Thirsty

joymark

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Description

inspired by the poem "I Thirst" by Elizabeth Lyulkin (www.shelovesgod.com).

This is my feeble attempt at a David Crowder*Band style song (ala "Obsession"). DC*B is my favorite group. Learn more at http://www.davidcrowderband.com

The sound is really bad on this one. The mix down went very, very bad. I'll upload an update later.

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Lyrics

Verse 1:
My Lord, I long to hear Your Word.
My lips are cracked, my throat is parched.
My Lord, I'm longing for Your touch.
My mouth is dry as an empty well.

Verse 2:
My Lord, I need Your cleansing rain.
My tongue is dumb and dry like dust.
My Lord, I'm longing for Your touch.
My soul is like an empty shell.

Chorus:
Lead on and I will follow.
Tell Your stories once again.
Speak to my heart, and to my soul.
Reign in my life once again.

Bridge:
And I long for You!
And I long for You!
And I long for You to reign in my life once again.

Song Stats

Hits: 945
Comments: 10
Fans: 0
Plays: 88
Downloads: 38
Votes: 5
Uploaded: Feb 25, 2005 - 08:34:10 PM
Last Updated: Mar 07, 2005 - 07:35:00 PM Last Played: Aug 10, 2009 - 10:07:49 PM

Song License

Creative Commons License:
Attribution-NoDerivs-NonCommercial

Song Actions

Hardware:

iMac, PowerMac G4, Oxygen8, Firewire410, M-audio Nova condenser mic, Takamine EG533SC

Software:

GarageBand, Reason

Comments

Tom Atwood

Tom Atwood said 1732 days ago (February 26th, 2005)

spiritual longing
is a difficult feeling to put into words. Words often seem
inadequate, in my opinion. This piece is an admirable
attempt to plumb those depths, which are perhaps best
visited in moments of prayer. And this song is a prayer.
My technical suggestions, for what they are worth: bring
your vocals up (in all your songs I think your vocals are
buried somewhat). I would consider losing the synths, at
least to start. Just guitar and voice, and build from there,
either adding harmonies, a choir, or the synths.

Since I am handing out advice here, I would also be aware
of, and avoid, cliches in lyrics (like 'lips are cracked,'
'throat is parched,' etc). Again, I think this is the difficulty
in expressing spiritual longing in words and phrases that
almost always seem too small.

I admire your effort. Peace to you.

Check out my latest song called Keep Looking for Jesus (MJRF)

joymark

joymark said 1731 days ago (February 27th, 2005)

spiritual longing
thank you for your words. You've nailed it exactly that it is a prayer. I appreciate your comments.

It's interesting that you said use guitar and voice and build from there, and losing the synths. I was actually considering just the opposite, but I'll play around with it and see where it takes me. I'm not all that satisfied with tempo yet either. I'm still going to play with that as well.

As far as the lyrical cliches, I know that they are there, but they are purposeful. That singular phrase about cracked lips and parched throat has actually been spinning around in my head for over a year (along with its corresponding melody). It is just recently that the rest of the song came to me and I was able to flesh it out.

Also, about the vocal levels, a agree again. I've just learned a trick yesterday that I'm going to give a go and see if it fixes that some. As for this song, I tried just standing in front of my condenser and playing and singing, so the vocal and guitar share the track. Even though my mouth was much closer to the mic than my guitar, the guitar really came through strongly. I'm going back the mixer on that one too.

Thanks for the pointers and the kind words.

---
Created for Worship

Check out my latest song called Seek Ye First (with Canon in D)

	said 1729 days ago (March 1st, 2005)
	I like this very much... Yes, I agree this is a sweet prayer in song. A psalm. I won't add anything to the good production advice that atwood1956 gave. Your guitar playing and singing were very well done and very much expressed your heart. Welcome to macjams. Jack

joymark

joymark said 1729 days ago (March 1st, 2005)

new version
I have a revision of this song ready to upload, but I'm waiting until the admins implement replacement of mp3 files. I really don't want to delete this entry, as I'd like to keep the comments and votes and such.

