quite articulately, the waitresses’
thoughts on many of the clichés I have so often observed
in restaurants (“What’s a nice girl like you…”, etc.). It was
fascinating reading. I am way out of your league
musically, so I don’t have much to offer except that the
vocals in the first chorus are buried by the piano. I would
bring up the volume and rely on the reverb for the feeling
of distance.

JG


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Thanks for the link. There's an interesting book too I've seen; but Suzanne is
an ex-waitress too so I had lots of behind the scenes input. About that first
chorus, it isn't really a full chorus, just a fragment, like something still
forming in the guy's mind. I mixed it softly on purpose as a sort of intuitive
thing to get at the idea that he isn't even ready to speak his real mind yet.
The song is built a bit backwards musically, with the true statement of the
chorus coming at the end, with quiet instead of crescendo. I mixed the first
choruses to create a contrast and help the emotional flow of what is really
happening inside the guy.

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As always a very good performance, well thought out and presented. A great choice of subject as sometimes waitresses are overlooked. I guess the song's pretty romantic, thematically and musically, and some, like winnie mae, might be looking for something more to do with the gritty reality of waitressing, bringing people their food and drink. This is not meat and potatoes you're serving up here.That would be more like what's in a song like Loudon Wainright's "Tip That Waitress".

This sounds wonderful and your singing is very sincere and romantic.


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The song isn't really about a waitress. It's about the effect the waitress has on
the guy. So I tried to capture that, not the reality of waitressing per se.
Thanks for the comments about the romance. Sort of an avoided word by
many, but I truly am a romantic, hopefully incurable so. And Valentine's Day
is coming soon...

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It's like a scene from a musical. Great piano work and I like the introduction of environmental sound. While I appreciate the intended meaning of the lyrics, some of them have a very different instinctive meaning to me than their intellectual meaning. For instance, "Take my order" intellectually means "I desire you. Love me." to me, instinctively it sounds like "Give me service".
And the line, "Can I order your eyes to go", I assume to mean "I wish you would be mine and come home with me", but my instinctive reaction is "This guy is creepy and she may be in danger". The metaphore naturally leads me to envision a pair of eyeballs in a styrofoam container and I doubt that's what you had in mind.

So, the story and the sentiment are great (as well is the music) but some of the choices of words need change. Maybe instead of "Take my order" you could say something like "I know what I want".

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I guess these lyrics were more controversial and difficult than I thought. The
idea is that I am using a normal phrase to mean many things, which is what
lyrics do. "Take my order" is simply a phrase from "Please take me order,
Miss." I use it as a metaphor that is expanded in the phrase "Make me
order..." as in, also, help me order my life, get my act together, etc.
Personally, I think changing "Take my order" would begin to destroy the
sense of the entire lyrical structure. It is the idea of the guy not knowing what
to "order" as in "What do I want?" that is in play here, not him ordering the
waitress around. It is not sung or phrased like a command, and the "Can I
order your eyes to go" is a cute way of saying "Come with me," not "I want to
put them in a bag." All the lines are metaphors, double meanings, from the
"table" and "the edge of the world" to "fold my life" (like a menu) to the entire
stanza about the kitchen, the wall, all the way to the "abused plate." I am
totally mystified that you find this creepy.

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I enjoyed the "double entendre" of the lyrics. Nothing "creepy" at all in my
estimation. Wonderfully written, played and sung.

Where would THIS song have been without all the metaphor? I don't think Jimi
was concerned with the DMV!

Crosstown Traffic (Jimi Hendrix)

You jump in front of my car when you,
You know all the time that
Ninty miles an hour, girl, is the speed I drive
You tell me it?��s alright, you don?��t mind a little pain
You say you just want me to take you for a ride

You?��re just like crosstown traffic
So hard to get through to you
Crosstown traffic
I don?��t need to run over you
Crosstown traffic
All you do is slow me down
And I?��m tryin?�� to get on the other side of town

I?��m not the only soul who?��s accused of hit and run
Tire tracks all across your back
I can see you had your fun
But darlin?�� can?��t you see my signals turn from green to red
And with you I can see a traffic jam straight up ahead

You?��re just like crosstown traffic
So hard to get through to you
Crosstown traffic
I don?��t need to run over you
Crosstown traffic
All you do is slow me down
And I got better things on the other side of town

---
"Okay, mostly... the only time I open my mouth... is to change feet"!

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C'mon, Alimar, you know I don't have any problem with using metaphores. That wasn't my point at all. I enjoyed this song, metaphores and all, just not the wording of those two lines because they tended to make the first thing that came to my mind distract from the intended imagery/meaning. Maybe I'm just disturbed.

