nice job with the heart beat-a perfect backdrop for your
vocals-accentuates instead of competing. sets up a nice
rhythm as well. would be cool if the beat sped up
somewhere to build up a particular phrase. great stuff

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Would be hard to speed up the heartbeat. I'm using the Skywalker sound that
came with my .mac account.

I think it's funny that people objected to the pornography sounds in the first
take, so I redid it without and am scoring lower. Oh well.

---
my life for those without one...
http://www.christopher.jorgensen.name

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Would like to here some musical accompaniment or
maybe some sounds to help illustrate the subject matter.
Reminded me a little of some of the spoken word stuff of
MC 900ft Jesus.

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Great list. Now this is what they should put on greeting
cards, then they'd actually be worth the $3.50 they cost.
Wonderful words, again, but so steady on the even keel
vocals sans modulation that it may be too numbing. Great
balance between heartbeat and vocals, but I would like a
change in tempo someplace, something that says, in
addition to your fines words, "I am moved by my own
feelings." Just curious, but is there a meaning to where
you break each line in the lyrics field? You create some
nice additional meanings with them.

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Thanks for the kind words. I have a group of poems I do at slams, the first
one is Poems for greeting cards:

"Don't expect a godsend,

or a cure for my broken heart.

I just want you to be my friend.

Now, until we part."

Poems for cannibals:

"The younger the child,

the better to eat.

The less the years,

the better the meat."

Then I go into Poems for sick f*cks, and then Poems for high
school. It's usually pretty funny by the time I finish the series. People
never get the first one until after I get going. Trying for insipid, sickly sweet,
stuff, or over-the-top, or sincere innocence, is actually harder to pull off than
some people probably think. I'd hate writing greeting cards.

I'm still trying to get comfortable doing emotive work without a crowd. It's
hard. I feel foolish reading with passion when I am alone. Seems like
masturbation, about the only way I can get myself to do it is with enough
wine (read that is!).

I do spend a lot of time playing with the line breaks. I do try to get extra
meaning out of them. I also think this poem is packed with metaphor. "gravity
and bent light" equals a black hole, which is why you can't get away. "Cricket
comfort" is that damn thing that keeps you up at night. "She?��s dragon chasing
smoke" is opium and "a C4 bunny," is Mr. Rabbit. Damn explosive bunnies,
but I'm all right!

I try to pack this one with things some might get, some might not, but as
long as the words are honest I don't mind. I almost did "She's 2 and 3," since I
had enough material left over (I had it bad). But the best of made it in here,
so "she's a compression wave and a whip crack," got cut.

The one I keep wondering if people get is this: three to a match and a
bullet; to whom it may concern, sucking chest wound heartbreak.

I don't try to be deliberately obscure.

I would like to play with the speed, maybe take three? WIll add backdrop
sounds if I do, maybe break out words for special effects.---
my life for those without one...

http://www.christopher.jorgensen.name

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I would agree with rovert that some more relevant background
accompaniment could strengthen the piece.

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