The newest version takes into consideration the advice from atwood1956 combined with the Built-in Audio Effects tutorial on-site.

Check out my latest song called Seek Ye First (with Canon in D)

chikoppi

chikoppi said 1727 days ago (March 3rd, 2005)

Come closer!
I think atwood1956's notes are on target. Holding back on the synth would allow you a "second start" within the song, so to speak. That's a good trick to keep the energy fresh the whole way through. I realize the synth provides a bass line of sorts, but you could hum that line over the opening chords to establish it before the first verse (or use a cello, second guitar, etc.).

Definitely bring the vocals up above the guitar. The vocals sound good to my ear, but very distant.

Lastly, you might try experimenting with a little chorus effect and/or panning. Everything is pretty much down the middle in this cut and moving things around in the stereo field will help you separate the parts and create clarity.

Good song. You definitely understand what goes into writing. Looking forward to the next cut!

Check out my latest song called Loop It or Lose It 9

joymark

joymark said 1727 days ago (March 3rd, 2005)

Come closer!
Thanks, chikoppi, for taking the time to listen and to comment. I'll have to look into some of your stuff.

I have a new version, but I'm waiting to put it up until macjams.com makes it where I can just replace the current version. I really don't want to delete this entire listing comments and all.

The new version includes (I believe) better vocal levels, along with some panning and reduction on synths. Hopefully when you hear it, you will think it an improvement.

Thanks again!

---
Created for Worship

Check out my latest song called Seek Ye First (with Canon in D)

packosmokes

packosmokes said 1727 days ago (March 3rd, 2005)

Great sound
I'll agree with the recommendations and go from there.

Uou 've got a very cool voice and I always dig a bare
acoustic strummin' along with voice. It's definitely got the
sound of prayer and the flavor of being lost.

Seems as though your lyrics are a bit separate from the
usual religious track. It's as though the Lord has left you
or you have lost and want to regain your faith? As I don't
listen to religious music, I couldn't tell you if there's many
songs like that, but definitely an interesting and unique
approach from my perspective.

Check out my latest song called With You

joymark

joymark said 1727 days ago (March 3rd, 2005)

Great sound
Thanks for your comments, packosmokes.

As far as the lyrics go, it may be out of the mainstream, but there has been a fairly recent movement in the last few years to take Christian music in a new direction lyrically so as to attract a broader audience. I referenced David Crowder in the song description above, and he is (in my mind) the current leader of this move.

This song could definitely be from the perspective of a "lost" soul. Someone who is longing to feel the touch of God for the first time. From my perspective, personally, it was written not so much as a longing for renewed religion, but a longing for a fresh relationship with the God I still believe in. I've suffered bouts of depression in my life, and I've found that putting those feelings into words/songs helps me claw my way up from the depths.

Thanks again for the listen and comments. I'll check some of your stuff out when I get the chance.

---
Created for Worship

Check out my latest song called Seek Ye First (with Canon in D)

aclarke	aclarke said 1724 days ago (March 6th, 2005)
	nice This is a really beautiful song. You have a great voice and a nice sound overall. The song is well crafted and paced appropriately so nothing I can say will help improve that. I look forward to hearing the next version of this! Check out my latest song called Ballad of The Little Tiki

joymark	joymark said 1723 days ago (March 7th, 2005)
	nice Thank you. I've just uploaded a new version today and am waiting for it to be approved. Tell me what you think. Thanks again. --- Created for Worship Check out my latest song called Seek Ye First (with Canon in D)

Fan List

Artist Info

Name: Jeff M. Miller

I've been a "musician" since I was a child. Though my interests have changed/refocused through the years, music has always been there and been the one thing I've constantly been involved with. I have been in ministry since graduation from college. I ... [see more]

Check out some of my other songs:

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