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I can see what you mean, Peter. It's the imperative in the "Take my order" line
that I see could be uncomfortable. A "please" would be seem to be more
polite and respectful. On the other hand I see Tobin's point of view as well.
The whole situation in the song is a metaphor, and it's also very tightly
written, and between the sound and meaning of the words it would be tough
to change anything. Ah, but there's a fine line between romanticism and
stalking sometimes, and that's the sticky point. When I was a single guy
though, I probably thought to myself a lot of the things in this song. And not
in a metaphorical way. Thank god those days are over! :)

---
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."-- Albert Einstein

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Ambiguity is cool in lyrics, isn't it? Adds to the nakedness of the expression.
Without being overtly so, the element of that aspect is part of my intent, as if
the guy doesn;t even realize it or would ever admit to it. Thanks for the
insight.

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Next time, Tobin, try my approach. The song I posted
today, "One Word," has just a single word in its lyrics. One
syllable. No room for metaphor, controversy, or
misuderstanding. But..it's not generating a fraction of the
interest that "The Waitress" is.

At the risk of being misunderstood myself, can you tell me
about the woman in the artwork?

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...just so you aren't interested in taking her eyes home in a doggy bag...

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Heck yes, Tobin! This is an instant Broadway show tune.
You reflect the theater of life so well in this piece. What a
labor of love. Your vocals are excellent, your piano playing
is not just alive - it sparkles. Only one weak point I
percieved: the first chorus of "Take my order.
Come take my order now." It was too quiet. The energy
level dropped there about a foot. The next chorus is much
better as it overlays your solo voice. Man, this makes me
want to sit down and write a show tune! Waitress, bring
me a pitcher of coffee and a dozen napkins!

Regarding archetypes, have you read up on Jung's
archetypes? I'm thinking that in this song persona (public
image or mask) meets the anima syzygy (spontaneous,
intuitive, emotional, full of verve).

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Thanks for the great comments. Yes, Jung was one of my inspirations for this
project. And I did that thing in the first chorus cuz I thought it would create
an intuitive contrast that people would appreciate by the end of the song, but
now I'm not so sure. I amy record another part of that section... since I would
hate going back and fix the entire mastering thing I do after the mix down...

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The reason for the soft/weak first chorus is evident to me now. I usually try
to listen to a song before reading the song description and listener
comments, so as not to be too influenced by others' perceptions. So, I gave
you my unadulterated first impression. Not a big deal. The song is wonderful.

Regarding archetypes: I am reading a book called The Discarded Image by
C.S. Lewis. In it he lays out the importance of "Catalogue" and "Model" as the
frameworks on which much of Medieval and Renaissance literature is based.
Lewis states:

"Poets and other artists depicted these things because their minds loved to
dwell on them. Other ages have not had a Model so universally accepted as
theirs, so imaginable, and so satisfying to the imagination. The medieval and
Renaissance delight in the universe was, I think, more spontaneous and
aesthetic, less laden with conscience and resignation. than any Stoical
emperor had in mind. It was...a "love of nature'.

"Merely to imitate or to comment on the human life around us was therefore
not felt to be the sole function of the arts. ...Where Homer rejoiced in the
particulars the later artist rejoiced also in that great imagined structure which
gave them all their place. Every particular fact and story became more
interesting and more pleasurable if, by being properly fitted in, it carried
one's mind back to the Model as a whole.

"If I am right, the man of genius then found himself in a situation very
different from that of his modern successor. Such a man today often, perhaps
usually, feels himself confronted with a reality whose significance he cannot
know, or a reality that has no significance; or even a reality such that the very
question whether it has a meaning is itself a meaningless question. It is for
him, by his own sensibility, to discover a meaning, or, out of his own
subjectivity, to give a meaning ?�� or at least a shape ?�� to what in itself had
neither. But the Model universe of our ancestors had a built-in significance.

"We can no longer dismiss the change of Models as a simple progress from
error to truth. No Model is a catalogue of ultimate realities, and none is a
mere fantasy. Each is a serious attempt to get in all the phenomena known at
a given period, and each succeeds in getting in a great many. But also, no
less surely, each reflects the prevalent psychology of an age almost as much
as it reflects the state of that age's knowledge.

"Art lies less in making us imagine the concrete than in making us believe we
have imagined the unimaginable." -- C.S. Lewis, The Discarded Image, 1964

Sorry, I know the above passages are probably way above and beyond the
scope of this particular song, but Tobin's search for modern day archetypes
led me back to Lewis' study. I think the guy in the restaurant lacks a Model of
his own universe, is in a state of existential melancholy, if he allows himself
to be transported so easily to the portal or threshold of this waitress.

archetype
n : an original model on which something is patterned.

---
www.schletty.com/indwellings/

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Yes, the man is reflecting a "prevalent psychology of the age," which includes
a lack of internal Models and a certain pathos that falls short of grand tragedy
(but also falls short of a loser pathetic pointlessness), and is in a netherworld
between, or as you say "existential melancholy." His willingness to enter or
see a new space during this moment with the waitress is meant to be a
possible way out, in allegory. That he fails to act, rather than imagines and
lets himself journey in his imagination, speaks to a "lack" that is more telling,
in my mind, at least. Thanks for the thoughtful musings.

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I posted my extensive observations in defiance of the Occam's Razor
principle. I am happy you tapped into it, Tobin. Yes, this song is a tragedy, in
a sense. The lyrics play out at several levels of analysis.

---
www.schletty.com/indwellings/

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Tobin, I can't elegantly analyze songs as others on this
sight can, I'm more of a sit back and listen type of guy. I
take it all in rather than pieces and that's what I like about
your songs. They are very complete and usually tell a
story. As you said all this song really needs are the piano
and vocals. But I did like the added touch of the restaurant
sound effects. Also thanks for the LAME post and I don't
mean this song.

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tobin, you have a pretty wonderful way of looking at life &
people to come up with a song like this. thoughtful on so
many levels. even tho the lyrics are from the perspective
of the man, i can't help but wonder what goes thru the
mind of the waitress.. she has obviously makes an impact
on him, but he is just a moment in the blur of customers
that make up her shift. the idea of their 'connection' is so
very fragile, maybe it doesn't exist at all

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The "Waitress" angle...

Artist: CSNY
Album: D?�j?? Vu
Title: Country Girl (Medley)

Winding paths
through tables and glass
First fall was new
Now watch the summer pass
So close to you.

Too late to keep the change,
Too late to pay,
No time to stay the same
Too young to leave.

No pass out sign on the door
set me thinking
Are waitresses paying the price
of their winking?
While stars sit in bars and decide
what their drinking,
They drop by to die 'cause it's
faster than sinking.

Too late to keep the change,
Too late to pay,
No time to stay the same
Too late to keep the change,
Too late to pay,
No time to stay the same
Too young to leave.

Find out that now was the answer
To answers that you gave later
She did the things
that we both did before, now,
But who forgave her.

If I could stand to see her crying
I would tell her not to care.
When she learns of all your lyin'
Will she join you there?

Country girl I think you're pretty,
Got to make you understand,
Have no lovers in the city,
Let me be your country man.
Got to make you understand.

---
"Okay, mostly... the only time I open my mouth... is to change feet"!

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"the idea of their 'connection' is so very fragile, maybe it doesn't exist at all" -
exactly. Great listening. Thanks. I really appreciate your comments. It is what
gives piece pathos... and it is the power people have over others that they are
rarely aware of: They can open doors in other's lives just be being attentive,
by listening. "Being listened to is so close to being loved that most people
cannot tell the difference, " David Oxberg.

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I need her to take my order.

Will have to listen to more of your stuff.

Ever listen to "Waitress" by "Live" on there "Throwing Copper" CD
Here's a link
http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?playlistId=61056&selectedItemId=61048

"Come on baby leave some change behind,
she was a bitch-but i don't care,
she brought our food out on time,
Wore a funky berret in her hiar . . ."

Same subject, different context.

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piano playing and lyrics. Though, it sounds like there is
too much emphasis on vocalizing every syllable of every
word of the song. Strange, because I like your voice on
other songs. Maybe it's just that cabaret isn't my thing.
The writing is pure genius. Thanks for shairng.

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My life is a napkin and I'm glad someone had the guts to say it too. If I didn't wipe stuff from my mouth on it once in a while, you'd never know I was there. And the glistening aura, such a sweet way to describe light sweat, yet the invitation to a place where nothing like "normal hunger rules"... so sexy without losing the sense of romantic class. Like love will redeem, even tho even that is a fiction. So you whipser to yourself and abuse your plate until it is empty and you still haven't even looked her in the eye. You're killin' me man... when did you get the key to my private blog? I usually like music that jekrs my earas around, but this one jerked my heart and I just had to say so.

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I think you need to tell the listener more about your life away from this waitress....It's just creepy, otherwise.
The guy at the table comes off as a loser or worse a stalker.....Making such a big deal over a waitress memorizing your order is just plain weird....I can appreciate your writing this as part of a collection...and knowing that makes it more acceptable...but a song has to stand on it's own to truly be considered "good" or "above average"...don't you agree? I guess I have a thing about people explaining theor songs before they play them...
As an abstract song it's good.

Susabell

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Yes, like most pieces destined for a theatrical performance, it has a context
that is outside the lyrics, in this case a monologue that the cabaret performer
will perform before hand.

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Someone mentioned a while back in the forums that people who have not submitted songs shouldn't be able to rate songs. I suggest that people without imaginations be barred as well. I cannot do with Tobin does, create such complex and full worlds with music and lyrics. I wish I could. This song has subtle things that cause me to imagine, fill in, startle, prick, and bring to the surface. Evocative and provoking, to which the breadth of comments above me attest.

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This is a lovely piece. I love the simplicity the piano. I also
love that Ivory AU instrument. Sounds so freakin' real.
Melodically, it reminds me a little bit of Jason Robert
Brown in a positive way. The environmental sounds add to
the loneliness of the piece, in a strange way.

(takes a deep breath before continuing...)

I am less fond of the choice of harmony in the chorus. If
he's lonely, a single voice seems more appropriate to me.
If harmony is meant to signify something else (maybe
the hope he is feeling?) it isn't coming across to me,
perhaps because it's your voice multitracked. I took your
advice and listened through my 'phones. Nice
compression. I have one last thing: the piano is so
beautiful, and the AU so realistic sounding, but the
abrupt way the piano dampens it's final notes (with no
ring or reverberation of the final note in the room) was
really jarring - especially in headphones.

My $.02. Would you like fries with that?

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I added the chorus stuff for fun (and because Suzanne loves it when I sing
harmonies with myself). In the eventual live performance of these piece, it
will be sung as a solo. One voice, one piano. I get what you mean on both
points.

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I won't get too deep or verbose (no shortage of that here, though).

Excellent subject matter.
Very strong lyrical content. Enjoyed.

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Thanx. (This page is resembling a graffiti wall. I appreciate your brevity and
thank you for your thoughts.)

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...is so effective in telling a story. As this song does. The
poignant beauty of chiaroscuro...the crowding shadows of
loneliness illuminated by faint hope.
I see this on stage....

Beautiful playing. Soul-searching singing.
Thank you.

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Interesting to read through some of the (many) comments
on here after already listening to, and forming my opinion
on this song.

I thought this was terrific, as always, wonderfully written
and with a terrific attention to lyrical content (What can I
say, I'm a lyrics man!). Whenever I hear a song like this
performed so well as a solo piano piece it makes me wish
I could play. I LOVED the separation in the piano it created
a fantastic atmosphere that carried with the song so well. I
thought the ambient restaurant sounds were a brilliant
addition and really came in at just the right time.

I'm quite surprised to have read through the comments
and seen a lot of disagreements, each to his own I guess.
Although show tunes aren't really my cup of tea I do
appreciate them for their structure and performance.

If I had to be critical I wasn't 100% keen on the harmonies
around the chorus. They seemed a touch heavy to me and
the slight difference in timing made me a feel a little
uneasy (although I suspect this was exactly what you
intended). I thought the quiet, resigning ending was
terrific.

Your vocals sounded a touch bassy to me. For this kind of
song I would have loved the vocal to be perfectly clear and
crisp to really pull out the emotion. The breaths worked
well for this, but there was a slight 'muffle' to the vocal
that I wasn't so keen on.

As with everything I hear from you, it wouldn't feel at all
out of place going straight to the stage. Keep up the good
work Tobin.

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Thanks for your great comments and insight. I am currently adding to the
chorus part and will post it next week, taking into account the honest
observations above. I chose this effect on my voice to try and emulate a stage
mic, the kind of tone that comes from a cabaret stage. In my headphones it
sounds just like a mic performance or lounge act EQ, but my voice does have
a tendency to saturate certain frequencies. (Also, Suzanne loves my lower
range and always wants me to punch that up... I have to have my priorities!)

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To conjure images and possibilties from just voice and
piano is awesome. You have succeeeded! The story and
music lets me wander and wonder into and about a world
not my own. Great!

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I can completely imagine this track performed on stage.
The lights slowly bringing a diner set into view.

I'm glad you kept this sparse with only vocals, piano, and
sound effects. It achieves a wonderful intimacy that way.

It brought a thought into my brain how this song might
play out from the perspective of the Waitress as opposed
to the customer... doesn't really have anything to do with
what you've written, but it popped into my head. :P

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My lady is a waitress. I bet she would like to know there are people out
there who appreciate what she does. Very sophisticated, soulful lyrics.
Reminds me a bit like Sondheim. Where is the show? Can i get a ticket?

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